*The brave may not live forever, but the cautious never live at all.*

Rachel stares at me, her mouth hanging open, and despite everything, I can't help but feel a little amused. It's rare that she's at a loss for words. "You okay over there, Rache?"

She blinks a few times, pulling herself out of her reverie. "Um…um…still processing."

I laugh mirthlessly. "No kidding."

"So, you've known about this for five days and I'm just now hearing about it?"

"I've been trying to process it, too, Rachel. I don't quite know what to do."

"Chandler has a baby?"

"Yes, he has an eight-month-old," I confirm. Even though I've said it out loud multiple times today, I can understand why she needs to hear it again.

"And you haven't seen him since then?"

"No," I answer sadly, though this time it's my fault. I've been avoiding him for the most part, and I feel horrible about it. I'm such a coward. I've been burying myself in my work, grabbing a few extra shifts to keep myself occupied and busy, and so that I wouldn't have to face the world. As a result, I've only really managed to text him just a few times in the last five days. Of course, it means I haven't seen Rachel much, either, but since I had no idea how to approach this topic with her, it was probably for the best.

"Hasn't he gotten freaked out by that?" she asks, the shock seeming to start wearing off of her, which means the rapid-fire questions won't be far behind.

"Probably," I answer, pulling out my phone to scroll through his texts once again. "He hasn't said anything, but he's probably not thinking good things. I don't blame him. I'm not being a very good girlfriend right now."

"Yeah, but, he kinda dropped a really huge bombshell on you, you know? You need some time."

"Well, I told him that. I told him that it might take me some time to work my way through all this, but I don't think he was expecting it to be the next day. Even then, I still owe it to him to let him know what I'm doing." I've been very vague with him lately, though I haven't been outright lying to him. I've just told him that I've been working extra. I can't seem to work my way through this because I feel like I have two options at this point: The first is that I can break up with him, and that thought just kills me. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and my heart twist with agony. The thought of never seeing Chandler or Katie again breaks my heart. But the only other option is to go into this knowing that this is going to very quickly become a serious relationship.

I don't know why that part is freaking me out so much. I want to be in a relationship. I want to get married some day, and have kids some day, buy a house, all that stuff. But something about going into it knowing that he already has a child feels different. There's less room for error. I hate the thought of us not working out somewhere down the line, but it's a possibility. We've only known each other for a couple of months—there's no guarantee at all that we'll be together in the long run. I absolutely hate the thought of us not working out, though I'm nowhere near ready to consider us as something long term. And someone with a kid is looking for long term. He has to, especially with a baby so young. Katie doesn't need people going in and out of her life like that. It'll just confuse her. She needs stability and people she can count on. She needs to know that the faces she trusts will always be there. It's really no wonder that Chandler waited to tell me about her, though I'm still a little surprised that he wanted to me to meet her so soon. I suppose there's no real harm in just meeting, but it felt like a big deal.

"Monica!"

I blink my eyes a few times, focusing on Rachel. "What?"

"You've been staring off into space for, like, five minutes."

I shrug and look back at my phone, even though the screen has gone dark. "Sorry."

"So what are you going to do? Are you going to break up with him?"

I pause for a moment before shaking my head. "I don't want to. I really, really care about this guy, Rache." She nods and looks at me thoughtfully for a minute before standing up from her perch on the chair. A moment later she plunks down next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "I know," I say. "If I don't want to break up with him, then there's only one thing I can do."

She squeezes my arm, resting her head on my shoulder. "I think…I think you already have your answer, Mon. Everyone already knows that you're going to be a great mom someday. Maybe you'll get to be one to Chandler's daughter, too."

A tear trickles out of the corner of my eye even as I laugh. "I think it's a little early for that, Rache. We're still getting to know each other."

Before she can answer, there's a knock at the door and we both groan. Ross has been over at our apartment constantly lately. He and Rachel are in an "off" rotation of their "on again/off again" merry-go-round, but he's in his obsessive nosy mode. If he's not asking Rachel questions about where she's going, where's she's been, who she's been with, then he's trying to weasel the information out of me. "If that's Ross," Rachel says as she stands, "want me to tell him you're on your period and can't be around people right now?"

I laugh as I grab my phone again, looking to see if I've missed a message. Nothing. "Yeah, see if that'll work." I shouldn't be expecting anything from Chandler—my communication with him has been spotty the last few days, and he's been easing off his own texts as a result. He probably doesn't want to seem pushy, but it's always nice getting a message from him. I look over my shoulder to see Rachel straightening her hair and tugging down her shirt and roll my eyes. She's just as bad as my brother—she always wants to make herself look good when she knows he's going to see her, that way he can "eat his heart out." Being caught between my brother and my best friend dating/not dating gets exhausting.

"Hi," Rachel says, sounding surprised.

"Hi." My head snaps up. "Is Monica here?"

She looks over her shoulder at me but I'm already on my feet. She opens the door a little wider and Chandler's concerned face comes into view. I feel tears fill my eyes but I take deep breaths, trying to will them away. A moment later he smiles at me, relief evident in his eyes. "Hi," I whisper, shame washing over me for letting it get this far.

"Can I…?" he asks, gesturing into the apartment and Rachel steps aside before I can answer. Katie's little face pops into view as soon as he takes a few steps forward, and this time I can't hold back a few tears.

"Hi, Katie," I say to her, my smile hurting my cheeks. She flops her head down on Chandler's chest but she grins back at me.

"Katie wanted to make sure you were okay," he says, my eyes going back to him. "I kept telling her that you were just busy at work, but she insisted. She can be pretty demanding when she wants to be."

"Well, that was nice of her." I take a few steps toward them; Katie's head pops up again and she bares her gums at me. "You have a new tooth," I tell her, the tip of one of her bottom teeth poking out. "Good for you!"

"Yeah, she wanted to show that to you, too. She thought you might want her to chew on your finger again."

"I'm always up for that," I tell her, close enough now to reach out. I run a finger over her soft cheek and she ducks away again. I look up at Chandler, concern written all over his face. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

He keeps his face carefully neutral. "It's okay. It was a lot at one time."

"It was," I agree, grabbing Katie's hand to kiss her palm when she reaches for my face. "But I still reacted badly. I shouldn't have avoided you."

"You said you'd need some time." He's trying to make excuses for me. This guy is probably more than I deserve.

"I'll just give you guys some space." We both jump, startled by Rachel's voice. I'd forgotten she was even there. "Let me just grab my coat." She reaches in between us awkwardly, and Katie makes a disgruntled noise when she's jostled a little. "I'm sorry," she says, trying unsuccessfully to put on her coat. "Sorry, sorry." She makes another attempt and it still winds up half hanging off of her. "I'll just…" She hurries out the door a moment later, looking terribly discombobulated.

"So—" Chandler starts, but I hold up a finger, silently asking him to wait. A moment later, Rachel rushes back in to the apartment and into her room.

"Sorry," she calls, reappearing a moment later. "I forgot my bag." She dashes through the door again and I just shake my head at Chandler. I reach around him and grab a key ring off the counter and dangle it off my finger, waiting. "I forgot my—" she says a moment later, her head appearing around the door. She grabs her keys off my finger without another word; her footsteps echo down the staircase for a few seconds before I know she's finally done.

"We good?" Chandler asks, amused, and I can't help but smirk in return.

"I think so. She'll be too embarrassed to come back, at any rate." I run my hand down Chandler's arm, grabbing his fingers. "Do you want to sit down or something?"

"Yeah. Is there somewhere we can sit that Katie can roam a little?"

I look around, my little apartment suddenly full of sharp points and wall sockets and a million other things that are dangerous to babies. "The floor, I guess. Here? I mean, the place isn't baby-proofed, but…"

"She can't go too far yet," he tells me as I take the diaper bag from his shoulder. "She looks more like a sea lion right now than a baby crawling. It's pretty cute, actually, but she has to be in the mood." As I put the bag down next to the couch, Chandler slides his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me toward him. He crushes his lips to mine, an air of nervous tension in his touch. I clutch his arm with one hand, stroking his cheek with the other. "Sorry," he finally whispers, pressing his forehead to mine. "I wanted to do that one more time, just in case."

"Chandler, I—"

"Don't," he tells me quietly, kissing me softly. "I want to be able to hold on to the fantasy for a little while longer."

"What fantasy?" I tighten my grip on his arm, keeping him close.

"The one where you're okay with me having a kid and you decide to give us a chance. I really don't want to lose you, Monica."

I look over at Katie, and though I'm sure it's my imagination, she seems to be giving me an appraising look, as if she too is waiting to find out my verdict. I smile at her and lean forward, giving her chubby little cheek a kiss. She gurgles in my ear. "Let's sit down," I say, dropping to the floor and leaning against the back of the couch. Chandler follows a moment later, sitting the baby on the floor between us. He holds onto her shirt while he digs around in the diaper bag, producing a few toys to entertain her. "You're not going to lose me," I whisper, watching Katie grab a big squishy ring and wave her arms in the air, silly noises falling out of her mouth.

Chandler says nothing, so I finally look up at him. He has a small smile on his face, his expression hopeful. "I'm not?"

"No. I'm okay with you having a kid and I want to give us a chance." He grins at me ear to ear, and I reach over and grab his hand. "But I'm just really scared."

He nods, his fingers tightening around mine. "I don't want to put any pressure on you."

"I know that," I answer, sniffling a little. "I know. But it's going to be different now. Before, we were just a couple—at least, that's what I knew us to be. We could just goof around and have fun, but now…you have responsibilities. You have a child. From now on, I have to be someone she can look up to and count on—"

"I know the implications of all this," he says, cutting me off. He glances down at Katie, who has maneuvered onto her back for now, happily chewing on her feet. The socks she was wearing just a minute ago have now been cast aside so she can inspect her tiny toes. "I'm not going to lie to you, either—I'm not really looking for something casual. I know that not every woman I've met over the last year is someone I want to spend my life with, but that's kind of where I'm going with all this." My eyes grow wide, his doing the same a moment later. "I don't mean with you." He cringes, smacking his forehead. "I don't mean that I wouldn't with you. Shit. Jesus." I stifle a laugh. It's adorable that he's just as nervous as I am. "I just mean that whole point of me dating in general is to find someone permanent. I suppose that's what most dating is, though, isn't it?"

"It's trial marriage," I answer with a shrug, reaching out to tickle Katie's side. She just grins at me from around her foot.

"Right. I mean, I'm not interested in running down the aisle tomorrow or something, but I'm definitely looking for someone who's going to love Katie like she's her own, and who's willing to take on that responsibility before ever getting to have a child of her own. I know that's a lot to ask of anyone."

I'm quiet for a moment, thinking. "I think you're right about the double standard."

"What double standard?"

"The one you mentioned last week. If the tables were turned and I came into this relationship with a baby, I'd probably expect you to immediately be understanding. I mean, the whole single parent thing seems to happen to women a lot more often than men, and your particular situation is really unique, but that doesn't mean anything. It still happened to you, and you still need to find someone to…settle down with."

"Eventually," he agrees. "Hopefully, though I'll stay single forever if I can't find someone that's right for me and Katie." He turns to face me and adjusts his leg so that Katie's boxed in, unable to go very far even if she wants to. "Monica…I don't know where this is going—where we're going—all I'm asking for is the chance to find out. I haven't felt this way about anyone ever before. We might last five days, we might last fifty years—"

I take his face in my hands and pull him to me, effectively silencing him with a kiss. "Calm down, Chandler," I tell him with a laugh. "I already told you that we're doing this."

"I know. I just want to make sure you know that—"

"No pressure," I finish for him. "Okay." Aside from the pressure I'll put on myself. He's not asking me to be Katie's mom, he's not even asking me to be her role model or caregiver. He just wants to date me—well, date them. I look down to Katie, who's managed to roll over onto her stomach. I watch her eyes move, as if she's trying to figure out how she got herself into this. She props herself up a little, not quite making it to a crawling position. Chandler reaches out and grabs her sides, pulling her to her knees. Katie looks puzzled for a moment, really unsure of what just happened, before she reaches out and pats my leg. "Hi, Katie," I say softly.

Her eyes shift to me and a smile lights up her face. "Ahda boba bahbahbahbahbah."

"I think so, too." I hold out my hands, not knowing what to expect. "Want to come up?"

She sits back on her haunches with a little snort, her hand smacking my leg as she babbles. "Bahbahbahbahbahgahda!"

"Very interesting," I tell her. "But that doesn't answer the question." I gesture toward her again. "Do you want to come up?"

She looks at my hands for a few moments before her body starts tilting forward, waiting for me to catch her. I pull her onto my lap, her little legs splayed out on either side of my hips. She falls forward again, her head landing on my chest, and I feel her tiny body sigh. I wrap my arms around her and look up at Chandler.

He reaches out and strokes Katie's head, smiling first at her then at me. "She really likes you. I mean, yeah, she's very personable and sweet, but she really likes you."

"This is only the second time she's met me," I counter, leaning down to press a kiss against the top of her head, mindful of the soft spot.

"You said it yourself—babies are great judges of character. She knows what she likes, and she definitely likes Monica." He tilts his head to look at the baby and reaches out to tap her nose. "It's not naptime, silly. I know Monica's all sorts of comfy, but you have quite a while before bed." He shakes his head, looking back to me. "She's just grinning at me. The little gremlin knows what I'm telling her and just doesn't care. I told you, Mon—"

"Squishy bits," I finish with an eye roll. "You mentioned it." Katie relaxes against my body and I press my cheek against the top of her head, taking a deep breath of her baby smell. A powerful wave rolls through me, filling me with so much love and protectiveness for this little girl that I almost fall over. It hits me at that moment that one of the things I've been most of afraid of is losing Katie. That seems silly, considering I'd met her once before tonight, but it only took me an instant to fall in love with her. I'm afraid to get attached to Katie only to have her taken from me. If Chandler and I don't work out, Katie will get over it. She'll never even remember me. But I'll never forget her, and it wouldn't matter if I have a dozen kids of my own one day, the fact remains is that little one has already won a permanent spot in my heart, a spot that would never really mend if she weren't here. It's scary as hell going into this knowing that Chandler comes with this type of baggage, and it's certainly not something I've ever experienced before, but the thought of losing Katie—and if I'm honest with myself, Chandler, too—breaks my heart. I already feel so connected to this man; I have since the day I met him. I know I want him in my life. I know I want Katie in my life. Maybe the scariest part of all this is that I sort of feel like I've found my family. I know that's jumping the gun, but…everything feels right. All of this. Spending time with Chandler while we do nothing at all important, holding the baby against my heart and taking comfort in her gentle presence. I want this. I want all of this.

But it's still a lot. And the fact that I feel like this about the two of them so quickly is alarming. It's alarming enough that Katie can probably feel my heart pounding, but I have to try. I have to see where this goes.

Chandler's arm slides around my shoulders and he scoots closer. I feel his hand rest on top of mine, his fingers stroking my skin gently. I turn my head and he kisses me softly. I press myself into his side and tilt my head, letting myself get swept away for a short while. I went a week without kissing him, had all of this information thrown at me, and then went almost another week without kissing him. I feel the need to make up for lost time.

"We can make this work, right?" he breathes, resting his forehead against mine. "I know it'll probably be hard, but…"

"Nothing worth having is ever easy," I answer. "Just be patient with me, please, and understand that this is going to be weird for me at times." I pull Katie away from my chest; she blinks at me, nonplused, her eyes a little bleary from nearly falling asleep against me. "It's going to be weird for all of us, I guess."

Katie blows a sleepy bubble and Chandler laughs at her, reaching out to tickle her belly. "I know, little monkey. Katie thinks it's going to be weird getting used to another person worshipping and adoring her."

"I can see why that'd be tough," I agree, plopping her on my lap. She reaches out to grab my shirt and Chandler hands her a teething ring instead. She stuffs it in her mouth, drool immediately dribbling down her chin. "So tell me more about Katie."

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything. Everything. We've talked about ourselves a lot the last couple of months, and now I want to know about this one."

"You mean, aside from the fact that she's basically perfect?" he asks, his head resting on my shoulder as he watches his daughter.

"Aside from that. That part is pretty obvious. I mean, you didn't maybe exaggerate any of that stuff about her birth mother, did you?" He lifts his head off my shoulder and gives me a look, his eyebrow arching in disbelief. "I'm sorry, but you know I had to ask. The whole story just seems sort of…unlikely."

"Believe me, Monica, I wish I could have made that up. I wish Katie didn't have to come into this world under those circumstances. I'm only grateful that she'll never have to remember her mother leaving her."

"That woman doesn't know what she's missing," I say softly as Katie's nose crinkles up. "I can't imagine being able to give up my baby like that. I know that it happens sometimes, and I don't judge that. I always think it's best for someone to give their child away if it's going to be better for the baby. But to do it under those circumstances, and the way she went about it…it's just horrible."

"We get by, though," Chandler answers.

"Well, it's not like she looks deprived. She's obviously very happy."

He strokes Katie's hair softly, looking at her thoughtfully. "She was born August 2, at 7:34 pm. Seven pounds, eight ounces, twenty inches long. She likes to eat, but I think she's really picking that up from Joey and his family. Obviously, she can't really do solids yet, but I can put some stuff in her bottle. She enjoys that. She likes to sleep, but usually when she's not supposed to. The first time she slept through the night, I was awake the entire time panicking because I was sure there was something wrong with her. She talks an awful lot but she doesn't really say anything yet. She likes to be sung to. She seems to like the attention she gets when I take her places—people tend to fawn all over her. She's kind of a chick magnet, too."

I roll my eyes at Katie, who has moved onto chewing on her fist. "That's reassuring."

"Well, she is. You've said it yourself—she's an aphrodisiac. It doesn't go beyond anything basic, but she draws a lot of attention."

"Single dad with a beautiful baby? I can see that."

"I don't know. I'm still getting to know her myself. She has a lot of personality and she shows more of it every day. It's always an adventure with Miss Katie."

Always an adventure, I think to myself. An adventure. The biggest, scariest, most thrilling adventure of my life.