Stay and Be My Anchor

xXx

And honestly, I have been begging for answers

That you and only you can give to me

A voice crying loud

I've been crying for days now

And as I start to run, I stop to breathe

XxX

The next morning I awoke, but with another smile gracing my once saddened face. I glanced over at the empty bed to my side that had once caused immense sadness. This time though I just rolled my eyes a smile on my face, as I recalled the night before. It had been perfect filled with laughing, a few movies, and a new born... Me. I was no longer going to be held back, I was going to be my own boat to lead myself on adventures. Ryan had left later on with a smile and promises to contact my mom and I sometime today. A little tingle raced across my face as I remember where he kissed me on the cheek and promised that we could get back my man. Secret was, I think I was finally ready to let go of James; if he was happy with someone who could cause me so much trouble, so be it. In honesty though I knew I needed to do something, but what I didn't know and on the inside I still questioned if this was some bizarre dream. Had I really never woken up? Is this what heaven was, no it couldn't be, hell perhaps? These thoughts hummed enthusiastically in my mind vibrating my heart till it was beating at a million miles per hour.

Realizing then that I had been lying in bed for ten minutes just smiling like a cheeky bastard, I shook my head walking out with the same smile, not bothering to change out of my blue plaid boxers and white wife-beater. As I walked out with a old Kendall type of smile, I ignored the glances at me and whispers of gossip among my friends and family whether about the attire of clothing or smile I was not sure, but both ways I didn't care I was rocking it. I walked up to the bar and sat on a stool next to Carlos. He looked over at me smirking giving me a two over and laughed punching me lightly in the shoulder. I laughed mentioning something about lifting weights which he flexed his muscles to eagerly. Mom didn't notice me until she turned around, obviously surprised I was awake before noon and even more so that I was going to eat. She smiled, glancing over at Logan who just shrugged and went back to reading, "Hey honeybun, what are you doing up so... early?" she said trying to avoid any subjects that she felt might send me back to my previous states.

I leaned in kissing her cheek and smiled, "When am I not up for some good old fashion home made breakfast." I sat back down pursing my lips hoping that no one would actually answer that, but perhaps, in a way, wished they would. I was tired of being the elephant in the room and was determined to make everybody recognize that.

Mom just smiled shaking her head slightly as she turned around and started cooking whatever it was she was preparing before. Carlos glanced over at me and squinted slightly trying to decipher whether it was an illusion of a smile on my face and as soon as he turned away it would fall back into a frown. I just held his stare a grin still planted between my cheeks and he returned it and went back to "nomming" on the food in front of him. Finally as quickly as she went back to work my mother was finished setting a plate of eggs and bacon, my favorite. I ate it savoring in the flavors I had missed, but all too soon it was gone.

I then stood walking toward the door ready to face my biggest fears that may lie waiting on the other side. Katie stopped me though and I looked at her confused as she looked at me with a single eyebrow raised in return. "I forgot to put on pants didn't I?" She pursed her lips and nodded and I trudged back into my room to change into a pair of sweat pants along with some random shirt that just happened to be clean. The day was off to a slow start, but I wasn't going to let that slow me down. I glanced at myself in a full length mirror and noted how my skinny jeans were baggy and my shirt was basically swallowing me. 'I should go for a jog' is the thought this lead to and I complied walking out the door after calling out my goodbyes.

The elevator seemed to move slower than usual and I noted this as I leaned back against the wall letting my head bob in and out of thought. Then as my fingers crawled inside my pocket I felt something that was in business card material. Then I remembered that nurse that had come into my room one day and handed me it. I decided to take use of this time and dialed the number into my phone. The voice that answered was not the one that I expected, "What's up Ken Doll!" Emily's voice sang in my ear. "I was worried about you man, thought I'd never be able to thank you for the fact that," she paused before screaming at the top of her lungs into my ear, "TIFFANY FUCKING ASKED ME OUT BITCH! BOOYAH!"

I chuckled slightly and shook my head and gave her my blessing before asking, "Wait, so that was you that day in the hospital?" I remembered that day clearly, that girl who walked in and gave me that card and told me she knew what happened. The truth, not the lies that were force fed to me by my friends and family.

She laughed nervously and audibly nodded, as I walked out of the elevator to the pool area, luckily it was basically empty besides for the few child prodigies playing and Jennifers relaxing while they tanned. "Yeah, that was me," She inhaled sucking away my calm and replacing it with uneasy excitement, "there's something I need to tell you."

I paused a second waiting for her to explain, but when I got nothing I asked, "Well what is it?" I counted the possibilities in my mind trying to keep it cool as each one I thought of caused me to hyperventilate a little more.

"My name is, well, my full name is, Emilia Isabella," she paused and I could literally hear her gears turning as she decided whether or not to share her last name with me, "De Rosa." I paused and felt as if the oxygen once in the cavities of my lungs now sprinted out to see which could suffocate me fastest.

"You, your related to it." I sneered the last word sounding harsher than I meant to which was obviously received as so from the other side as Raven almost hissed in agitation in return.

"Yes I am related to it," she sneered back in a voice almost a whisper, "but I know who he is even if my parents won't believe it. Trust me. Whatever you have been through, I have gone through worse." Before I could protest she continued, "Imagine that day, but every day of your life from the age of six until you finally turned eighteen." I cringed and felt the shivers racing up my spine for reasons I still didn't know.

"I want to help, but in order to do so you have to trust me." She mumbled into her phone which echoed from a voice behind me. I turned around and saw Emily standing there nodding at me with a slight smirk on her face as if she already knew what I was going to say.

"Fine, at least I know you aren't going to touch me." I said attempting a joke which obviously worked as she laughed back with a bright smile. She reached out that hand with the blue tattoo star and shook my own.

"By the way," she whispered into my ear as she was turning away, "James isn't as bad as you think, he is the victim here too. Trust me, I swear to the god that may or may not exist in my books that you shouldn't give up on him. Even if it appears he gave up on you." With out waiting for my plethora of questions she turned and began her way back to the cover of the Palm Woods.

I shook my head slightly and began to laugh at the way lives were so intertwined in my life. You know when they say, every person in the world is connected by seven people or less, maybe they are right. The world seems so big, but when you look in this town of Los Angeles you realize it really is so small.

I decided now was as good as ever to start my jog and stood, quickly walking past the pool, for once obeying the "Don't run" big red words on the signs all over. I hated whoever was clumsy enough to actually get hurt and was stupid enough as well to sue; not only causing drama for everyone, but making it impossible to travel quickly by the pool without being harassed by lifeguards.

I was almost out the front gates of the Palm Woods when a voice started shouting behind me. "Hey wait up!" I turned around and saw James waving his arms. I slowed down, not because of him, but because I was curious and Emily's words echoed in my mind. "Hey," He smiled slightly along with his eyes in relief, "I just thought maybe we could catch up?" 'Yeah I've been in the hospital, dying, what about you?" my mind replied and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying no, but I did and tried to keep an open mind, nodding.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked and again I nodded again, no duh he could join me, I wouldn't of nodded had he not been allowed. I felt my self ridiculing him in irritation; when you hate someone all the flaws you once brushed off become apparent and that was obvious, as we picked up pace together.

We ran for silence for what seemed like ages before stopping simultaneously stopping right in front of the old pizza parlor we all used to go to when we first moved here. I started walking forward and James followed me in as I opened the glass door stamped with the embarrassing name of, "Pizza Pizzas." I smiled as I let our server seat us in the back near the arcade. Which made chuckle slightly as it was Carlos's favorite spot since it was near the arcade and James's because it was near the bathroom where the mirrors were located. Thinking back we are a very stereotypical, almost as if we were walking fools. We had the "Face", the "Cool one", the "Smart one", and the "Fearless Leader". How un true each turned out to be. The "Face" now looked like hell, the "Cool one" was losing his cool, the "Smart one" letting his studies fall, and the "Fearless Leader" the worst of them all, he was falling apart. I was determined to fix this; I owed it to my friends, I owed it to my family, but most of all I owed it to myself.

I jumped in surprise as a drink was set in front of me and I whispered a quick thank you to the waitress before glancing up at James with a curious expression. "You still like Mountain Dew right?" I nodded almost blushing at the fact he remembered that, but quickly shaking myself out of it.

I sipped in silence for a little bit thinking of what to say when a child jumping up and down in the arcade yelling "I WON MOMMY!" I laughed and looked over at James, "Remember that time Carlos," he was already laughing and joined in with me, "almost broke the machine 'cause it wasn't giving him his tickets?" We both started to laugh and I smiled at him genuinely this time.

He chuckled slightly and nodded, "Yeah, but really you just hid the tickets from him," he paused a flashback obviously lingering around the corners of his eyes, "We had to pay for the game and Gustavo was so mad."

"I can't believe you remembered that." I whispered as I circled the straw in my drink with my fingers. That was at least three years ago and had almost slipped my mind as well, but still he remembered.

"I remember everything about you." He whispered and a tear rolled gently out of his hazel eyes. It confused me, how could he care about me after abandoning me in my greatest time of need.

I shook my head away from the though and smiled, "Yeah, same, I remember stuff about you too."

"Ready to order?" The hefty ginger waitress asked with a forced smile, obviously having worked too many long hours. Everything was in Italian so I shrugged pointing at a picture and she looked at me as if I was dumb, but sighed and wrote down my order like the good little waitress she was.

We began to talk about everything as if we were meeting again for the first time and slowly my walls melted like ice under hazel eyes of sun. When the pizza came I was no longer hungry and realized I had filled my hole in my stomach with breadsticks and James's words.

"Hey," he whispered, "you wanna?" I nodded instantly reading his mind and we stood leaving ten dollars on the table, grabbing the pizza, already boxed, and heading back out the door reversely stamped from before.

Just as we stepped out it began to rain and James sighed, "Great, my hair." I chuckled enjoying the fact that all of the James I had come to love hadn't disappeared. I looked over by the door and noticed a single umbrella propped against the wall. Being mischievous I grabbed it from whoever it belonged to, though secretly hoping it was the stupid waitress's. I opened it and held my arm up allowing James to duck under with me as we sideways crawled to the bus stop a few feet over.

When under the protection I sighed with relief sitting down on the bench covered by glass. James sat next to me and I put my head on his shoulder and inhaled that Cuda scent I had missed so much. "Listen Kendall," he whispered, standing, pulling me up with him, "I have something I want to tell you." I nodded and he leaned in close his breath dancing up and down my cheek in excitement.

"Yeah?" I whispered feeling his eyelashes planting a million butterfly kisses on my forehead.

"I love you," he smiled and pressed his forehead against mine, "not as a friend, or a brother, but as a-" he leaned in more his breath now going directly into my own, a sense of euphoria rushing over me. Just as he was about to kiss me, I hope he was anyways or else I would of kissed him, his phone rang. He cursed under his breath and answered it, "I'm so sorry, yeah I'll be right there, don't freak out." panic struck his eyes and he began to shake in front of me. He hung up then, another tear rolling down his face. "I gotta go sorry." and he ran into the rain, ignoring his hair, and leaving me with a soggy pizza and soggy dreams.

I realized then I was being held back, for if I was a boat then James was my anchor and that was just fucking great. So, I picked up my phone and dialed the number I had earlier that day and gathered my confidence to use the first words that came out, "Tell me everything."

A/N: Hehe I'm on time barely... Barely being like 11:44 PM hehe. Thanks to ImprecantesStellam, Seliiia, Kendallsgirl12, and Fangirlish for reviews and everyone else for the alerts and faves etc. I hope you had a great holiday and have many more to come. Keep in mind there are few things free in life and a review is one of those. So share the love and review :D