Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. A lot of you will be very happy with this chapter, and that's all I will say for now.

Dear James:

I am unable to sleep tonight. I tried meditating, but it was futile and the medication seems useless once more.

My hypothesis was correct; Kevin really does blame me for your incapacitation. He confronted me earlier today or rather late yesterday. While recovering the files that were most likely destroyed by Admiral Marcus or some of his allies, Kevin came across the letter that you wrote regarding your recurring dreams. He came in here yelling various expletives at me, as well as blaming your actions in the warp core entirely on me. He said that if you did not love me, you would have never sacrificed yourself and he would still have a brother. He also said he was tired of watching his family die.

He only calmed down when Doctor McCoy administered what he refers to as sanity in a hypo. Kevin left after the doctor threatened him with an overnight stay in the psychiatric ward.

Now hours later every time I close my eyes I remember his angry words. It is my fault. I could not protect you. I watched you die. I could not save you. I do not think I am worthy of your love.

From: UhuraNX

To: KirkJT

Time Sent: 6/17/2259 8:23:24

Subject: Depressed Vulcans are Scary

Dear Jim:

Okay, I think the team of Vulcan experts got here just in time. I have never seen a more depressed Spock during the course of our entire relationship and I was with him for the weeks after Amanda died. He didn't even touch breakfast. I stopped by this morning before round three of the Vengeance inquisition to drop off edible pastries. Okay, more like I dropped off a bag of decent food in Leonard's office and ran the other way before he could actually talk to me, but let's just focus on honey bear right now. Okay, I would rather focus on Spock right now than deal with anything related to a certain ex-boyfriend.

I could not get Spock to eat a bagel from his favorite bakery even after I smeared it in Nutella at Dr. Suarez's suggestion. When Spock turns down chocolate laced food, we are all completely fucked. Okay, when Leonard does not complain about us giving his patient chocolate laced food, we are all completely fucked.

I know this is all Kevin's fault because Spock was not this bad even after being interrogated by my sperm donor yesterday. He was a total ass to your husband right before I left to pick up the doctors and Other Spock. It has something to do with Kevin finding one of your "special letters". He came in here screaming and cursing at Spock, totally blaming him for everything, including the fact that Winona hasn't taken a call from anybody in the last five days.

I don't think it's fair to blame your mom's mental instability on anybody but her, but that's just me. We are actually taking a trip to Iowa tomorrow to check up on her because we are all getting worried about her behavior. I don't want to talk about how I got manipulated into doing that. It's probably because you're my best friend and I do worry about the mental health of your other family members. You owe me for making me suffer through a shuttle to Iowa with your brother and my idiot ex-boyfriend. You know he doesn't do shuttle rides well.

Personally, I think it is going to take a small miracle for me not to smack your brother upside the head tomorrow. That idiot saying out loud that you being in a coma is all Spock's fault is just bad for all of us. Spock already blames himself for your stupidity in the warp core and I knew that before I read Spock's most recent extremely depressing letter to you. Kevin saying that it was Spock's fault just means that Spock did not sleep at all last night and he's not eating again. That's like the worst sign of Spock depression.

I'm just warning you that if I get arrested for assaulting your brother in Iowa tomorrow we will all know that he truly deserved it. Let's just be glad he's not here at the hospital right now. Otherwise, I would be so kicking his ass.

I'm writing you this letter now because I am currently stuck in the waiting room waiting for Other Spock to leave your hospital room. For some reason I have chauffeur duty for the ambassador. I don't know why.

I was planning on spending at least a full hour with our Spock until I had to deal with part three of the great interrogation. Unfortunately, I got kicked out of Spock's room when Other Spock showed up to visit you and to hopefully pull his other self out of this extremely dark depression. Although I'm not sure he will be able to do it. The elder looked so broken when he saw you on the bed. It was kind of heartbreaking, which is why I went to get coffee without protest when the elders 'suggested' it.

Maybe it's a little endearing how Spock is so wrapped up in you even when he is not your Spock. I was the one that told him about what happened. I ended up calling the elder, because Sarek's idiot assistant refused to give me the information regarding the hotel that the ambassador was staying at during his conference. I had no choice but to tell Elder Selek the truth, even if that meant telling him that at the moment Spock was in a coma, you were technically dead, and we were not 100% sure you would wake up. I hate dealing with sad/depressed Spock, even if it's not my Spock.

I still don't completely know why Other Spock is here. Officially, he's here to testify, why I don't know. The Vulcan has a tendency not to divulge anything of actual value. Okay, that's not entirely true. On the ride to the hospital, we talked about how both versions of you died, or at least we tried to. I think he shared this with me because I pretty much stayed silent in the vehicle last night and he concluded that sharing his pain might be the only way to get me to share. Honestly, I am not ready to talk about watching you die, even if it's with somebody who has been my therapist for almost a year.

But Spock is different, even if he's not my Spock. We are friends. We had a lot of time to bond during our time on the colony. I needed to speak with somebody who understood my Spock-related frustration, and he's a good listener. Or maybe it was because I was sharing this with somebody who really does know what it's like to lose you. I don't think I would've said anything if he didn't tell me about his last conversation with you- his version of you. There was a fight, he said a lot of things to Other You that he wished he had not, and then a routine mission went badly. The elder did not give me that many details, but I got it.

The whole thing made me think about Leonard and the torpedo. If Leonard died there still thinking that I hated him, I think it would have destroyed me. That's kind of how I ended up crying on the shoulder of an alternate version of my ex-boyfriend. That's also why we ended up stopping for pastries, bagels, and various chocolate laced spreads. Chocolate is the greatest thing ever.

I think unofficially he's here so we all have somebody to talk to that knows what this is like and will not judge us.

Anyway, I've got to go.

Miss you, always.

From: UhuraNX

To: KirkJT

Time Sent: 6/17/2259 21:14:17

Subject: I hate funerals

Dear Jim:

Why the hell did I agree to go to the funeral of a man who tried to kill us?

Because I'm too nice of a person, and Christine really is that manipulative when she wants to be. Amanda's funeral last year was bad, but I don't think we had to call in the police and most people at her funeral had the decency not to turn it into a political spectacle.

So it turns out that I wasn't the one who got arrested for smacking an ass hole that deserved it. That would be Carol. Also, that ass hole who deserved it was Admiral K, for turning her father's funeral into an occasion for political grandstanding. It was just bad. Basically, it was fake tears and paparazzi everywhere. So it just makes perfect sense that Carol decked the guy when he said from the platform that Andrew Marcus died defending all of our freedoms.

The good news is that the security staff managed to pull her away before she said something really really classified, such as what really killed Andrew Marcus.

Carol just snapped. She just walked up to him and started hitting him before any of us knew what was going on. She's now one floor up and hospitalized on an involuntary 72 hour psychiatric hold. Christine wants to come back to earth because of this episode. I'm trying to talk her out of it. I know Carol needs her friend, but Spock really doesn't need to be around somebody who tried to drug him for the sole purpose of having sex. Did I ever say thank you for not pressing charges?

Unfortunately I don't think Admiral K will be that benevolent. Actually, I bet he's using the entire episode to discredit her testimony about the Vengeance incident.

Although, on the bright side, I think Spock almost smiled when I told him about Carol attacking K. Of course, that may just be the side effect of the chocolate that Dr. Suarez is letting him eat. That may also be a side effect of him spending most of the day with Dr. Suarez. Then again, anything would have been better than spending quality time with the Idiots That Be. I really think the interrogation this morning is what really set Carol off. She should have been mentally preparing herself for the funeral, not dealing with this mess.

Also, another positive outcome is that I'm not going to have a session with Dr. Suarez until I get back from my trip to Iowa. All things considered, I'm actually one of her more well-adjusted patients. Considering how screwed up I am, that scares me. Let's see, I'm pouring out all my deepest emotions to a guy in a coma. I had a crying jag on another version of my ex-boyfriend. I almost punched Admiral K myself but was held back by my mother, who just had to be at the funeral because that's just how Starfleet is. Oh, and let's not even get into my crazy family relationships, because that's how I ended up in treatment in the first place at 14. Then there's the fact that I am still totally avoiding Leonard after yesterday's sex in the office thing. The fact that she has patients more needy than me is just bad.

Also, in other good news, I won't be spending tomorrow avoiding my ex-boyfriend as we go to drag your mom back here to be by your side. Admiral N. Pike is going with us instead because Dr. Weston has some theory about how to wake you up and Leonard needs to monitor. If I didn't accidentally overhear a very private conversation between the two doctors, I would have thought that maybe, just maybe, he was not going with me because he was avoiding me. I just hope whatever she is planning actually works because we need you.

From: UhuraNX

To: KirkJT

Time Sent: 6/18/2259 19:47:23

Subject: I am really sorry about the farm animals crack right now

Dear Jim:

I am in shock and awe at how well-adjusted you truly are. You have told me stories about some of the things you went through, but I'm now well aware that you sugarcoat a lot of things. Going in I thought that I was prepared for pretty much anything short of another Marc situation. It wasn't that bad, but it was close.

There is no polite way to say this, so I'm just going to tell you that your mom went off the deep end. Your childhood home was filled with empty liquor bottles and enough cookies and pastries to feed everybody on Enterprise for at least a week. There were also vast amounts of your favorite blueberry pie. As far as coping mechanisms go at least this is better than the Marc strategy.

Kevin and her therapist, Doctor Raquel Suarez, also known as the niece of our Doctor Suarez, are currently trying to get her checked into Serenity House. They may consider transferring her closer to San Francisco after you wake up. Raquel thinks that it might be good for her to be closer to you. Kevin is unsure if anything will help your mom at this point. He is also kind of blaming himself for this episode because he decided to stay the summer in San Francisco instead of coming back home. Apparently, the two had an epic fight before he started school that he doesn't want to talk about, but he's regretting whatever he said to her right now.

Kevin said that this has happened before, but usually closer to your birthday or the day that Sam died. She's been clean for the last couple years, except for a relapse right after the Battle of Vulcan.

Kevin also told me that you had to deal with this a lot, but without the baked goods. Apparently the cooking is a new development. He told me that you were the one who took care of him whenever Winona had a moment. He also told me that it used to be worse before he got there. I remember something vaguely about that from the letters that I was never supposed to read. You are not exactly the most open person in the universe. He said that you gave up a lot of your teenage years to take care of him. I guess you sacrificing yourself for everyone else is not a new thing.

Kevin also apologized for the nasty things he said to your husband. I just think that your brother needs you to wake up. We all do. I can't deal with this shit

I've got to go, Leonard is calling

From: UhuraNX

To: KirkJT

Time Sent: 6/17/2259 20:01:17

Subject: I'm planning on kissing you as soon as I get back.

Thank God, you're up

So apparently whatever Doctor Weston did actually worked and you are now officially conscious. I'm not even that surprised that the first thing you did was make out with your husband. Leonard has pictures.

Okay, now I'm kind of wishing that I did not send that last message until after I took Leonard's call. Now that you're back from the land of unconsciousness, you don't need to read an email about what we found in Iowa. That's not something you should deal with when you come out of the coma. But then again, I'm sure Admiral K will probably be showing up any moment to interrogate you. That may be worse.

Is it wrong to say that I hope you throw up on his shoes?

Okay, there was not a lot from Spock's perspective in this chapter, because I can't do any more depressed Spock letters. I also decided to speed things up a little bit because everybody needs Jim up now.

Review if you're happy Jim is now conscious a full week ahead of Canon.

(I would like to apologize for how long it took to get this chapter posted. Between writer's depression and my wonderful beta T'Purr being out of town, it took a while. However, I'm planning on working on the next chapter first thing in the morning. So please give me your encouragement.)