Ten

Olivia was on her side, curled up against Ed with an ice pack wrapped around the back of her neck. She had since kicked the sheets off of her body, but was also feeling a little clammy, so Ed was trying to comfort her and hold her close. Occasionally she would shift, causing the ice pack to touch his bare side and chest, but he didn't care. His wife was miserable and facing one more day of this treatment; on Christmas Eve no less. So he was going to do anything he could to comfort her.

"Mmmmmm," she groaned, shifting again and wincing. Ed's head popped up, watching and helping her move as best he could.

"Easy, baby," he whispered, watching her eyes swirl.

"Ed…" she moaned, tossing the ice pack across the room and trying to get even closer to her husband. "Ed…."

"I'm right here, Liv," he assured her, holding her tight and kissing her warm, sweaty forehead. "I'm right here. You're okay."

"I…feelikeshit," she finally got out, and it broke Ed's heart. Olivia never sounded like this, but she had been getting worse throughout the day, despite having a brief break in her IV treatment.

Once Charlie and Noah had departed the day before, Dr. Kamal had called the Tuckers and had spoken at length about pushing her treatment back a day. Ed immediately agreed, but Olivia was not having it.

"No," she said. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. I want to be home for Christmas."

"Lieutenant Tucker, your body is having a hard time with this drug combination," the doctor patiently explained, knowing what he was asking of the couple. "It's possible we will need to make adjustments, but for now I need you to finish this cycle."

"Fine," she said, but she didn't relent her point just yet. "I'll finish it tomorrow."

"Olivia…" Ed pleaded, the doctor on speaker phone at this point. He gripped his wife's hands and all but begged her to take Dr. Kamal's advice. "Look, we will figure out Christmas. But we need to listen to what the doctor says. Please, Olivia…"

She finally conceded, but was still determined that once she finished the third IV, they would drive back out to Long Island. Ed, however, was fretting about how that was not likely given how sick Olivia was.

"I dunno how I'd even get her in the car," he had finally confessed to Trevor the night before on the phone. But true to form, Trevor calmed his fears and assured Ed that if they needed to stay in the city, he would figure out how to fix everything for them.

But that was last night. Olivia, even without having treatment today, continued to get worse. Throwing up every few hours, running an off and on low grade fever, and going between bouts of sweats and chills. Ed was stoic, making sure she had hot tea or ice packs, keeping a clean pot near wherever she was laying down, and making sure he kept the apartment clean and not smelling of any kind of sick odor. Even now, as he held his sweaty, cranky, miserable wife he was a pillar of strength. His voice was calming, even keeled, and it kept Olivia calm as well, or as calm as she could be given how crappy she was feeling.

"Ed." her voice was soft, so soft he almost missed it, but he kissed at her head, nuzzling her a bit.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry…"

Ed turned them so they were both on their sides, bodies touching, but now facing each other. His blue eyes raked over her pale, tired features as his hand stroked her cheek.

"For what?"

"For…all of this…" she said, getting choked up and trying to stop the tears, but it was useless.

"Hey, hey, hey," Ed said quickly, pulling her into his chest and nuzzling his face in her hair, his grip tightening. "No. None of that. None of this is your fault. You feel like shit. And we are doing the best we can, okay? No sorries, baby."

"I…I just…" Olivia said, having trouble getting her words out in between her growing sobs. "I miss being at home, with our kids. I miss the Christmas tree. I haven't finished wrapping presents. Noah is anxious. Charlie is shoving things down. I feel like shit…and I can't help anyone. I can't…I'm so…oh god…"

"Olivia, baby, take some deep breaths for me…"

"I'm…I'm gonna…" Before either of them knew what was happening, Olivia had puked all over the bed and all over Ed. He didn't even flinch, just helped her sit up and kept trying to calm her sobs. "I'm sorry…"

"Shhhh, baby," he said, standing up and tossing his sweats and boxers to the side. He quickly pulled on a fresh pair of shorts and scooped Olivia up into his arms, carrying her into the bathroom and running her a bath in Trevor's jacuzzi tub. "It's okay," he kept saying as Olivia finally lost her battle and allowed herself to cry harsh sobs. "It's gonna be okay. I've gotcha."

The next morning Olivia came out of the bathroom after her shower, wearing leggings and a big sweatshirt. She had dried her hair and pulled it back, but her coloring was still off. She wandered into the living room and came up behind her husband, who was staring out the window and sipping his coffee.

"Hey," she said softly, sliding her arms around him and resting her head between his shoulder blades. Ed put his coffee down on the windowsill and held Olivia's hands, closing his eyes and enjoying her embrace.

"Hey yourself," he said, still staring out at Central Park and the buildings in the distance. "Feeling okay?"

"Better than last night," she said, not quite answering his question. But her dodge gave him enough of a picture.

"Liv…"

"I know," she said quietly, pulling away from Ed and wandering into the kitchen, fixing herself a tea. "Look…just…fine, we'll stay here. But I don't wanna talk about it right now okay?"

Ed's eyes followed his wife, and his entire being ached. He wanted so badly to fix this for her, to get her home for Christmas; to their little boy, to their daughter, to their granddaughter. But he couldn't fix it. He couldn't make her better. He just had to ride this out with her, making sure she wasn't alone. And it was breaking his heart.

"Okay," he said, coming into the kitchen and stilling her movements. "Hey," he said, reaching up and cupping her face, searching her eyes and trying to convey just how much he loved her with a single look. "I'm gonna make this better. I promise."

Olivia, appreciative of his words but knowing he probably couldn't fix this, just smiled as she reached up to grasp his wrists, keeping his hands on her cheek.

"And I love you for it," she said, reaching up to kiss him. "Come on, let's get this over with."

Charlie was helping Noah squeeze the red icing onto his set of gingerbread cookies. The little boy was in deep concentration, his tongue sticking out slightly as he tried to outline the santa outfit. Lizzie, however, was on Trevor's lap, one hand covered in green icing as she licked her fingers and the other hand trying to line sprinkles up on her snowman cookie. Neither adult was speaking to each other. There was a huge elephant in the room about the quickly approaching Christmas Eve issue.

It was just after nine in the morning when Ed phoned Charlie, officially breaking the news about them having to stay in the city. Knowing her father was upset and her mother was likely devastated, Charlie took the news in stride, promising Ed that she would talk to Trevor and figure out what to do. But Lizzie had thrown a fit over having to put on pants and Noah was a little extra cranky because he hadn't slept well the night before, so the couple hadn't had a moment alone to talk, only adding to the tension that was mounting at the table.

"Charlie, I use da blue now?" Noah asked, carefully placing the red icing dispenser down and wiping his hands on a wet towel.

"Sure, pal," she said. "Wow, your cookies look so good!"

"Uh-huh!" he said, reaching for the blue and mumbling a thank you to his sister. "I make this one for daddy cuz he likes blue."

Trevor caught Charlie's eyes across the table, but he shook his head, signaling it wasn't the right time. Charlie, confused by her boyfriend's reluctance, politely excused herself from the table.

"No, keep working hard okay? I'll be right back."

Trevor followed Charlie with his eyes as she made a hasty exit, but quickly focused back on the two kids.

"Okay, a few more, then we should probably clean up and figure out something for lunch."

"PIZZA!" Noah shouted. Trevor just laughed, but shrugged. It was probably the easier option.

"Works for me, No."

The little boy finished his cookie and jogged over to the kitchen sink to clean himself up. He did a pretty good job, so Trevor gave Noah the okay to head off and play, leaving him to wrangle his two year old daughter. Instead of stopping at his car mat, Noah bypassed his toys and went in search of his sister.

"Charlie?" he called, nearing her bathroom and finding the door cracked a little bit. "You in dere?"

"Yeah, No," she called right as Noah peered his head in the door. "You finished with the cookies?"

Noah eyed his sister carefully. Charlie had been fighting her tears most of the day, and had retreated to the bathroom to try and give herself a moment to breath. But as soon as she heard Noah's voice, she quickly splashed water on her face and tried to hide the red in her eyes.

"I finished," he said. "You sad?"

Charlie gave Noah a smile and hoisted him up, sitting him on the counter and brushing his hair with her fingers, buying some time to come up with an answer. Her little brother was very perceptive, so often Charlie would find herself hesitant to lie or put up the same fronts she did normally. She wouldn't be totally truthful, however she found that with Noah it was best to allow a little honesty to filter into her child friendly answers. Taking a deep breath, she went for it, hoping it didn't further agitate his own anxiety.

"Just missing Mommy and Daddy a little bit," she said with a smile, moving in to blow a raspberry on his cheek eliciting some giggles. "But I'm okay, pal."

Noah giggled a little more and then leaned back, putting his little hands on Charlie's face.

"I miss dem, too," he said, eyes wide. "They comin' home soon, right?"

"Noah…Mommy still isn't feeling well," she allowed, again opting for honesty but beginning to regret it once she saw Noah's face fall. "But, how about this? Let's get all cleaned up and in our Christmas Eve clothes…then we will call them and see what we want to do tonight before Santa comes, okay?"

Noah puckered his lips, as if he were trying to decide if he bought his sister's plan or not. He eventually did and nodded with a big smile on his face.

"Gonna wear the elf jammies!" he exclaimed, but dove into his sister for a hug instead of getting down from the counter. "I love you, Charlie."

Charlie squeezed the little boy tight against her, kissing the top of his head and focusing her eyes up on the ceiling to get her tears at bay.

"I love you too, Noah," she whispered, giving him one more kiss before pulling back to look at him. "You're my favorite."

"You MY favorite!" he exclaimed with a giggle before hopping down and taking off for his room, yelling to Lizzie that she needed to find her elf pajamas. Charlie laughed to herself, took a deep breath, and examined herself in the mirror.

"Keep it together, Charlie," she coached, before headed out into the living room where she saw Trevor getting off the phone, a concerned look on his face as he turned a circle in the living room. "Trev? What's wrong?"

"That was your dad…" he began, not realizing how he sounded.

"Oh god," Charlie whispered, feeling her knees weaken. Trevor quickly backtracked.

"Sorry, no, everything's fine," he said, "well, it's not fine, but you know what I mean. Ed was just saying how upset your mom is…"

Charlie bit her lip, trying once again to stop her emotions from getting the best of her. Trevor noticed and quickly closed the distance between them, engulfing her in his arms and holding her close.

"You always read those stories, about families spending Christmas away from each other...and in hospitals...but you never think it's going to be your family," Charlie spoke, almost emotionless from her place buried in Trevor's chest and he felt his heart constrict.

"Baby…" he began, but she pulled away, kissing his chin and forcing a smile.

"I need a drink…"

As he watched her walk back into the kitchen, shoulders slumped and arms wrapped around herself, he once again began to examine the living room and a smile grew on his face. Pulling out his phone, he shot a quick text to Ed.

Hang tight. I'm bringing Christmas, and your family, to you.

Ed stood in front of the bedroom window, watching the snow fall more heavily down onto the city. He observed the scene, as the trees in Central Park began to get a white coating and the buildings started to seem more gray. He took a small sip of his coffee, having poured a generous helping of Bailey's into it, and scratched the back of his neck.

It had been a long day. Olivia was finally resting peacefully behind him on the bed, curled up on her side and clutching a pillow to her chest. Her coloring seemed better now that she was asleep, but Ed was still worried. She did okay during the actual treatment, only getting sick once, but her temperature still hovered just above where it needed to be. The nurse monitored her more closely during this drip, which both calmed Ed and also elevated his overall anxiety as he feared something was not right. But despite his worries, Olivia seemed to make it through the last part of this cycle okay, and they departed for home.

He tried to make small talk in the car, having opted to drive the short distance given a snow storm was predicted, but Olivia remained silent, resting her head against the window and watching the trees and brownstones pass. Ed finally stopped trying to get her to talk and just reached out to grip her hand as he pulled into the building's parking garage. She squeezed back tightly, but still didn't move her head. They had barely gotten in the door before she beelined for the bathroom, getting sick once again. Ed quickly put their bags down and grabbed a cool cloth from the fridge before joining his wife on the floor of the master bathroom.

"Okay, baby," he cooed, gingerly placing the rag on the back of her neck as he held her trembling body. She didn't throw up more than twice because there wasn't much in her to lose, but Olivia made no attempt to get up right away. So Ed moved them to where he was leaning against the side of the tub with Olivia curled up in his chest and he just held her to him, occasionally moving his lips across her damp forehead. His grip tightened slightly as he heard her take a shuddering breath.

"I just…I just want to be home for Christmas," she said, the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. "I want my babies…"

"Oh, Olivia…" Ed managed to say, before having to reach up and wipe his own rouge tear from his cheek. The combination of his wife's illness, her absolute devastation, and his own sadness was becoming heavy. "I know," he said, unsure of what else to say. "I do, too."

"I'm…too sick…to get in…the car," she said, trying to get her feelings out in between her gasps for air, her right hand reaching up and gripping the collar of Ed's shirt tightly. "But it's…Christmas…it's Christmas. And I'm not with my children…my babies…"

"I know, baby." Ed wanted to tell her it was okay, that everything would be okay, that the kids were fine and happy, but he refused to lie to her. So he sat on the bathroom floor, holding his sobbing wife, and searching his mind for a solution. Finally, he eased his phone out of his back pocket without disturbing Olivia, and fired off a text to Trevor. "I'm gonna make it better, okay? I'm gonna figure out how to make this better, baby. I love you."

Ed snapped himself out of the memory, took another long sip of his spiked coffee, and turned to observe Olivia as she slept. Gently placing his drink on the nightstand, he knelt down next to her and softly ran his fingers along her face, tracing her freckles as he just watched her, grateful she was finally calm and sleeping. He must have stayed there for longer than he thought, because he finally shifted and realized his knees were hurting. Giving her a soft kiss just by her ear, he slowly stood up, grabbed his drink and went back to the window. Checking his phone, and not seeing an update from Trevor or Charlie, Ed let out a sigh and worriedly watched the snow fall harder, pushing away a nagging fear about how the kids, Noah in particular, would react to Olivia not feeling well upon arrival. He just had to hope that their presence was enough to lift her spirits. She had been getting a burst of energy around late evening over the last few days, so if this timed as well as he and Trevor had planned, it's possible the Tuckers would still be able to celebrate a semi-normal Christmas Eve.

"Come on," he said softly, as if they could hear him. "You can make it."

Does our TucksoNoahLie family get to spend Christmas together? Leave a review to find out...