Jak flew towards the only safe place he knew…a place where no one could get hurt by him, where he could take out his anger without hurting anyone. He flew high over the remains of Dead town and landed near Samos's old hut.

Then he went dark.

If someone stood on top of the city wall, they would be able to see the black and purple sparks of light, and he was certain the people just beyond the wall could faintly hear his enraged screams.

Jak shots blasts of dark eco at the crumbling stone ruins, successfully making them even more decrepit than they usually were. He slashed at the rocks fruitlessly with his claws and screamed his throat raw.

Then he ran out of eco…and he was still so fucking angry!

He paced back and forth, gritting his teeth to keep from yelling at the rocks; certainly they've been through enough. He wanted to scream though…wanted to punch something…punch someone.

Reise was Torn…

REISE…was TORN!

Why the fuck was Reise actually Torn?!

Jak growled low in his throat and threw a punch at a wall, pausing for a moment, before he began pummeling his fists against the wall. He was numb to the pain in his knuckles and blind to the splotches of blood beginning to appear on the wall.

He tried not to imagine that the wall was Torn's face, but it was getting increasingly hard not to.

It made no sense…it just made no fucking sense to him!

Why the fuck was Torn pretending to be some dude named Reise? Why was he in that club in the first place? Why did Torn pretend he didn't know him? Why? WHY? WHY?!

Jak dropped his bloody hands and stared at the wall, blankly…

Why did he kiss me? Why did he sleep with me?

...Why would he date me?

Jak dropped to his knees, his head pounding from all the confusion, anger, and hurt.

Reise was a disguise, Jak…

He clenched his fists as the pain in his heart grew, "why?"

He isn't real. He never was…

"WHY?!" He felt the first hot tears trail down his cheeks as anger boiled inside him, fighting with the sadness for the dominant emotion.

I used him to feed my selfish desires for you…

"What the fuck did he mean?!"

I'm messed up inside, no good for you. I'm sick…I'm so tired…I'm so bad…

"I don't understand…"

I love you so much, I just want you to be happy, even if it means…that I'm not…

" I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND!"

I love you…I'm wrong…Fuck, I'm so selfish!

I love you, but I can't keep hurting you…

Jak slammed his fists on the cold stone floor as he clenched is eyes shut tight…but not enough to keep the tears from falling.

There was never a 'Reise', Jak…

"Torn…"

It's only me.

"Fuck…"

After picking up and readjusting his wig, Torn barely made it back to the transport. Luckily the slashes on his right side weren't fatal and probably just needed bandaging…but those injuries were nothing compared to the absolute mess that was his mind.

He felt…relieved. As if a boulder had been lifted off of him.

He did the right thing telling Jak. It was long overdue…

…but in telling him, Torn had removed the bandage that covered the festering wounds he had ignored for so long. The dam broke, and there was no ignoring the mess that came with it.

But that could be dealt with in the morning…for now he needed to worry about his external injuries.

Ashelin expected to be doing a lot of things once she reached her apartment door. She finally finished her final meeting with the council for the week, sent off the last few construction permits from Torn, and was nearly starving from only eating a piece of toast and half a granola bar all day.

In her future, she saw a nice microwave meal, long bubble bath with maybe a glass of wine, and a little TV as she passed out on the couch.

As she stepped off the elevator to her floor, she did not expect to see her military Commander sitting outside her apartment, with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head resting on them as his shoulders shook-

Wait…was he crying?

Ashelin slowly walked over to Torn, briefly wondering if it was really him before she kneeled down, "Torn? Hey, you ok?"

When he looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes adorned with smeared eye-make-up, all her words vanished from her head. He was wearing the tattoo concealer, and his blue wig was crumpled beside him on the carpet, but he was also…bleeding?! "What the f- Are you ok?! What happened?"

He just shook his head and said with a shaky voice that only added to Ashelin's confusion, "No…no I'm not ok Ashe…I fucked up, bad." He bit his bottom lip and his face scrunched up, as if he was trying to stop an outburst, "C-can I please just come inside?"

A thousand possible scenarios about what could have happened whirled through her head at that moment, but none of them prevented her from helping her dearest friend who was falling apart right in front of her. She helped Torn up, quickly punched in her key code and ushered them both inside, heading right to the bathroom.

Ashelin helped Torn up onto the counter and quickly retrieved her first aid kit from the cupboards. Neither of them said a word to the other as Ashelin removed Torn's tunic and cleaned the wounds on his side.

"Huh…Torn, what's this?"

Torn turned to her, "What?"

Ashelin prodded at one of the slash marks, "I've never seen this scar before; it looks like some sort of insignia?"

Torn knew what she was talking about, "It's…it was my gang mark."

"Oh? Well, one of the cuts slashed right through it."

His eyes widened and he quickly turned around to look in the mirror behind him. Indeed, the topmost gash went right through the SL symbol. He stared at it, feeling another spike of relief.

It was almost like a sign…a confirmation that he needed to wash his past mistakes away and heal. He let out a tired laugh, his shoulders trembled as more laughs made their way out of him. He laughed until the laughter turned into sobs.

Ashelin felt lost…so she did what she knew she could and bandaged his wounds before helping him remove his make-up.

It seemed that they would have a lot to talk about, and Torn didn't need to add messy make-up to his list of problems.

Two hours later, Ashelin and Torn sat on her living room couch. Two steaming cups of coffee sat in front of them, and Torn was no longer crying; which…honestly freaked Ashelin out because she had NEVER seen Torn cry even once! To be honest she didn't think it was even possible for him…

She sipped her coffee slowly, anxiously waiting for Torn to speak first. She didn't want to force him into spilling the beans since that would probably make him shut down completely.

They sat like that for about 30 minutes before Torn finally broke the silence.

"I fucked up," He sighed and shifted so he was sitting cross-legged, "I'm sorry, I know I should've listened to you and I promised you that I would tell him but…I…I'm so sorry."

Ashelin's eyes widened, "Are you talking about Jak?" When he didn't answer Ashelin let out a frustrated sigh, "Fuck, Torn what did you do?"

"Much worse than you think." He made an effort not to look at her because he knew he wouldn't be able to speak if he saw the disappointment in her eyes, "I tried to, Ashe…that night, weeks ago, I had every intention of telling him what happened and breaking it off." He clenched his fists, "But then he said that he broke up with his girlfriend and that he wanted to…be with me and I…I just couldn't resist it."

"I knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn't have slept with him…but I just…I-" He felt his eyes water again and stopped speaking. Silence hung in the air, and Ashelin's fear of breaking it was stronger than her curiosity.

After 10 torturous minutes, Torn spoke again, "I wanted to know what it felt like…being with someone who you want and who actually wants you back. I've never had that…I thought I did once with…with Erol…but it was all a lie. With you, the love was there but the passion wasn't, and Ashe….fuck…" He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, "It felt so good. It felt right, and for once I didn't feel like a complete loser."

"I know it was wrong, but he just kept wanting to meet up. We started dating. I started living two lives, one that was a perfect lie and one that was a waking nightmare. It was like a drug. I was addicted to the love he gave me and the freedom from my emotional tar pit."

He stopped, dragging his hands across his face briefly as he steeled himself to keep from breaking down again, "But…it was still wrong. I was lying to him, and I couldn't do it anymore so I…I told him…tonight." He huffed a humorless chuckle, "I'm lucky he didn't kill me."

Ashelin finally let out the breath she was holding and muttered, "I'll say…" She sighed and paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts, "Torn…"

"Wait, that's not all…" He turned his body to face her, still avoiding eye contact, "It's…not even the reason why I'm here. Breaking up with Jak…revealing to him what I really am…it was exactly what I needed." He clasped his hands together , "Ashe…I'm ready to talk to you."

And so Torn sat there across from his greatest friend, an open book for her to read.

He told her about his parents, his childhood bullying, his grandparents and how they disrespected his mother and father at their own funeral…

He told her about joining the gang, starting his sex addiction, and how horrible he was to his brothers…

He told her about Arippa, and how he played a part in his death.

And finally, he told her the full story of what happened with Erol. How his deceased ex played with his feelings and used him not just for sex, but to further his own career. How the corrupted guard would cheat on him constantly, then emotionally manipulate Torn into thinking it was his fault…because he couldn't satisfy Erol.

And finally, when Torn made Captain, Erol forced him to get him promoted, since the only way to really advance was to be recommended by one of the other captains. Torn was promoted because the Captains who trained him saw his leadership qualities and talent for strategizing. Torn did everything he could to convince the other Captains that Erol belonged with them…even going as far as to lie about Erol's Achievements and embellish his qualities.

As soon as Erol was promoted, he kicked Torn to the curb.

"He said…that I was 'a means to an end'…and that he wouldn't 'give up his dreams for some Icer'."

Ashelin's face scrunched up in anger, "That fucking asshole! Why didn't you report him?"

Torn shrugged, "It would've outed me for being deceitful? I did a LOT of lying and embellishing to get him in, and reporting him would've tanked me too. Besides, for as huge of an asshole as he was, Erol had a way with people."

Ashelin sighed, "True…still, that sucks balls."

"Yup." Torn leaned back against the couch, staring at his coffee mug that had long since gone cold.

"So," Ashelin downed the last sip of her coffee and set the mug down before asking, "What now? You said that you've been to therapy and it hasn't helped, so what does that leave?"

"I've been to Haven therapists before…I'm thinking of maybe a change of scenery." He finally looked at Ashelin's face, "I…I think I need to…go, Ashe. I can't do my job like this…I can't do much of anything like this."

"Well, the good news is you have a LOT of vacation days saved up. In fact, you have all your vacation days saved up…because you've never taken a vacation." Ashelin smirked playfully at him, and he tried his best to return a half-genuine smile before asking, "How long?"

"I can give you three weeks. Unfortunately, I can't give you more, but that should be enough time to at least figure some of your shit out." Ashelin gave him an empathetic look and placed a hand on his knee, "Go…do what you need to do, we'll wait for you, and I promise that when you get back you won't have to face this alone."

Torn smiled at her, for real, and leaned over, pulling her into a hug, "Thanks Ashe…I don't know what I would do without you."

"Don't thank me, because when you get back, I'm making you take over the rest of the construction details in my place."

Of course…

Torn let out a small laugh, "I deserve it."

"Yes you do." She squeezed him one more time before they broke apart, "So…you have any idea where you'll go?"

Torn stilled and sighed sadly, "Yeah…" He looked up at the ceiling with a smile, "I do.

As Torn packed his things, he felt a moment of clarity. There was no way Jak would see him right now, and frankly Torn would rather stay alive for at least a couple more hours…just until he reached his destination.

But he needed to let Jak know…

Wanted him to understand why he left…

So he sat down at his kitchen counter, pulled out a pen and paper, and started to write…

He met Ashelin at the transport and gave her one final hug before handing her the sealed envelope. When she raised a brow in confusion, he simply told her, "When he wants answers from me…give him this." She nodded and hugged him once more before letting him step past her onto the transport.

"G'night Teari."

"Night boys! Be safe out there, I don't wanna find ya passed out in the snow again."

Tear waved at his last two regulars before he was left alone in the big empty tavern. He sighed in relief as he slumped down into one of the stools. "Ugh, I swear, I'm still feelin' the effects of the holiday rush." He thumped his head against the bar counter and groaned in exhaustion, "I forgot how busy Ephirya gets for the bars heh."

"That's because we've never celebrated Ephirya in this Tavern." Krysa, the waitress/maid chuckled lightly as she swept up the floor, "Good thing you had enough sense to hire some extra help. Oof, I swear if we didn't have Echko durin' that week, I would've impaled you on this mop."

Tear gave a tired snort, "Not before I drowned you in the mead." He heard a hard knocking on the front door and groaned in defeat, "Whyyyyyyy?! Why did I not invest in an open/closed sign?" He pulled himself from the counter and staggered over to the door, already preparing to put on a cheery smile as he turned away whatever drunk was outside.

He opened the door already smiling, but he froze when he saw who exactly it was on the other side.

"Hey, Cheilo." Torn gave his brother a small smile, though the cold was starting to get to him through the light jacket he wore.

Tear's face fell to a neutral expression before it scrunched up into one of pure joy. Torn saw his twin's eyes start welling with tears, and felt his own doing the same. Damn twin telepathy.

He had barely enough time to brace himself as Tear launched his thinner body at him, wrapping arms and legs around his body and bawling against his shoulder. Torn grabbed his twin around the waist to support his body and squeezed tight.

They stayed that way until Tear finally released him and dragged him inside before they both died of hypothermia. Once inside, Tear exploded in an avalanche of questions, barely able to get them out through his sobs of happiness.

Torn just shut him up with a kiss to the cheek and pulled him against his body again, reveling in the feeling of actually holding his brother in his arms, smelling his pine needle and honey scent, and grounding himself in the warmth he felt from the real body pressing against him.

It's been years since he had done this…and the contact was almost too much to bear, but it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

He finally pulled his head back, touching their foreheads together as Tear sniffled away the last of his tears.

He gazed at his brother's sweet smile lovingly, even though his face was a mess at the moment. Tear beamed, "You're here…"

Torn smiled and nodded, "I'm home."