Disclaimer: I don't own SVU. Things would be quite different if I did.

A/N: Well this was definitely a looooong prolonged update but I will be uploading a second chapter tomorrow or shall we say later today since it is already some ridiculous time in the wee morning hours. Anyway, love me or hate me, this is it and this may explain why some of you are hating Olivia right now but trust me, she has reason. Btw, I did not read this through entirely so if there are a few proofreading mistakes I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE!

Chapter Ten

Olivia hung up the phone with Elliot and quickly dialed Ben's number. She wasn't sure why Elliot had reacted so oddly but she definitely knew something was up with him. Weren't friends supposed to be happy for friends? She had been happy for Elliot when he had gotten back with Kathy for the first time. Okay, so that wasn't entirely true but she still had feelings for Elliot back then before that night…

"Five years? Are you fucking kidding me?" Olivia yelled in outrage as she and Elliot made their way back into the squad room. They had just come back from the hearing of a rape case that Olivia had gotten very attached to and with good reason. The victim was a young 21 year old woman who had been totally taken advantage of by her professor who had raped her several times. The girl was absolutely traumatized and the rapist seemed like a monster during the interrogation and he was. As far as Olivia was concerned, he deserved life.

"Liv, there's nothing we can do. It's done and I agree with you but you gotta let this go," Elliot tried in a calm tone. She merely shook her head and ran her hands through her short shoulder length hair.

"Yeah, I know. It's just, I got too attached that's all. Sorry," she apologized. He flashed her that familiar half-smile and rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about it. Hey, what do you say we go grab a drink to cool down?" he suggested. Olivia nodded.

"That sounds like a great idea," she replied and followed her partner out of the precinct.

Five hours later and nearly five shots later, Olivia and Elliot were trashed but thankfully a small fraction of their conscious minds still remained. Elliot had decided to leave his car where it was and crash at Olivia's, knowing full well what an idiotic idea it would be to drive home in his state.

Sometime later, they burst into Olivia's apartment laughing like adolescents about nothing in particular. Elliot toppled over and almost pushed Olivia over but she caught him instead. The laughing stopped for a mere second and a glance was passed between them. Before Olivia had a chance to think Elliot's tongue was in her mouth. She pushed him away lightly.

"Elliot, what are we doing?" she asked drunkenly. "You're married." Elliot smirked and continued kissing her passionately. He then pulled off his ring and threw across the room and chuckled devilishly.

"Not anymore," he nearly shrieked. Olivia laughed forgetting about the situation for a moment but as soon as he starting kissing her again, she remembered.

"El, I think this is a bad idea. We're drunk and I-I…" she trailed off. Elliot paused and looked at her mischeviously.

"You what?" he asked. She sighed.

"I'm out of excuses," she told him and with that Elliot hoisted her up into his arms and carried her to the bedroom and continued to act out one of his most prized fantasies only it wasn't a fantasy anymore.

Olivia sighed as she brought herself back to the present. The morning after, Elliot was gone before she even opened her eyes. She had almost forgotten what had happened the night before but when she looked around at the sheets and her naked self, she knew exactly what had happened.

The next day when she showed up at work, that was what had hurt the most.

"Hey El," she greeted him with ease the next day. He looked up and smiled then went back to his work. She nodded to herself then sat down at her desk and started working on her case files.

"Hey, Liv, uh, about the other night. What do you say we just forget about, put it behind us you know?" he asked. Olivia looked up at him, making sure to stay composed. He looked so nervous but that wasn't what bothered her the most; it was the guilt. It was written all over his face and that just killed her. She smiled, trying her best to make it look legitimate.

"Yeah, of course. Um, what night?" she played along. He sighed a sigh of relief to himself.

"Thanks," he told her before returning to his work. She nodded and got up from her desk.

"I'll be right back," she told him. He nodded but didn't even lift his eyes from the paper. She walked off and hurried to the ladies room, making sure that no one else was in there then locking it behind her. She sat on the toilet lid and cried. Her tears where like a never ending waterfall and no matter how hard she tried to stop them, they just kept coming.

And that was why she left. No matter how much Olivia cared for Elliot, all she could think of was that night and how ashamed he was and how ashamed he would be when he found out a child was the result of that night. She couldn't bear being the burden just like she couldn't bear it with her own mother and she refused to bear it with her partner.

Olivia looked down at the ringing cell phone and smiled as she read the caller ID. It was Ben. That felt right; he felt right. It felt good to be called upon by someone that wanted you not because they felt guilty but because they wanted nothing more than to feel your presence every minute of every day and that's how Olivia felt with Ben. That's how she had felt since day one and though their relationship had some complications with what it entailed, it was wholesome, based upon the sole reason relationships should be based upon. Wanting each other.

"Hi honey," she answered lovingly. And just like that, she forgot why she had even began to think about the night that changed her life. He had that affect on her and she decided it was a good thing. Dwelling on the past had been an issue for most of her life and for whatever crazy reason, Ben had helped to cure her of that and she appreciated it more than he would ever know. Maybe Elliot would never figure things out and maybe he would always be the one person who seems to have it all together but under the surface is nothing but an angry volcano awaiting to erupt. She didn't know and for the first time in her life, she wasn't worrying about it because this time he was strictly her partner not the man she was hopelessly in love with that would never love her back the same way.