Thanks for reading guys! Please continue!
It had been two hours since Rachel turned off her bedroom light, yet she still lay awake starring into the darkness, thinking about what had happened earlier that day.
She had found out she was pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. She thought to herself for the millionth time that night. She placed her hand gently over her stomach and looked down at her hand. She sighed out confused.
Everything had happened so fast that day the entire thing felt like a blur, yet it continued to go incredibly slow. How that was possible, Rachel had no idea, but she lay there thinking about everything that had been crammed into her head during those mere twenty-four hours.
One: I'm pregnant
Two: I don't know who the baby's biological father is, therefore, the rapist
Three: I won't be able to keep my baby
Four: I have to tell my dads about . . . this
Five: I lied to my parents about this upcoming weekend
Six: I have to figure something out for this weekend . . .I have no idea where to go
Seven: Mr. Schue is a great guy
Rachel made a list in her head and sighed out at the overwhelming ness of it all. How am I going to live for nine months with a baby inside me? I can't do this. Rachel thought panicky. I'm only sixteen, I can't do this.
And then give birth? Rachel winced at the thought of it. She had seen births in movies, heard the screams of the mother, the crying. She was not looking forward to that. Her stomach lurched at the thought and she became incredibly nervous. No. This is too much. It's too much. Rachel thought again. How am I going to be able to do this? She sighed out in an attempt to alleviate some of the stress but it didn't really work.
Everyone at school is going to find out. Rachel thought to herself in such a pained manner as the thought really occurred to her in full for the first time. People are going to know. I can't just hide this. People will see eventually. It's going to be so embarrassing. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to have to go to school pregnant. I'll have a big fat belly walking down the hallways. Rachel's breathing quickened. People are going to find out that I'm pregnant. What am I going to say? Make up a lie? Tell the truth. But then I have to live it all over again. The attack. Him.
And what about when people ask about him?Rachel thought to herself. Pretty much the first question that will be asked after it is revealed that she is pregnant is going to be 'whose the father?" She knew it. It was obvious. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh I was raped'. Rachel sighed out again. That'll just be even more embarrassing. She thought to herself. People will know that I am pregnant, and they'll also know that I was raped. Great. Rachel thought to herself. This is great. She thought sarcastically.
And about him . . . who is he? Rachel asked herself. She wanted to know so badly who it was that had raped her. Who it was that had gotten her pregnant. Who it was, whether she like it or not, she shared her baby with. It could be anyone. She thought to herself, and that's what scared her.
It could be anyone.She thought again, this time with more concern. What if I know him? She thought panicky. What if I've talked to him? Rachel closed her eyes at this thought. What if it was someone I've always thought was nice? Someone I thought was a good person? Rachel sighed out again. Going to school on Monday would be fun. She could tell now that she would be completely distracted. She would stare at every boy passing her by wondering 'is it him? Or maybe him? Or him? Or him?'
All of a sudden she felt overwhelmed. Like all over again she was unsafe. Her attacker could be right beside her and she wouldn't even know it. She wasn't safe around anyone, as far as she knew.
And the baby . . . she wouldn't be able to keep it. After nine months of carrying him or her around, caring for him or her, loving him or her, I won't even be able to keep him or her. I'll have to give them up. Rachel thought sadly. All of this for what? For nothing. She thought again.
She had never been particularly well at being able to let go of something. She had always had attachment issues. To stuffed animals, to pieces of clothing that she would keep year after year even thought they no longer fit her. How was it going to be with her own child. Her own baby? She didn't want to think about that now because she already knew it was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done.
And then she thought about her dads. I have to tell them. She thought to herself. And she almost did earlier that day, but then she simply couldn't. I was so close. She told herself. Mr. Schue was here and he was encouraging me. Telling me it was alright, and that it was the right thing to do. But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. But how am I going to tell them? Rachel thought to herself. What am I going to say, 'Oh by the way dads I was raped and am pregnant with my attacker's child?' I don't know what to do. Rachel thought to herself.
But the sooner I tell them the easier it will be. Rachel tried to convince herself. The longer I wait, the harder it will be. The more reluctant I will be. I better just get it over with. But how? Rachel sighed loudly.
And now I've gotten into a whole new mess. This weekend? What was I thinking? An overnight trip? That means I can't stay here this weekend. Nice going Rachel. She thought to herself as she overcame the urge to slap herself in the head.
And then she reasoned to herself with the real reason she had come up with the story. It was actually a pretty good way of securing money without having to reveal to her dads why she needed it just yet she tried to convince herself.
The sonogram. The doctor had told her to come back for a sonogram, and Rachel wanted to go. Already she could feel the attachment to her baby. She wouldn't be able to learn of the baby's sex just yet, but nonetheless she would be able to see her baby, and she was excited for that part.
It cost about three hundred dollars without the insurance, and because Rachel didn't want her father's to know about the baby just yet, she didn't want to use the insurance for fear that they might find out.
So she had secured the three hundred dollars. She was going to get the sonogram. That answered that question, but not the other. The sonogram would only take a little while on one of the days. She had told her dads it was a weekend trip. What am I going to do all weekend? Where am I going to go?
Rachel sighed again. If I show up at one of my friends houses- Mercedes, Tina, Quinn, they'll wonder why I'm asking to sleep over, and I just don't feel ready to tell anyone just yet.
I could stay in a motel. Rachel thought sadly. I have some money saved up and it'll probably be enough for a cheap motel room for two nights. She really didn't want to be alone though, and the thought of being alone for two days and nights was not pleasing to her at all. Even if she didn't want to admit it to herself, she was still a little scarred that she would wake up with him there. Her attacker. Being around people gave her a sense of security. It made her feel more comfortable. She sighed out again. What am I going to do?
She thought quickly about Mr. Schue. Anything you need Rach, I'm here. She recalled her teacher's words that he had spoken numerous times the past few days. No. She thought to herself quickly. No. He's already done way too much for me. Way too much. I can't ask him to provide a place for me to stay this weekend as well. That's taking advantage of him, and he's too nice of a guy to say 'no'.
He is a really nice guy. Amazing. Rachel thought to herself. He's incredible. He's always looking out for everyone else. Always making sure that everyone around him is okay. He's so generous. So chivalrous. He's such a gentleman. He's the nicest person I've ever met and gives so much to others without expecting anything in return. She sighed again.
And now I've dragged him into this big whole mess. Great. He doesn't deserve this. He shouldn't have to listen to all my problems, deal with all my issues. Try to comfort me, make me feel better. That's not his job. No. And as much as I may consider him my friend, he's my teacher. My teacher. And I'm completely manipulating him. I'm using him. He deserves better than that. Way better.
He's the best guy I've ever met. He actually cares about people. Tries to solve everyones problems. He's gentle and kind and loving and caring and protective and trusting and thoughtful and comforting. Rachel listed in her head. He's overall amazing. She thought to herself- and not in any type of school girl crush way. She didn't have those kinds of feelings for him anymore. He was just a friend and that's all she wanted. And he was a great friend. A wonderful person.
Rachel rubbed her tired eyes with her fingers and closed her eyes again. She tried to go to sleep, but knew she wouldn't be able to. So many thought were going through her brain. Baby- rapist- can't keep the baby- tell the truth- fake field trip – sonogram - where am I going to stay this weekend? - Mr. Schue – baby – rapist – can't keep the baby - tell the truth - fake field trip –sonogram - where am I going to stay this weekend? - Mr. Schue – baby – rapist - tell the truth – fake field trip . . .
She couldn't stop thinking about all of it. Nonetheless she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She sighed out again. This is going to be a long night of thinking. She thought to herself.
Thanks for reading guys! I thought that since I did a chapter from Will's perspective I should do one from Rachel's as well. Sorry that this chapter is kind of short, I'll try to make the next ones longer. Thanks again! Please tell me what you think!