A/N so now we've reached what's my favorite chapter. It was really hard to write, and I actually cried while writing it (then again I've heard Landslide like a thousand times, and I still cry every time so...!) but it's by far the best chapter in my opinion. :3
R&R please!
Oh yeah, right! There was another thing. For those of you who ship Brittana, I'm writing another story, about the 'untold Brittana', the subtext story throughout the series. So, if you want, it's called "I Gave It All So Easily". - just a little commercial!
Chapter 10: A House Is Not a Home
The returned to the Berry residence at half past eight, and unfortunately for Mr. Berries, Beth was immediately put to bed, in Rachel's old room. Quinn and Rachel had coffee with LeRoy and Hiram. LeRoy kept questioning Rachel about NYADA, while Hiram had engaged himself and Quinn in a conversation about Yale. LeRoy's sister Annabelle had attended Yale as well, though she had studied law.
Rachel slept in the spare room, while Quinn slept on a bunk bed in Rachel's old room, where Beth also slept; but Rachel wasn't sleeping. She lay awake, her thoughts twirling around in her mind. This room was not hers, and she hated sleeping here. She longed to see her room, see her old trophies and lie in her own bed. After about an hour, she finally got up and dragged her feet out of the room. The hallway was dark and silent. She knew her way here, she'd passed through this hallway so often. Slowly she cracked open the door and snuck inside her room. She tip-toed across the room to her bathroom. Suddenly she stopped, like a deer caught in the headlights. A pair of hazel eyes stared at her through the darkness. Rachel put a finger to her lip and smiled lightly.
"Can't sleep" she whispered as silently as possible. She heard a giggle beneath Quinn's breath. With a smile, she wiggled to lie on one side of the bed. Gently she padded the empty side and smiled reassuringly.
With a nervous smile sat down on the edge of the bed to lie beside Quinn. The smell of her own room filled her nostrils and poured through her lungs. Her body visibly relaxed, though her heart raced. Quinn tugged the sheet around Rachel's body and turned on her side, looking into the wall.
"Goodnight" Quinn mumbled sweetly. Rachel smiled and let her body fall into the mattress.
Quinn awoke the next morning after having finally fallen asleep. The calm breath of Rachel's had had the opposite effect on Quinn. Her heart had raced as she felt Rachel squirm in her sleep. Terrified of falling asleep she had lain awake and stared into the wall, her cheeks flushed. Suddenly she had felt Rachel's body curl into her own, and a hand had snuck between Quinn's arm and side and rested around her stomach. Quinn had felt her body instinctively relax into Rachel's. The nervousness had disappeared with the feel of Rachel's warm breath on her shoulder as she snuck closer. When the beaming sunlight peaked through the window and licked against Quinn's firmly shut eyelids. She felt the wall against her back and a hand around her waist, along with a leg between her own two. She also felt a warm body beneath her own arm and a slow pulse above her fingers which rested beneath Rachel's neck. Rachel still slept; she could feel that, from the slow pulse. Carefully she retracted her arms and moved Rachel's various body-parts from her own. Rachel suddenly squirmed and groaned. Quinn froze and held her breath as Rachel rolled onto her back and started breathing louder, though still asleep. Quinn crabbed her way out of the bed and looked up to ensure that Beth still slept. But she wasn't there at all.
Quinn's first instinct was panic. It took no more than a few seconds to calm herself. Beth had probably just woken early and had walked into the living-room to watch TV. But still... Beth had lost her mother less than a month ago, and they'd been so caught up in everything else, that Beth hadn't had the opportunity to grieve at the loss of her mother. Quinn looked once more at the sleeping brunette before walking out into the hallway. Here she almost fell over a tiny body that sat on the floor opposite the door. She was crying silently into her knees. Her blond fairy-like hair was tangled and she body shook.
A silent tear ran down Quinn's cheek at the sight of the miserable girl. She sat down beside her and curled her arm around her. Beth gasped and started sobbing harder. She held her eyes shut, blinking once every few seconds to let the tears fall. Quinn didn't say anything, nor did she seek further closeness. She just listened to her sobs, as she subbed soothing circles on Beth's back. She didn't want to force anything. After about five minutes Beth finally calmed down to a state where she could open her eyes. She looked up at Quinn and tugged at her shirt eyes pleading for a hug. Quinn opened her arms and let Beth crawl into her lap and cling her arms around her neck a renewed shower of sobs rising from her throat as Quinn closed her arms around the tiny body. Beth sobbed into Quinn's collarbone and soaked the shirt with tears. Quinn kept rubbing the tiny girl's back in an attempt to calm her down. Thankfully the house stayed silent until Beth had stopped sobbing.
"You miss her, don't you?" Quinn asked. Beth nodded and let a tear trickle down her cheek. Quinn wiped it away with her thumb.
"I j-just feel... So much" she stammered. "It-it's so confu-fusing… I don't know w-what to f-f-feel… I miss her, and I-I'm so sad… but I a-also love you a-and I love R-r-rachel… And I love Blaine, and Kurt and Brittany, And Santana and… and… I don't think I'm supposed to y-yet…" she stammered her way through her explanation, while her body shook with confusing.
"It's not wrong. I'm sorry I'm confusing you so much. It's just that I want to show you a way of living, that isn't bound by your grief. I should've talked to you about your mom, and I know that you want me to be your mother, but I can't ever replace her. I can be another mother, though. And Rachel loves you so much. So does the others. You are a wonderful person, and you have this weird ability to enchant all that you meet. That's what's confusing you. You're used to having one person who loves you, and now suddenly you have so many. And you feel like you're not allowed to love anyone. But it's okay. It's your love that'll save you. It's loving people that makes life great. Just look at Santana. I mean, she was possibly the meanest girl I've ever met; but she was angry and she was depressed, because she suppressed her love. You know, she hid it. And it made her life miserable; but Brittany helped her. Santana loved one person, and that person was Brittany, and she helped Santana to feel the love she'd suppressed, and she got to feel what having friends and loving people means. It's never too late or too early."
Beth looked up at her mom with tear-filled eyes. "But Brittany left…" she said in a confused tone.
"No she didn't. And Brittany isn't the point. The point is that you find someone who loves you, and that you let them; and that you find someone who you love, and that you tell them that." Quinn said and smiled at her.
Beth looked puzzled, then considerate. "I love you. Do you love me?" she asked and looked at Quinn with hopeful eyes.
"Yes, I love you more than anything in this world." Quinn said. "And I won't leave you. At some point I will, but not until you're old enough to understand and accept it" Beth looked at her mom.
"Thank you" she whispered and hugged Quinn tightly.
"How about we get us some breakfast" Quinn asked, holding on to Beth as she stood up.
"One more thing, mom" Beth said with a small voice.
"Anything" Quinn said nuzzling her nose to Beth's cheek.
"Where's my home?" Beth asked.
"Well, where do you want it to be?"
"I don't know… Here? In Lima. With you" She said after a pause.
"I think we could do that" Quinn said with a chuckle. "What do you like about Lima?"
"I don't know. It feels like home" Beth said.
"Yeah it does" Quinn said smiling at her daughter.
When they got downstairs they found LeRoy in the kitchen, making pancakes. He glanced at them and smiled. With a swift movement he had stacked three pancakes on a plate, covered them with butter, syrup and a mint-leaf. He handed it to Beth who flashed a smile at him.
A very ruffled mane of brown hair suddenly emerged in the door-way with a sleepy yawn followed by a slight groan at the sharp sunlight. "Did you make me any?" Rachel asked, rolling her hands through her ruffled hair to gain consciousness.
"You seem chipper this morning." LeRoy joked.
"Shut it, I've never been this tired before! I know I'm usually a morning person, but damn, I'm so tired! I couldn't fall asleep…"
"Sure you did. I heard you snore" Quinn teased.
"Were you that loud?" LeRoy asked puzzled.
"No, I gave up sleeping in the guest room and bunked with Quinn…" she said with a slight flush.
"O-kay" said LeRoy and let his eyes scan his room for something to distract himself. Luckily his husband just appeared.
Hiram laid his hands on Rachel's shoulders and shook her torso slightly in a playful manner.
"Dad, stop it. I'm not awake…" Rachel complained.
"Oh sorry, have you disbanded your morning person personality?" Hiram chuckled.
"No, I'm just tired" Rachel said.
"Well, anyway breakfast is ready" LeRoy said to stop the building conflict.
"Yum!" Beth said; her face sticky with syrup and her mouth full of pancake. Rachel laughed as Quinn sat Beth down on a chair.