Fin's pretty mouth trembled and a swirl of things he couldn't define darkened her eyes. She wanted to answer his question but couldn't for some unknown reason. Dread curled in his belly as a plethora of possible explanations for why her cute lil' ass got struck mute crossed his mind. Not one of the thoughts that crossed his mind were ones he considered pleasant.

"What the fuck is it?" He couched the words in gentle tones. "Holy hell, Fin, just tell me so we can figure out how the fuck to handle shit."

"Negan..." Of all the reactions he expected from her, the hitch of fear that thickened her voice wasn't among them. "I honestly don't know how to answer that question." She shook her head. "I just don't know where to start."

"Start by telling me what the fuck is going on."

"We have a problem on our hands."

"Yeah, and?"

"And if what I am gathering about it is true... it's a very big problem."

Negan swallowed the litany of curses that sprang to mind. Jordan might not hear the words he said, but he could still feel the vibrations and glean his emotions based on what he felt. The kid was already shaking like a fucking leaf. He didn't need him scaring his ass further by blowing his cool.

"Is the goddamn Sanctuary on fire or some shit?" His mouth was on rapid fire again, all bluster to cover the shit he was thinking and feeling, the anxiety at hearing there was some sorta bullshit going on inside his castle that he hadn't one goddamn clue about. "Or is it about to blow the fuck up because that obese bastard forgot he left a box of fucking dynamite next to the furnace again?"

"No." Fear made the single word thin and desperate. "We'd be better off if the factory was on fire. Hell, even the box of dynamite next to the furnace would be easier to deal with than this shit."

Fin swearing was a rarity. She usually joked that she didn't need to drop those words because he said enough for the two of them. Hearing one trip off her tongue now sent his earlier dread into hyperactive mode.

"What the fucking fuck is going on, Fin?" He demanded now. "Just fucking tell me. Now."

Fin let out a long, weary breath. "Jordan's mother and sister are sick," she said finally. "That's why he's been taking the medicine and food."

"Sick?" He crossed the room to where she sat in two long strides. "How fucking sick?"

"I'd say they're beyond help sick."

Her meaning was clear. They weren't sick. They had turned.

"Fucking fuck," he breathed out as he perched on the edge of the small table set in front of the chair. "When?"

How was what he really wanted to ask. He knew it, and so did the woman looking at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"I'm guessing they got sick about a week to a week and a half ago."

"Which is about the time that I got told shit was coming up missing."

"Mhm."

"When the fuck they die?" He ran a hand over his face. "You get him to tell you?"

"I don't think Jordan even knows they're dead." She settled her hand against the back of the kid's head and rest her cheek against his crown. "He talks in ways that say to me that he thinks they're still alive."

Shit, he thought as he looked at the boy, quiet as he lay against Fin. He's fucking nine. Nine. He shouldn't be having to deal with this shit. No kid should have to deal with this kinda shit. Sure, he was the first to say that life wasn't fair. The truth was that this world sucked bigger balls than his. It made men out of little boys. Before they should even be fucking made into men.

"I'm going to assume they died sometime in the middle of the night," Fin continued by saying. Her sigh echoed the tension twisting his nerves into knots. "Likely while he was busy helping with cleaning up the kitchen and getting things ready for today."

"Meaning they could have fucking turned at any point in the last four hours."

"Yes."

Silence fell as they both absorbed the full weight of the situation. Fucking fuckity fuck, ran through his head over and over. It just didn't seem possible that this shit happened right under his fucking nose. Not without him or someone in the goddamn place becoming aware of it. It was a question he put to Fin, suspecting she'd have some sort of answer that would make sense of this mess.

"How the fuck did we not know about this shit?"

Only silently did he add, How the fuck could this have gone unnoticed when there are so many fucking fucks living here? Didn't people pay attention to each other? Check in when they hadn't seen someone in a few days? Make mention of shit that seemed off to each other?

Didn't they think to keep eye on a goddamn kid?

He lifted a hand towards Jordan but hesitated.

Part of him wanted to set his hand on that small back to reassure the kid, to let him know shit would be okay, and that he had a home here with them for as long as he wanted it.

The other part reminded him of how he left his wife to rot on a hospital floor.

The woman he swore to love, honor and protect. A pile of bones. He dropped his hand back to his side with a small sigh.

"Nobody thought there was anything wrong because he kept them so well hidden."

"That should have been their first fucking clue."

"The majority of the people do not even know who Tamika or Yasmine are."

"That shit is gonna change," he swore in one long breath. "People are gonna start learning each other's names and keeping a better eye on each other."

Fin ran her hand over the back of the boy's head, down along his back. Negan tried to ignore the wistfulness that filled him at seeing her with Jordan. She'd make a damn good mother, he thought as Jordan stirred. She was a natural with the kid, anticipating exactly the sort of comfort the boy needed and giving it to him.

For a moment, just one, Negan allowed himself to indulge in the idea of them living an apple pie sorta life here in the Sanctuary. The baby, his little angel, would be asleep in the crook of his arm while a couple of green-eyed boys chased each other around the room. He and Fin would watch them while going over whatever fucking business needed their attention. He'd make spaghetti for dinner and...

"We need to figure out what to tell the people," Fin intruded his fantasy by saying. "It will have to be something that will keep them calm while we handle things."

Negan acknowledged her statement with a nod. They hadn't known either Tami or her daughter was sick. That was the goddamn truth. If he had known he'd have done... something. He wouldn't have let shit get to this point. And I sure as shit wouldn't have left it up to a kid to handle on his own.

"How the hell did he manage to hide they were sick?" He shook his head. "That's what I don't fucking get. How the fuck did he keep this shit quiet for so goddamn long?"

"Well," she said slowly, a frown creasing her brow. "He moved them into one of the empty storage rooms when they got sick because it was what he thought Doc Carson would do."

Jordan turned his head towards him as she spoke. His eyes, Negan saw, were a lighter shade of green than Fin's.

Fuck me blind, Negan thought as he stared at the boy. Did you have to have eyes like her cute lil' ass?

That ache again filled him as he pictured a little girl with big green eyes and bouncing curls curled up in his lap while her pretty mama read to them in that smokey, silky voice. He wanted that picture to become reality. He wanted it bad enough he was willing to do just about anything to see it come to pass.

Even get rid of his other wives if that was what her stubborn ass wanted.

"Storage rooms?" One dark brow winged up. "He's got his mother and sister in the area we use for the dumb fucks who break the rules or fuck with me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He isolated them because he didn't want anyone else getting sick," she explained as Jordan glanced up at her face, his brow wrinkled. "He was taking them food and medicine when he was not doing his chores."

"Why?"

"Well, because he thinks they're just sick," she said as Jordan again turned his head towards him. Negan saw his face was more curious than fearful. He offered the kid what he hoped was a reassuring smile. He figured he succeeded when Jordan gave him a shy one in return. "He's been taking them food and medicine because he saw Carson doing that for someone else and it made them better. So, he figured it would make them better, too."

"Jesus H. Christ," he rumbled. "Nobody saw or thought something was fucking wrong here? They didn't think to go and check on either Tami or Yasmine?"

"No." She shook her head, sighed. "People just didn't realize Tamika and Yasmine were that sick." She glanced at Jordan. "Neither did he."

Negan ran a hand over his face as he worked to process everything Fin told him. He found he just couldn't accept this pile of shit as it was. It just didn't seem possible that nobody in this goddamn place thought to go and see what the fuck was going on with Tamika. Hadn't he preached observance from day damn one?

Didn't he tell their asses how they needed to keep an eye on shit because nobody was safe in this fucked up world they lived? Gonna make some new rules after this, he decided. Make it clear that if they fail to pay attention if they try to ignore what the fuck they see or hear or if they don't bring shit to someone's attention that it will be the iron.

"Is he...?" He paused to let the disquiet and dismay fighting for dominance inside him settle down. "Is he sick?"

"No, he seems perfectly healthy. It's amazing he's not sick given how ill he said his mother and sister were."

Fin ran her fingers over the back of the kid's head, drawing his gaze, and causing that want to intensify in his belly. Shit, she can gimme a whole buncha little girls and I'd be happy. He pushed aside his thoughts. There'd be time later to discuss babies and shit.

"Thank fucking God for small favors."

The boy slowly slid off Fin's lap to walk around his inner sanctum. Negan watched him, his innards twisted in a knot of wants and needs, and his temper steadily fraying because of the pain in the ass woman who wanted more of him than he thought was sane or possible.

"I told Fat Joey to organize the men because I knew that would be your orders," Fin said as Jordan wandered over to look at the books lined neatly on the shelf. "They should be gathered below and waiting for your orders."

Negan acknowledged her words with a slight nod. Knowing she took charge while he was in the shower brought him some measure of calm. Why shouldn't it? Fin was more than capable of running shit. She understood — even if she didn't particularly agree with — how he liked things done.

She had proven herself as more than capable of keeping operations running smoothly if he was either detained or absent. The truth was that he trusted her more than a few of the dumb fucks he had in service to him. Some men would feel threatened by her taking control of the situation. Not him. If anything, it just proved even more how she was the queen of his castle.

"I'll go help them take care of the situation," he heard her say. "Make sure they handle putting Ta..."

"You're going to take Jordan and go wherever the fuck it is that you go when your cute lil' ass ain't here with me." He made a mental note to quiz her about where the fuck that was once shit went back to normal. For now, he stood and held a hand out to Fin who gaped at him. "Now, come on. I want you and the kid to get the fuck away from here before I go and handle shit."

She looked at his hand and then up at him, them gorgeous eyes of hers puzzled.

"You want me to take Jordan and leave?"

"I sure as shit do."

Seeing her in speechless shock was, almost, as satisfying as seeing her face... No, it wasn't even half as satisfying as seeing her face flushed with pleasure would be, he admitted.

"No..." she predictably protested. "No, I should—"

He helped her to her feet, turned her, and nudged her over to where Jordan stood with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Get your goddamn keys, grab a fucking walkie, and go the fuck to where you stay when you're not with me. And," he added even as she harrumphed, "stay the fuck there until I tell you to bring your cute lil' ass back. Understand?"

…

Raya couldn't believe what she was hearing. Negan wanted her to leave. He wanted her to go back to where she stayed when she wasn't at the Sanctuary with him. As if that wasn't enough to stun her, he also wanted her to take Jordan with her. The question she found herself asking was, why?

Why did he want her to go?

Why did he want her to take Jordan with her?

Why wasn't he commanding that they both stay and observe how he handled the situation? Before she could pose those questions to him, he repeated his earlier statement. More forcibly this time.

"Fin, I told you to get your goddamn car keys, grab one of the fucking walkies, and get yours and the kid's asses to wherever the fuck you stay when you're not here with me."

She sent him a reproving look for his high-handed treatment from over her left shoulder. Not that it caused him to soften his tone or apologize. Typical, she groused as she folded her arms across her chest as she faced him.

Outwardly, she appeared the queen ready to do battle.

Inwardly, she was like a volcano about to erupt.

Things were bad at that moment. Very bad, she thought as she cut a quick look at Jordan.

"Negan—"

"This shit isn't up for discussion, Fin."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "No, I won't go. You need—"

"Wrong, darlin'." He indicated the door with a nod. "I don't need your cute lil' ass here to handle this bullshit. I need it wherever it is you go."

"Why?" She managed around the snap of annoyance and bubbles of fear percolating in her belly. "Answer me that. Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why are you sending me away? And why you do want me to take Jordan?" She angled her head, studying him. "That's the part that makes absolutely no sense to me."

"I have my fucking reasons for sending you both away from this shit."

She could tell from his eyes, his expression, how serious he was about her taking Jordan and leaving. Still, she persisted.

"Just explain to me why you're sending Jordan away." He shot her a narrow-eyed glance. She ignored it. "I'd think you'd want him here so you can teach him what he needs to know about the cruelties of this world."

A shadow passed over his face. It was there and gone so quickly that Raya almost believed she imagined it. She hadn't, however. He wasn't looking forward to what was coming any more than she was.

"What's about to happen is gonna be hard to watch."

"Yes," she said, nodding. "I know it will be."

I don't like that you will see it, she added silently. Your head is messed up enough. The last thing you need is to have this worming through your brain. She couldn't ask that he stand down, though. He wouldn't. And he couldn't, she acknowledged silently with an internal grimace.

He was the leader of the Saviors. His presence was needed to keep order and calm. People need a dramatic example to rid them of their apathy. Wasn't that why Bruce, and to a lesser extent, herself and the other members of the Batfamily all donned masks and capes?

"He's fucking nine, Fin," she heard him say. "He doesn't need to see this shit. And," he dropped his voice an octave. "Neither do you."

The truth of why he was sending her away washed over her, into her, obliterating her fear and annoyance in one massive wave. He's shielding me from what he knows is waiting inside that storage room. The truth of it was in his eyes.

He was taking the responsibility of putting Tamika and Yasmine down on himself so that she wouldn't have to do it. So I won't have to carry the burden of it, she realized as emotion, pure sentiment, swamped her.

'See, Doc?' Harley whispered inside her head. 'The big lug cares enough about you that he's willing to do this for you.'

He doesn't have to do this himself, she told Harley. He could let me or someone...

'You said you wanted a man who wasn't afraid of letting you be you but who would also step up when it was necessary.'

Well, yes, I did say that, Raya admitted as she slowly lifted a trembling hand to his face. But I didn't mean about situations like this. This is asking too much. This is going to tear him apart emotionally. It already is despite his attempts to hide it.

'You gotta let him be the man now, Doc. You gotta let him do this. You gotta let him carry this burden for you."

Not that she would let him carry that burden alone. No, she would carry it with him, like a good queen — she refused to call herself wife — should.

There was no more denying the truth, however.

No more hiding from herself or her feelings.

Everything she wanted in a man was right here in front of her.

I never needed a hero because Bruce taught me to save myself, she said to the petite blonde inside her head. I don't need a man to complete me because Diana showed me I am whole alone. All I've ever wanted was a man to share my burdens with. Someone who will sing to me when I'm sad. Kiss me when I least expect it. Flirt with me until I'm so flustered I forget my problems. And above all else... someone to make me laugh. That's it. That's him.

'Bout time you admitted it.'

She ignored that. Accepting the truth was enough in her books.

"Okay..." She took two careful breaths. "I'll take Jordan and go to the Hilltop Colony. I have family there."

"You live at the fucking Hilltop Colony with that Gregory prick?"

"I stay there when I'm not here with you, yes."

It was true as far as truths went. She did stay at Hilltop when she wasn't here at the Sanctuary. She just didn't stay there all the time. He just didn't need to know that. Not at that moment, anyway.

Later, she decided.

Later, she would have a long talk with him. Tell him the truth about who she was and why she was there. I owe him that. I owe him the truth before things go any further between us than they have.

She just hoped to hell that he would react as she hoped. Some anger was expected. She played a game with him. She could only pray he would understand why she had done those things. He'll understand. Once I explain it was for my children, he will understand.

"Then go the fuck there and stay there until I call your cute lil' ass back."

"I'll go because you so sweetly asked it of me," she said as she slid her hand from his cheek to the back of his neck. "But before I go..."

Negan towered over her so she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach his mouth. For a moment, they stood, lips a breath apart while her system shivered with anticipation. Mouths brushed, retreated, brushed again. It was she who crushed her lips to his on a burst of hunger. She hadn't let herself want. Even when he stirred long-buried needs to life, she refused to let herself want.

Until now.

She wanted the strength of him, the press of that hard, lean body. She wanted the snap of heat and the edgy thrill that came with feeling his heart pound against her own. She wanted his hands on her and shivered when his arm snaked around her, pulling her close.

She lost all track of time and place as for once she pushed aside the other sides of her — Fenix, Doc, Siren — and just let herself take.

A/N: Hello, all! Hopefully, this week has treated you well!