Welcome back everyone. I know some of you want to know who Russ is and how important he is to Emily. So I shall be quiet and let you read. Enjoy!
"Russ?" Emily gasped, gaping at the eighteen-year-old standing on Rossi's front porch.
The teenager's eyes were just as wide as hers, two large emeralds staring at her from under a mop of unruly red hair. He needs a haircut, popped into her head. "Emily?" he said in disbelief. They stared at each other mutely. Then a big grin spread across his face. He dumped the box in a chair on the porch and before Emily could react he engulfed her in a bone-crushing hug.
"Ace? It's really you," he said in relief. Emily recovering from her initial shock wrapped her good arm around him squeezing tightly. She ignored the pain his hug was subjecting her still tender ribs to. "I thought you were dead. I went to your funeral."
Guilt swept over her. Emily broke the embrace and backed away, trying to put as much space between the two of them as possible without ending up in another room. She stared at the floor, rubbing her sling-enclosed arm at a loss for words. She had known that this was bound to happen, that she would run into acquaintances from her old life but hadn't expected it to occur so soon. She had no clue how to deal with it. All she could get out was a barely audible "I'm sorry."
Russ followed her in and saved her from having to explain. "I bet it had to do with your job," he guessed correctly. He knew she worked for the FBI and that she was a profiler and what the job entailed. "You had to go undercover," he continued, "and they had to fake your death to make it convincing."
Emily looked everywhere but at him. "Something like that," she hedged.
The teenager grinned. "That's cool. And I know you can't talk about it. It's probably classified. I'm just glad you're alive."
He pulled her into another fierce hug and Emily did not fight it. She returned it warmly. "I am too," she whispered.
They separated and Emily gestured to the couch. "Have a seat." After they had settled at opposite ends she asked, "How have you been?"
"I've been real good," Russ answered. He then nodded at the sling. "Another tree root?"
Emily cracked a smile. "Hah. No." She was going to leave it at that but the expectant look on his face had her changing her mind. She kept it simple. "Fight. Took a bullet through the shoulder. Broken collarbone and hand and a bum hip."
"Ouch," he said in sympathy. "Hope whoever you fought with ended up in worse shape than you."
"He did," she agreed but did not elaborate more. The two friends sat in silence, every now and then smiling shyly at each other. Russ gazed down at his hands and his face suddenly lit up.
"Oh!" he exclaimed and reached back to fish his wallet out of his pants pocket. "I can't believe I actually get to show you this." From within he removed a piece of paper that had been folded multiple times. Emily watched him with a puzzled look.
"When this arrived I was so excited I had to tell someone so I went to the cemetery to show it to you."
A heavier wave of guilt washed over her at the thought of Russ standing there gazing at her headstone talking to an empty grave. And he wasn't the only one. How many times had her team visited her grave as they battled through their grief? They all thought she was six feet under and not six thousand miles away in Paris. What she didn't know was the Garcia had gone every other day maintaining the gravesite and making sure Emily always had fresh flowers.
"Ace? Emily?"
"Huh?" Emily blinked, snapping back into the present. She hadn't realized she had been woolgathering. Hopefully she hadn't missed anything of importance. "What were you saying, Russ?"
"I wanted you to read it." Russ sat there holding out the folded paper to her.
"Sure," she said and took the letter with shaking fingers. Carefully she unfolded it against her leg and scanned it. As she read it a smile crept across her face. When she looked up at him Emily's eyes and heart swelled with pride. "You got a full baseball scholarship to Georgetown."
"I did," he said modestly and blushed, his face turning the same shade as his hair.
Emily leaned over and rested her hand on his knee, grinning ear from ear. "Russ, I am so proud of you."
"I never would have gotten this far without your help. Thank you, Emily."
She shrugged off the compliment. "I only got you pointed in the right direction, the rest was all you."
"Still…"
"When do you start?" she asked, stopping Russ from giving her more credit than she deserved. In her mind she had done nothing special for the boy. She had simply been his friend and had given him moral support when he needed it. Nothing else.
"In two weeks."
From Russ' perspective it was the complete opposite. To him Emily was more than a friend. She was his mentor. She had helped him through difficult times when things were bad at home. She had kept him on the straight and narrow. At times he had wished that Emily could have been his guardian but with her unpredictable work schedule he knew it wouldn't have panned out. Instead, he preferred to think of her as his unofficial adoptive mom, the closest he would ever get to a real one. The only sad thing about their relationship was that whenever he tried to tell her that Emily would brush it aside as if she thought she was some how unworthy of that title.
"That soon?" He nodded. "Is there anything you need for your dorm room?" she offered.
"Not at this time but you never know, Ace. I might down the line," he said with a wink.
Emily chuckled then suddenly her smile faded and her eyes filled with sorrow. Russ caught the change in her demeanor and leaned forward. "Emily?"
"I'm so sorry, Russ. I just realized I missed your graduation." The guilt, she was unable to hide this time, was clearly written on her face.
"It's okay, Emily," the teenager tried to reassure her.
Emily shook her head and looked away, unwilling to meet him in the eyes. She bit her lip and said softly, "No it isn't. It was an important event in your life and I missed it."
"You couldn't help it, Ace. Your job is important too. You would have been there if you could. I was cool with it. You were there with me in spirit." The young man pointed to his heart.
Emily's eyes slid back to him and the corner of her mouth curled into a small smile. "How did you get to be so smart?"
Russ grinned. "I have a great teacher."
They chatted for a while longer until she realized he was still on the clock and kicked him out to finish his deliveries. He asked if he could call later and she said absolutely. Closing the door behind him, she smiled at the unexpected but wonderful visit. She had missed him and was looking forward to hear what he had been up to while she was gone.
She had barely taken two steps when there was knocking on the door. She opened it. "I forgot to give this to you," he said sheepishly, holding up the box.
Emily laughed and gestured for him to put it on coffee table. He hurried in, dropped it on the table, paused to give her one last hug and gave her a cheeky wave goodbye. Still laughing she went back to the couch and opened the box. Not long after Dave called and said that they had caught the bad guy and he should be home in time for dinner. After hanging up Emily was still in a good mood and decided to do something nice for Dave for a change.
After dinner Emily moved to the living room to sit by the fire while Dave puttered around the kitchen tidying up.
"Anything else I can get you?" he called out.
"Nothing, thank you. I'm full," she said giving him a smile.
He tossed the dishtowel on the counter, picked up his wine glass and sat on the far end of the couch. "Dinner was delicious. I didn't know you could cook."
"I know enough not to burn down the house." She let out a little laugh that made Dave smile. It had been a long time since he had heard a genuine laugh out of her even if it was a small one. "And thank you for cleaning up."
"No problem. You cooked so it only seemed proper for me to clean up." Emily gave him another smile before turning her gaze to the crackling fire.
Dave watched her contemplating the dancing flames. There was something he wanted to talk to her about but he wasn't sure if this was the right time to do so. But the more he thought about it, the more he came to realize that there would never be a good time with this particular subject. He took a sip of wine to fortify his nerve and leaped.
"Have you called your mother yet?" He casually asked, watching her over the rim of the glass.
Emily's shoulders stiffened, her good mood gone. "No," she said flatly.
"Are you going to?"
"No."
"Why not? I'm sure she would like to hear from you," he pointed out.
Emily shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "I rather doubt it," she said in a low voice.
"What do you mean by that?"
She turned her eyes blazing in anger. "If she really wanted to talk to me she could have called anytime during the two weeks I was stuck in the hospital. But she didn't. Too busy righting all the world's wrongs to spare her only daughter five minutes of her time."
He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Surely you don't think that."
"I do. It has happened for my entire life."
"You could be the stronger one and call her first," Dave suggested.
She rounded on him. "And say what? 'Hi, Mom. It's me, Emily. You're prodigal daughter has returned from the dead. Let's do lunch'?" She raised her eyebrows questioning.
Dave couldn't help but smirk. Disgusted Emily turned back to the fire and started to run her hand along the sling. "Besides it is better this way," she said softly, the anger fading as quickly as it had erupted.
"How so?" he asked.
"I'm better off dead to her. That way she doesn't have to pretend that she cares about me. She can play the proper grieving mother with her friends," she whispered, her voice cracked with long held in pain.
"She knows you're alive, Emily. Hotch called her the first night you were in the hospital."
She stared at him for a moment then slowly shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." Emily pushed herself to her feet. "I'm tired, Dave. I think I am going to go to bed. Good night."
"Don't run away, Emily."
She paused and looked at him. "I'm not running away. I'm just tired," she said defensively.
Dave shook his head. "No, you are not. You were perfectly fine until I mentioned your mother. Lately every time you don't want to talk about something you run away to your room."
"I do not."
"Yes, you do," he said. "Stay. Don't let one difference of opinion ruin a perfectly good evening. Please don't go."
Emily stared at the stairs mulling over his words. She bit her lower lip and slowly nodded. "Okay," she conceded and sat back down.
"Thank you," he said sincerely.
Emily smiled politely as she repositioned herself on the couch. Dave smiled back, but with hope beaming behind it. She had lowered her walls just a bit. She hadn't run, she had stayed and let him gain a foothold as tenuous as it was.
"Do you think he'll remember me?" Emily asked, breaking the silence.
JJ glanced over at her friend. "Of course he will, Emily. Why do you think Henry wouldn't?"
Emily sighed and looked out the passenger window, idly twisting the cane between her knees. She had accepted an invitation from JJ to have a quiet dinner at her place with Will and Henry. But now she was having second thoughts. Mainly she was worried how Henry would react when he saw her. She didn't know if she could handle it if he looked at her without a hint of recognition in his eyes.
"Henry is only three and I've been gone for over six months. To a boy his age that is an eternity," Emily tried to explain her tumbling thoughts.
"Well he does," JJ assured her, returning her eyes to the road ahead. "If he didn't why would he have drawn all those pictures for you?"
Emily blew out a breath of frustration and brushed her hair away from the side of her face. "I guess I'm not expressing it right. I meant would he remember me for who I am or just as the lady who worked with him mom and occasionally gave him books?"
JJ smiled. "Put your mind at ease, Emily. Henry definitely remembers his 'Auntie Em'. He has been dying to see you and was a bit put out that Jack had gotten to visit you several times."
When Emily had been in the hospital Henry had been unable to visit due to the fact that Bethesda had a strict policy that children under the age of five were not permitted. Even flashing their FBI credentials had no effect especially since Henry was not related to Emily. After her release JJ held back in letting him visit until she was sure her friend was up to dealing with a rambunctious three year old. When Emily stopped distancing herself and started interacting more with the team JJ knew it was time.
Emily cocked an eyebrow. "When did I become 'Auntie Em'?"
"After Henry watched the Wizard of Oz fifteen times," JJ explained with a chuckle.
Emily let out a small laugh and they drove in silence the rest of the way to JJ's apartment.
The fear that Emily had that Henry wouldn't remember her proved to be unfounded. The moment she stepped through the door Henry had arms wrapped around her legs, his shouts of Auntie Em echoing in her ears. She grinned and ruffled his mop of blonde hair while he beamed up at her with his blue eyes. JJ eventually had to pry her son off her so that Emily could enter the apartment the rest of the way and shut the door.
Henry insisted on sitting on her lap throughout the meal. JJ tried to talk her son out of it but Emily said it was okay. The little boy was tickled pink when her dinner came pre-cut like his. Around mouthfuls of food he kept up a steady stream of questions. He wanted to know why she had brought a stick with her, what she had on her arm and why it was tied to her chest and why her two fingers stuck out. Emily patiently answered all of his questions and let him explore how the sling worked and run his hand over her splinted fingers. When he asked if they hurt she said no, they itched and he giggled.
After dinner Henry convinced Emily to color with him while his parents cleaned up. As he drew he asked her if she had seen Ergo.
Emily looked to JJ in confusion. "Ergo?"
"He means Sergio. The moment he laid eyes on him he was instantly in love." She smiled fondly at her son.
Henry nodded vigorously. "When I go to Aunt Penny's me and Ergo play hide and seek."
Emily looked again at JJ for clarification. "Sergio hides and Henry spends the rest of the visit looking for him."
"He's really good," Henry said in awe.
"I'm sure he is," Emily agreed, hiding her smile behind her hand. Seems her cat was even less fond of three year olds than he was of six year olds.
Much to the little boy's dismay his bedtime came too soon. He protested mightily but to no avail to his parents. "Give Aunt Emily a goodnight hug," JJ told him.
Henry went over and wrapped his arms around her neck. "Night, Auntie Em."
Emily gave him a quick one-arm hug. "Goodnight, sweetie. I had fun."
"Me too," he echoed and let his mother pick him up. He gave her a small wave and she waved back.
JJ told her she would be back in a little bit and Emily said no problem. To pass the time while JJ and Will were tucking their son into bed she pulled out a blank sheet of drawing paper and started to doodle. A half hour later JJ emerged from Henry's room to find her friend engrossed in her drawing. She leaned over Emily's shoulder to take a peek and frowned. Not wanting to startle her JJ settled into the chair across from her and cleared her throat.
Emily gave a slight start and looked up. "Henry all tucked away?"
JJ nodded with a smile. "Yup. Was sound asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow."
"Nice," Emily said with a smile of her own. "And Will?" she asked, noticing for the first time that Will had not returned with JJ.
"Will has the early shift tomorrow so he decided to turn in."
Emily nodded. "I see," she said and turned her focus back to the drawing. She knew Will was being polite and letting the two friends have some time alone. That meant JJ want to talk, or more precisely, she wanted Emily to talk. JJ wanted to try and get around her defenses and Emily was going to do her best to keep them up and impregnable.
JJ studied her face, looking for any chinks in Emily's mental armor but found none. In the hospital there hand been a minor break but since then Emily had sealed the crack, put up the no trespassing signs and maintained her distance from the team.
"So, Emily, how are you doing?" she ventured.
A shrug. "I'm fine," she answered, not looking up and exchanging the green crayon for the blue one.
JJ tilted her head to one side in amusement. "Emily, I spent almost two months by your bedside and I know when you say you're fine it means you're not. Want to try it again?"
Emily sighed, still feeling guilty for the hours JJ spent sitting at the hospital with her when she should have been with Will and Henry. "I'm getting by," she finally admitted.
"And that means?"
She's not going to let up, Emily thought ruefully. JJ has me right where she wants me to be. I'm stuck here until she decides to take me back to Dave's. Maybe I'll toss her bone and she'll leave me alone. Then we can spend the rest of the evening talking about nothing. Emily loved and hated JJ at the same time for what she was trying to do.
"I have good days and then I have some bad ones. But the good are beginning to out number the bad."
"Good. And the nightmares?"
The crayon in Emily's hand snapped in two. Damn, first Dave and now JJ. "What makes you think I'm still having nightmares?" She tried not to sound defensive but couldn't quite keep the hint of irritation out of her voice.
"Sometimes a picture can reveal what we really feel," JJ said and nodded at the paper under Emily's hand.
Emily looked down and her eyes widened in surprise, taking in what she had drawn. It was a rather gloomy picture. The skies were dark with black clouds. Lightning flashed and heavy rain pelted a run down church. Next to the crumbling structure was an overgrown cemetery. Poking up here and there through the tall grass were the tops of tombstones. In the forefront was a large grave with a tall headstone and jammed into the dirt was a bloody stake. In the background a shadowy figure lurked beside a tree split asunder by a bolt of lightning.
"It doesn't mean anything," Emily said hastily and went to crumple it up.
JJ rescued it before she could destroy it. For not being a natural leftie Emily could draw pretty good. "It has to mean something to you, Emily. Otherwise, you never would have drawn it," the blonde pointed out softly.
Emily stared off into the distance, turning the broken piece of crayon over and over in her hand. JJ remained silent, not pushing her. She would talk when she was ready.
"For weeks I couldn't set foot outside without being seized by a paralyzing fear. I could barely get myself out the door to go to my physical therapy sessions. I was terrified that something, someone was lurking just on the other side waiting to seek revenge on me. It's silly I know. Doyle is dead but I couldn't convince part of my mind that it was true."
"It's not silly at all, Em. You lived with that real life threat for five months. It won't go away overnight."
"I know, JJ. It's a day to day struggle," Emily said, giving her a wan smile.
JJ smiled encouragingly. "Well you seem to be succeeding. You made it here."
Emily let out a short laugh. "I did but it is still there, hanging around the fringes of my mind waiting for one hint of weakness, when my defensives are at their lowest."
"What prompted you to fight it?" JJ asked in curiosity.
Emily grabbed a clean sheet of paper and started to doodle. "Jack," she said fondly. "He had waited so patiently for me to take him to the zoo. I couldn't disappoint him."
"So that got the ball rolling?"
"Sort of," Emily said with a chuckle. "Jack got the ball into position. Dave is the one who kicked it."
"How did he do that?" JJ asked, totally caught up in the tale.
"Somehow he tricked me into taking Mudgie for a walk." This part was easier for Emily to talk about. It wasn't a deep probe into her psyche merely a retelling of a sneaky stunt.
"How?"
"I think he shoved the dog and leash into my room and ran for the hills so that I couldn't kill him."
JJ sat back and roared with laughter while Emily smiled along. She then changed crayons. With one last laugh JJ asked, "How has it been staying with Dave?"
"Good," Emily answered with a nod. "Dave has been great. He's always there, though he pretends he is not, giving me his quiet support. And when he thinks I need a nudge in a new direction he is pushing as hard as he can."
Emily fell quiet, refocusing on her drawing. JJ had a feeling that she was finished talking. She was both pleased and surprised that she had opened up as much as she did. It was a small victory for both women.
"Dave thinks I should call my Mother," Emily blurted out. She kept her eyes glued on the paper.
JJ paused. Discussing Emily's mother was always tricky. One had to tread lightly. "I see," she said cautiously.
"What do you think I should do?"
It was a difficult question with no easy answer. JJ took a minute to school her thoughts. "As a friend I would say you should do what feels right for you. But from a mother's perspective I would want to hear my daughter's voice even if our relationship was strained."
Emily nodded. "Did my Mother make quite a show at my funeral?" she asked.
JJ stopped herself from sighing, another tough question. She could lie but the last time she did it had hurt Emily deeply and she had cut off contact with her until they had met up in Paris. Even then her friend had refused to look at her and had only said 'thank you'. She couldn't let that happen again. JJ told her the truth.
"Your mother never came."
Emily's hand stilled and then resumed drawing. "Well, that settles that," she said quietly.
Well, now you have met Russ. Hope you liked him. And isn't it nice that Emily is beginning to open up a little and making progress. Now don't forget to let me know what think. As always I appreciate all comments. Until next Wednesday then.