A week later, Harm and AJ were finally back in DC. As AJ drove up to the house in McLean, Harm noticed two unfamiliar cars in the driveway.
"Welcoming party?" Harm asked curiously as he massaged into his tremoring thigh, grimacing from the pain.
"Of sorts." AJ said quietly as he parked his SUV "Do you need me to carry you inside?" AJ asked softly as he reached over, gently kneading into Harm's trembling thigh.
Harm shook his head slowly "No, no… I'll make it! It… It may just take me a few minutes." Harm said as he slowly got out of the SUV and limped toward the back door, grabbing the crutches from inside.
Harm carefully began maneuvering over the gravel driveway, with AJ standing right behind him, prepared to catch him should he fall. Harm wobbled slightly and AJ quickly grabbed Harm's hips and steadied him, "Good?" AJ asked as he gently rubbed up and down Harm's hips.
Harm nodded slowly as he regained his breath, staring down at the gravel "You need to get this paved… Especially if I'm going to break my leg every few months…" Harm said with a humorless chuckle as he continued moving up the driveway slowly, then up the stairs to stand on the front porch.
"So, are you going to tell me who is inside, or is it a secret?" Harm asked as both men stood outside the front door.
"Just a few friends of mine, some of yours also… They're all willing to help you get through the pain and the nightmares. But I don't want you to worry, none of it will hurt, at least not physically." AJ said reassuringly, gently carding his fingers through Harm's hair.
AJ opened the double doors leading into the house to let Harm enter. Harm carefully moved into the doorway, his eyes going wide as he looked around the room. The living room was bathed in a warm yellow color from the candles lit around the room, there was a soft jazz melody filling the air, and Clay, Victor, Jethro and Tony were all inside, sitting on plush cushions in a semi-circle.
"Wow…" Harm whispered as he continued limping into the living room, his eyes flitting around the room, inspecting all that there was to see.
All the furniture had been pushed back against the walls, there was a large body-length pillow in the center of the semi-circle of men, "Uhm… AJ…" Harm said hesitantly as he stared down at the floor, "I uhm… I can't get down onto the floor – If that's what is meant to be happening here…" Harm said, looking down at his casted leg pointedly.
"Damn it…" AJ breathed out as he ran a hand down his face tiredly "We'll figure something out – Don't worry." AJ said as he looked down at his friends, frowning slightly "Maybe we should do this in the bedroom? He'll be able to get onto the bed at least, and we can still sit around him…" AJ said as he nodded towards the bedroom.
Everyone nodded as they stood up and moved into the bedroom with AJ and Harm following behind them at a slower pace.
Once Harm was situated on the bed in just his bikini underwear, the five men sat on the bed surrounding Harm. Clay and Victor were at the head of the bed, on either side of Harm's shoulders, and Tony and Jethro were on either side of his feet. AJ sat directly beside Harm at his stomach. Everyone had a hand on Harm's body; Clay and Victor on his shoulders, Tony and Jethro on his ankles and AJ had a hand on Harm's stomach.
"Okay Harm… You have to understand that none of us are here to hurt you. We're only here to help you through the pain, and try to remove all the nightmares that have been haunting you for the past year. Are you sure that you can handle this?" AJ asked calmly.
Harm nodded his head slowly as he closed his eyes "I can handle it." Harm said calmly as he began relaxing and sinking into the bed.
"Good… Just take deep breaths and slowly release them…" AJ said soothingly as he ran his hand up and down Harm's chest and stomach slowly.
Harm did as AJ told him too, a sense of tranquility began washing over him for only a brief moment until his head started spinning and his breathing started hitching, coming in short and rapid gasps.
"He's starting to hyperventilate! We have to get him out of it!" AJ shouted as he watched as Harm's chest rose and fell rapidly, his entire body shuddering against the bed.
Everyone quickly released Harm and got off the bed, AJ quickly cradled Harm in his arms, rocking him softly "Harm… Harm its okay, I'm right here… Come back to me…" AJ whispered in Harm's ear softly.
Harm slowly reopened his eyes, staring up at AJ, baby blue eyes locking onto AJ's caramel brow eyes "I'm sorry… I'm… I'm sorry I can't… I can't do it AJ… I can't go there…" Harm said through tears, his breath hitching as he pulled out of AJ's arms, curling up into a tight ball as he rocked back and forth on the bed.
Everyone had a concerned look on their face as they watched on helplessly, "Harm… What did you feel?" AJ asked softly as he set his hand on Harm's back.
Harm flinched away from the touch and shook his head rapidly, curling into himself even more, tears continually running down his cheeks, his entire body trembling as he rocked himself.
AJ sighed as he slid off the bed and walked out of the bedroom, motioning for the dominate men to follow him out and leaving Victor and Tony in the bedroom with Harm.
Tony was the first to lay down beside Harm and Victor quickly followed suit. Harm slowly relaxed, unclenching his body as he looked from Victor to Tony and back again.
"What happened, Harm?" Tony asked softly as he snuggled up closely to Harm.
"The dizzy feeling… It just… It brought me back to that night… and… I could feel it… I don't understand, it's been over a year, why can I still feel all the pain from that night…" Harm said as he shook his head, snuggling in between Victor and Tony's embrace.
The two younger men sighed as they kissed Harm's head lightly and continued comforting him, "Harm, it's going to be okay… You know that both of us have been in this exact same predicament… You were there when they put us under." Victor said quietly as he carded his fingers through Harm's hair, looking over at Tony.
Tony nodded his head as he pressed a gentle kiss to Harm's neck "You have to release that fear Harm… That's all we want from you, is for you to release the fear and start being yourself again." Tony said softly as he rubbed Harm's arm up and down softly.
Harm sighed heavily as he laid his head in the crook of Victor's arm, and pulled Tony's arm around his chest, cocooning himself in their endless support "I have to get over the fear, I know that… But, why am I holding back? Why is my brain refusing to let go of it?" Harm asked, sniffling loudly as more tears tracked down his face.
Tony sighed as he scooted in closer, spooning himself behind Harm's body "We can't answer that Harm… You're the only one who can find the answer, and you know that there is only one way you can get there. And that's by letting go of your control. You've given up control before, we've seen you do it, and we know you can do it again." Tony said encouragingly as he stroked his finger across Harm's cheek softly, clearing away the residual tears.
Harm nodded as he carefully extracted himself from Tony and Victor's embrace and moved up to the center of the bed again, lying flat on his back with his hands against his stomach "I have to do it…" Harm whispered as he closed his eyes.
Tony and Victor nodded as they moved up the bed as well, kneeling on either side of Harm's head, "Will you feel more comfortable with us at your shoulders?" Victor asked, looking down at Harm with a frown on his face.
Harm nodded slowly "Yes. You two are my support. AJ is my center, always. And Jethro and Clay are my anchors." Harm said as the sense of calm started washing over him as he drifted into silent thought.
Victor nodded as he looked up at the doorway, their men standing and waiting on the other side. Victor motioned for them to come inside, and Clay and Jethro immediately took up their new positions at the foot of the bed while AJ returned to Harm's side.
Everyone set their hand down onto Harm's body, and AJ smiled as he rubbed his hand up and down Harm's chest and stomach, "Are you ready?" AJ asked quietly, Harm nodded his head slowly "Okay. Deep breathes, slow releases." AJ said softly as he kept a close eye on Harm's body, watching as he relaxed completely and sunk into the bed "What's happening Harm?" AJ asked quietly as he continued caressing Harm's torso.
"It's dark… I'm rolling and I can't… I can't see where I am…" Harm stammered out, his voice wavering slightly, "The car… I'm in the car… It's upside down…" Harm said, his breathes coming in short gasps.
"Harm… just breathe… It's okay, we're all right here." AJ cooed reassuringly as he put a bit more pressure onto his caresses.
Harm nodded "The car is upside down… I can feel the blood rushing to my brain… and… ow… ow… Oh god! My head just… slammed into the roof… They… they removed the seatbelt…" Harm gasped out, his entire body shaking violently, his fists clenching into the sheets.
AJ inhaled deeply as he pressed down onto Harm's stomach firmly, in hopes that this would bring Harm out of it.
Harm took in a sharp breath of air, his eyes popping open widely as he rolled towards the edge of the bed, groaning loudly as he vomited over the side of the bed.
AJ frowned as he gently caressed Harm's back until the dry heaves subsided and Harm turned back onto the bed, slamming his fists down into the mattress "It's no use! I'm fucking done!" Harm shouted as he pulled himself to the foot of the bed, foregoing his crutches as he limped out of the bedroom, then the house completely, slamming the front door as he went.
Everyone sighed heavily as they watched Harm walk out of the house, "He's going to need extensive… therapy." Jethro said sullenly as he slid off the bed, wrapping his hand around Tony's wrist and pulling the younger man with him close to his side and whispering into his ear.
"I was afraid of that… But… I don't think he can handle it… Especially since he can hardly handle this." AJ said as he dropped backwards on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"He'll have too AJ, he can't keep going like this… Eventually he's going to self-destruct… If he's not already there." Clay said as he turned his head towards the loud slamming that was coming from outside the house.
"Damn it to hell!" AJ shouted as he quickly sprang out of the bed and raced outside and onto the front porch.
Everyone quickly followed AJ out, stopping dead in their tracks as they all stood and watched as Harm pummeled his fist into the siding of AJ's house.
"I think we've finally met Harm's breaking point." AJ commented dryly as he carefully walked over to Harm, staring down at the bloody pool on the porch, then up at Harm's fist that was also covered in blood and splinters from the paneling "Harm..." AJ said softly, watching the emotionless expression on Harm's face.
AJ sighed as he took a step back, shaking his head "You're not going to stop him?" Jethro asked curiously, watching on helplessly as Harm continued thrusting his fist into the wall violently.
"No… I'm going to let his anger run its course – He's never exploded like this before, and now I'm thinking that maybe this is exactly what he needed to get through it. I've been forcing the issue the wrong way… Should have just listened to my first instincts a long time ago instead of trying to do this the proper way." AJ stated as he sat down on the porch, staring up at Harm.
Everyone followed suit and sat down beside AJ, watching Harm with concern as he continued pounding his fist into the wall.
"I'm going to call Ducky, see if I can't get him out here… He's going to need medical attention after he's done breaking the bones in his hand." Jethro stated as he pushed himself back up to his feet and headed back into the house.
The rest of the men continued to watch Harm, worry and concern evident on all their faces. Harm hadn't uttered a single word as he hit the wall. "He's going to do serious damage if we don't stop him." Clay said as he moved to stand up, but AJ put his hand out and shook his head, standing up himself and walking over to where Harm stood.
Harm's body was finally at the point of over exertion, he was now half-heartedly hitting the wall as the tears began streaming down his face in rapid waves. Harm slid to the floor and rested his head against the side of the house, his entire body trembling as he sobbed into the wall.
AJ kneeled behind Harm and waited patiently, gently rubbing up and down Harm's spine "Are you ready to talk now?" AJ asked softly.
Harm nodded slowly as he leaned back against AJ's chest, clenching his fists tightly together to stop them from trembling "The car was upside down, and when my head hit the roof, I blacked out – I know I blacked out for at least a minute – When I came too, I wasn't in the car anymore, I was being dragged across the street. It was pitch black and my eyes were swollen, I couldn't see anything. I felt every hit they delivered, sometimes they used their fists and their feet, sometimes it was a bat, a tire iron… I couldn't move, or breathe… I couldn't even scream. I was helpless, vulnerable and completely out of control of my emotions. There was no lifeline for me to hold onto in that moment." Harm said, his breath hitching slightly as he clutched onto AJ's forearm.
"There were three men… All of them were military, I saw them, and they were all still in uniform… That beating was them telling me that I wasn't accepted in their world as a homosexual male… I know now, that they were wrong, I belonged in the military until I saw fit to leave it, of my own freewill. When they left, I was half relieved, and half panicked, because they left me lying in the middle of the road, I was left for dead. I was terrified, because I was certain that I'd never get to see you again, that I'd never get to touch you again, never know what it was like being loved by you ever again. I started having a major panic attack, and felt the unconsciousness start to take ahold of me… And the last thought I remember was that I didn't want to wake up again, because I feared that if I did, I'd be in a world without you. A world where I'd never known what it was like to be loved by you." Harm stated, with a certain air of confidence in his voice now that he finally got the entire story out into the open.
Harm's eyes never left AJ's as he spoke, and AJ smiled as he leaned down and kissed Harm languidly "You did it." AJ whispered as he gently stroked his fingers through Harm's hair "You did it, and you didn't even have to fall to tell me everything." AJ said softly as he rained feather light kisses across Harm's entire face.
When Ducky arrived twenty minutes later, everyone else had gone back inside the house, while AJ and Harm were still on the front porch.
Ducky came over to the two men with his black medical bag in hand, "Good evening, gentlemen." Ducky said as he carefully got down onto the porch, kneeling beside Harm.
AJ and Harm both looked up at Ducky with small smiles, "Seems your wall has taken quite the beating, AJ." Ducky said, chuckling ruefully as he held his hand out towards Harm.
Harm sighed as he settled his bloodied hand in Ducky's, turning his head into AJ's chest as Ducky carefully palpated the flesh around Harm's knuckles, causing Harm to growl and wince with every movement.
AJ nodded as he gently stroked his hand through Harm's hair "That it has Ducky. Harm here had a major breakthrough and unfortunately the wall became a victim of that breakthrough." AJ said, chuckling softly as he continued soothing Harm with light caresses.
Ducky nodded as he began pulling antiseptic and gauze bandages out of his bag, "Well, you'll be pleased to know that, the bones, while badly beaten and bruised, none have been broken in any way. Very surprising considering what you did to the wall, Harmon." Ducky said, chuckling softly as he cleaned out the cuts on Harm's hand, then began wrapping the gauze around it.
Jethro walked out of the house with Harm's crutches in his hand, leaning them against the wall near Harm and AJ, "Thanks for coming out Duck – Is everything okay here, physically?" Jethro asked as he sat down on the porch bench.
Ducky nodded as he slowly stood up "Nothing a few pain killers and time won't heal, Jethro." Ducky said as he turned to Jethro and grasped his shoulder, leaning into the younger man's ear "AJ needs some time alone with you." Ducky whispered in Jethro's ear, then as quickly as he came, he was gone again.