"I'd offer to let you punch me, but I think the other guy would punch you back," Bruce said with a nervous smile as he started working the coffee maker, "And, well, that'd be a lot of mess to clean up."
Thor didn't smile, he simply stood in the doorway grimly. They fell into silence for a few moments before Thor looked at him, "You speak as if, when you become that monster, you become a different person."
"I do," he said with a shrug, "It's complicated. Neither of us likes the other, neither of us likes being called by his name, but I know that I have to live with the consequences of what he does."
"Then what you did to Loki..." he trailed off, uncertain how to put the words.
Bruce looked down, "It wasn't..." he stopped, "I don't black out, I'm still mostly aware, but it's like watching the world through a thick screen- it's hard to make out details. I didn't know what was happening until it was too late. I can't... I couldn't stop him." It wasn't an excuse, it wasn't enough, it didn't undo any of the damage.
"I believe I am starting to understand," Thor said quietly, "Your situation is very unique, Doctor Banner, it must be very difficult."
Bruce nodded jerkily, "How is he?"
Thor didn't answer, instead looking over Bruce as if sizing him up. "Do you know why the... other guy did this?"
"It's not hard to figure out, it is my fault," he said with a sigh, still refusing to meet Thor's eyes. "I've... I've still been feeling very conflicted about Loki, I didn't really want to fight against him today. Hulk, he doesn't like Loki- just sees him as the villain. I wanted to stop him from protecting and fighting with his teammates because of Loki, he didn't like that." He gave a strange, forced smile, the kind that often came when he had to talk about the Hulk, "Get rid of Loki, get rid of the problem."
Thor clenched his fists then folded his arms in front of his chest as if to stop himself from using them. Instinctively, Bruce took a step back. They sat in silence like that, Thor glaring at the floor with a gaze that threatened to melt the linoleum and Bruce frantically trying to keep himself calm (something he had gotten uncomfortably talented at).
"I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again," Bruce said quietly, not willing to say anything more definite than that, "I'm sorry."
"I am not the one you have to apologize to," he said bitterly, his face softening. This only meant that his expression went from murderous to stony. Thor shook his head, "I should return, I wish to be there in case they have need of me." Without waiting for a response, he left the room. Bruce didn't follow.
Thor made a good point, one that had been sitting at the peripheral of Bruce's mind. It was hard to bring himself to acknowledge that he should apologize. Normally it was the first thing on his mind, trying to make amends. This time, the thought of apologizing to someone who might see it as a weak point and use it to control him was a bit harder to bring himself to do. Admittedly, the dislike Hulk felt slipped into his mind just a bit, and made it hard to do. Generally that wasn't the case, the times that he'd wanted to apologize the other guy felt some remorse as well. Hulk didn't really want to hurt people, not usually, he wasn't sadistic or vicious the way the papers portayed him, just wanted to be left alone. This time was different.
The bigger problem, of course, was in explaining his actions to SHIELD. Which is where his lab buddy came in.
"Now, I admit that I'm always up for a good old fashioned hacking," Tony said, working the computers in their lab, "But I still can't quite work out the reason for it right now."
Bruce shrugged, not wanting to explain too much. Tony had long since been tapped into SHIELD's system, he used this to keep track of what they were doing but now he was using it to tamper with their security cameras over the Hulk Tank. Bruce probably could have worked out how to do this himself, but he was incredibly rusty with up-to-date technology and Tony would make the job far easier.
"He didn't deserve that," he said quietly, hoping that would be enough.
Tony snorted at that, shaking his head as he continued. A few minutes later he turned the screen over to show Bruce, "Alright, I've fed in a loop from before, they won't notice but you should keep it short and sweet just in case," he raises an eyebrow, uncharacteristically grim, "You really want to take this risk? For him?"
"What're they gonna do? Throw me in with him?" Bruce pointed out with a smirk, leaving the room before he had to see Tony's response.
The most difficult part was, really, walking into that room. It had been over a week since they'd captured Loki, Thor's presence kept him safe from testing but there was discussion about what to do. Thor wanted to bring Loki home, the US government wanted to put him on trial for war crimes, the UN wanted it to be their job, more than a few people were asking if they could have him as a lab rat (Thor swore that if a Prince of Asgard were to receive such treatment, Midgard would find itself at war). Fury was looking for the best way to get Loki to Asgard before things got too nasty.
Through all the chaos, Tony and a few of the others had gotten dragged to distract the press and everyone else had their own part to play. No one in the press really cared about the man behind the Hulk, and they didn't want Hulk around at this point. Which left Bruce in the lab most of the time, catching up on the scientific journals he'd missed and thinking about what to do.
He spent a lot of that week trying not to think about that room, his nightmares started getting worse.
Standing in front of the door, it took a bit more strength to open it then he cared to admit. The door opened by itself at one point, and he quickly realized that Tony was likely watching him from the security cameras. He then realized that he was staring at his worst nightmare.
Loki was there, too.
They stared at each other for a few moments. Rather, Loki stared at Bruce and Bruce stared through and around him, at the cage that had been built to hold him. He stared at the walls, wondering what they were made of, if it would actually hold the Hulk, what tests they used to determine it would be good enough, how long they'd had it ready.
"Well, isn't this a surprise?" Loki finally broke the silence, and Bruce noticed him for the first time. His smile cold and dangerous. Thor had managed to convince them to let Loki stay wearing his own clothes, his hair was kempt as always and he looked almost the same as he ever did. The healer had done magnificent work, but there were some almost-healed gashes visible on his face. "Finally decide to finish the job?"
He walked inside stiffly, trying to keep his attention on Loki but his eyes kept flitting to the tank as if it would come alive and gobble him up. He stopped a foot away from the wall closest to him, and looked at Loki's eyes, trying to decipher if what he saw was real or put on.
"I'm sorry," he said gently, "I didn't want that to happen-" his voice dropped into a whisper, "not to you."
Loki's eyes widened slightly, his expression getting wilder. "Sorry?" he spat through a sardonic laugh, "Yes, it's funny how things happen when we don't want them to." Loki leaned as close to the class as he could, holding Bruce's gaze, "What did you not want to happen, exactly? Did you not want your hands to crush me, to grab and throw someone about like a rag doll," he leaned back again and smirked, "Or are you just sorry I survived?"
"This isn't an excuse," Bruce said quietly, his face stony as his stomach churned, "I don't expect it to make things better, but those were not my hands," he slammed a palm against the glass, trying to ignore the part of his mind that wanted to know if this would actually hold him or not. He was aware that he was shaking and didn't want to think about what his face must look like, "This is my hand- I have never raised it in violence against anyone, and I've given up more than you can imagine to try to spare the world from his."
"You can't erase that you become that monster," Loki snarled back, "Even if he's only your basest desires, you still wanted," his voice caught a bit, "that to happen."
They fell silent for a few moments, Loki looking every bit like a cornered animal, watching Bruce's response, muscles tensed to respond. The scientist took a few moments to calm himself, hoping that he was reading the situation correctly, wondering if this was all yet another act, wondering if it even mattered at this point.
He sighed, sliding his hand down the glass slightly until it was at shoulder level as he watched Loki. He dropped his head, not knowing what else to say, knowing he had no way to convince him. "I really didn't."
"Of course not," Loki scoffed, and Bruce moved his head up just enough that he could see the demigod. Loki backed away, looking like he was about to laugh or scream, "Of course not- the entire world, my own dear brother and father wish harm on me yet you, you who were the one to actually do what they've all wanted, are the one who does not wish me harm."
"That's why it happened," Bruce said gently, standing up and taking a few steps back. He smiled sadly and looked at some part of the wall, "Because I almost stopped him from protecting his team when it meant fighting against you."
"You're lying," Loki hissed, his eyes narrowed, "Don't lie to me."
Before Bruce could say anything, he felt the phone that Tony had demanded he carry go off, a glance at the screen told him that he was about to have company. He sighed deeply and placed a gentle hand on the glass, "I'm sorry." He backed out quickly after that, leaving the seething demigod as he rushed back to the lab.