seriously, though, I'm not doing this cause I really , like, enjoy making people cry. If I wanted that i'd just go tell a bunch of kindergarteners santa's not real. It'd be much easier than all this writing stuff. I DO IT BECAUSE I WANT EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SPECTRUM OF GAMZEE AND TAVROS FANFICTION TO BE OUT THERE FOR PEOPLE TO READ. O_O I WILL CREATE IT ALL
The rest of the next few months passed by like a dream. Everything was simple and routine. We talked with Kanaya at school. We went out to eat on weekends. A couple times we went to movies. I brought over my Peter Pan book once I remembered I'd promised to read it to you. I curled up against you and read it to you. You glanced over at me. "You know you didn't motherfucking stammer? Only once."
I shrugged. "That's what people say when I act, too. When I forget about things around me, I don't stutter so much."
It was getting close to my play, and everyone was growing anxious. Then one day you didn't come over even though we had a movie date. I waited, wheeling back and forth around my room, tapping my fingers against the arm rests of my wheelchair. After an hour had passed I grabbed my phone and texted you. I figured you forgot. After twenty minutes with no reply, I called your phone.
"Hello?" It was Karkat, which surprised me.
"K-Karkat? Where's... where's Gamzee?" Karkat sighed.
"He's here. It's kinda complicated. One of the douchebags over here accidentally spilled Gamzee's meds all over the place and we have to jump through hurdles to get a refill this early. He hasn't been able to take it for three days and it's fucking him up."
Your voice rang out from behind him. "WHO THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL IS THAT? WHY ARE YOU ON MY MOTHERFUCKING PHONE, KARKAT. GIVE IT TOO ME. RIGHT NOW." Karkat sighed.
"I don't know if you wanna deal with his shit right now. Trust me, nothing he says right now means anything. He's just... he gets messed up without his medicine."
"I... I'll talk to him."
"Alright. Just don't feel pressured to stay on the line with him if he starts ranting."
"IS THAT MOTHERFUCKING TAVROS? GOD DAMN IT, KARKAT I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU TELL HIM ANYTHING. I'LL DO IT MY MOTHERFUCKING SELF. GIVE ME THAT PHONE. I SWEAR TO THE MESSIAHS KARKAT IF YOU DON'T-,"
"Here's your phone," Karkat said emotionlessly.
"Hello, Tavros," you said, no longer yelling. Your voice was emotionless. I swallowed and took a breath.
"Hey, Gamzee. How's it going?"
"How's it going?" You laughed. "HOWS IT MOTHERFUCKING GOING? LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW, TAVROS. WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT."
"I'm sorry... s-sorry... I just," I swallowed, "Just wanted to make... make... make sure y-you're alright."
"Oh," you said. "Yeah I'm motherfucking great. Without my meds. Faced with hating myself, hating every single MOTHERFUCKING THING THAT EXISTS. DON'T GIVE ME YOUR SHIT, TAVROS."
"I'm being honest," I said, swallowing.
"Tavros," you said. I clenched my phone tighter. "You wanna know something?"
"Wh-what... Gamzee? What?"
"You don't even know me, Tavros. Do you love me right now? DO YOU MOTHERFUCKING LOVE CRAZY GAMZEE?" There was a pause. "Of course you don't. You like the Gamzee that they sculpted for society. YOU MOTHERFUCKING SHALLOW SON OF A BITCH."
"G-G-Gamzee! I never said that! Of course I love you! I know you're a good person and-,"
"'I know you're a good person.' Do you? Do you really think I'm a good person, Tavros? GO MOTHERFUCKING DIE, TAVROS. ALL OF YOU FUCKING PEOPLE THAT PRETEND TO CARE. YOU CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I'M MOTHERFUCKING SEDATED ON MY HAPPY PILLS, RIGHT?"
"G...,"
"I used to have a lot of fun, when nobody gave a shit," you continued. "I did drugs, went where I want, did what I want. Now suddenly Karkat cares. And you. I DON'T MOTHERFUCKING NEED EITHER OF YOU BRINGING ME DOWN. GO DIE, TAVROS."
"Gamzee-"
"GO. DIE." You repeated, and hung up. I stared blankly at my phone for a moment, then hung it up. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't think you'd want me to call you back. I was scared. I didn't want to tell Mom because I didn't want her to think you were a bad person. I thought about what Karkat said about how you needed your medicine. I wondered what made you act like this but I really believed that it wasn't the real you. If something was broken in your brain, I reasoned, then if medicine fixed it, then it helped you to be Gamzee. I was a bit upset, really. I wondered if you genuinely thought I didn't care about you or that the fact that I worried about you annoyed you.
I couldn't sleep. By the time it was morning, my eyes were red and hardly able to stay open. I trudged to school. You weren't there, which worried me. I forced myself to manage through the day – though I didn't really get much done. I went to your house after school. Karkat greeted me.
"He's on his pills now. It took him a while to get them into his system and now he's just kinda fucked up. I don't know, something with his brain chemistry working itself back to normal or some shit. You can see him if you want." I nodded, and wandered into your room.
"Gamzee?" I said. You were buried in your bedsheets, staring out the window next to your bed, facing away from me. "Hey, Gamzee it's me."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Tavros," you said instantly. I sat down on the edge of your bed.
"That's okay," I said.
'But it's really not," you muttered, scooting away from me. I frowned. "See how fragile I am? Just a few days without that medicine and I break, Tavros. I don't want to break Tavros, and I don't want to hurt you when I do."
"You won't. I'll look out for you and-,"
"You can't promise that," you said through gritted teeth. I frowned, feeling worried about you. I reached out and grabbed your hand.
"I... I was gonna give you this yesterday. The play's tomorrow. I really, really, hope you come. I-I... don't know i-if I c-can do it... if you're not there." I placed the small blue ticket in your hand.
"I dunno, Tav, I...,"
"I need you," I snapped, growing upset. "I... I really need you, Gamzee. Will you come?" You turned around to face me, and we locked eyes for a long while.
"Just give me one more day to get myself all up and ready. I'll be there tomorrow night. I promise."