The next day, he drank to forget her. The night ended with Trevor carrying him upstairs so that he didn't pass out on the stairs. He woke up with a splitting headache and a mouth that seemed to be full of cotton, but he pushed himself on the farm, enjoying the fact that he didn't have to talk to anyone and he could work his mind numb. That night, he ended up at one of their crew's favorite bars, but he left when Emma walked in. He wasn't in the mood to explain anything to her or have her try to talk himself out of his decision; he was having trouble being resolute by himself. He made sure Emma saw him lead a blonde out of the bar before he took off for home, alone. After that night, he began to drink at home so he wouldn't to face anyone else.
Every night when he closed his eyes, he had the same dream; Rory was playing nearby but he couldn't see her, he could only hear her. Lorelai was in his arms, until she suddenly wasn't. When he looked around, everything was black and he was completely by himself. The first time it happened, he woke up and vomited. Now, he just woke up with a start and tossed and turned until the sun began to rise through his bedroom window. It seemed like no matter how fast he ran, he just couldn't escape her memory.
The heat was almost suffocating as he lifted the hem of his t-shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. He leaned against the heavy wooden doors and noticed menacing looking clouds in the distance. It was still sunny on his farm, but he knew the storm would soon be here and he still had a couple dozen hay bales to move into the barn.
Storm or not, he didn't want to stop working. The ache in his muscles helped him forget the ache in his heart. He had always felt most useful working with his hands and now it was the only thing that was keeping him from going crazy. Or maybe he had already slipped over that precipice, he wasn't quite sure.
He'd always envisioned bringing a wife home, and eventually a baby. They would sit on the porch drinking sweet tea and watching their kids chase lighting bugs. That wife never had a face until he met her, and he knew there would never be anyone else for him like her. He wanted her to be on that porch, he wanted Rory to be chasing lightning bugs like she had on the 4th of July. God, he wanted Rory to be his kid with every fiber of his being. He wanted to see Lorelai's belly swollen with his child, and another trying to chase the bugs with Rory. But dammit, these were the thoughts he needed to get rid of. He would never have her, especially in that way. Her family had made that crystal clear and she wasn't willing to fight for him. He hooked another bale, and then another, until his shoulders burned and the air couldn't get into his lungs fast enough. He paused to catch his breath and her hair flashed in his eyes, laid out on his pillow. He growled as he grabbed another bale and threw it on the truck.
The sun was eclipsed by dark clouds and the he felt the deep rumble of thunder in his chest. It looked like the storm would reach his barn in no more than five minutes and he was going to be cutting it close. A lightning flash drew his attention towards the horizon, just in time to see the Jeep Wrangler make its way down the gravel drive, leaving a trail of dust in its wake.
What the hell was she doing here? He walked around to the front of his old Chevy truck as she reached the edge of his field. She got out of the Jeep, eyes blazing with lightning that matched that of the storm brewing.
"Why would you do this? I trusted you!" she yelled, vitriol spewing from every pore in her body.
With a crack of thunder, the skies opened up and it began to pour.
He struggled with whether to gather her in his arms or fire back at her. His mind flashed to them standing in her parent's guest room, utterly defeated, not fighting for him.
"You trusted me?" Luke asked. "Of course you did! I trusted you too! I trusted that we were on the same page here. Christ Lorelai! We discussed it at every turn. We discussed being together, how I would fit with you and Rory. We discussed how we would be physical. We talked about every damn thing and as soon as we get to Savannah, as soon as they start saying otherwise, suddenly I'm too much work for you."
"I never said you were too much work, Luke. Do not put words into my mouth."
Another crack of thunder brought them both to the present and without a word, he ushered her into the barn for shelter. They might not be seeing eye to eye on certain issues right now, but by no means did he want her to die in a thunderstorm.
They were barely in the door before Lorelai began again. This time he could see that the water streaming down her face was from tears, not the rain. "You didn't give me a chance, Luke. You didn't let me explain what I meant or assure you that I had nothing to do with that horrible set-up that happened." She grasped his hands and forced him to look at her. "I love you Luke, and when I said it was work with you, it's only because of them. It didn't come out right, but that's all I meant. Because every phone call I have to remind them that I'm not moving back to Savannah, and every time my mother flies into town, she tries to set me up with one of her friend's sons. You and me? We're easy. My life makes sense with you. You me and everyone else? That's the hard part. And I'm stuck in the middle and I will be for as long as we're together. But I'm willing to do that if I have you on my side."
Luke sighed. "I just don't understand how you caved so easily. And then Christopher was there with his hands on you. If you're so sure about us, how could you let that happen?"
"I didn't see it coming," she pleaded. "I've never brought a boyfriend home that wasn't Christopher. I thought, I don't know what I thought but I was totally blindsided, just like you were."
"You shouldn't have been," Luke said, defeated. This was always going to be an issue with them. "Christopher was in your house a week before, telling you that he wanted you. Your parents, they couldn't get past my truck and my job before they judged me and found me lacking. And you! You should have fought for me!"
"How could I do that when you left? You left me so fast, you left my kid, Luke. You promised her you would never leave her without saying goodbye. She doesn't get it, she doesn't understand why you didn't fly back with us, or why we haven't seen you. She drew you a fucking picture in school today because she missed you and thought you were sick. I let you into our lives and you broke your promise to her. How do I explain that to her?"
With a heavy thump, Luke sat down on a bench. He had promised Rory he would never leave without saying goodbye.
Lorelai took advantage of his silence to continue.
"There's no contest, Luke. I told my parents they couldn't see Rory unless they supported the decisions I've made, namely Nashville and you. Christopher got the message when Rory wouldn't go to him and only wanted you. He and I had a long talk and he accepts it. There was always a possibility for us, but he knows there isn't anymore."
"But they're always….." Luke began. Lorelai sat next to him.
"Luke, they are 500 miles away. If they don't abide by my wishes, our wishes, then they're out. If I have you and Rory, I have all I need."
Luke hung his head and he knew he could no longer ignore the real reason behind his insecurity. "What do I have to offer you?" he asked dejectedly. "They can give you everything. Christopher can give you a big house and a lifestyle that you're worthy of. Me? I didn't go to college. I've lived on this farm for my whole life. I don't have any family and I work my ass off just to make ends meet. If you marry me, I can't give you any more than this, Lorelai. You say it's ok for now, but I know what's going to happen in 10 or 15 years, and it's not you staying on a farm in Tennessee."
The next thing he knew, he was flying off the bench and landing on the ground with a thud.
"You self-righteous ass," she exclaimed and she stood and began pacing around the barn. "Have I ever once made you feel inferior to me? Have I ever said or done anything that would make someone think I'm afraid of hard work, or worse, that I expect a life of luxury? No, not only because I've been insanely careful to make sure that you never felt that way, but also because I don't and never have thought that way. You need to stop looking at my past and what I have and look at who I am, otherwise, you're right. This will never work."
With her parting words, she stormed out of the barn. He heard her car start and pull away as he picked himself off of the ground. The rain had slowed to a trickle and he slowly walked to his house, suddenly very very tired.