Defeat - Snape's POV
A/N: As you can see, the alliteration has gone completely out the window :L Sorry, I know this is tiny, but it's NOT a filler, I'm tying up some loose ends. More notes at bottom.
I persevered, with all my willpower. I persevered in what I had promised to do, to be to her. But Merlin, she made it a task. The girl was everywhere; in the corridors, in the grounds, in the dungeons. I had taken to staying in my rooms of an evening, so I wouldn't bump into her, because somehow she was there, walking past with an expression that would break hearts, an expression so filled with torment that I wanted, for the first time in years, I wanted to console another person.
It grated on me and I found it increasingly hard to hate her, but still I persevered, thinking always of her father whom had made it his life's work to humiliate me, and her mother, unknowingly doing the same, rejecting me, choosing that conniving scum, Potter. Yes, I had loved her, but a love unrequited soon turns to bitterness if not nurtured, and mine was especially uncared-for, untamed and left to rot, an ugly weed binding my heart, choking it.
Yet for a while now I have not felt so strongly it's suffocating pressure on my chest, nor the bitter sting of its sharp thorns. No, it's almost as if, with the coming of the winter, the weed has died altogether. So thinking of Lily Evans is no longer as painful, nor as hatred-inducing as I'd like. It makes it all the more difficult to find reasons to be obnoxious to the girl, having only one reason to curse her existence.
The worst of it all? I worry about her, day and night, I lie there thinking of the troubles she's been through, the people who've betrayed her and constantly let her down, that I've joined their ranks. Under her eyes are dark smudges, as if she's been kept awake at night, and she looks exhausted. There's the Weasley boy now as well, it was clear in their detention, when he wouldn't look her straight in the eye; he's not talking to her because he thinks she did it. The stupid boy thinks she volunteered for underage death, and wishes she'd put his name in too. Idiot, I felt like cursing him when I saw his sullen expression and her teary-eyed glances at him.
So now of course I feel more of a monster than I did before, more than I ever have, and it's no use. I can't continue like this, it's driving me insane, seeing her doe-eyes accusing me, everywhere. I'm going to break. And it's going to ruin us.
A/N: Hmm, what do we think of this chapter? I know it's tiny but really this is for Ivanoma and for all of you who love the Snape pov, which (for me) is harder to write than happy-go-lucky, stroppy, steph :) SO MUCH love to everyone who's put me on their alert/favourite/author list, this is my first ever real fic and it's nice to have a response like that. Please don't stop reviewing, if it's on your alerts, and you've got two seconds to spare, please review. It gives me mojo. Love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps. thanks to J.L.M Potter (a new reviewer, THANKYOU) and psychocitten (you're lush) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx