When Pain Doesn't Hurt
Chapter 10
I don't own these characters blah blah blah
The next two days seemed to be a blur to Olivia. She slept a lot and wasn't sure when it was night or day. Her mind was constantly trying to decide if she imagined being with Elliot while he grieved, or if she did indeed see and hear him. Nothing made sense to her.
She felt better in that she could shift her position in the bed and even sit up. The pain was ever present, but not near as piercing as it had been. She knew she wasn't ready to go home physically, but she so wanted out of this hospital.
Cragen, Fin, Munch, and Casey had all been in to see her. She had flowers delivered every few hours and numerous cards delivered. Her warm, caring personality made her well liked throughout the NYPD. She asked the nurses to deliver some of the flowers to patients without; just who she was.
Elliot came every morning and evening. The nurses had to kick him out when it was getting too late. He stayed well past visiting hours, but managed to talk the nurses into over looking him. He could be persuasive. Olivia was sure he flashed that grin of his or maybe gave that sad puppy look. She always fell for it, so there was no doubt so did the nurses.
Olivia tried not to think too much about what she thought she heard Elliot say. He had plenty of time to open up to her, but hadn't. Maybe she was imagining things. Maybe he was just so worried, but now that it looked like she would recover he was content with letting things get back to normal.
Mary had quickly became Olivia's favorite nurse. She always made Olivia last on her rounds, so she could sit and chat. Mary enjoyed hearing stories about some of the funnier moments Olivia and Elliot had shared throughout their partnership. It did Olivia good to laugh and she found herself looking forward to Mary's arrival.
After only four days, Olivia was moved out of ICU and into a private room. She was sad to say goodbye to Mary, as her station was the ICU floor only. Mary had grown fond of Olivia and was sad to see her leave even though she knew it meant her favorite patient was getting better.
Once settled into her new room, it wasn't long before her doctor was in. He seemed impressed by her recovery and informed her it was time to get moving. Olivia was both happy to get out of the bed, but scared of the pain that was still tugging at her chest. She wished Elliot were here with her for this, but she knew her recovery depended on herself, physically and mentally. As expected, it was tough. Her legs were weak, her body felt heavy and it hurt to breathe. As much as she would have liked to go home, she knew after her first trip out of bed, there was no way.
As expected Elliot came by after his shift. He couldn't hide the excitement on his face at seeing Olivia sitting up in bed reading a magazine. She looked good, beautiful. She had color back in her face and had gotten a hold of some lip gloss. Elliot assumed Mary hooked her up. Olivia was never without her lip gloss and he was so pleased that she was quickly returning to herself.
"Elliot, you don't have to come here every night after work. Have you seen your kids lately." Just like Olivia, worried about everybody else.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Elliot looked a little nervous.
"Okay. Is everyone ok?
"They have been dying to see you, but I told them they had to wait until you got better."
"Aww. Of course, I'd love to see them." Elliot couldn't help but smile when Olivia's face lit up. He knew she cared about his kids, always has.
Elliot went to the door and opened it to allow each one of his children to enter. Maureen was carrying Eli who immediately yelled out her name.
"Hey guys!" Olivia reached for Eli, but Elliot took him from Maureen and gently placed him on the bed so he could hug Olivia. At two and a half, he couldn't understand how sore Olivia was.
Each one of Elliot kids hugged Olivia and talked excitedly to her about anything and everything. After a few minutes the excitement died down and Dickie was the one to ask what was on everyone's mind.
"Are you going to be Dad's partner still?" he looked at the floor after seeing the surprise on Olivia's face.
"Of course I am." Olivia quickly looked at Elliot who seemed just as surprised at his son's question. "As soon as I am allowed back to work."
"Dad says you saved his life." Kathleen spoke up looking first at her father.
Elliot could tell Olivia was uncomfortable, but she always had a way with kids and teens.
"Well, actually he saved mine as well. Our jobs can be dangerous at times, but also rewarding. We got the bad guy so that's the good thing."
Maureen was the oldest and in college. She loved Olivia and had her suspicions that her father cared for her more than just his partner. "Olivia, you almost died. Doesn't that scare you?"
Olivia sighed as she once again looked towards Elliot. "Yes, it does scare me. What scared me more was that your father was in danger as well. I would do anything to protect him, and I know he would do the same."
Elliot knew how serious Olivia took their partnership, he felt the same way. To hear her voice that, did something to his heart that he couldn't explain.
"Can we see the bullet hole?" Dickie then asked being a typical young teen boy.
"Richard!" Elliot gave his son that infamous Stabler stare.
"I don't think I even want to see it." Olivia laughed. She looked down to see Eli curled up against her . He was beginning to fall asleep listening to Olivia and his siblings talking. Elliot could see how much she loved him as he watched her stoke his son's hair.
Elliot's thoughts went to when Eli was born. How Olivia had saved his wife's life and ultimately Eli's as well. The car crash that resulted in his early birth. Elliot never did get over the guilt of not taking his wife to her appointment himself, but as always, Olivia was there to help.
"Okay, guys. Liv needs her rest." Elliot could see how tired Olivia had become.
They said their goodbyes and a quiet fell over the room. Olivia was alone again and couldn't help but smile. Elliot's kids were great. She loved how great a father he was to them. She thought about going back to work and wondered if she would be hesitant at all; gun shy as they called it. She thought about the fear she felt at seeing her partner in danger. Seeing Elliot in danger. That's what scared her the most.
A week had gone by since the shooting and Olivia was anxious to get out of the hospital. She was feeling stronger each day and knew she would be released soon. Elliot had been by each morning and night, but still hadn't mentioned anything to her about his feelings. Olivia was convinced now he was just speaking out of grief and guilt; that is if she even heard him right in the first place. She must have heard what she wanted to hear. She couldn't help but feel defeated and even a bit silly for thinking he may have feelings for her that extended beyond partnership.
A knock on the door brought in another flower delivery. Olivia couldn't help but smile despite the amount of flowers she had given away to other patients. The young delivery man set the flowers on the table farthest from her bed as directed. Once he left the room, Olivia decided she would go investigate and see who the flowers were from this time. She slowly lowered herself to the floor so she was standing upright on her own. She felt strong; almost back to normal. Her chest ached, but didn't scream in pain anymore. As she made her way across the room, she really thought about demanding to be released.
Olivia picked the card from the beautiful arrangement of all red roses. She hardly glanced up as the delivery was made, but now was amazed at how beautiful these flowers were. Her heart skipped a beat as she opened the card. Maybe Elliot was just waiting for the right moment to talk to her. Disappointed immediately replaced excitement and hope as she read Tim's name on the card. She replaced the card and made her way back to her bed. Why couldn't things ever just work out the way she wanted. She was relieved to lie back down, but felt good about walking.
Olivia closed her eyes and sighed. She had broken things off with Tim and was convinced it was over in every way. If she had any feeling for him, he killed them by hurting her. She was hurt and embarrassed. He managed to make her question her ability to defend herself as well as further damage her ability to trust. All because she wouldn't ask for a partner change. Olivia rubbed her temples with her fingers trying to relieve the impending headache.
Maybe she should've considered a partner change. She and Elliot were beginning to act like a boring old married couple. Knowing each other's body language as well as being able to finish each other's sentences. Tim had made her feel alive; at least for the few months they dated. Olivia let her mind drift to the good things her and Tim shared. How she laughed with him and how he held her after making love. How he wanted to be with her every second of the day, but realizing she was so independent. He was jealous of Elliot, but he just didn't understand the dynamics that come with partnership; especially at their level. She felt confident she could make him understand what Elliot was to her, but he didn't give her a chance.
Olivia cursed herself for making excuses for Tim. He had surprised her with a punch that knocked her off her feet. A tear leaked out of Olivia's eye as she replayed that night in her mind. She was so surprised. She knew he was upset, even angry, but couldn't believe he would ever hit her. His strong hands grabbed her by the arms and quickly hauled her to her feet. Those same hands that so skillfully made her feel alive the night before were leaving bruises on her the next day. The look in his eyes scared her enough to bring out all her instincts as a trained detective. He had the upper hand and let her know just that. Nothing she tried could prevent the onslaught of his anger and frustration. She listened to the door slam as she lied on the floor of her apartment trying to catch her breath. She knew she had at least two broken ribs and could only imagine how bad her face was. Her phone and gun were in her bedroom and she knew neither would help her. She was now a victim. And that thought pissed her off more than Tim's betrayal. She couldn't protect herself, how could she protect anybody else..
Tears streamed down her face as she pushed aside the emotions from that day. She thought about all the things she could've done. Even what she should've done. Instead she hid until she was healed enough to return to work. Kept Tim and the incident a secret. She couldn't handle facing the guys at work; she was supposed to be as tough and strong as they were; how could she explain this to them.
Elliot knew, as did Fin. She was sure the captain had gotten wind of it too when Tim decided to show up at the hospital. She was reminded of how she couldn't protect herself each time Tim's name was mentioned or his presence made known. Olivia glanced over at the flowers Tim just had sent to her and wished things had been different. She had loved him, but knew all too well what staying with him could cost her. She closed her eyes as her thoughts weighed heavy on her. The hospital was starting to get to her as well. She wanted to go home; for things to be back to normal.
Olivia felt her limbs weaken and her eyes became heavy. She decided not to fight the sleep that was taunting her. Maybe she would be able to have a better attitude after a nap. She listened to the distant pages as she let sleep consume her.
Tim decided to stop by the precinct. He would demand answers from Olivia's superior. Her partner wouldn't let him in to the hospital to see her, so he would find out somehow. He was facing court in a few weeks for assaulting an officer, but he wasn't worried. His lawyer assured him that they would get the charge thrown out. So, there really was nothing Elliot could do to him today anyway.
"I'm looking for Captain Cragen." Tim flashed a smile to the officer at the front desk. She smiled back impressed with what stood in front of her. The officer directed him to the correct floor and watched him leave. He smiled again as he waved from the elevator. As Tim entered the busy squad room, he took a minute to look around. Olivia had never had him meet her here; always meeting outside the precinct for lunch. He found her desk in no time as it was covered with the roses he had sent. He slowly strolled by noticing how the flowers covered the papers and files that littered her desk. He kept an eye out for Elliot, but realized that he must be out. He really didn't want to tangle with him today.
Tim knocked on the captain's door and was waved in. He quietly closed the door behind him as he noticed Olivia's boss on the phone. Cragen's eyes met with Tim's and a look of disgust crossed the older man's face as he motioned for him to have a seat.
"Can I help you?" Cragen asked hanging up the phone.
"Yes sir. I'm Tim Hendricks." Tim offered his hand.
"I know who you are. What do you need?" Cragen refused his gesture.
"It seems Detective Stabler won't allow me in to see Olivia in the hospital. I doubt he really has any legal right to do that, but I don't want to upset Olivia by causing a scene." Tim didn't appear at all uncomfortable.
"And you are here talking to me why?" Cragen was making it obvious he didn't have the time of day for this Tim Hendricks.
"I want to know how she is. Will she be returning to work? Will she continue to be partnered with somebody that obviously doesn't have her back.?" Tim asked his question very easily knowing he was getting under the captains skin with each one.
Cragen sat down behind his desk and glared at Tim. The silence that filled the room was heavy causing Tim to smile despite himself.
"I do believe the questions you have asked are none of your business." Cragen finally answered.
"I don't think you understand, sir." Tim stood forcing Cragen to do the same. "I love Olivia. I don't want her hurt. I know the job can be dangerous, but I don't believe Detective Stabler has her best interests at heart."
Cragen slowly walked out from behind his desk until he was standing face to face with Tim. "I decide who my detectives are partnered with. Your opinion means nothing to me."
"I just don't think you're seeing the whole picture here." Tim walked around the room briefly glancing out at the squad room. "Olivia isn't safe with him."
Cragen crossed his arms as he watched Tim stroll around his office.
"Olivia is lying in a hospital bed because of Stabler. He can't protect her. She almost died because of him and I intend to make him pay for that." Tim fixed his glare on Cragen as he finished his statement.
Cragen approached the good looking, confidant man in front of him. "Are you threatening my detective?"
Tim laughed before speaking. "If you won't reassign her, then maybe I'll convince her to ask for a new partner."
Tim opened the door and strolled out into the busy squad room. Elliot had returned to his desk and looked up in time to see Tim leaving Cragen's office.
"Detective Stabler. How nice to see you again." Tim offered Elliot his hand
"What are you doing here." Elliot also ignored Tim's gesture as he rose to his feet and closed the space between them.
"Just chatting with your boss." Tim grinned at Elliot. "Might want to start looking for a new partner."
"Stabler!" Cragen boomed from his office.
Elliot's glare never left Tim as he slowly made his way out of the precinct.