Spring break was almost over, and Holly J had to return to Yale. Fiona was seeing her off at the airport.
"I'll miss you so much," Fiona said.
"Me too. But hey, there's always summer. I'll see you then for sure, right?"
"Of course! You'd better see me, before I go off to college!"
She smiled. "You can count on it." She just wanted to put her hands through Fiona's hair, rest a hand on her… basically just show her that she was there, and her sincerity.
"I'll hold you to that." She hugged Holly J tightly. There was nothing specifically "more than friends" about the hug, except that it lingered a bit longer than it usually would. Then again, they also wouldn't see each other for a while again. When she pulled away, Fiona looked into Holly J's eyes and looked about to speak, then stopped.
"What is it?"
"It's nothing," she lied, shaking her head. "Have a good rest of the semester, and a safe trip."
"I will. You, too." Well, with regards to the semester, since Fiona wasn't travelling, but she figured Fiona would get the point.
The speakers announced that they wanted Holly J's flight to start boarding now.
"I should go now," she said. "I'll call you when I get there, okay?"
"Yeah. I'll talk to you then."
Knowing that they could stand there almost saying goodbye forever, Holly J left. Fiona watched her for a short time, then just as Holly J was nearly out of earshot, she couldn't help but to think, it's now or never. She hadn't even remotely planned on this, but she yelled, "Holly J!"
Holly J turned in confusion, clearly hearing Fiona yelling her name. She saw Fiona running to her, looking very emotional, and yet serious.
She put her arms loosely around Holly J's shoulders, far enough that she could still see her. "Holly J, I love you. I've always loved you, and thinking I could move on was a joke. I've never been able to love anyone as much as you, and… I don't want to." It was probably selfish, not even a whole week after telling her they couldn't be together. And yet, she couldn't help it. She couldn't let Holly J leave without knowing how she felt. She tightened her arms to hold Holly J close as she kissed her, and she felt Holly J's arms move to her lower back, as they kissed like they had been longing to. When they pulled away, Fiona looked into Holly J's eyes. "I'm sorry. I know you're about to leave, and this is a horrible time—"
"Shh," Holly J said, moving one of her hands to Fiona's hair. "I love you too, Fiona. And I don't know where this will lead, or what the future holds for us, but all I know is that I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you, too."
"Well, then… Fiona Coyne, will you be my girlfriend?"
"I'd love to." She smiled and kissed her again, but this time it was interrupted by a more insistent call for the flight to be boarded. "I should let you go… as much as I don't want you to leave, I don't want to make you miss your flight."
Holly J hugged her close one more time and said into her hair, "I'll be back before you know it."
"Yeah." She knew that wasn't true. That she would miss Holly J all the time, just as she had been all year, and probably even more now. But that was okay; it was worth it, to be able to be with her. They stayed like that, holding each other close, until the last call for boarding was announced. "Okay, you need to go. I love you."
"I love you too." She ran to board the plane, stopping to look over her shoulder once and seeing Fiona watching her. She waved and Fiona waved back, both of them with sad smiles.
As soon as she got home, the weight of everything hit her and she started to cry. Just when they'd started a relationship and she wanted to be around her more than ever, they would be apart for months. Okay, only like two, but that seemed like an eternity. She hugged the couch cushion, wishing they could be together physically too.
And what about Katie? Not that her having feelings for Holly J while the two of them were together was great, but she had absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt crossed the line into cheating. She had gotten so caught up in her feelings for Holly J that she had honestly not thought about Katie at all, and she suspected that Holly J wasn't exactly thinking about her either. But at least Holly J knew. It probably went without saying that Fiona would break up with Katie, or at least she hoped it did. She felt terrible for having to break up with her under circumstances like that, and she didn't want to do it too soon after Holly J left, because she didn't want Katie to think that the two events were related. Just like with Imogen, except probably even more in this case, telling her would just hurt her. She didn't need to know the whole reason, Fiona decided, just that… what would she tell her? That she just suddenly stopped having feelings for her? Less than a week ago she was telling her she loved her, and now, without any explanation, she was so out of love with her that she didn't even want to try working things out in their relationship, just to break up? She didn't want to try to work things out, because it would be impossible and do nothing but drag out the breakup. She needed to do this and do it soon, but she needed some sort of way that Katie wouldn't jump to conclusions. Okay, jump to the right conclusions, but still.
She decided to call Eli. It wasn't exactly like she could call Holly J, or like Imogen was speaking to her, or certainly not Katie, and she didn't really want to tell her mom how much she'd messed up either. "Eli?"
"Hey, Fiona. What's up?"
"I did something really stupid," she admitted.
"What happened?"
"…I kissed Holly J."
"And now she's freaked out again?"
She shook her head, then quickly realized that of course he couldn't see her and said, "No. Actually… well, she kissed me first, and we're in a relationship now, but…"
"Isn't that what you've—oh. Katie?"
"Yeah. Telling her the truth would only hurt her. I can't let her know that I cheated on her! But if I break up with her out of the blue right after Holly J leaves, what kind of conclusion is she supposed to come to?"
"Maybe you could make a big deal over something and make it into a big fight and tell her you want to break up over that?"
Her first thought was that that was a really bad idea. And, okay, it probably was, but it was the best idea she had so far, even if simply by virtue of also being the only idea she had. "She'll probably hate me, or think I'm crazy… if not both… but I just might do that." It would still hurt her somewhat, but most of that came just because it was a breakup. At least it would be better than telling her the truth.