Note: We take a little three/four week jump in time here because I don't want another filler chapter. To clear up one guest reviewer's thoughts: I promise Serena will not be pregnant in this story.
In the weeks since the list of her regrettable actions, Serena and Ric had managed to reach a state of affairs where they were able to occupy the same rooms for increasingly longer durations. They could hold a discussion but were careful to avoid serious arguments in fear of saying a comment that would lead them in to trouble of some sort.
That did not mean they were anywhere near comfortable with each other. Looking at their friend only caused memories to resurface as they tried to ignore how much they still wanted another night of what they had. They were coping though. It was possible to deal with it. Until he decided to attend Guy Self's latest publicity presentation which Ric had been trying to get out of for weeks but eventually gave in to pressure from Guy.
She had flitted between tables to make sure people appreciated her attendance. Ric had watched as she spent the longest spell with Harry Tressler, they were clearly enjoying the conversation as they laughed together. Serena was flirting - he could tell by the smile - and the younger male seemed to be responding, even encouraging, the behaviour. It was her life; she could do whatever she wanted but this crossed a line somewhere deep in him. The way she leaned over his shoulder to reach for some if the finger food as her hand rested on his back, truly knocked the air from Ric's lungs.
Finally she moved back to her original table where she was facing, but not speaking with, Amy and Raf. She looked utterly bored as she swirled around the red wine in her glass, picking at a non-existent loose thread on the dress. Ric decided they had to have a talk and that this was a good time.
"I did not think you would be here tonight." He knew she had a meeting the next morning but also, she had avoided various social gatherings recently.
"I have to support the hospital." She was not looking at him, his voice telling her where he was next to her.
Serena had been glancing over to his table as much as she dared so that he would not think anything was out of the ordinary. He had only stood when greeting people he knew well or to go the bar; she could tell he had not been enjoying himself which gave her some amusement as she knew exactly to alter that scowl.
"Would you like a dance?" Numerous other pairs were on the dancefloor so they would not have looked out of place but she stayed where she was.
"No," Saying it bluntly but not hurtfully she raised a brow and shook her head, finally looking up.
"Serena, please." She stared at him, knowing he was not going to let her get out of having a conversation with him. As much as there were other people at that table she wished Ric would just sit and speak. They held eye contact and neither wanted to give in.
"Fine." Standing up, she ignored the hand he offered her.
The dress she had on was similar to the one she had wore to his alumni evening, although not as long a skirt. She did not notice until they were closing in on the polished wooden floor that she had left her shawl on the chair. It was too late - and would sound like an awfully pathetic excuse - to leave him to retrieve it which meant that she felt hugely self-conscious. Her upper arms were one of the main areas of her body she had a problem with. The discontent had lasted since her teenage years, the root of which she could not recall but the lack of knowledge did not quell the feelings. Whenever she had been on holiday to a warm climate where vest tops were expected, she still found ways to hide anything above her elbow. She despised gyms but for her arms and stomach it was necessary or else she would believe they were more untoned than they were. None of her previous acquaintances, whether sexual partners or otherwise, had voiced an opinion on them which only heightened her fear that they were too awful for words, hence her constant requirement of long sleeved blouses and cardigans.
This concern lasted for the duration of them finding a small space for themselves and until he placed a hand on the small of her back, hardly applying any pressure. They walked in time with each other; Ric ensuring she wouldn't run away - not that she could in the dress, he had no clue she could barely breathe in it as it tightened in her waist and pushed up her breasts. While Serena tried to make it look as though she was just as in control as he was, secretly having her internal breakdown over what her colleagues would say behind her back about her appearance.
Interrupting her unfounded neurosis Ric asked, "Did you have fun with Dr Tressler at his table earlier?"
She sharply turned to face him, not annoyed, just wondering why he was interested in her joking around with Harry. "What are you, spying on me? And no, I was simply having a bit of a laugh, maybe you should try it some time."
"Oh, very funny. I only ask because you spent a while there."
She placed her hands on his shoulders as his were gingerly touching her waist. As they grew used to feeling the other so close together, they relaxed and Serena broached the real matter at hand.
"Look, Ric, I am so sorry for that night, I didn't understand why you would lie to me about Eleanor and then you stood there saying what I needed to hear."
"I know you were going through a rough patch that week. I shouldn't have taken advantage." She shook her head as soon as he let those words out of his lips.
"My life is a mess, Ric, I wouldn't get close if I was you." She gave a slight upturn of her mouth.
"I don't really have a choice in the matter though, when you are one of the few people I do not want to stop knowing." Serena had to stop looking into his eyes, they were in danger of starting something again and they were in the worst location for such an event.
As she gently ran small circles on the nape of his neck, she had to be honest with him. It would ruin the optimisism that they found themselves experiencing but she had made excuses to herself since the confirmation. It had to come out, and she had to be the one to tell him.
"I've been offered a job."
"What?" The contact between them was quickly dropped as he stepped back in silence. In the deepest corners of his brain he noticed they had moved much closer than necessary, even for dancing, but it was not important in that particular second.
"I went for an interview last Tuesday and they called yesterday to say it's mine if I want it." From her words he knew it was not at Holby.
"What position is it?" He had not heard of anywhere looking for a CEO or at least a Deputy CEO but he was not actively searching. Certainly not anywhere nearby like St. James'.
"Senior GS consultant... in Cambridge."
"You deserve more than that." Ric hated the idea of her leaving but for it to be in favour of a lower title was ridiculous.
"I have nothing here though Ric; Eleanor can have a fresh start." She turned and began to walk away and knew instantly that he was following close behind, which she did not want in the slightest. When she had witnessed his face drop at the role she had accepted, she could guess the reason.
"Have you told Eleanor and Adrienne?" He knew those two were her greatest emotional triggers and although he did not want to hurt her he wanted to get the whole truth.
"Ellie will be fine, she has grown used to moving every few years, and my mother won't notice the difference." Talking about Adrienne so harshly felt hugely disrespectable after what they had been through but she had to break away from feeling sentimental if this were to happen. There were tears stinging her eyes but she fought the desire to show such emotion in front of Ric again.
Without raising his voice - he did not welcome the idea of the entire staff knowing their business - he asked a question which seemed important to him, "When the hell did you apply for it?"
They were outside the doors to the hall when she stopped, making sure they were alone. Avoiding his eyes completely she ran a hand through the back of her hair and rubbed her neck nervously. "Four weeks ago. Three days after... three days after I found out about the pregnancy."
He knew she had been intending to base the date on when they slept together which troubled him.
"Did I really hurt you that badly?"
The bitter wind was hitting them straight on and he could see she was shivering ever so slightly - he was not surprised she was cold, as she did not even have a cardigan on. He was confident she was covered more earlier, or at least he assumed she had been as over time her clothing habits had become apparent. And, although she had never made any remark about it, during their night sharing a bed she had visibly tensed whenever he kissed her bare shoulder or ran his finger down her arm. Ric could see no fault but there was something about that part of her which made her uncomfortable; he just knew she would not have attended a function without some other layer to cover them.
Her arms were crossed over her chest and he would have put his jacket aroumd her but neither was thinking sensibly. Wanting to reach out and touch her he instead took a step back. He had never planned to care for Serena anywhere near this much yet here was the proof. It suddenly hit him that within the next few months she would be out of reach - not taking into account the recent developments, she had somehow wove her way deep inside him and become his best friend. They did not tell each other details about their days, histories or desires but they were closer tham he had felt to anyone for several years.
"No, Ric, believe me; I want to try a new place. It has nothing to do with you or that night." Okay, so that was pushing the truth, that mess had a lot to do with her choice to send away her CV.
This was how she had imagined this playing out but the feelings it evoked were unexpected. She knew it would be hard to tell him and ultimately walk away from the friendship but this was crushing her from the inside outwards.
"Well, I should be away then," he said quickly, not trusting himself to say more to her.
Serena watched his back as he kept walking and steadied herself against the wall, hoping desperately that he would not turn around.
They would eventually say they could keep in touch but having their jobs and not being the type of pair that texted or called at present, it would never continue. It had taken over two years to build the most honest friendship she had ever had, and she could not imagine starting right at the beginning with people. In America it had been easy as she had known she would be returning to the familiar surroundings and those who had liked her company allowed for simple conversation.
She had not even liked Ric much in the beginning, and he certainly had disliked her, but even that had been fun and easy to develop. The thought of the staff in Cambridge being the same as he had been made her terrified - she and Ric were a one of a kind sort of friendship.
For the remainder of the time he lasted at the party, Ric watched the doors but she never walked back in. He was glad of that as the idea of seeing her so soon after her revelation was too hard to think about. He had to get used to not seeing the woman again. No matter what he felt, she had made up her mind and who was he to change it? Obviously she could not stand to be with him because of how he had treated her. He did not deserve their friendship after that. Accepting the facts would take minimal effort; not actually seeing her or hearing her voice would require hard work to cope with, and he was not sure if he possessed enough for the task.