A/N I know I said I wanted 20 reviews and i'm really disappointed I didn't get them, but this story needs finishing even if it's only for my peace of mind. There's probably another chapter or two left so I will complete it. I'm starting another long term project that is an original story rather than a fanfic but I hope to still find time to continue writing some more fics. Please Review. Thanks LMP
A cold hand swept across my forehead waking me from my uneasy sleep. My eyes opened instinctively and gazed at the face before me. He was perfect just like he had been in my dream, his beauty overwhelmed me and I had to remind myself to breathe. His face was contorted with worry that I couldn't comprehend right now in this blissful state how could anything be wrong?
"Bella, you were mumbling in your sleep you sounded very upset." His words were soft and soothing but implored for an answer. Oh yes, and then I remembered Zak's hurt face and began to imagine Jacob's expression when I told him of my choice and in his own words left him with a hole. Today was going to be bad. I sighed grudgingly when I realised Edward also wanted to talk with me, would I lose him too? "Bella." Edward's voice was almost a growl and I smiled at his impatience.
"Give the human time to think." I relaxed snuggling myself into his lap, we were still on the way back from Alaska but I guessed we weren't far from home. He glared out the window and I followed his gaze my weak eyes seeing nothing. I looked at him pointedly.
"Jacob has been shadowing for the last 50 miles." My heart lurched, a surge of grief swam through me. I had to do this now while I still could. Jacob needed to know that I wasn't his responsibility anymore, he had to let go.
"Stop the car." Jasper turned towards me concern etched on his face. I wondered what he had thought of my fluctuating emotions and then decided almost immediately that I honestly didn't care. Alice touched his arm slightly and he slowed pulling in at the next available space. Jacob was standing in human form beside the car as soon as it stopped. Fury rippling through him.
"For the next few minutes Bella has disappeared, I'm guessing you need to talk to the wolf." Alice spoke softly, almost completely hiding her disgust. Edward latched on to my arm in a firm grip obviously trying to convey that I was going nowhere. Alice touched his arm slightly.
"She will come back to you. Let her go." I smiled at her glad that she was begging so that I didn't have to. I wonder how much she had guessed, how she knew how important this conversation was. "We will go for a drive we'll be back for you in precisely ten minutes, make sure whatever you have to say has been said." I nodded, my smile fading as anxiety welled up inside me. Jasper kept his eyes on me as I went to step out from the car. Jacob held the door open with one hand the other outstretched towards me. His nose was wrinkled. Edward kept his hand around my right wrist, one look from me however made him let go. Calm surrounded me suddenly and I silently thanked Jasper and made a promise to do so out loud in the future. Jacob slammed the car door shut behind me and it speeded away, before Edward could change his mind. Jacob just stood staring at me his hands shaking with rage, his eyes soft but glazed over, showing no emotion. He was the cold Jacob I hated not my sun. I hoped that would make it easier.
"I'm taking you home Bella." His voice was strong and he frowned stubbornly. He took a step towards me but I backed away.
"I don't think you'll want to when I've said my piece." His frown deepened but he didn't advance just waited. I took a deep breath and began not knowing quite what I was going to say until I said it.
"I love Edward Cullen I always have and always will. Whether I love you or not Jacob is irrelevant and finding out would only make things harder for both of us. Nothing can overshadow Edward's love believe me." I grimaced remembering Zak before continuing. "I will always love you as a friend and whether you are there for me in that respect is your decision, but I am asking, no begging you to let me go and lead the life I want." I kept my voice very businesslike with no inflection. I had to go cold turkey. Cut Jacob out of my life before I hurt him more. My heart felt like it was being wrenched from me, breaking into a million pieces. His expression hadn't altered. His hand reached out to me then fell back to his side. He took half a step towards me and then faltered. "I'm sorry." I whispered emotion finally breaking through my facade.
"Bella." His voice twisted my name with pain and emotion, his eyes finally looked into mine. He searched them for what felt like a lifetime, before finding something there and taking another step towards me. He was right in front of me now, he put one arm around me restricting my movements. Then I knew what he was going to do why he'd need a hold on me to keep me from moving away. He tilted my chin towards his face and kissed me softly. I didn't respond just stood there frozen in shock. Then he kissed me more passionately a hand running through my hair, I tried to push him away and felt his warm body under my hands. Something clicked something changed and I knew Zak was right. I loved Jacob, but it still wasn't enough. It took me a few seconds to recognise that I was kissing him back and a few more to comprehend that I was enjoying it. Then abruptly he pulled away, leaving me not wanting more but filled with new possibilities. A whole life that could be mine, Jacob as a lover, living on the Res, Charlie's proud face, being part of a pack. I shook my head to clear away the images that I'd already decided to live without. "Now you know." Tears streaked down my face.
"It's still not enough." I whispered willing my heart to contradict me but it couldn't, I would forever be Edwards however much not being Jacob's hurt it wasn't anything compared to the agony of losing Edward. Jacob nodded managing a warped smile that faded almost as soon as it spread across his face.
"Just be safe Bella, I'll be waiting in the wings." Then he was gone I couldn't see him anywhere and as much as I yearned to call for him I knew I mustn't. I sank down on to the cold ground and waited for Edward to return. I longed for his embrace; it was the only thing that would truly take away all this pain. Images of Jacob and Zak replayed in my mind, conversations their parting kisses. My sobs became heavier my whole body heaving with the effort. Then it hit me Edward could leave me now. He had every right to I loved someone else two other people in fact, one was his mortal enemy and the other a great friend. Oh my god what if I was left with no one. My cries became banshee like and I prayed no one could hear me. I heard the car pull up beside me, but I didn't raise my gaze. Edward's arms ensnared me and pulled me into the car it began to speed away immediately.
"What has he done to her?" Edward growled anger in his words. I kept my eyes shut still quietly weeping. "Jasper stop trying to calm me." I wanted to complain, I needed the tranquillity but I couldn't bring myself to speak. Abruptly Edward's tone change, his voice no longer angry but confused, "Alice what was that, what did you just see?" He demanded.
"You need to talk to her." Alice whispered. Edward started to speak again but I cut him off saving Alice from more questions, and saving myself from the agony.
"Kiss me Edward." Nothing happened, just silence. "Kiss me." My voice broke. Then his hands were smoothing away the tears, his lips stopping the sobs from escaping. Nobody spoke as me an Edward continued our embrace, my tears came to a halt and my breathing returned to normal, well as normal as it can be when Edward's kissing me. Eventually he pulled away.
"Sleep my Bella. Everything feels better after sleep." I went to protest but he started to hum my lullaby, I couldn't refuse its melody. My eyes closed of their own accord and slowly I drifted off. I truly hoped he was right because it felt like things would never get better.