I somehow ended up at school. I don't remember if I decided to come or someone made me. Honestly, everything this morning until now is a blur. At the moment, I'm at lunch. I couldn't eat. My stomach wouldn't handle it well.
Every one of my friends here has been worried about me and asked if I was okay every now and then. I appreciate it but, I'm far from even being slightly alright.
Bella, on the other hand, has been worse than ever, which is really fucking selfish of her. She was constantly doing things hoping I'd flip out and do something. Every time I just walked away, I could hear her getting mad. My cousin is an attention whore.
"Marls, maybe you should eat something?" Jessica asked with a hand on my shoulder.
I only shook my head. I refused to speak the entire time; it seemed to piss the teachers off. Well, they can go fuck themselves.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob stroll in which made me wonder what the fuck he was doing here. But, I kept my mouth shut and looked away from his worried gaze.
My eyes landed on Bella, who was suck at our table because her boyfriend wasn't here.
The damn bitch was smirking at me and then, very loudly, said "Your brother deserved to die."
Honestly, I don't know how I got this burst of energy to jump across the fucking table and land on top of Bella. I didn't care. I threw punches at full force at the bitch's face. I'm pretty sure I heard a crack but, that didn't stop me.
Jacob did by drugging me off of her. He tried to talk to me but, I stormed off.
Hours later, I ended up at club with my fake ID. I got pretty fucked up and dancing on a guy. Not long after that, I started heavily making out with him.
I needed something to numb the pain, to stop the thoughts of my dead brother. I couldn't just sleep because of the nightmares.
My want to live was slowly going away. I know he was just one family member, that I still have my dad, many family members, and my friends. People just don't understand.
My brother kept me in check. Nathan always made sure I didn't take things too far. He was the one to pick me back up every time I fell. Yeah, my dad was also there but, he doesn't understand me like my brother did, nobody does.
If it wasn't for my brother, there's no telling where I would be. He's the reason I got off of some heavy drugs, out of abusive relationships, and didn't get kicked out of school or arrested, again. When mom died, he kept me from falling into depression. Nathan was the one to make sure I didn't party too much or get too deep into some bad shit.
He was my rock and now, it's like I have nobody. If I told my dad half of the things I told Nathan, he'd probably have a heart attack. This is one death I couldn't handle.
I could feel myself shutting down and going back down that dark road my brother pulled me out of. I know he would be ashamed of me right now but, I couldn't seem to stop.
Nathan would always say, "Marls, you are a smart girl and you'll go somewhere. As long as you don't go back to where you were." He would kick my ass if he was still alive.
"Why are you crying, sexy?"
I didn't even realize that tears where now running down my face making my mascara run. The guy I was dancing with was looking at me like I was insane. So, I quickly marched out and started walking, well, stumbling down the street.
"What the hell are you doing, Marley?"
The sound of Paul's voice startled me. But, like the rest of the day, I didn't make a noise. He already said that we couldn't be friends with benefits and that's all we ever were. So, why the fuck does he even care?
"Don't ignore me! I know you're going through a lot with your brother dying but, you have Jacob freaking out!"
"I don't give a fuck about Jacob! You don't understand! Nobody does! So leave me the fuck alone!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I lost the only person that ever understood me and everyone expects me to be perfectly okay! Well, I'm not! I'm falling apart and I don't want to be here anymore!"
"Then let me take you home." He whispered as he stepped closer.
"That's not what I mean."
He looked at me confused. "Then what are you saying?"
I sighed. "I don't want to live without my brother!"