Powerless: Chapter Nine

Magnus pressed his long elegant fingers to his eyes not knowing when night had faded into morning yet it had. The haze over the East River swirled with hues of pink, purple and a faint touch of gold as the sun began burning off the mist that covered the surrounding city. He took a deep cleansing breath in a vain attempt to clear the cobwebs from his head. He was exhausted but much to his dismay no closer to finding something to help Clary, however, Magnus knew it was locked within the pages of one of these many books.

As he reached forward to gather his notes, Chairman Meow sprang from out of nowhere landing squarely before Magnus purring loudly before promptly positioning himself in the center of the book Magnus had been studying. "I know, I know too many people," he said stroking the large cat's pearl gray fur. "It can't be helped." Chairman Meow let out a soft sound of protest before spreading his body across several of the open books in front of Magnus.

Scratching gently behind his ears, Magnus offered a bit of attention the cat so desired knowing that if he didn't there would be no chance of him getting anything else accomplished. Chairman Meow could make quite a nuisance of himself when he chose too. "Okay now, shoo, I have work to do," he said patting the cat just above the tail.

Seemingly satisfied the large gray cat stood up, stretched once more before pushing off with his back feet jumping down from the table to land silently on the floor. It was that dismount that caused a small weather worn notebook to fall to the floor on the other side of Magus. It made little if any noise as is landed with a muffled thump on the thick Persian rug.

Magnus leaned over picking it up. The corners of the brown leather were worn bare from years of use and the binding was tattered at the ends. Magnus looked at the undersized notebook and immediately thought of his mother as the book had been hers. It had been years perhaps decades since he had allowed his mind wander to the woman who had given birth to him. That time in his life had been a painful one, one he chose not to dwell on yet now holding his mother's journal in his hand the memories all came flooding back as if someone had mistakenly opened a dam letting its contents pound the surrounding earth.

Cautiously he turned the pages not only because of how fragile the thin and deteriorating ancient papers between the bindings were but for himself as well. For him the words written on those pages were like a festering wound that refused to heal. How odd that thought was Magnus reflected – a wound that wouldn't heal isn't that exactly what Clary had been experiencing? No matter what was done to make it go away it was still there lurking just below the surface ready to strike at any moment.

Scanning the pages of his mother's graceful script doing what he could not to get lost in his own cutting memories one passage caused his eyes to stop dead. Magnus read and reread the words a small smile picked at the corners of his lips.

"I FOUND IT! I HAVE IT!" Magnus' voice thundered throughout the room startling those that were in various stages of sleep.

Alec and Isabelle were the first to lift their heads rubbing the sleep from the corners of their eyes. "What?" Alec questioned rolling his neck trying to alleviate the crick that had formed in it from falling asleep on a stack of ancient books.

"I found it! I found what can help Clary!" Magnus' eyes suddenly darted to the other side of the room where she still lay sleeping with Jace's head resting next to her still frame.

"Really? You really found it?" Isabelle was now wide awake and had joined the conversation.

"Yes," he said holding the small notebook up in the air.

"That's wonderful," Isabelle let out a heavy sigh.

"Thank God," Alec added his own stare resting on Jace and Clary. He knew that his parabatai wouldn't be able to take much more. "So what's next? What do we do?"

"I go to Indonesia." Magnus answered.

"Indonesia?" Alec and Isabelle parroted in unison.

"Yes."

"Why there?" Isabelle questioned.

"I can't really go into all the details but that is where I will find what I need to cure Clary."

"I'll go with you," Alec said. He knew Indonesia was the place of Magnus' birth and that it held more than a few bad memories for his lover. He didn't want him to go there alone.

"We'll both go," Isabelle chimed in.

"We don't have much time," Magnus stressed. "If I allow either of you to come with me you have to do as I tell you no matter what you might think of it. Am I making myself clear?" He wasn't sure about taking Alec or Isabelle with him but part of him found comfort in not going back to his childhood lands no matter how much time had gone by alone. "Can you do that?"

"We aren't Jace," Isabelle said.

Magnus let out a slight laugh at her comment. "True," he agreed. "Then you can join me."

"When do we leave?" Alec asked.

"As soon as we wake Jace and tell him what is happening."

"Tell me what?" Jace's voice came from behind the group.

"Magnus has found Clary's cure!" Isabelle's voice rang with enthusiasm. "We're going to Indonesia."

Jace's mind reached out for the words that Isabelle had just thrown at him. His head was still full of sleep and didn't dare believe what he had heard. "Magnus?" he turned giving the Warlock a questioning glance.

"It's true," he confirmed. "I have found what I need to take care of Clary. And yes Indonesia is where I will find it."

Adrenaline surged through Jace's veins sending him into overdrive as his nerves were suddenly on high alert. "Let's go! What are we waiting for?" he said hurrying back to the chaise lounge about ready to scoop Clary into his arms.

"Jace, stop," Magnus laid his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "There is no need to wake Clary."

"What? Why not? She needs to…."

Magnus realized what Jace was thinking and stopped him before he was able to finish his spoken thought. "We aren't taking her."

"What? I don't understand." Jace's animation all of the sudden vanished replaced with the look of defeat that had clouded his face for weeks now.

"Look at her Jace. Do you really think she's strong enough to portal to Indonesia? I can get what I need and bring it back to her." Jace ran his hand across her cheek again taking notice of her fragile state. "Trying to take her with me would be a mistake, Jace."

"When will you leave?" he asked no longer forcing the issue of Clary going as well. Looking down at Clary he knew Magnus was right. He couldn't let his need for an instant fix put her in any more jeopardy.

"As soon as I create the portal." Jace nodded. "Do you two have what you need?" Magnus asked his traveling companions.

"Yes," they answered.

The portal closed the moment Magnus and the others stepped through it leaving Jace in silence and alone with his thoughts. Doing what he could not to get his hopes up when it came to the cure Magnus had found. He had been down this road before and it had never ended in the spot he had wanted. In fact it might as well have placed him on the opposite side of the world from it.

He felt Clary stir beside him. He held his breath and waited for what would happen next. It seemed like that's all he had been doing lately watching and waiting – things that were foreign to him. "Clary," he whispered while taking her hand. He felt its warmth and tried to convince himself that the heat was merely due to the blanket that shrouded her body.

"Hmmm," she murmured.

"Clary," he said again. "Can you open your eyes for me?"

She knew the voice that spoke to her yet it sounded distant. She wanted to obey, to do what it was asking yet her lids remained tightly shut. The pull of sleep held a firm grip on her. "Clary," the voice prodded again. "Please, please love open your eyes." The sudden desperation in the voice had Clary wanting to comply.

Focusing all of her energy she peeled her lids open squinting against the bright light of day that stung her weary eyes compelling them to close once more. "Clary, Clary please stay with me," the familiar voice pressed.

"Jace?" she murmured still fighting with her unwilling lids.

"Yes, I'm right here," his voice sounded anxious.

"Where am I?" she asked as the room came more into focus.

"Magnus Bane's."

"What?" she said surprise clouding her tone.

"Simon brought you here last night. Apparently you passed out and he was unable to wake you."

Those words brought the memories springing back, the bruises, the dizziness all of it came crashing in around her. Immediately she hid her arms under the blanket trying to disguise what she knew was there, what she didn't want Jace to see.

"It's okay," he said pulling back the crushed velvet cover. "I know about the bruises. I know that I caused at least one of them."

Clary felt her heart break seeing the angst display across his features. She studied his face the shadows under his golden eyes were deeply set and the lines of continual worry were etched across his brow. She hated to cause him so much agony. "It's not your fault," she whispered reaching up to touch his cheek immediately he melted into her palm. "I'm so sorry," she said softly as she righted her body into a sitting position. The piercing pain that shot through her head caused her to wince yet she did what she could to hide its effects but the dizzying result that it produced was far more difficult to conceal.

The knot in his stomach tightened as he watched her struggling to cover up what she was experiencing. He hated that she felt the need to hide from him. What had he done to make her think that she had to do that?

"Clary, please relax," he instructed her in the calmest voice he could muster. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You're sick." The words nearly caught in his throat. "I am the one who should be sorry. Sorry for making you feel like you couldn't trust me enough to tell me how badly you were feeling." Jace was sure that Magnus would have frowned on this line of conversation yet he needed her to understand, to know that no matter what he was there for her.

"Help me sit up, please," she stressed when Jace's expression showed more than a little concern.

"Are you sure?"

"Please," she said again.

Gently reaching under her arms he pulled her upright settling her against the arm of the chaise lounge. He pulled back and found himself again in the watch and wait mode. "Can I get you anything?"

"I do trust you Jace, trust you with my life," she announced ignoring his question. "I just hate to see you like this, so worried, so unlike yourself. That's my fault. I'm the cause of these lines around your eyes," her fingers followed their deep set outline at the corners of his lashes. "The reason you haven't slept in weeks…."

"So you thought you could keep me in the dark and that would be better somehow?" he questioned.

"I thought," she paused unsure what to say next, "I thought….honestly I don't know what I thought. I just knew that if I told you I was fine and you believed me that things would go back to being okay."

"But you aren't fine and you haven't been and things most definitely aren't okay."

"I know," she agreed finally letting her head drop forward.

"Clary?" the panic inched into his voice as he reached for her.

"See that's what I'm talking about. The way your voice just sounded and how you touched me like you thought I might break. You shouldn't…"

"I shouldn't what, care about you, worry about you, love you," he added in a whisper.

"You said it yourself you were taught 'to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed' I'm, this is destroying you Jace!" she gasped her breathing uneven as she turned away from him and began to weep.

"Clary, look at me," he said gently bringing her eyes up to meet his. "Valentine, he was wrong! Love doesn't destroy, without it, well yes then maybe." Jace thought about the man he had once believed to be his father and Sebastian, his true son, and yes neither of them knew what it meant to give love or to be loved and indeed that had destroyed them both. "Love, it heals Clary. You healed me in ways that I didn't even realize I had been broken. I love you. Please, don't push me away. We're better together than apart."

"Jace, I'm scared," she finally admitted her hand shaking as she reached for his. At first she had been able to push aside what had been happening to her. She could come up with one reason or another for how she felt but the symptoms were increasingly getting worse and more difficult to hide

"I am too." That was the first time he had let himself ever say those words aloud. "But Magnus, he Alec and Isabelle should be back anytime now and he's going to make you well. You have to promise me though no matter what happens you won't try hiding anything from me anymore. No matter how you think I might react I want, need to know what's going on."

"I promise," she consented, "But what if what he finds this time doesn't work any better than the last time?"

"It will work," Jace said pulling her close against his chest. It has to work, he thought as he kissed the top of her head. It has to work.