All right, folks, this is the point where things start moving on the Twilight front… events should start looking pretty familiar from here on out. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.
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Chapter 9
March 2005
"He's really not coming, is he?" Emmett's disheartened voice questioned. The whole family, plus Peter and Charlotte, had gathered at the Rainier field—the whole family with the notable exception of Edward.
Edward had been noticeably absent for the last several days keeping a constant watch on Bella Swan. I knew that his excuse of Peter and Charlotte being in town was just that, an excuse, but it irritated me just the same.
Peter and Charlotte, though they hunted in the usual way, had far too much respect for our family to do anything to put us in danger. They most certainly never hunted in the area in which we lived. Edward, though, thought as much of Peter's self-control as he did mine. In other words, not at all.
Alice glanced sideways at me before she answered Emmett in a regretful voice, "No, Em. I'm sorry."
Emmett shook his head. "I don't get it. I even left him a note, and he's still not coming."
Alice shrugged, "He got the note, but…"
"How is watching a human sleep more interesting than football?" Emmett asked, incredulous.
"Don't look at me." I held my hands up. I had my own suspicions about Edward's mental stability at the moment, but I wasn't going to air them with Peter and Charlotte present. Some things were better left within the family.
"It's just as well that he's not, babe." Rosalie laid a hand on his arm, "the teams are even without him anyway."
"I know, but still…" Emmett's voice trailed off.
Rose attempted to squelch a burst of frustration. I assumed it was directed towards Edward's absence and the way it was affecting Emmett. I doubted that for herself she cared if Edward was here or not.
"Come on, Em" I clapped him heartily on the back. "Let's play some ball." I sent a subtle wave of enthusiasm his way. "You know you're about to get whooped, right?"
"That's what you think." He shoved at my shoulder, grinning now. "Just try not to cry in front of your guests when I pound you into the dirt."
Peter tossed me the ball he and Carlisle had been passing back and forth between them.
"Give it your best shot." I challenged with a grin as I chucked the ball into Emmett's hands. Not another word was said about Edward's nonattendance as the game progressed.
I noticed with some surprise how quickly Peter and I fell back into an easily familiarity as we played together on the same team. Peter had always been able to anticipate my maneuvers on the battlefield, and it appeared that this was much the same. In terms of years together, Peter and I had a history that spanned a longer time period than anyone else on the field. Despite the years that we'd been apart, we could still almost predict each other's movements.
The score stayed close throughout the game as each of us gave it everything we had. All of us enjoyed the chance to let go of the restraints we used in our everyday lives and truly push ourselves to our limits. The effort was invigorating. I reveled in the energizing effects of each person's intensity in the game, using it to push me to compete harder.
Though the competition was almost palpable to me, it wasn't the only aspect of this that I enjoyed. I basked, too, in the lighthearted pleasure each person was experiencing.
It was pure fun.
During one possession, Peter looked hurriedly down the field as Rosalie barreled towards him. He passed the ball in my direction, but while it was still in the air, Emmett hurtled into my side knocking me into the dirt so hard that our bodies left a huge furrow in the soft ground
"Pass interference!" Alice yelled as Emmett and I hopped back onto our feet, brushing some of the mud clods from our clothes. "Esme call him on it!"
"She's right, Emmett." Esme shrugged apologetically, "The ball was still in the air when you hit him."
"Mom!" Emmett's jaw dropped, "you're not refereeing this time; you're on my team! You're not supposed to call me for a foul."
"But Emmett, that was cheating. Winning isn't as much fun if it's not done fairly."
Emmett looked at Esme like her shoulders had suddenly sprouted a second head. I laughed, and Alice stuck her tongue out at him, decidedly smug that Esme had taken her side.
With much half-hearted grumbling from Emmett, the game recommenced. When the game finally ended towards dawn, my team had won by one score. The good-natured ribbing that had gone on throughout the game continued as we returned to the house, each of us to our various entertainments.
Towards the latter part of the afternoon, Peter rose from his seat reaching for Charlotte's hand. "If we're going to make it to Seattle by nightfall, we should be moving on." He extended his hand to Carlisle who shook his proffered hand warmly. "Thank you again for your hospitality."
"Yes, thank you." Charlotte echoed sincerely. She turned to Esme, "You're always so kind in opening your home to us. We do appreciate it."
"You're quite welcome." Esme laid a hand on Charlotte's shoulder. "Our doors are always open."
Just then, Edward entered through the kitchen door and breezed through the house, nodding curtly to Peter and Charlotte. He didn't say a word, just headed straight for the family room. Sounds from the piano filled the room just seconds later. The music, like Edward's emotions, had a distinct undertone of impatience.
I noticed the look Peter and Charlotte exchanged and felt their confusion at Edward's odd behavior. I didn't even acknowledge Edward in my thoughts, however. His behavior was getting old very quickly.
"We'll see you out." I said as Alice stood. After they had completed their goodbyes, Alice and I filed out the front door after them. We walked with them into the edge of the woods, making small talk about their immediate plans, shaking off the awkwardness Edward's abrupt appearance had brought.
"Well, Char, I guess we should probably get going," Peter said after a few moments. "After all, it is a school night for some people." He smirked. My high school status provided no end of amusement to my once-subordinate.
"Go ahead, laugh it up." I shrugged, fully expecting his teasing to continue.
"It would be embarrassing to me if you had to bring a truancy note home to your parents because we caused you to miss too much school... Major." Alice and Charlotte made poor attempts to hide their smiles as he continued. "And I would hate to be a bad influence on you. High school is such an impressionable time for kids, you know."
"Peter, keep in mind, I may not be your commanding officer anymore, but I can still kick your tail back to Texas. Keep on if you don't believe me." I crossed my arms over my chest with a mock glare.
"And I sure would hate to have to answer to Dr. Cullen for contributing to the delinquency of his underage son." Peter continued despite the warning, the smirk on his face practically begging for me to knock it off.
"You know what, you asked for this." I jumped him, both of us laughing as we hit the dirt. "You just don't know when to quit." I saw Alice and Charlotte exchange a tolerantly amused glance as we play-wrestled in the dirt.
"Peter," Charlotte warned, amusement still lingering in her eyes, "do not make me have to wash those clothes again. You'll find yourself becoming reacquainted with the doghouse if I do."
I noticed a decidedly mischievous glint in Alice's eyes as she grinned, "Why wash them when it's so much more fun to replace them?
Uh-oh. I recognized that look.
I quickly abandoned my tussle with Peter and launched myself at Alice. She squealed as I wound my arms around her, imprisoning her, but she didn't try to get away.
"Peter, if you have any intentions of making out of the state sometime this year, you might want to grab your wife and run before this little monster gets loose. When she gets that look, she's more than liable to kidnap Charlotte and hold her hostage at the nearest shopping establishment."
"Hey!" Alice elbowed me in the side—as much as she could with her arms pinned. "Don't be silly, Jasper; I'd never do that. The Port Angeles mall is nothing to brag about. Paris, on the other hand, is lovely in the springtime." Her eyes sparked with wicked amusement.
"Hmmm…" Charlotte grinned, joining in on Alice's game, "I've never been to Paris before. That might be fun."
"Well, folks, it's been great, but we've got to get moving." Peter grabbed hold of Charlotte's arm and tugged her towards the woods. I laughed out loud at his feigned panic.
"Another time." Charlotte winked at Alice.
With a squeeze, I released Alice and watched as she went to embrace Charlotte, expressing her wishes for their safe travel.
Peter hugged her next. "Keep him out of trouble, huh?" He smirked and nodded towards me.
Alice's tinkling laugh answered, "I do my best. But you know how he is." The smile she directed at me was equal parts affectionate and teasing.
"She's probably the only one who can." I was only half-kidding. I took Alice's place, embracing my one-time brother, pounding him warmly on the back. "Don't be a stranger. You know you're always welcome."
"We'll be in touch." Peter promised.
"Take care." Charlotte took Peter's hand and together they ran into the forest, heading towards Seattle.
Alice stepped back, leaning into my chest and lifting my arms to wrap them back around her as we watched them disappear. They turned around, and with a final wave they were gone.
I stooped down, enveloping Alice further into my embrace, resting my cheek against hers. I couldn't help but recall the first time I had parted from Peter and Charlotte… alone and searching… aching and empty. Charlotte had known even before I had what I was looking for. Peace and forgiveness.
I held all that and more in my arms right now.
After a moment, I felt a vague edge of disquiet creeping into Alice's emotions, distracting me from my own contented thoughts.
"What are you thinking?" I whispered, brushing my lips against the lobe of her ear.
Alice didn't say anything at first, just held my arms more securely around her, like she was trying to hold me in place. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she seemed to search for words. "Do you ever think about if it might be… easier… to live like Peter and Charlotte?"
"What do you mean?" I turned her so that she was facing me, needing to see into her eyes – hoping they would provide some insight to her strange question.
"You fight so hard," She cupped my face in her tiny hand, her eyes brimming with love and concern. "So hard, and you never really get a break. I guess I wonder if seeing Peter and Charlotte so content makes you question our way of life… if it would be less of a struggle for you to live like they do."
It shouldn't be possible for my heart to hold anymore love for Alice; she already occupied it completely. Impossibly though, my heart swelled again at her selfless concern for my wellbeing.
I bent to press a kiss to her forehead. "You forget, I've already been there, darlin. I tried it that way. That lifestyle is no less of a fight for me, not having to live with the depression that goes along with it. You saw, Alice; you saw what it did to me. I have no desire to put myself through that again.
At least this way, I feel like I'm actually fighting for something worthwhile – like I'm actually fighting for the right thing. Difficult as it is, at least at the end of the day, I can live with myself."
Alice buried her head into my chest for a moment. I felt the swelling of her relief and the wave of her love washing through every cell of my being before her head tilted back to look at me. "I love you." She whispered fervently.
"I know." I leaned my forehead against hers. "That's the only reason why I'm still alive. If it wasn't for that, I'd have given up a long time ago."
"Jasper?" Alice's hands tightened on my arms and a longing filled her voice. "Let's go upstairs? Please."
"You don't have to ask me twice." I took her hand in mine and kissed her knuckles, leading the way to our room.
We loved each other through the evening hours, glorying in the completion we had in each other and the joy we received from simply being together. Our lovemaking was a myriad of tender, unhurried caresses, languid, slow kisses, and whispered words of love.
Afterwards, we lay together wrapped up in a cozy tangle of arms and legs. Alice's head rested in the curve where my neck joined my shoulder, her hair softly tickling my cheek where it rested against her head.
Without warning, a gasp fell from Alice's lips, jarring me from my tranquility. She leapt from the bed, a stream of uncharacteristic curses falling from her lips in seven different languages. She hurriedly wrapped herself in my button-down shirt that had been abandoned on the floor and lunged for her phone.
"Alice?" I was worried by the tenor of her emotions at the moment and by her abrupt departure. I stood from the bed and stepped into my pants before kneeling down in front of her.
"He's not answering." Alice's voice was panicked as she held the phone to her ear.
"Who? Edward?" She nodded hurriedly. "Is he in danger?" She shook her head. "Bella?" Her face contorted with fear and she nodded again.
Alice swore again when the automated voice message picked up. She reared back her hand to hurl the phone across the room, but I grabbed it before it could leave her grasp. Esme wouldn't appreciate the resulting hole in the wall.
With her head held in her hands, I felt Alice's body tense as she fought to see what was happening.
"Is there anything we can do?" I questioned rubbing my hands up and down her arms.
"No. I think—" Some of the tension slowly began draining out of her muscles. "Yes, he's on his way. He'll get to her in time." Alice groaned and released the breath she'd been holding in a sigh. "That was too close."
I tugged on her hand and led her back to the bed. She snuggled against my chest again, still wrapped in my shirt which dwarfed her small frame. "What happened?"
"Edward followed Bella to Port Angeles this evening. She was cornered in an alley by a group of thugs."
"But Edward got to her in time?"
She nodded, "With no help from me though. I can't believe I didn't see that sooner." Alice's self-reproach was evident in every word.
"No one expects you to see everything, darlin. You're not infallible, let alone omniscient." She just grunted in response.
This was, unfortunately, one of the down sides to Alice's gift; she felt such a weight of responsibility for the wellbeing of the ones she loved. That was a burden I wished she didn't have to carry.
Nothing more was said for a time as we sat with our thoughts.
I was a little startled to realize that it was already nearing our anniversary—one of them anyway. In just over three weeks, on April 3, it would be fifty-three years since the day Alice found me at the diner in Philadelphia. Fifty-three years since the day my life truly began.
I smiled at the memory of my first sight of her, the love and the joy that had radiated from her tiny being, warming me for the first time in almost a century. Even through my subsequent stubbornness and idiocy, her presence had brought the light back into my life.
Now the question was what to get her as an anniversary gift. Certainly not clothes. I almost chuckled at the thought. That would be a redundant gift as Alice could stock a shopping mall of her own with what she had in our closet (if one could still call that monstrosity a closet.) And I had long ago conceded that the workings of her mind where fashion was concerned was entirely beyond my limited understanding.
She had more jewelry than she could wear, and honestly, in keeping with our charade of being high school students trying to blend in, there was only so much she could prudently wear out in public.
The noises filtering into our room from our family members gave me an idea – privacy. It had been some time since Alice and I had taken a trip on our own. Alice had mentioned Paris earlier, and I knew she would enjoy that excursion. Or perhaps the chalet in Switzerland; the remote mountain location would certainly be easier for me to enjoy.
"Who said you had to choose just one?" A smug voice piped up from my side. "A week or two in Paris followed by a couple of weeks in the Alps. We can both be happy."
"Alice!" I shook my head. I should know by now not to try to surprise her… yet another disadvantage to having a prescient wife. "You could at least have the decency to try not to look." I tweaked her nose.
"You know better." Her bright, teasing smile indicated that she had finally stopped flogging herself for her earlier oversight. "What fun would that be?" She pecked me on the lips and rose to get dressed.
I followed her into the massive closet after a moment and took the clothes she held out.
"You know, Alice, one of these days, somehow someway, I'm going to surprise you." I teased as she slipped into her shoes.
Two delicate hands brushed mine out of the way and finished off the last three buttons of my shirt. She tugged gently on the collar to bring my face down to her level. She feathered her lips over mine, and caught my lower lip between both of hers, nibbling softly, teasingly.
"Don't hold your breath, soldier." She taunted in a breathy voice against my lips before she spun around and flitted towards the door.
"Tease." I swatted her behind before she could escape. Her trilling laugh carried through the hall as she skipped down the stairs.
"Love you!" She called back up to me.
"You'd better." I mumbled under my breath, fighting a smile, knowing full well she could hear me. I took a moment to set our room back to rights and then followed Alice downstairs.
Emmett was sprawled on the couch with the television blaring when I went down. Rosalie was occupied at the computer desk, and I heard Esme and Carlisle's voices in quiet conversation from Carlisle's study upstairs. I plopped down on the rug in front of the couch settling in to watch the basketball game with Emmett.
Not much later, I heard the sounds of Edward's Volvo coming down the driveway and stopping in front of the house. I couldn't help but overhear his conversation with Alice who had been waiting on the porch steps for him. From the tenor of their emotions and the disjointed flow of the exchange, I got the feeling that once again Alice knew something about Edward's situation that she was hiding from the rest of us.
I was, however, relieved to hear him reassure her about her earlier oversight. I had felt the shame that enveloped her again, and I could easily picture the way her slender shoulders would stoop under her unnecessary guilt.
"Don't be." I heard Edward's voice comfort her. "I know you can't catch everything; no one expects you to be omniscient, Alice." I was grateful that the words seemed to cheer her. And grateful, too, that he hadn't made her feel worse about the lapse in her vision. Had he done so, I would have made quite certain that he regretted it.
A moment later, Edward came inside, heading up to Carlisle's study, looking like a man on a mission. I heard the two of them planning to return to Port Angeles and find the man who had cornered Bella in the alley this evening—a serial rapist and a murderer wanted in several different states.
Edward and Carlisle left for Port Angeles without delay. Alice came back inside after the Volvo had sped back down the road in the same direction that Edward had just come from. Emmett and I both looked up when she walked in the door.
"Judging by the smile on your face I'm assuming they won't have any difficulties with their little task." I remarked as she settled on the floor beside me.
"Nope. It'll be easy." She grinned up at me.
CNN was the first to break the news of Alonzo Wallace's capture that morning. I could feel Edward's relief as he realized that the man was finally behind bars where he could no longer be a danger to innocents walking along the streets.
Edward stayed just long enough to watch the coverage and then left again to return to Bella's. The rest of us took Rose's car to school that morning.
At lunch, Edward sat with Bella again. Their quiet conversation joined the continual buzzing of all the other voices that we tuned out until one question of Bella's caught our attention quite effectively.
"What would you do if someone dared you to eat food?" Bella whispered to Edward.
Rosalie's eyes grew wide at the same time mine did. I caught her incredulous gaze, which I was sure matched mine. We both turned to Alice for answers.
Alice shifted in her seat, not looking at either of us, the water bottle on her tray apparently fascinating all of a sudden.
With our ears now attuned to their conversation, it was exceedingly obvious that Bella knew more than was good for her… the question now was just how much did she know.
"Alice," Rosalie's voice, though quiet, was sharp enough to splinter ice. "is there something the rest of us should know?"
Alice looked up to meet our eyes, clearly uncomfortable. Admittedly, it should have been Edward's place to tell us, but he obviously wasn't going to. I recalled earlier that morning when I had grown suspicious that they were hiding something; it appeared now that my suspicions were correct.
Alice gnawed on her lip, stalling.
"Alice," Her reluctance to tell was worrying me.
"She knows." Alice whispered, eyes downcast.
"How much?" Dread made my stomach sink.
"Everything."
With a wry, disbelieving chuckle, I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. "Great. This is just great."
"He told her?" Rosalie hissed through her teeth.
"He didn't have to." Alice was growing defensive. "She guessed."
"And he didn't try to persuade her otherwise?" I demanded.
"Think, Jasper. She would have had to find out eventually."
I swallowed hard, trying to get my anger under control—which only became more difficult as the lunch hour continued and Edward conversed so nonchalantly with Bella about our hunting preferences.
Edward was playing with fire, and as they said, someone was bound to get burned. Even as vampires, we were far from immune from the flames… in fact, they were the one thing that could destroy us.
My mood went on a downward spiral from there. All afternoon, I noticed the humans I passed in the hallways giving me an even wider berth than normal, their instincts for self-preservation unconsciously coming into play.
Emmett took Rosalie hunting after school in attempt to distract her from her anger towards Edward and to give her an outlet for her frustration. Alice attempted to reason me out of my black humor after they'd gone.
"Rose is going to give him hell enough for everyone. It'd be nice if he didn't have to get it from you too." Her arms were crossed over her chest.
"I don't like this, Alice. It's dangerous for us that she knows, and you and Edward don't seem to grasp that."
"I know it's a risk--"
"A risk?" I laughed humorlessly, "There are seven necks on the line if anyone finds out that a human knows about us. That's one hefty risk there, Alice."
"What do you want me to do, Jasper? This is out of my hands; it was meant to be. He loves her."
I didn't respond. I didn't know what I wanted or even what I had expected. And I didn't like the fact that Alice and I were arguing about this. I hated arguing with her—hated the tight, uneasy feeling that wrapped around my chest when we did.
Alice's forehead creased with her frown. She sighed, "I can see you're going to like this even less." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, gnawing on it before she spoke, "I'm going hunting with Edward tomorrow after the lunch hour. He's taking Bella on an outing Saturday, and he needs all the help he can get beforehand."
"And his going off with her by himself seems like a good idea to you?" I scoffed, not able to fathom how he could justify that. The image of his face the first day he had seen Bella Swan came to mind now in vivid detail, the bloodlust in his eyes causing my throat to burn even in remembrance.
"Jasper, you're being unreasonable." Alice's voice was grave. "You already knew that something like this had to happen. I don't understand why you're so upset by it."
"And if he kills her… do you not see how the entire family is going to come under suspicion. People will become suspicious, Alice, if she just disappears. Their relationship isn't exactly low-profile with the people in town anymore."
Alice raised her chin, becoming defiant. "He won't hurt her."
I lifted one eyebrow. Her words said one thing, but her emotions housed a sliver of doubt— enough to make me worry.
"He won't." She insisted again, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to convince herself as much as me.
That next afternoon, Alice's emotions were a turmoil of excitement and an almost fearful anticipation. She pushed herself away from the table as the hour came to an end, reaching to squeeze my hand under the table before she stood. I flipped my hand over and grasped hers before she could let go. I couldn't let her go while there was still any tension between us.
I cupped her cheek with my other hand and kissed her softly on her forehead. "Be safe, darlin."
"I will." She smiled lovingly, our disagreement set aside just that quickly. "I'll see you tonight."
She almost danced to the table where Edward was sitting with Bella. I had to smile at the way her body fairly vibrated as she was finally able to speak to Bella. She'd been waiting months for just this moment. Guilt worked through me as I realized how much my cynicism had been detracting from her excitement recently.
It wasn't just Edward that loved Bella, it was Alice as well, and I'd been spoiling that for her.
The sounds that originated down the hall from Emmett and Rosalie's room that evening were nothing new, and usually nothing that I would pay any mind to. Right now though, I was in no mood to deal with their noise or the raging desire they emitted.
Normally I would be able to tune them out without much difficulty. The lack of privacy was one of the prices to pay living in a family of mated vampires, but for now it was highly irritating.
Abandoning the pretense of trying to read, I tossed my neglected book onto the foot of the bed. I opened the window and dropped the distance to the ground, gladly fleeing the house. Esme's scent caught my attention as I jogged into the cover of the trees. I followed it to the river where I found her sitting propped against a tree with her sketchbook in her lap. She looked up and smiled in welcome at my approach.
"So, they drove you out too?" I teased with a half-smile.
"Not at all. It was just too lovely an evening to spend indoors." Her eyes twinkled as she patted the ground beside her for me to sit.
"Uh-huh." I snorted, plopping down on my side at her feet.
"Don't be a smart alec." Esme tapped my head with her book, grinning.
"Me?" I quirked one eyebrow. "Never." I chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "What are you working on?"
Esme handed me her book. I flipped through the last several pages… all pictures of a very homey looking interior. It was much smaller than what she usually designed, not quite as lavish as our usual homes. Flipping to the page showing the outside, I noticed there seemed to be something familiar about the quaint little house.
"Is that the cottage down the path?"
Esme nodded, "What do you think of it?"
"It's lovely. But then again, I'm quite certain you could make a cardboard box habitable." I half-teased. "What's it for?"
Esme's eyes had taken on a faraway appearance. "I'm just dreaming for the moment. Maybe someday..." her voice trailed off. There was a strange wistfulness to her words that I didn't quite understand.
We fell into a comfortable silence as I left Esme to her thoughts and let my own mind wander. Even without words, Esme was a very easy person for me to be around. Her pleasant demeanor was relaxing—comforting, especially after the way I'd been berating myself this afternoon.
I wondered how Alice and Edward's hunt was going. I hoped Alice was enjoying herself; I knew that she had missed Edward's company as distracted as he had been with Bella lately. Even when he had been present with us in body, it had been obvious that his mind was still with her.
I knew that Alice was nearly beside herself that Edward had apparently moved past his aversion to allowing Bella in his life. I had almost thought for a moment there that she was going to wiggle right out of her skin when she had finally spoken to Bella for the first time. The thought made me smile.
I wondered, though, about Edward's plans to spend the next day with Bella… alone. I didn't see how that could possibly be a good idea. Not yet. Leaving him alone with her posed far too much temptation, even as controlled as he normally was. He had finally met the one human being that could decimate his considerable self-control.
I hadn't realized that my forehead had creased with the weight of my concerns until I felt the gentle tap of Esme's forefinger on my temple bringing me out of my contemplation.
"What's going on in here?" Esme's quiet voice inquired. "I can almost see those wheels turning in your head. What are you thinking?"
"Do you think we're being naïve?" I asked. I didn't even have to be more specific in my question. Esme knew exactly what I meant – her immediate concern was proof of that.
"I don't know." Her voice was barely audible. "I hope not."
"You didn't see him that first day, Esme. I've never, in all the years I've known Edward, seen him like that." I almost shuddered remembering the violence of the bloodlust I'd felt rushing from him that day. "He ran, Esme. Edward never runs. I've never seen him that affected by a human before."
"Carlisle said much the same thing." Esme's voice was barely a whisper.
"And yet we're going to stand by and let him take this same human girl into the woods, miles away from anyone or anything else and think it's a good idea?"
Esme shrugged though her worry was palpable in the air around me. "All we can do is trust him—to trust them both. Bella knows what he is; she knows about his instinctive reaction to her, and she agreed to go."
"Sounds like someone with a death wish to me." I muttered.
"You don't know that." Esme's voice was gentle. "Alice seems quite certain that everything will turn out all right, doesn't she? I would have thought you'd be the last one to doubt her." One corner of her mouth twisted in a half-smile.
"Alice is only as certain as Edward is. And they both still have significant doubts, even though neither one would say anything about them."
Esme ran a comforting hand through my hair as she contemplated. "As I said, this is between Edward and Bella. We simply have to trust that they're both… responsible… enough to handle whatever might arise."
"I suppose."
"I want him to be happy, Jasper. That's all I've ever wanted for each one of you, and Bella seems to be the one to do that for him. I have to believe that somehow things will work out for them if that's what they want."
I nodded. Despite my misgivings, I too wanted this strange, unprecedented situation to work out favorably for my brother. I just didn't quite see how it could.
Nothing more was said on the subject for the rest of the evening. Esme returned to the house to wait for Carlisle when his shift at the hospital was over. I stayed where I was, opting to give the two sets of couples privacy.
I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes. I was far enough into the woods not to hear anything besides the rushing of the river and the sounds of the night. I relished the unusual quiet, letting the tranquility seep into my bones, releasing all the doubts and fears that had been plaguing me. Alice was right—this was out of my hands. My worrying wasn't going to do anyone any good, let alone impact the situation one way or another.
Towards dawn, I heard the soft padding of a single pair of footsteps approaching me. The gentle breeze carried Alice's familiar sunshine and lilac scent to me. I smiled and turned my head toward her.
"Enjoy your hunt?" I slid my eyes open as she came nearer. Alice smiled a little at the accent that was so much more prominent than usual in my relaxation.
"Umhmm." She murmured, kneeling down and draping herself comfortably on my chest. "Missed you though." She pressed a soft kiss on my neck and another on my jaw. I cupped her jaw in my hand and briefly captured her lips with mine. I'd missed her too.
"You looked so peaceful out here, I just had to come join you." She settled her head back into my chest, right over my heart, sighing contentedly.
"I'm sorry about earlier." I whispered, stroking her back.
"Don't be." She nuzzled her face against me. "You were concerned, not trying to be difficult; that's not something you have to apologize for."
"Still…"
Her lips cut off my words as they softly caressed mine. She trailed a line of kisses to my jaw and back. She smiled against my mouth. "Your over protectiveness is one of the things I love about you, believe it or not."
I chuckled, "Guess that's a good thing."
Her eyes, sparkling with love, put away the last of my remorse. I wrapped my arms tighter around her, running the fingers of my left hand through the silky strands of her hair, settling back into my peaceful lull—the closest I could ever come to sleep.
We stayed in our tranquil bubble all through the morning. Towards the afternoon, Alice finally stirred and, albeit somewhat reluctantly, admitted that we should probably return to the house.
We found the rest of the family assembled in the living room. The television was on, but it didn't appear that anyone was paying much attention to the images on the screen. I felt a certain level of anxiety from all four of them, and for good reason. This day had the potential to go dreadfully wrong if Edward let down his guard for even a moment.
As public as their relationship had become, I didn't see how Edward wouldn't be implicated if something happened to Bella. And if that happened, the whole family would get sucked in as well. But what would be even worse than that, I shuddered to think what torture Edward would endure if he lost control of himself and hurt her. I honestly didn't know if he could live with himself if he did.
Alice gestured for me to take the chair and settled into my lap after I sat. I recalled the peacefulness that had enveloped me during the night and let that feeling of serenity flow to the others in the room. No one said anything, but I saw tension drain out of all four of them.
I was keenly aware of Alice's attention flickering in and out of her visions as the afternoon passed. Several times I felt her tense, but just when I would begin to worry, she would relax once again. Finally towards dusk, I felt a feeling of relief and jubilation pass through her tiny frame. Her lips pulled into a wide smile against my chest.
Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose turned to see the joy lighting her face. Not a word needed to be said. Relief that had nothing to do with me flowed through every person in the room.
Edward and Bella had passed this monumental test. If this day had passed without mishap then perhaps there really was hope for them after all.
It was very early that morning when Edward came home, long before the sun even starting peeking over the horizon. I was struck by the force of his emotions as soon as he walked in the door—or perhaps floated would be a better word. In all the years I'd known him, I'd never felt this kind of emotional high from him before.
His euphoric joy seemed to shine from his face as he bypassed us all, flying up the stairs. He came down only a moment later in fresh clothes, his expression unaltered.
I noticed Alice gnawing on her lip, growing nervous about whatever was about to transpire.
"I take it you had a nice day yesterday." Esme was thrilling in Edward's obvious happiness.
"Yes, it was lovely." Edward bent to kiss her cheek. "I was thinking, if you wouldn't mind, that I'd like to bring Bella here this afternoon so you could all meet her."
"You know I don't mind. I'd love to meet this girl who's finally won your heart." Esme patted his cheek lovingly.
I almost flinched away from the sudden burst of pure fury that overtook Rosalie. "You're going to do what?" She hissed through her teeth.
Edward actually looked taken aback by her vehemence.
"She's a human, Edward. She doesn't belong here." Rosalie narrowed her eyes at him.
"I well aware of her human status, Rosalie; that fact hasn't exactly escaped my attention," Edward barked back, the emotional high draining away as he dealt with Rose's verbal, and most likely mental, assault. "But she's part of my life now, and I have every right to bring her home to meet my family."
"She shouldn't be." Rosalie was almost trembling with the force of her wrath. "She's human; you're not. You don't belong with her, and she has no place here with us!"
Edward's eyes narrowed as his temper rose presumably at something in Rose's thoughts, "You, of all people, have no right to accuse anyone of selfishness. You're not even truly concerned about her humanity, as you'd like me to believe; you only care about how this affects you!"
"You think you know everything because you can read minds, but you don't, Edward. Far from it. I can't stop you obviously. You don't care what I, or anyone else, think. You're going to do what you want."
"Rose," Esme attempted to intervene, uncomfortable by their stand-off. "Don't you think you should just try to give this a chance—"
"No." Rose shook her head, her eyes set as she glared at Edward who was still seething. "I will have no part of this—or her." She stalked over to the door. "I'll be back when she's gone." Shooting one last venomous glance towards Edward, she stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.
Emmett sighed deeply, dejected, and followed Rose's steps to the door. He shot an apologetic look in Edward's direction which Edward acknowledged with a curt nod.
Edward heaved a sigh when the door closed behind Emmett, running his hand through his hair, frustrated and angry.
I didn't necessarily agree with Rosalie. I could see the change already in Edward; I knew that Bella Swan made him happier than he'd ever been before. But I couldn't help the feeling of betrayal that spread through me just the same as on the day when Edward had driven her home from school.
I battled the two sides of myself now. On the one hand, I couldn't help be affected by Edward's newfound joy, and I did want my brother to be happy.
But the selfish side of my nature protested vehemently at the thought of a human infiltrating my home. This was my haven. This was the one place I could let down my guard and not have to fight my thirst, and Edward was taking that away. I recalled how Bella's blood had scented his car, and I could only imagine how that potent fragrance would fill the house in the same way, lingering in the air and in everything she would touch.
There would be no escape from it.
My throat flamed painfully at the memory.
Too late, I realized that Edward heard every thought that passed through my head – including my thirst. His anger flared, "And you," Edward turned to me, pointing his finger at my chest with his eyes flashing fire.
"Edward Cullen, don't you dare!" Alice shouted.
"You will keep your distance!" Edward bellowed, narrowing his eyes at me.
My head jerked back as if he'd slapped me across the face.
"Edward!" Esme scolded, shocked. "That was uncalled for."
"I'm not taking any chances with his pitiful excuse for – "
"Shut up, Edward!" Alice hissed furiously, balling her hands into fists. "So help me if you open your mouth one more time…"
"No, Alice," I stopped her. "It's fine."
Far louder than the words Edward had spoken, the words left unsaid screamed tauntingly in my ear.
I don't trust you.
I had known that Edward thought little of my self-control. His disapproval seeped through at times though he had never said the words out loud before… not to me at least. And if the truth were known, when it came right down to it, I didn't trust myself either. How then could I be angry with him for the exact same thing?
But knowing my own brother had so little faith in me—hearing him say it out loud— cut somewhere in the deepest part of my heart. It hurt.
Edward's glare faltered as the realization of what he had said struck him. Hearing the pain in my thoughts, remorse etched itself on his face in its place.
"Jasper, I didn't mean that." He whispered with true regret.
"Don't worry about it. You were upset with Rose… I was a convenient target. It's nothing." I shrugged, wishing I could shrug off the hurt that easily.
"Yes, it is. I had no right – "
"Forget it. I'm fine." I cut off his apology.
"Jasper…" Edward ran his hands through his hair, truly miserable.
"Edward, I understand. Point taken. I'll stay away from Bella. You don't have to worry about it anymore."
I felt suffocated—trapped even in the spacious room. The front door beckoned me as a welcome path of escape. Not saying anything else, I too bolted from the room, not responding even when Esme called out after me.
Shamed and hurting, I wandered along the bank of the river, back to the spot where Alice and I had lain so peacefully together just the night before. I wished in vain that I could return to that moment and the completeness I had felt then—a rare moment in time when everything had seemed right.
I stopped, placing my hands against the bark of a tree and laying my head on top of them. With a certain sense of irony, I thought about how little effort it would take to uproot the tree I was leaning against and hurl it across the rushing river. Superhuman strength was just one of the characteristics that came with this life of immortality… but what possible good was that strength when it couldn't even touch the one thing it was needed to control?
I could crumble a boulder with a flexing of my fist. I could make a house fall to its foundation like it was a deck of cards. I was physically invincible… but I could be reduced to a mindless mass of need by a mere scent. My own body betrayed me at the first whiff of blood.
It was a cruel kind of mockery.
Only moments later, I heard the soft tread of Alice's footsteps at my back. I felt her love and concern wrap around me, caressing me just before her arms did, wrapping themselves around my waist. Her cheek rested against my back. She didn't say anything, just stood there with me, comforting me with her presence.
Her hand stroked my chest just below my heart, and I felt the whisper soft brush of her lips against my spine. "Are you all right?" She breathed finally.
I nodded though I wasn't… not really.
"I had to stop him from coming after you, you know. He felt awful."
"He shouldn't." I shifted, bringing Alice around so that she leaned against my side. "He's just being cautious—taking no chances. In his shoes, I'd do exactly the same thing." I whispered, stroking the silken skin of her cheek.
It hadn't even been that long ago that I'd been willing to stop Edward in whatever means necessary to keep Alice safe. Of all people, I could understand his concern for the safety of the one he loved, but it still tore me apart to know that I was the danger here. After all this time, I didn't have the control necessary to keep my bloodlust at bay.
It was nothing new to be the weak link… but the shame and self-reproach was something I never became immune to.
I should be used to this by now, but I wasn't.
I should have better control of myself by now, but I didn't.
Some things never changed… no matter how much I worked at it… and no matter how much I wished it otherwise.
Alice pulled away slightly to look into my eyes. "Jasper, you're not going to have any difficulties. You're standing here beating yourself up, but you're going to be fine."
I didn't respond. Her words hadn't held any doubt, but I still couldn't quite make myself believe them.
Determination filled Alice's eyes when I didn't answer, "Jasper," her voice was quiet but intently solemn, "do you trust me?"
What a ridiculous question! She knew I did. "Alice, that isn't the issue… not at all. I – "
"No." Alice's hand came up to cover my mouth. "Don't avoid the question, Jasper. Don't analyze it. Don't think at all, just give me your instinctive response. I'm asking you, Jasper Whitlock, do you trust me?"
Taking her hand from my mouth, I kissed her palm and looked deeply into her eyes. "With my life." I conceded. "You know that."
Her gaze softened at my fervent response, and she continued. "Would I ever knowingly put you in a position where I believed you to be a danger to yourself or anyone else?"
I shook my head.
"No," she said. "I would never ever put you in harm's way, either physically or emotionally. Jasper, I've already seen it—you're not going to have any trouble with Bella here. You're worrying for absolutely no reason. This is nothing you can't handle." Her hand caressed my cheek lovingly, "Do you believe me?"
"Yes." I said simply. She had quite effectively worked me into a corner. I had to smile a little at the thought.
Alice knew me as well as I knew myself. She knew my limitations, and had the advantage of knowing almost before I did how I would react to any given situation. And with the depth of her love for me, I knew she was the one person I never had reason to fear betrayal from.
Alice had seen that I would be able to handle the presence of a human in our home… and I trusted her to tell me the truth. Her confidence had reduced my doubts, not erasing them completely, but causing them to subside.
I wrapped my arms tighter around her delicate frame, pulling her closer against me and resting my cheek against the top of her head.
"You underestimate yourself, Jasper." Alice tilted back to look up into my eyes. "If there was one single thing about you that I could change, it would be that. You are so much stronger than you think you are. I wish I could make you see that."
I closed my eyes against the aching depth of the love in her gaze. "So do I, darlin. Because I don't. I don't see that at all."
I pulled back slightly, forcing a smile onto my face. "But you should be excited. This is what you've been waiting for."
Alice's smile spread across her face and lit her eyes, making them sparkle with enthusiasm. "Yes," her joy was contagious, "Edward was holding out for so long, I was almost starting to think I'd been wrong."
"Perish the thought." I teased with a mock shudder.
"Well, I've heard there's a first time for everything."
I laughed out loud at her complacent tone. "You are something else." I nuzzled my nose against hers, grateful beyond all imagining for her unique ability to be able to pull me out of my moods.
"And you love me for it." She looped her arms around my neck, smiling up at me.
"That I do, darlin. That I do."
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Song for Chapter 9
It's the Only One You've Got
by 3 Doors Down
Memories have left you broken and the scars have never healed
The emptiness in you is growing with so little left to feel
You're scared to look back on the days before
You're too tired to move on
And now you think that you're the only one
Who doesn't have to try and you won't have to fail
If you're afraid to fly then I guess you never will
You hide behind your walls of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there's something better
Your mistakes do not define you now, they tell you who you're not
You've got to live this life you're given like it's the only one you've got.
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OoOoOoOoOo
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Once again, thanks for reading, everyone! As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts! :-)
Nik