Comfort
Chapter 10
"Dad? What are you doing?"
He hardly glanced up at me as I came into the room. "Watching old home tapes."
"Oh." I stood in the doorway to the living room for a moment, watching him. "Uh, why?"
"Kirsten's coming down for Thanksgiving. I just wanted to remind myself why I used to actually like her. 'cause right now, she could never speak to me again and I'd be fine."
Ouch. I just stood there for a moment, staring at the screen.
"Dad, this isn't a tape about Kirsten. This me walking."
"I know. Your first steps."
"Then what-"
"Kirsten gets antsy about halfway in and starts just singing. For no reason. She'd hate when we'd pay attention to you. Hated it when we'd pay attention to Whitney too." He laughed slightly as if this tickled him. "Like on your first birthday, your mother bought this elaborate cake. Really nice. I'd just gotten a new job and we had some money to spend. Kirsten pushed the cake off the counter before anyone got a piece. Ruined it, the girl did. All because she was jealous."
I frowned, staring at him. "Uh, Dad?"
"Hmmm?"
"That's horrible. Not funny."
"Oh, I know. At the time, I was so angry with her. She was always being mean to you. But now, it's funny, see, because it's over. Now it's cute." Dad patted the spot next to him. "Come here. Watch with me."
It was the Sunday before the last week of school before Thanksgiving break. We'd get the whole week off, so really the week before was a joke as far as class went. Still, it'd give me and Owen a chance to be together, so I wasn't complaining.
"You have a radio show in the morning, huh?" Dad asked as I sat down next to him.
"I do."
"You know I always listen. Even out on the job." He smiled at me before looking back at the television. He was right; Kirsten was now belting out the lyrics to some song that I didn't know. It was probably popular when I was a baby, given the fact she knew all the words.
"She was such an attention stealer," Dad went on, smiling fondly at the memory of her ruining my first steps. Yeah. "Like when you were two and we had that house with a pool. I had been trying to teach you to swim, but you didn't like the water and kept crying, so I sat you on the ledge and just let you kick your feet in. When I turned to say something to Whitney though, Kirsten pushed you into the pool."
"Again, Dad, that's not funny. Why did she hate me so much?"
"She was just jealous."
"I could have died."
"Oh, I was right there," he waved me off. "You weren't in any danger."
"Dad."
"You weren't."
"I feel like Kirsten puts me in danger a lot. I almost got hit by a car, she threw me into the pool-"
"She pushed you down the stairs that once when you were eight."
"Yean, I remember."
He just wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer to him. "Kirsten was always more jealous of you than she was Whitney. Whit was very independent. She always wanted to do things on her own and be alone. You constantly needed me though, to help you. She hated that."
"I don't remember her being that mean to me."
"She was though. The day we brought Whitney home from the hospital, she was so happy to have a sister. Then, when we brought you home, you cried the whole night. I mean the whole night. You cried constantly. More than Kirsten or Whitney ever did. She and Whitney both wanted you gone. Kirsten even made me a list of the reasons we should send you back."
Is it beat up on Annabel day or something? I frowned up at him.
"You might be finding your love for Kirsten in this, but I'm sure not."
"You just don't remember these things, Annabel. I do. Like it was yesterday." He shrugged slightly. "It's just nostalgia, I suppose."
We both sat there for a moment, watching the television for a moment before I spoke again.
"Dad?"
"Hmmm?"
"You don't really hate Kirsten now, do you?"
"Of course not."
"And you won't hate her baby, will you?"
"It'll be my first grandson, Annabel."
"Or granddaughter."
"Eh."
"Dad."
"You know what I mean." He smiled at me. "Am I happy with Kirsten currently? Not in the slightest. She's still my daughter, Annabel. She'll always be my daughter."
"Even if she had murdered me when we were kids?"
Smiling slightly, he kissed the top of my head. "Even then."
"What if I killed her?"
"I'd hire you the best defense attorney in town if we couldn't cover it up."
"Dad."
"I love you, Annabel." He hugged me slightly. "You know that?"
"Yeah."
"So where were you tonight?" He glanced down at me. "Huh?"
"Owen and I went out to eat with his mother."
"Really now?"
I nodded. "It was alright. It was some vegan restaurant."
"We have one of those in Lakeview?"
"We have a lot of things in Lakeview besides the burger and steak places you frequent."
"Was that a slight?"
"No. I was just saying."
"You have school in the morning," he told me then. "You had better go to bed soon."
"I will," I assured him, not moving in the slightest. "I just wanna watch this with you for a little bit. That's all."
"That's alright," he assured me. "That's quite alright."
"School sucked today."
"Next week's Thanksgiving break," I whispered to Owen as he stroked the back of my head. "Just push through."
"It's so close to the end now."
"Mmmm."
"Are you scared?"
"Not in the slightest."
"Bella."
Smiling up at him, I said, "I'm not a dinky little bear after all."
Sighing, he stared up at his ceiling. "I don't know why I put up with you."
"Because you love me."
"'cause I love you."
We were lying on his bed, me laying half on Owen's chest, half not. He was only in his jeans, claiming that he was feeling hot or something. I hardly listened to him when he spoke. He had been right; the day had sucked. I just wanted to spend the rest of the time before he had to go to work together, alone.
"If we were ever trapped in a fire and I was trapped under a fallen beam or something and there was no way for you to get me out, would you run and leave me to get to safety or die there with me?"
Owen frowned, looking down at me. "Are you on something?"
"It's just a hypothetical question, Bear."
He just blinked.
"Hypothetical means-"
"No, I know what hypothetical means."
"Oh yeah? So tell me."
"Don't test me." He looked back up at the ceiling, sighing slightly. "I don't know, Annabel, if I'd leave you. Would you want me to?"
"I dunno."
"Well, this was your question."
"It's your answer that's important though."
"That's a tough one though."
"So you'd leave me?"
"No." He shook his head then, sighing. "I'd die trying to get that beam off you."
I kissed his chest, smiling. "That's cute."
For a moment, he just laid there. Then, he asked, "So what if the roles were reversed?"
"What do you mean, Bear?"
"What if I was trapped or whatever and going to die, would you stay with me or leave me behind?"
"No brainer. I'd leave you in a heartbeat."
"Annabel-"
"At least I'm honest."
He sighed slightly as the song changed to a loud rock one. Reaching over with one hand, he grabbed his stereo remote off the side table, turning the volume down with it.
"I wouldn't want you to stay with me anyways," he told me, shaking his head slightly. "I wouldn't want you to die. I'd want you to get out."
"Oh. Good. Then we're both happy."
We weren't though. I could tell by the look on his face it was still bothering him.
"So would you want that for me then?" he asked finally.
"Want what for you, Bear?"
"Would you want me to leave too? Would you not want me to die with you?"
"No," I said slowly. "I would want you to."
"That's not fair, Annabel."
"Welcome to life."
I could tell it was still bothering him though, so I went ahead and told him, "It's just a hypothetical thing, Bear. There's no way that we'd ever be put in that situation."
"I would die for you."
"Owen-"
"I would."
"It's not important, Owen."
"It is to me. Would you not die for me?"
"I don't know. No. I don't think so."
"Annabel-"
"I'd be sad if you died, I'm sure, but I wouldn't kill myself over it." I looked up at him now, frowning slightly. "And you wouldn't kill yourself if I died. Right?"
"I don't know. Shut up."
"Owen-"
"I just think that if we were in a burning building, I would stay with you. Even if I knew that it was stupid, that you were already gone, I'd stay there with you. Die with you. 'cause that's what you do when you love someone."
"…You know, I'm about tired of the things I say as jokes turning into something emotional."
He just shut his eyes. "Whatever, Annabel. I've got to get ready for work."
I frowned as he moved to get out of the bed, leaving me behind. "Do you want me to leave?"
"How would you get home, Bella? I drove you here." He shook his head. "I'll drop you off on the way into work. I'm going to take a shower."
"'kay." I settled down on his bed, still slightly annoyed that he wasn't up there with me anymore. "Can you put a different CD in though? I don't like this one much."
"Yeah, sure," he said, doing as asked before gathering up his work clothes and leaving the room. I was only in there alone for a few minutes before the door opened again. Only it wasn't Owen.
"Annabel?"
"Come here," I sighed, sitting up the second I heard her voice. Mallory quickly moved to sit down on the bed next to me. "What's up?"
She just stared at me for a moment, I think taking in my outfit. I hadn't felt like getting up this morning and only thrown on a hoodie and jeans. This must have been to her satisfaction, because she didn't rib me for it.
"I have a new operation I'm supposed to undergo next week."
I frowned. "What?"
"Owen didn't tell you?"
I shook my head at her. "I thought…I just thought that they weren't…that they didn't think…"
"It's a last ditch effort, I guess." She looked at me then, full on. "It's next Monday."
"Oh. I'll be off from school, so I'll come see you in the hospital, okay?"
Nodding, slightly, she smiled some as she said, "Dad's coming down. He'll be here for Thanksgiving."
"Oh."
"Now I don't have to worry about him finding out about Darien."
"I told you, Mallory, that he's a dick if he doesn't want to be with you."
I got another nod for that, but I could tell by the way she turned away from me slightly that she didn't want to talk about it.
"Do you and your dad get along?" she asked me then, turning her green eyes back to me.
"Extremely well."
"That good."
"Yeah."
"Does he like Owen?"
Hesitating, I said, "He used to. They used to play videogames with each other."
"Really?"
"Mmmhmm."
"What happened?"
"Just a lot of things. My dad and mom started fighting and he didn't like Owen being around for so much of it, I think. Maybe he thought he was intruding or something. I don't know." I shook my head slightly. "Then that day when Owen punched all the mirrors? Because we fought? Owen called me some names and it really upset me. My dad's really hated him since then."
"What did he call you?"
"It's really not-"
"What?"
"A bitch is all," I said, saying the words quickly, not sure if that was really as horrible an offense as I took it.
"Is all? Owen called you that?"
"Well, yes, but he was just-"
"That's terrible."
Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought so.
"I know. And all I did was tell him that I didn't want to move to Arizona with him and get married, that that was a stupid idea. And it is. Isn't it?"
Mallory just stared at me for a second. "Owen asked you to marry him?"
Blushing, I realized my error. "Mallory, I didn't mean to tell you-"
"He really asked you? When? What did you say?"
"It's not like that," I assured her. "It was just a…momentary lapse of judgment. Owen was feeling really down and-"
"Oh. So you guys were drunk."
"No," I said, frowning. "We weren't."
"Then what?"
"He was just upset."
"About what though? What made him that upset?"
"You, Mal." I smiled at her then. "He was just really upset about how…badly you were doing and-"
"And he was going to run off and leave me?"
"Well-"
"That doesn't sound like he felt bad for me. That sounds like him being a bad brother."
"He was just scared, Mallory. Owen is so worried about you is all."
"If you say so."
"Hey, Mal, don't tell anyone about this, okay?" I asked after a moment. "Just keep it between the two of us, huh? A secret."
She just sat there for a moment before turning to lean against me. "Owen really loves you."
"I know."
"And if you had said yes, then we'd have been sisters. Right?"
Smiling, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, hugging her to me slightly. "Mallory, no matter what happens between me and your brother…I still care about you, okay? I'll always be there for you."
After a moment, she whispered, "Is this your way of telling me that you'll go to my funeral even if you and Owen break up?"
"No," I said slowly. "This is my way of telling you that I love you."
"Oh." She smiled slightly. "I love you too."
"On a scale of one to awesome, how hot do you think I look in this?"
I just glanced at Clarke before sighing. "Not now."
"When you agreed to come over to help me pick out my outfit to make James jealous, I hope you know that I denied all my other friends to have that joy."
I just stared at her from my position hanging upside down on the bed. "I'm just worried is all."
"About Owen's sister, I know."
"I just feel so bad."
"You've felt bad for over half a year. What's suddenly caused you to get like this?"
"I was with her today before I came over here. Owen was in the shower or whatever and-"
"And because you're a prude, you weren't in there with him."
"…Anyways, Mallory came into his room while I was in there. She just… It's scary, okay?"
"I know."
"I hate spending time with her now because I'm always convinced that it's going to be the last time. I don't want there to be a last time. If there are no times there can't be a last time. You know?"
"Not exactly, no."
"Clarke-"
"It's just weird for you, Annabel, because you've never lost anyone. No one you're super close to. Like in a death way, I mean."
"My grandparents are all dead."
"Yeah, but you didn't know them. You didn't care about them. They just sent you money on birthdays and stuff, right?" She watched me for a moment. "I think it's kind of sad, really, that you've never lost anyone. It makes you so unprepared for life. I mean, what are you going to do when someone you know really does die?"
"I think," I began before pausing. "I think that losing someone that way is kind of like when you're not friends with someone anymore. Or your friend moves away."
"That's because you've never experienced it before."
"Owen has," I told her. "He has a big family. I'm sure he's lost a cousin or uncle or something."
"Yeah, but a sister's different."
I thought about what I'd do if I lost either of mine. Though we weren't particularly close these days I still couldn't fathom it. "Yeah, I know."
Slowly, she came to sit down next to me on the bed as I rolled over so I was laying right side up.
"The two of you will probably break up, you know, if she does die."
"What?"
She shrugged. "He'll change. It's only natural that the two of you'll break up. Not to mention with college coming up and him staying behind and stuff. It was bound to happen anyways. I mean, you don't really think that two of you will make it, do you?"
"I don't know."
"Annabel."
"I know, it's stupid to think like that, but I just can't help it."
She patted me on the shoulder. "It'll suck when you do lose Owen though."
"How come?"
"He is a pretty good boyfriend, I will admit," she said, shrugging slightly. "You'll just, like, always be comparing other guys to him and stuff. It'll be hard to find one that's so easy to get to do your bidding."
It was my turn to shrug. "Just shoot under you. They're way more willing to please."
We both shared a smile at that.
"Now, really, tell me what you think." She stood again, doing a little turn so I could see the outfit from all angles. "Yes or no?"
"Lose the hat," I told her. "Either that or pick a better one. It doesn't flow well."
She went over to her mirror hanging on the back of her closet door, grabbing a hat off the rack on her desk while she was at it. "I wish I had Rolly's old Fedora. You know the one that I would-"
"Yeah, I know."
She was watching me in the mirror now. "Does he ask about me?"
"Clarke-"
"Does he?"
"Not really," I told her, borrowing Owen's honesty act. It always worked best. For the most part anyways. "He's not dating anyone though, if you want to know the truth. Just random girls."
"Great."
"You said it yourself that you were completely done this time."
"And I am. I just wish I hadn't given him that damn Fedora back."
"Maybe Owen has one."
"Annabel."
"Maybe I'll buy him one and then make him let you borrow it."
"That's creepy."
"Do you just want me to buy you one?"
"Even creepier." She shook her head as she turned to face me once more. "I'll just roam the rest of my days on this Earth without it."
"Mmmm." I shifted on her bed so that I could see the crossword book sitting on the nightstand. "I know a girl that, like, lives for crosswords."
"Really now."
"Yeah. You might know her. She's the girlfriend of the lead singer of some band Owen knows. Rolly's cousin's band."
"Right. Remy. She's a bitch."
"Clarke."
"Well, the truth hurts."
"That's their name. Truth Squad."
She shrugged as she came back over to the bed and sat down. "So are you going to this party with me tonight or what? We still have time to stop by your place and get you an outfit together."
"What's wrong with a hoodie and jeans?"
"Annabel."
"Besides, Clarke, you know I'm not allowed to go to parties."
"The control you and Owen give each other over the other's life is astounding sometimes."
"He just doesn't like me going out without him."
"That's bizarre, Annabel."
"It's not bizarre, really, it's-"
"No, you're right. Bizarre isn't the word." She studied her nails as she said, "Future stalkerish is the correct terminology.
"Clarke."
"What? He's controlling, thinks he'll die without you, and has violent tendencies. I like the two of you together, but come on, face the facts. You're four fights away from your body being found in a ditch."
"God, I think I liked you better in junior high," I groaned as I rolled back onto my back, hanging my head over the edge once more.
"Yeah," she sighed, patting my stomach. "Me too."
"I appreciate and love the fact that you and my sister get along so well, but did you really have to tell her that I asked you to marry me?"
I groaned, barely able to hold my cell to my ear. "It's, like, four in the morning, Bear. You're lucky I answered."
"Yeah and I just got finished having a long talk with my mother about how wrong it is to even consider and how she thinks that you've distracted me from my goals in life."
"Last I checked, that radio show was still going. And considering your other goal is knocking me up, I think marrying me had you right on track."
"You are not funny right now."
"And who could be at four in the morning?" Rolling over, I finally opened my eyes fully, yawning. "God, I ought to kill you. I have a show this morning too. I had to get up in an hour anyways."
"Yeah, well so did I and I've got no sleep."
"Then don't go, Owen. I can do it alone."
"Oh, you can do it alone? Really? Really? You wouldn't even have that radio show if-"
"Are you yelling at me? At, might I repeat, four in the morning?"
"…Maybe."
"I am two seconds from hanging up, Owen Armstrong. I swear to-"
"Wait. I'm just… Why did you tell Mallory that? I thought that we were passed all that?"
"We are. I guess. I just…I just told her. I don't know, Owen. It just came out I guess."
"Something like that just came out? When were the two of you even together?"
"When you were in the shower. We just started talking."
"About?"
"Clearly being in-laws."
"Annabel-"
"I'm tired, Bear, and I have less than an hour to sleep. Please, can't this wait until we see each other in, oh, an hour and half?"
"I just can't believe that you told her."
"It's really not that big of a deal."
"Yeah, because you're not me. My mom already thinks I'm freaking crazy. This is just great, Annabel. Just-"
"You're breaking up, Bear. I can't hear you."
"Anna-"
I hung up on him. There. That was that.
…Until he came to pick me up in the morning.
"Hanging up on me? Not picking up the phone when I called back. Real mature."
"Thanks."
I got the stink eye for that. "I swear to God, Annabel-"
"Chill out. Pop-Tart?" I smiled at him as he opened the Land Cruiser door for me after having walked me out to the car. He took the offered pastry from me before going to get in his side of the car, so I assumed us made up. That was easy.
"I listened the playlist five times this week and still hate it."
"I know, Bear," I said as I let him buckle me in. "But it's not made for the enlightened. It's made for the ignorant."
"Ha." He kissed me quickly before moving back to his own seat. "You've been really witty the past few days."
"Thank you."
"It wasn't a compliment."
I just took a bite of my own Pop-Tart before speaking again. "So how much trouble are you in?"
"Not much. She thought having a long talk would fix everything."
"Nothing was broken."
"I know."
"Besides, we didn't do anything. You were just upset."
"…You didn't have to tell her that I called you a bitch."
I glanced at him before shaking my head. "You said it, not me."
"I know."
"You're Mr. Honesty."
"I don't deny doing it. I just wish you hadn't told her."
"Well, life happens."
"Annabel-"
"It does."
Sighing, he turned up his stereo slightly. "I wish I could just skip school after the show today. Drop you off and leave."
"You can't miss anymore days."
"Yeah, I know."
"You've really shot yourself in the foot this time, Owen." Glancing over at him, I asked, "Have you made a decision then?"
"About?"
"Coming back next semester. Or are you dropping?"
"I dunno yet."
"That's something you need to figure out soon, Bear."
"I know."
"I just think that you're so close to the end that you at least try."
"I guess so."
"I mean, I don't want to influence you or anything, but I think you should finish."
"Yeah, I know. Mom's not so for me dropping out anymore anyways. She thinks that it was part of the plan when we were going to run off and get married."
"We were never doing that."
"She thinks we were thanks to you."
"I told Mallory not to tell anyone though."
"And you thought that would work?"
"What is up with you and arguing with me? And over something so silly. We're not getting married." I flipped down the visor to check my hair one last time. "Besides, I've told you before that I'm not marrying anyone until I'm at least twenty-five."
"Yeah, I know."
I glanced over at him as I flipped the visor back up. "I was with Clarke last night."
"Oh yeah?"
"Mmmhmm. We just talked before she went out."
"Why didn't you go?"
Making a face at him, I said, "My boyfriend hates for me to go out without him."
"You could have gone out with Clarke if you wanted, Annabel."
"It was a party."
"Oh."
"So yeah."
"I just don't want you hurt, Annabel."
"It was one time."
"I know."
"You're just controlling."
"Maybe," he said softly as we turned into the station. "I just love you, Annabel."
"I know." In a twisted way though, I'm sure. "It's okay. I just went home and studied for a test I have Thursday. Better spent time, huh?"
"Yeah. Way better." He shook his head slightly. "Way, way better."
"I feel like we spend a lot of time in your room."
"You didn't have to come home with me," Owen pointed out, still facing his computer.
"Yes, I did. It's your off day. What else would you have done today?"
"Hangout with Rolly."
"Yeah, but does he have boobs?"
"I wasn't saying I'd rather do that. I was just stating a fact."
I shifted on his bed, sighing. "I'm not tired today."
"Alert the media."
"Bear."
"I'm working on my term paper, Bella. This thing sucks."
"Don't I know it."
"Have you started yours?"
"Babe, I've finished it."
"What did I tell you about that?"
Smiling, I laid my head down on his pillow. "So what are you going to get me for Christmas this year?"
"Uh, I don't know. What do you want?"
"A ring."
"Annabel."
Giggling, I said, "So what did she say to you? Like literal words?"
It was another day after school spent at Owen's. His mother wasn't home though and neither was his sister. Usually that meant some kind of fooling around, but so far, Owen's been on his computer the whole time. Which is fine. Believe me.
"I don't know, Annabel."
"How long did the two of you talk for?"
"Hours. The topic spanned over more than just my relationship with you, which she thinks has not only gone on long enough, but has gotten too heavy too fast."
"I've known you over a year now. And our anniversary is coming up."
He groaned. "Do I have to get you a gift for that and Christmas?"
"You don't have to. You should want to."
"Well, as long as you make me food for that too, I guess I can push through."
"You're taking me out to eat for that, stupid."
"What?"
"It's a rule."
"Where is this rule book? Huh?"
"In my mind."
"Annabel-"
"It's just something you do, Owen."
"Yeah, but it's not something you have to do."
"Either way, I'm not cooking you dinner for it."
"Then what are you going to get me?"
"I don't know, Owen. What do you want?"
"Mmmm…that new videogame just-"
"No." Frowning over at him, I said, "It has to be something romantic."
"How are you going to tell me what I can get as a gift? It's my anniversary too, ain't it? Videogames are romantic for me."
"Maybe for Christmas, Bear," I gave in, sighing. "What's it called?"
"I'll write it down for you so you don't get the wrong thing."
"I swear, you're, like, twelve." Snuggling under his covers, I said, "I'm going to buy you a laptop one day."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"You'd need a job for that."
"No. I'd need to just ask my parents for some money."
I'm sure he rolled his eyes as he said, "Or that."
"College is going to suck."
"Why?"
"They won't be right there for me to just ask for money."
"Annabel-"
"I'm kidding." Rolling onto my back now, I said, "I know that I'm going to have to get a job eventually, Owen. I just don't want to."
"No one does. You just suck it up and do it."
"You act like you have a serious job. You deliver freaking pizzas. Come on."
"It's more than you do."
"It's hardly a job at all."
"Still more than you do."
"Still not really a job."
"Why don't you shut up, Annabel? God. That job sure pays for you when we go out on dates."
"I could pay," I defended.
"No. Your dad could pay. That's what that would be. Daddy's money. Just like always."
"Screw you."
"Like it's not true?" He snorted. "I don't know why you just won't admit it, Annabel. You're spoiled. It's not always a bad thing."
"You say it like it's a bad thing."
"I know. I'm sorry."
After a moment of just laying there, I said, "I wish you didn't have to do this stupid paper so we could go out."
"Where did you wanna go, Bella?"
"There's a movie out that I want to see."
"Why didn't you say so? We could go now. Just let me check the movie times and-"
"Owen," I complained. "You have to work on your paper."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do."
"Why, Annabel? It's stupid anyways."
"Just do it."
"You wanna go out."
"I wanted to go out last night and I didn't. I can suffer again."
"Annabel-"
"Write, Owen. Then, when you're finished, you can come lay down with me, huh?"
I laid there for at least an hour before Owen came over. And even then, we just made out some before settling against each other.
"Do you think we're boring?"
I nodded at Owen as we both rolled onto our sides to face each other. "A little."
"Oh."
"It's okay though." Stroking his arm now, I smiled at him a little. "What if I had said yes?"
"You did say yes."
"Not to the boring thing, stupid."
"Don't call me names."
"I meant about when you wanted to run off and get married."
"Annabel-"
"Do you think we'd be married by now?"
He just stared at me for a moment. "You know I meant what I said. I told you that. Had you said yes, then yes, we would have."
"I don't think so. I think you'd have come to your senses."
"Annabel, I would marry you right now." He just stared at me with that intense look he always has.
"Would not."
"Bet me."
Watching his eyes, I asked, "Why?"
"Because I love you."
"Owen-"
"And I know what you'll say. That we're young and will change or whatever, but I don't care. I'd marry you. I love you. I've never felt this way before."
"You will again though, Bear, more than likely."
"About you." He shook his head slightly. "You aren't just going to rationalize this for me, Annabel. I-"
I cut him off with a kiss. When I pulled back, I simply said, "Rationalize is a big word for you."
Cupping my cheek, he smiled slightly. "You make me feel dumb."
"It's okay, dinky. I'm the smart one in the relationship. Deal with it."
"Trust me, I have."
"I love your eyes, Owen."
"Think that was my line, Bell."
"I do," I told him honestly. Reaching out, I tried to touch one, but of course he blinked. I stroked his closed eyelid instead.
"Bell?"
"They're so severe. Intense."
"Is that compliment?"
"Observation."
"Ah."
Smiling as I removed my finger, I said, "If we had gotten married, do you think we'd still be in Lakeview?"
"Hell no," he said without even thinking about it. "I would never come back here so long as your father was here."
"You could take him."
"I could," he agreed. "But I'd rather not."
"He'd get over it eventually."
"He just doesn't get that it's over. There's no war. I've won." Owen stroked my lips with one of his fingers. "And I don't plan on vacating my spot as leader anytime soon."
"You're my leader? Might as well say owner."
"Don't be like that." He pushed down on my bottom lip. "I would kill for you."
"That's scary."
"I mean it."
"That's why it's scary."
"I'd die for you too."
"I know you would."
"I just love you so much."
"That's not proof of love, Owen."
"How is it not?" he asked with a snort.
"That's proof of insanity."
"Devotion."
"That's just as scary." Reaching out, I wrapped a hand around his wrist. "I could hurt you, you know."
"That's what makes it love, Bell. I don't care."
"I'm going away to college, Owen."
"I know that. We've talked about that."
"Clarke says-"
"Clarke says, your parents say, my parents say. Who gives a fuck, Annabel? I don't." He looked upset almost. "I love you, baby. And I want you. Forever."
"That's why everyone thinks that you're crazy, Owen. That's, like, future stalker ex-boyfriend things to say."
"I can't love you?"
"You can. Just-"
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Annabel, but you've never loved a guy either. Have you?"
I looked off for a moment, letting his wrist go. "Not like this."
"Okay then. Then what's so wrong with accepting that this might be real? 'cause it's damn sure real to me."
"It is to me too." I kissed the finger he had pressed against my lips. "Bear."
I don't know where it went from there. If Owen kissed me or I kissed him. It didn't really matter, I don't think. Somehow he ended up over me once more, hands on either side of my head. This was usual for us now. Normal. What I was thinking though, feeling, wasn't.
"Bear," I whispered as he pulled back some, staring down at me with his green eyes. God, I loved them. Deeply.
"Yes?"
"I want to."
"Wanna what?" He moved to kiss me again, thinking I was just talking, but I turned my head ever so slightly. "What do you want?"
""I want to," I repeated. "You know."
"Right now?"
"Uh-huh."
We just stared at each other for a moment before Owen shook his head.
"Why? Why now?"
"I don't know."
"Annabel-"
"Did you think I'd plan it out or something?"
"I don't know," he said, shaking his head. "I just figured we'd…do something special."
"Owen, you make everything weird." Looking up into eyes, I said, "Most guys just say yeah when their girlfriends want sex."
"I am saying yes," he said, staring right back down at me. "I'm just questioning first."
"Then are you done?"
"No." He moved to lay next to me on his side now. This made me groan. Why wouldn't he just get on board with this like any other usual guy?" God, you're such a chick sometimes."
"I am not. I'd screw you right now."
"That's what I'm asking for."
"Annabel-"
"It was just a sudden thing, Bear. I suddenly want to have sex. Now you've killed it."
"That's my whole point though. If it suddenly popped up like that and then suddenly disappeared, I don't want you to, like, hate me for something later. Or for us to, like, start or whatever and it go south."
"It wouldn't. I want you."
"Do you?" Reaching for me, he ran a hand down my stomach. "Still?"
"Yeah."
"'cause I always have wanted you, Annabel." He kissed the side of my head. "So much."
"Owen…"
"You're just so needy. You need me."
"I don't need you. I want you," I told him. "I'd live without you. I just don't want to."
"I don't think I'd function well anymore, if you were gone."
"Owen-"
"Just having you near me is…comforting."
I glanced over at him as he unzipped my jeans. "Your presence is comforting too."
"You're everything to me."
"Then prove it, Bear. This is what I want."
"I just don't get-"
"You don't have to get it." I shifted on the bed so I was sitting up. "Do you, you know, have something?"
"For what?"
I just stared at him for a moment. "Owen."
"Oh. Oh." He moved to get out of bed. "Yeah, I do. Hold on."
I just watched him for a moment before shutting my eyes and letting out a long sigh. It was scarier than I wanted to admit, knowing that I was about to lose something I'd always had. And why? I wasn't sure. I just…wanted to. Out of nowhere, I just had to do it.
Owen was laughing slightly when he came back to me, just standing there at the side of the bed. I opened my eyes, giving him an odd look.
"You're being creepy."
"I'm just excited." He looked down at what he had in his hand before going back over to his stereo. "We can't have sex while listening to Nirvana."
"I don't know what that is."
He paused. "The more you talk, the more I think this is the wrong idea."
"Owen."
"Music is important, Annabel. You will remember this moment forever. You don't want to lose your virginity to 'The Man Who Sold the World' do you? I mean, I wouldn't mind it, but I just figured it wouldn't be too good for you."
Groaning, I shut my eyes again. "Just hurry up before I change my mind."
"If you feel that way, maybe we shouldn't-"
"God, Owen, just pick a damn CD."
Shooting a look over his shoulder, he said, "Fine. Our song then. That work?"
"Fine. Perfect. Whatever."
Owen quickly located a CD with 'Thank You' on it before coming back to me. He frowned at the look on my face.
"Don't look so nervous, Bella."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me." He slipped back into the bed with me, over me once again. "Just know that we don't have to-"
"Stop, Bear."
"I'm sorry."
"Now who's apologizing?" I tapped his nose as he smiled down at me. "Don't start that crazed laughter again."
"I'll try not to."
Sighing, I pushed up slightly on my elbows to kiss his lips. When I pulled away, I said, "I want to remember you forever."
"You don't have to," he assured me. "I'm not going anywhere."
I shifted uncomfortably as we drove down the street. I could see my glass house and for once, it didn't soothe me. Only made me nervous.
"So, I'll, uh, pick you up in the morning like usual," Owen said when he pulled up in the driveway.
"Okay."
He moved to kiss me goodbye like we usually did, but he just started chuckling. He was really happy about this. I blushed, smiling at him.
"I love you," he told me as he finally kissed me. "I wish you could stay with me."
"I know. Me too."
"I love you," he repeated, staring hard at me while reaching a hand up to cup my cheek. "This is just so…awesome."
"I like the word stellar."
"Stellar," he muttered, kissing me again. "This is the best day of my life."
"Owen-"
"It is. I never thought…" He started laughing again, looking off.
It was then, though, that the lights in the living room of my house came on, shining through the glass front into the darkness. It was late. I had missed dinner. Mom and Dad hadn't called, but I could see them now, through the glass. Dad was watching TV and Mom was in the kitchen. He'd been the one to turn on the light though, I'm sure.
"I think that's them telling me to come inside."
Owen nodded, glancing in there. "I'd go in too, but-"
"I know."
"Let me walk you to the door." He quickly jumped out of the Land Cruiser, quickly rushing to open my door as well. I just smiled at him as he took my hand, leading me up the steps to the porch, carrying my backpack with him.
"I'll call you tonight," he whispered, kissing my head now when we made it to the door. "Okay?"
"Of course."
"And I love you. So much."
"I know."
He started chuckling again. I just kissed him this time before taking my bag and heading into the house.
"You know to call when you're going to miss dinner, Annabel," was the first thing out of my father's mouth.
Hearing his voice for some reason brought heat to my cheeks, my blush more obvious now than ever. I don't know why, but I felt nervous being around them. As if he and Mom would just be able to tell I wasn't a virgin anymore. As if they could smell it on me.
"I'm sorry."
"Did you eat?" Mom called from the kitchen. "We saved your dinner."
"No, I didn't," I said. "I'll come down in a minute. I just need to set my stuff down."
"I'll heat it up for you."
"Thank you."
When I got up to my bedroom, I immediately called Clarke. I wasn't expecting her to pick up, but she did.
"This had better be important. I'm on a date."
"Owen and I slept together."
"…You just come out of the gate with these things, don't you?"
"And it was extremely awkward."
"That's not uncommon for a first time."
I frowned. "Where are you right now?"
"David's house."
"I'll call you back l-"
"He's out of the room. His mom called him or something. We have time." She giggled. "So you and Owen, huh?"'
"Clarke-"
"What made it so awkward? Just doing it or-"
"I bled. Like it got on his sheets."
"What did he say?"
"He didn't notice until he, like, finished or whatever."
"Did he yell at you?"
"What? No."
"Really?"
"Why would he yell at me?"
"I don't know. Most guys would."
"No, I don't think they would."
"So anyways."
"He was, like, shocked."
"Did he not know you had never-"
"He said…" I went to sit down on my bed, sighing slightly. "I'd told him before that I'd never had sex or whatever, but he thought that Cash had-"
"Oh, Annabel-"
"He just told me that he didn't think I would do that and he felt horrible afterwards. He kept apologizing."
"Yeah, that is awkward."
"I know."
"Then what?"
"He knew that I didn't finish, so he asked if I wanted him to, like, finger me, but I told him no. Then I got up to go into the bathroom or whatever and he changed his sheets. I asked if his mom would think that was weird, but he said he hadn't changed them in months anyway, so it'd be fine."
"God, Annabel. You finally lost it."
"Yeah." Swallowing, I moved to lay down on my bed. "It was just…I just suddenly wanted to. I don't…I don't think I'll be with him for forever or anything, but-"
"Is this because of what I said?"
"Kind of."
"Annabel-"
"I just wanted him to be special. Even when it's over between us or whatever, I want to always remember him."
She sighed loudly. "Are you still with him?"
"No. I came home."
"So…did you like it?"
"Not really," I said, rubbing my arm awkwardly. "It was…bad."
She giggled. "Did you tell him?"
"Of course not."
"Did it just hurt or-"
"Yeah."
"It'll hurt more in the morning."
"I think that he thought Cash…but he didn't, you know, get that far, so…"
"Did he mention…Will?"
"Yeah. Right after. When he saw that blood, he asked me if Will…so I told him no and that I really didn't want to think about that." I paused. "I just feel self-conscious around him now."
"It changes thing."
"I know."
"I bet he's psyched," she said, all high and mighty. "Bet he never thought he'd score."
"Clarke-"
"What? You know it's true. This probably made his life."
Groaning, I shut my eyes. "I just feel…weird."
"Like it was a mistake?"
"No," I said slowly. "It wasn't."
Was it?
"Are you on birth control?"
"He had condoms."
"Mmmm. Were you drunk?"
"No."
"So you just felt like it?"
"Yes, Clarke."
"Did he bring it up?"
"No, I did."
"Really now."
"I did. He was just fine with me jerking him off for the rest of eternity."
"It was all he was getting otherwise," she reasoned. "So you made a loser's porn dream come true. Congrats."
"You've been really rude since you and Rolly broke up."
"Yeah, I know. I've changed. Whatever." She paused as I could hear someone speaking in the background. "That's David. I have to go."
Suddenly, that named clicked with me.
"David Johnson? That psycho?"
"I told you I was getting back at James, didn't I?"
With that, she hung up. I just laid there on my bed for a moment, sighing.
"Annabel," I heard my mother calling from downstairs. "Are you alright, honey? Are you not hungry? Sick again?"
"I'm coming," I called to her as I stood up. Clarke was right though; it was now that it was really hurting. I was sore more than anything else.
"What did you and Owen do today?" Mom asked the second I came into the kitchen. She was at that table, reading a cooking magazine. "Just hangout?"
"Yes," I said, glad she wasn't able to see me as I blushed profusely. "Mallory has surgery next week."
"Really? I thought that they were…just trying to make her comfortable now?"
"She said she was having surgery."
"We'll be praying for her," Mom told me, just like she always does when I bring up Mallory. "Owen didn't work today?"
"No. He had a term paper to work on," I said. "So that's what I mostly helped him with."
"It's so good," she said then, glancing up at me, "that he has someone like you to help him out."
"Yeah," I said, going to sit down next to her. "I know."
"Annabel," Dad called then. "Don't eat in there. Come here. I want you to watch this with me."
I glanced at Mom to make sure it was okay to eat my dinner in the living room, only getting up to go when she nodded. Mom wasn't fully back yet from what happened this summer, but at least she came out of her room now.
"What's on?" I asked as I sat down next to him on the couch.
"Cortez."
I held down an eye roll. "We've seen this documentary before."
"I know," he said, smiling at me. "But you liked it so much before that I thought you'd want to watch it again."
"Sure, Dad," I said, shifting away from him. I still felt uncomfortable around him, considering.
He just smiled at me, though he frowned when my phone vibrated. "You guys have been apart for, what, ten minutes?"
"It's not Owen," I said with a sigh. "It's Kirsten. She just text saying she'll be here on Friday."
"Without the boyfriend."
"With the fiancé," Mom called from the kitchen. "And they're staying in this house, Andrew."
"Not together they're not."
"Drew-"
"You think I'm going to let the two of them share a bed in this house?"
"Kirsten shared many beds in this house, I'm afraid."
"Grace."
"You know it as well as I do."
"Annabel is in the room."
"We all knew, Drew," she told him with a sigh. "You walked in a few times, if I recall."
Dad shut his eyes before letting out a long sigh. "I don't like that boy, Grace."
"You always wanted a son," she said simply. "Now you're getting one. Maybe even a grandson."
"Grace."
I could almost hear the enjoyment she was getting from this. I don't know why she was taking so much pleasure from it though. I guess Dad hurt her cheating; she's hurting him through Kirsten. I guess I'm not the only one with a twisted relationship.
"Hey, Bell."
I smiled slightly as I opened the front door. "Hi."
Owen started chuckling again, but I just rolled my eyes, closing the front door behind me. He gathered himself before saying, "Glad to see you brought your own jacket today. Though I guess it is still mine."
"It's my favorite," I said.
"Even though it's massively huge on you?"
"It's snuggly." I held a Pop-Tart out to him. "Last show of the week."
"Yeah, I know."
"I feel like we live at the station."
"Only since you play mediocre, mind numbing music."
"Bear."
"Well, you do."
It wasn't until we were in the car though that the gauche feeling really returned. I just sat there, staring straight ahead as Owen buckled me in.
"That's what I'm get you for Christmas," I said then. "A new seat buckle."
"And ruin this?" He kissed my cheek. "I love you. I thought about you all night."
"Mmmm."
"I got the stain out. Kind of."
"Huh?"
"The sheets."
"Oh."
"Do you feel okay?"
"Yes, Owen."
"I was just worried. I mean…you bled so…and blood means something's broken…or whatever…so that must hurt…"
"You learn all that in sex ed?"
"Annabel."
"Let's just stop talking about it," I said, shifting in my seat. "It happened. It's over."
"You didn't like it," he said dryly, staring at me.
"We're going to be late."
"Annabel-"
"Just drive, Bear. It's fine."
"You could have said something."
"It took, like, half a minute. I can deal with half a minute."
That kind of annoyed him. "I didn't mean to finish so early, Annabel. You don't have to say it like that."
"God, Owen, just drive."
"Did you hate it that much?"
"I didn't hate it, Owen."
"You did."
"It'll get better for me."
He looked down at his lap for a moment before back up at me. "Will you bleed again?"
"I doubt it."
"I didn't like that part," he told me. "The blood."
"I know."
"It was like…more than I thought it would be."
"I'm sorry about your sheets."
"Bell, stop worrying about that. I'll buy some more damn sheets if I want. It's not important. I don't care about them. I just sleep on those. You're the one I care about. Hurting you."
I paused for a second before saying, "I just want to get to the show."
"Of course," he said, moving to start the car then. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"I just…if you don't like it, Annabel, we can go back to what we did before."
"Let's just not talk about it right now. I want to focus on doing the show, you know?"
"Yeah, I know."
"I love you, Owen. So, just don't worry about it, huh?"
"Alright."
Glancing at his right hand, I said, "Your knuckles are going to be scarred for a long time, you know."
"It'll be a good reminder."
"Of?"
"Of how breaking things isn't going to keep you with me. Being good to you is."
"You're better to me than any guy has ever been."
"That's sad, because I've done some pretty rotten things to you."
"You're too hard on yourself."
"We haven't even been together a year yet."
"Close to it."
"I know."
"Right before Christmas."
"Yeah."
"God, I couldn't even hold out a year."
Reaching over, Owen laid a hand on my thigh. "I won't tell if you don't."
"I told Clarke already."
"Oh."
"You told Rolly didn't you?"
"No," Owen said, glancing at me. "But I'm going to. If it's okay."
"It's fine." I sighed, leaning against the car door. "Why didn't you tell me Mallory's having surgery?"
"Didn't come up."
"Owen-"
"I know, I know. I should have told you."
"I care about her too."
"I just…wish I could keep it separate, you know?"
"Keep what separate?"
"You and what's going on."
"What?"
"I hate having to choose or whatever."
"You not choosing, Owen. You're going to be there for your sister. I know that." I looked at him. "I want to be there for her too."
"I know."
"She was excited, when she thought that you asked me to marry her. Thought that it would make us sisters."
He shifted in his seat. "She really likes you."
"I really like her."
"I know."
"I never got to be the older sister," I said, shaking my head.
"You'd be good at it then," he told me then.
"How do you figure?"
"You know everything that sucks about being younger. You'd make it not so bad."
"Keep you from being mean to her."
"I'm not mean."
"You kind of are sometimes, Snoogie."
"I'm protective."
"Yeah, and I know first hand that your protectiveness isn't always a good trait."
"I try."
"Your hardest," I agreed, smiling at him. "You know, Owen, I think she'll make it out of this all okay."
"Annabel-"
"I mean, with the two of us shielding her, what can hurt her?"
That got him to smile finally, glancing over at me as we came to a stop light. "Yeah. What can?"
And…done. Mmm, next one's back to Owen's side of things. Not sure if it'll be a five chapter or ten chapter story. Hopefully will be up soon.