Part 8
A/N: Honestly, if you hate this and think it's to off character and blah blah blah, I get it. But I worked really hard on this, and I actually love the way it turned out. So if you hate it, sorry you hate it. If you love it, then yay, we both win. All I'm gunna say.
"Something Is Off"
After another long day with Nate we finally reached my apartment. Right before we went inside through Nate's phone went off... Again. Through our entire time together he kept getting texts, which he always had to check. He even left to take a phone call. I mean, I don't want to be a naggy girlfriend (or whatever I am), but isn't it rude in general? No matter who you're with.
Patiently I just stood there, waiting him to finish texting. For our first real date out, this sucked. It was like he wasn't even going to try and impress anymore now that he got me. Sure, you threw out a line and you hooked me, that doesn't mean you're allowed to act like you have to stop riling me in. Because believe it or not, I'm not even close to being caught.
Finally his fingers stopped hitting his iPhone at twenty miles per hour. At least he was trying to be fast about it? Got to be positive somehow. He took a step closer to me, placing his hand on the door handle. "Should we head up? Have a better ending then last time." Charmingly he winked at me, except it did nothing. No suddenly fast heartbeat or getting weak in the knees. Instead I stood there.
After much negotiation in my head, deciding whether or not to give him more of a chance, I decided. "You know I'm actually really tired. Maybe it is best if we just stop here." I said in my sweetest voice, though it probably sounded a bit fake. Being around him I felt unappreciated. Sort of like he could be anywhere else and it didn't matter.
Or he could be with whoever he was texting so much. Clearly they meant more than me.
His warm hands took mine, but it didn't feel comforting. Instead it felt bothersome, like my hands were going to get all warm and sweaty. His dashing blue eyes caught my shy ones, that were desperately trying to stare down. That's when he gave a little pull that brought my body closer to his, which made my breathing slow down.
We were coming to that moment again where he was going to kiss me; I could feel it. Closing my eyes I wished my dad would pop up again, interrupting us. As much as my lips were craving him, everything else in my body was shouting no. Today he was a douche who was only focusing on whoever was on the other line that he was texting, not concentrating on me. No matter how badly I wanted him earlier, he doesn't deserve me now.
What do I do? My eyes were already shut. My hands were slightly shaking in his. My heart was going a million miles per hour. All the sound around me started to blur out. I was going to kiss him, wasn't I? Whether he deserved it or not I was going to. There was no avoiding that. Fucking Nate Archibald, I swear to god if you were anyone else.
Seconds felt like hours until there was finally contact. His soft (almost girly soft) lips hit mine, just staying there as my lips forgot how to function. Instead of opening my mouth I just kept it shut. He might of stolen a kiss, but he wasn't about to get the good stuff. So I gave him a short, strictly lips only kiss. Like it was your first ever kiss and you had no clue what tongue was.
As I pulled away I took a deep breath, because he just stole some of mine. Yes, I am still extremely pissed at him for everything. And yes, my heart is no longer craving his love. But damn... That boy knows how to kiss. Even with lips sealed.
"I'll um... See you later." With that I twirled around and hurried inside the building. I'm mad at him, totally mad at him, but my face was glowing. I could even feel my cheeks go a little pink. For so long I hadn't been kissed like that, with some passion. Not a drunk Chuck Bass going for my lips without giving a shit about my feelings. I was pissed at Nate for the worst first date ever, but he still made me happy. Especially when he did that thing with his lips.
The elevator was empty as I got in. I waited for the doors to shut before geeking out. Excitedly I jumped up and down, twirling in a circle. After that I even did a victory dance of fist pumping the air. Trust me when I say I looked like the biggest idiot alive. I totally loved it though. Nothing made me this happy lately.
Minus when I was with Chuck at the station. Or at the house. Or at the club. Or in his limo. Or when he kissed me...
As the doors opened I stopped spazzing out and calmed myself. I had no clue who was home, and I really didn't want to explain my happiness. Calmly I made my way to the living room, no one was there. Well fine, I would just hate to my room. Have some alone time to decide what to do about Nate and his rude behavior. Maybe I should have a talk with him, make sure he knows I'm not that easy like I use to be. He needs to act like he could lose me any second, because he could.
My smile slowly faded when I saw Chuck's light on. Should I go in? Might as well thank him for the whole talking to Nate thing, even though it sort of sucks right now (despite the kiss). We were both young adults. I could handle this. He could handle this. No pressure.
Quietly I approached his open door, nervous about confronting him. Not like anything could go wrong. No matter how it was between us last time, we could still talk about this. It was a simple thank you. Even children could do that peacefully. And though I won't always admit it out loud, Chuck was a nice guy and he, in a weird way, cared about me.
"Boo." I whispered ever so quietly in a playful manner as I stepped into his room. I must have been oh so terrifying with my frightening boo. Standing there with my hands behind my back, looking innocent and harmless as can be. I'm not sure why, but whenever I got around him I felt like returning to my old, shy self. After a while my outgoing self would kick in; for now I was nervous and quiet.
Chuck closed his book, setting it down on his bedside table. He rolled up his sleeves before pulling himself up in bed; showing off his toned arms (had he been working out?). I heard him clear his throat as he looked me in the eyes, "You're so scary, Jenny." The sarcasm just rolled off his tongue with a quick eye roll. Oddly enough that was followed with a slight, almost unnoticeable, smile.
Rolling my own eyes I made my way to his bed, taking a seat by his feet. My eyes glanced from his face to his feet. Even when he was casual he seemed dressed up. From head to toe. Everything from a nice collared shirt to fancy socks. If anyone had style it was Chuck. Though I wondered if he ever took a break from always trying to impress everyone. Not that I minded looking at him...
Trying to break some tension I poked his foot. Which I felt stupid about doing right after I did it. I closed my eyes tight, shaking my head. Stay focused Jenny, don't get caught up in that smile. "I, um, just wanted to thank you for the Nate thing. Especially after, you know, I slapped you." Nervously I laughed, getting the strength to look him in the eyes. It was a nice change to see brown eyes instead of blue ones. "He took me out today and I have to thank you for that."
At that moment complete silence fell across the room. It was sudden, out of nowhere. No one spoke or moved to break the tension. Instead our eyes were locked and our lips were closed. What was going on exactly? Was it something I said? I couldn't tell. So I stayed silent, looking at him, waiting for him to speak or something.
Slowly he moved his body next to mine. I couldn't help but notice his hand was less than an inch away from mine. If he scooted a little closer it would be on top of mine. But that was just something I noticed. His head titled in, almost like he was going to kiss me; all I did was take a deep breath, keeping an eye on his lips.
After another long pause his lips began to open, his words following right after. "It was a bad idea for me to talk to Nate for you. At the time I honestly didn't care, you know, because you slapped me and everything." His face had a hint of regret, like he knew that was his fault. Though I guess I can see why he would be upset with me for smacking him. "But I think he's up to something." Those words sounded so weird coming out of his mouth.
Hearing that instantly made me laugh. Just laugh. The king of con-artists was telling me Nate was up to something? That had to be a joke. Not to be rude, but Nate probably couldn't even think up some complex plot that would make even Chuck concerned. Wait... Why the hell was Chuck even concerned?
"What could Nate be up to that made you grow a conscious?" I laughed, leaning in a little myself, just to make the moment a little more intense. It couldn't hurt (probably). Besides I always had this urge to push the moment whenever we were together. He brought out the more daring Jenny within me; even if it was doing something as silly as getting closer to him.
Chuck rolled his eyes, like he was saying he didn't have to be helpful right now. Like this was some great favor he was doing me. Though I still don't think Nate could do anything like that. Be a douche who doesn't call, write, message, or contact you in any way and breaks your heart, maybe. Not a planning mastermind. That roll belonged to Blair and Chuck, and Serena once in a blue moon if she actually got a good idea.
We both stayed quiet, completely silent. The only thing that was speaking were our eyes. His were so calm as they barely moved. Instead he just kept staring into mine. My eyes, on the other hand, were opened wide, trying to figure his out. It made me move in only a centimeter closer. What are you saying Chuck Bass?
Before I could move any closer he stood up and made his way across the room. That made me stand up as well. In interest I took steps closer. It was like he was trying to get away from my gaze, but I was locked on him. The way he talked, the way he looked at me, the way he took those steps away; it was all part of the mystery that always made me want to know more.
It was all just interest though, nothing more. Interest about who he was and why he was that way. The secrets he had dragged me. That's all it is.
When I took a third step closer, it seemed like he finally snapped. He wouldn't let me get another step closer. "Nate is definitely into someone else." Chuck's usually controlled voice sort of blurted out. Knowing it would repel me backwards. "I've seen him texting with that stupid grin of his, and if that wasn't enough he's not very secretive with his phone calls either."
My love struck brain slowly put some of the pieces together. Nate had sent so many texts, he had even taken phone calls. Every time he insisted it was business, which of course I believed. He was lying to me... No. He said it was business and that's what I'll believe. It was to believe either Chuck (the guy who tried to get at me last night and has never gave a damn) or Nate (the guy who might of broken my heart before but has never had a cynical thought in his life). The choice was obvious.
Laughing in disbelief I made my way away from him. Shaking my head ever so slowly, trying to show how I wouldn't accept his words. There was no way it could be true. It just couldn't be. "Do ever stop lying? I mean honestly, Chuck. This is low for even you." My shot at happiness and he was dragging it down.
All the sweetness in his face was sucked away almost instantly. "Whatever, Humphrey. I thought you smarter this time around." He spoke bitterly as he rolled his sleeves down, grabbing his jacket off the bed. His eyes were now shouting with anger. "Have fun figuring this out on your own." Like that he was out the door and to the elevator.
Am I being stupid to not take his warning? Possibly. It was such an empty warning though. All he had for proof was what he heard and what he saw. I'm sorry but that's not enough for me to throw Nate away. Nate was too sweet anyways. He would never hurt me on purpose. Whatever Chuck heard, he heard wrong.
*Line*
"A Mysterious Noise and A Mysterious Message"
Around nine I stepped out of the shower. Steam consumed the bathroom as I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body. I wiped away the fog on the mirror to see my fresh, clean reflection. There was something about taking a shower that sort of reset me. Going from tensed, over thinking Jenny back to relaxed, care free Jenny. All my worries were miles away.
So I thought I was home alone, but when I opened the bathroom door I heard someone laughing from down the hall. It sounded nothing like my dad or Lilly, so obviously it caught my attention. Holding my towel tightly to my body, grabbing my phone off the counter, I made my way down towards the living room. As I got closer I noticed all the lights were off, the glow coming from the room was coming from candles.
What the hell was going on...?
Before I could take another step forward, I heard a girl start to speak. Still I couldn't tell who it was. Then there was a guy, and after a second of thinking about it that was definitely Dan. That really grabbed my attention. I got to the end of the hallway, barely sticking my head out to see what was going on.
When I laid my eyes on who was in the living room, I almost gasped out in shock, but I stopped myself. If I gasped they would hear me and they would stop doing whatever they were doing. And I have to see what they're doing, because you never see Dan and Blair alone together. At least, that's what I thought.
Blair let out the most adorable giggle as she smacked my brother's arm. She had the happiest smile I have ever seen on her lips. "Shut up!" Her hand traveled down his arm to his hand, which she took in hers. "You are such a dork." With that her body moved in closer.
From a distance I admired them as their gaze got more intense. Their bodies got closer on the couch. Was this honestly happening? Blair Waldorf and, my brother, Dan Humphrey were getting a little too cozy on the couch. Starring into each others eyes, holding hands, scouting closer to one another. I thought this morning was an alternate universe, but shit just got ten times weirder. Here I was, staring right at it, still I couldn't believe it.
If all of this wasn't weird enough, something truly unbelievable happened. My eyes widened in shock as my brother's lips locked with Blair's. It wasn't a short and sweet kiss either. Once they met both of their bodies moved in closer. Dan's hand landed on her showing leg; her arms wrapped around his neck. Blair tilted her head as she kissed him more and more until they practically reached the point of making out (or at least getting there).
I was so consumed in watching my brother get on top of Blair I almost completely zoned out, so when my phone vibrated I don't even know what happened. All within the same five seconds my phone went off, which caused me to spazz and drop it. By the time my phone hit the floor they had already heard me. Dan got off Blair and stood up while Blair continued to sit there, her jaw dropping a bit.
Thank god I held onto my towel because I could of just as easily let that drop too. As fast as I could I grabbed my phone off the floor and darted back to my room. Quietly I shut the door, taking the biggest breath of my life. That, right there, was so many levels of awkward. And I knew they heard me, I mean obviously they did. Now I just had to wait until one of them knocked on my door.
Dear lord let it be Dan.
Though I did decide I wouldn't greet whoever it was in my towel (no matter how much I pulled it off). I stripped down and began to look for something at least decent. Nothing to flashy, that might seem weird. Still, I didn't want to just open the door in my pajamas acting like I didn't care. Finally I just put on one of my dad's old shirts, tying it with a hairband in the back, and a pair of short-shorts. It was casual, but not like I was aiming to impress. Perfect.
Right as I buttoned my shorts there was a knock on my door. Guess it was easy to narrow it down to me since my room is the only one with a light on. Taking one more calming breath I grabbed another hair tie off my dresser, walking to the door. As I opened it I began to put my hair in a cute, messy bun; still trying to act super casual.
Like I had hoped for, it was Dan standing in front of me. Clearly he took a moment to clean up as well. His shirt straightened out, collar put down properly. It was cute he tried to clean up, but after what I saw... Well, let's get real here.
"So, I had no idea you'd be home and," His words mumbled together as his lips couldn't decide what to say next. Which I couldn't blame him. How do you explain that? "After you left a lot happened and-"
Maybe it was rude of me, but I wasn't going to let him finish that sentence. Out of all the letters he sent never once did he mention Blair, like at all. He never mentioned a single girl or feelings for anyone. "Obviously a lot has changed, you had your tongue down Blair Waldorf's throat." I crossed my arms as if I was upset, though I'm not sure I am. They both clearly seemed happy, which wasn't a bad thing. It was just super weird to imagine. "What the hell, Dan? Where in the world did this come from?" Seriously, where in the freaking world did this come from.
That was when Blair appeared behind Dan, her arms wrapping around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and looked me in the eyes. I get that they're together now, or whatever this is, still just seeing them was super weird. Especially since the two were all cuddly and close and sweet to each other and... and... dear I say it damn adorable.
Blair whispered something into his ear before kissing his cheek and looked back at me. Man, why did they have to actually be cute? It made all of this worse. Blair began to speak, "When I got back from Paris," after pushing Serena in the fountain, "I ran into Dan at the old French theater down in Brooklyn. I was so upset I didn't even attempt to ignore him." She laughed a little bit, her arms letting go of him. "Dan saw how upset and then he-" At that moment my phone vibrated again.
I put my finger up as a signal for them to stop talking. Dear, little, perfect iPhone, thank you for knowing exactly when to make a noise to stop my the girl who use to want to kill me talk about how she got with my brother. Sometimes you have to take a moment to appreciate the little things in life, like phones saving you from awkward moments.
Honestly I forgot it went off earlier in the first place. That was when I saw I sad two new messages. I slid to unlock it and typed in my password then went straight to my messages. Two new ones, both from Nate. Interesting.
The first one read: "Hey Jen, can you come over? I want, no need, to see you. Get here soon." So he needs to see me? I think Nate is wanting a bit more than he got earlier. Maybe I could pay him a visit. But right, the second one: "Seriously. Get here right now." Now that is... Odd.
With pure confusion taking over my face I looked back up to the weirdest couple I had ever seen. Without a word I dropped my phone in my pocket, going over to my closet and grabbing a jacket. I wasn't wearing the sexiest outfit alive, but it was hot in that careless kind of vibe. As I put on my jacket I looked between them.
"I get it. You guys are together and happy. Awesome." My smile might of came off fake, I couldn't help it. My mind was just somewhere else. God am I a bad person? My brother was happy, that was all good, but I could deal with his happiness later. Other things were happening now. "Promise not to tell a soul, but I really gotta go."
Like that I walked past them and headed for the elevator. Something didn't feel right about these texts, and I as on a mission to figure out what that was.
*Line*
"There's Always A Plan"
My taxi pulled up to Nate's apartment as the wind began to pickup. I stepped out the taxi thanking the fact that my fair was in a sexy little bun. As I made my way up the steps someone pumped into me. It was so rude, they didn't even apologize. Though this is New York after all. Still I turned around just to see some man hop in a limo and drive off. Yep, he was definitely in to much of a hurry to mutter a simple "sorry".
Jerk.
Whatever, I won't let them ruin my day. Everything had been going so well (minus Chuck being an ass with his little theory of Nate possibly seeing someone else). Instead I am determined to stay positive and continue to have a good mind set until that clock striked midnight. On my way inside the building I smiled to every single worker I passed. Which they would either take as sweet or think I'm mocking them since I don't have to do a single thing.
The elevator was empty as I entered it, so for the next minute or two I would be allow as it traveled up to the top floor, which meant I was left alone to my thoughts. That alone was a scary thought. My mind had the freedom to wonder from why Nate so desperately needed to see me, to how Dan and Blair had been keeping such a big secret, or to what evil plan Serena had planned for me since the whole team up with Blair thing didn't work. More importantly my mind couldn't help but think of Chuck. How did he always get on my mind? Even when there was nothing to think.
Either I was thinking about when our hands touched at the train station. That little smile that caught all of my attention. The way we laughed together when I told him I'd choose bigger boobs. How he spoke about nobody waiting for him when he got home. His hand when he offered to dance with him. How soft his lips were, how he tasted when he kissed me. When he tried to warn me about the impossible. No matter how many times my brain said he would always be the same sleezy jerk, my heart kept telling me his spots changed.
By the time the doors opened I almost forgot why I was here in the first place. How did my mind get on Chuck anyways? That needed to stop. It was to distracting from things that really mattered, which was (suppose to be) anything but him. Right now I had to focus on Nate and our relationship, or something like that.
When the doors opened though, I heard some talking coming from his bedroom. Crap. Was Chuck here? That would make this way awkward... and extremely confusing. Why would Chuck be here if he needed me to come over so desperately? Why would anyone be here? Is it weird for me to think that it should just be him and me? Maybe I'm asking to many questions. Now I need to go out and get the answers.
When I stepped down the hall, right before I called his name, I almost completely froze. Earlier with Blair and Dan I might have had trouble telling who was speaking to whom, but with these voices I had no trouble. I heard Nate's voice, that was clear. What scared me though, what made me freeze, was the voice I could recognize without a doubt. That other voice, that other person, that sickening laugh was coming from none other than Serena van der Woodsen.
My instincts told me to run in there and teach them a think or two. Scream at Nate, slap him maybe. Oh god and what I would do to Serena. Right about now I wanted to yank on her pretty blonde hair and push her against a wall. She has screwed me over way to often.
No. I have to calm down. This could honestly be anything. Since I left I haven't pretty much spoken to either of them. For all I know they could still be really close friends. True Gossip Girl never mentioned them hanging out or anything and no one spotted them anywhere, but that doesn't mean anything. They've known each other for their entire lives, there is the simplest explanation for why they would be alone together right after he texted me to come over.
Maybe he texted me so Serena could apologize, and they knew if she texted me I would ignore it?... Yeah. That's kind of a long shot, isn't it? Still, positivity is my goal. Until proven otherwise this is a good thing.
Before I turned the corner into his room though, I stopped. By spying on Dan and Blair I had the chance to figure out what was going on between them. It was sneaky and unfair to their privacy, but it wasn't like it hurt them. If anything it'll be good for them to have someone who knows of their little affair. Spying on Nate and Serena couldn't hurt. It would only give me an advantage on the situation, and that really couldn't hurt anyone if I knew what was happening. It would give me a game plan for entering.
So just like before I stopped right before his door way, leaning against the wall just in case my shadow could be seen. Man was I becoming the sneaky girl since I got back. All those minion traits from when I was freshman were coming back to me. Always keep your eyes and ears open, gossip was around every corner. This time literally.
The two continued to talk as I kept my breathing low. "I told you everything is going great with me and Jenny." Nate said with a slight laugh at the end. Awh, he was talking to Selena about us? That was... Odd. Odd, but cute.
"I know you have it under control." Serena's voice started to get all pouty sounding, "And I don't mean to bother you when you're out with her. You know I get jealous." What the hell was that suppose to mean? It made me lean in a little closer.
Nate let out one of his charming laughs before he started to talk, "Don't worry about it. Everything is going like you thought. If not better." I heard him take a phew steps. Where was he headed? "She's totally head over heels. Even caught me going through her purse and fell for the note idea you had."
If I wasn't so curious to where this was going, I would have barged in already. Things are going better than they thought? I was head over heels? Note idea? Why did I have this feelings I was going to look really stupid by the end of this conversation? I shouldn't of allowed myself to fall for him so fast. This wasn't good.
"Seriously? And that girl calls me stupid." Serena laughed out, I could only imagine her rolling her eyes. Note to Serena: you are stupid. "She'll be putty in your hands in no time." That was when there was a long pause that felt like it went on forever, though it was probably only seconds. "Then we'll crush her and show her once again she doesn't belong here any longer."
By now I wasn't quite sure what to do. On one hand, I wanted to fall to the ground crying. Then on the other hand, I wanted to run off and pretend I was never here. And if I had three hands, I wanted to barge in there and finally give Serena, and now also Nate, a piece of my mind. I am not some stupid, naive, hopelessly in love girl. That was the old me. I will not be her again. Ever.
So I gathered up all my strength, kept back those stupid tears, and finally took a step inside his room. My arms across my chest, getting my bitchiest face on. Show them you mean business. "Crush me? How did you exactly plan to do that?" Hopefully my voice didn't sound as shaky as I felt saying it.
It was like when I entered the room everything froze. Simply by the look in their eyes I knew I had caught them more than off guard. Right now I was literally the last person they ever expected to see. Which was good, people let more slip when they're off guard. I was aiming to get the truth out of them.
Nate's lips opened and closed as his words stuttered, trying to form a single word, "Jenny... We were just talking about... about..." His words stopped going, but it was clear that in his head he was still trying to figure out a way to make all of this make sense. His body stopped moving and his eyes seemed to stare off into my mine, still just as lost.
"About how you don't belong back here and you should run back to Hudson." Serena stepped forward, rolling her eyes at me. Just her posture made it clear that she thought she was the number one person in the room, like she owned the place. If she wanted to own this place, go ahead. I had no desire to be the head bitch in here. "You could never do it, Jenny, and you never belonged here. But for some strange reason you keep coming back with this idea you can make it." She took a step closer, getting up in my face. "Each time you end up failing and hurting people who matter." Oh? Like herself?
Without a thought I brought up my hand and bitch slapped her pretty little face so hard. This was definitely where she had crossed the line. As if she knew anything about me, had the right to judge me. I know I wasn't the greatest person, but each year I have grown more and more. Being away for senior year only helped me grow more. For her to stand here and judge me like she could read me like a children's picture book was not acceptable.
Angrily I looked into her surprised eyes, "You. Are. No one. Special." I stopped between my words for two reasons: 1. To prove the point of how pissed off I am and 2. It was hard to even speak at this point. I want to be strong, I do, but it is so hard. They, people like Serena, always make it so hard to move on and get over it. Oh no, there is always a problem with a past. "No one even likes you anymore, not even Blair. The only person who does is... Him." My eyes shifted to Nate, still glaring.
A moment of silence came over the room once again. Which made me realize, I had more to say. I had things to say to Mr. Pretty-Boy. My eyes continued to look right into his as my glare (hopefully) burned holes into him. "What have I ever done to you? Besides for begging for your attention, fall for you, becoming a complete idiot and fall in love with you." Sighing I took a step back, admiring the scene in front of me. "What I don't get is why you'd ask me to come over when she was here. You really are dumber than I thought."
Never had I agreed with everyone else and called Nate an idiot. Sure, I'd say he could be a bit clueless, or that he didn't catch on quick. That was always because I thought it went with his good natured-ness. Now it was clear he was mindless.
Nate took a step closer to me, just for Serena to put up her hand to stop him. She had him whipped good. They really were meant to be together. She was controlling and he was easily controlled. God it made me sick just to look at them. All these lies and I've been back for only a couple of days. It made me wonder if they had this plan all along.
Confused more than usual Nate did speak, despite Serena's warning hand, "Jenny, I never sent you a text. My phone is in the other room." What I hated about that was I could tell it was true, he didn't text me. Guess he isn't that dumb.
When my eyes fell on Serena though she shot me a glare like 'yeah right'. If she didn't send and he didn't send it, who did? No one else could have- Feeling like an idiot this whole situation suddenly made sense. He warned me something was up; I didn't bother to listen. He was the only person who even had a clue, who could even get to Nate's phone and know this would be happening.
Chuck Bass... Did you do this because you care?
Without a word I made my way out of the room, walking quickly down the hall. I had to get out of here. I had to get some air. The tension that followed me was so awkward and thick you could cut it with a knife, and you could gladly take the knife out of my back to do it.
Right as I got to the elevator, pressing the button as fast as possible, I heard Nate call after me. I wasn't even sure of what he was saying, all the words seemed to get slammed together. Just hearing his voice made me twirl around in anger. Standing my ground I put my hand up to make his lips to stop moving. I only had one last thing to say to him. One last thing and I could the rest of my life without seeing his beautifully deceivingly face again.
"Don't pretend you care," I shook my head right as the elevator doors dinged open. Slowly I took a step backwards into it, still keeping eye contact, "You're just as heartless as she is." I clicked the lobby button and watched the doors close and his body disappear.
*Line*
"Are You Waiting For Someone? Are You Waiting For Me...?"
Quietly I made my way into the empty club. There were three people here; the janitor who let me, obviously me, and the shadowed figure of a man sitting on the couch with the best view of the empty stage. My footsteps were short and quiet, his body slowly becoming visible. He was slouched over with a drink in his hand. Just the way I pictured him.
Is it weird I found it beautiful? The way he seemed so miserable and alone, when he could have anything he wanted. How I could see how broken he appeared, and how he could easily be fixed. That deep down I knew his secret, he does care and he is a good person, but to the rest of the world he'd gladly appear as the bad boy without a heart. You can appear totally miserable, but I know the truth Chuck, and I'm going to hold it against you.
Without a single word I walked in front of him and stopped. His eyes went front my waist up until he stopped at my eyes. We both stared each other down. Deep down Chuck and I were a lot alike. He was trying to read my eyes, I was trying to read his. He secretly (well tried to make it unnoticeable) checked me out, I secretly pretended not to notice. He cared about me, I cared about him (no one has to know about that).
A little smile formed before I walked right in front of him. I leaned down, taking a deep breath. Then, without a thought... I slapped him. That made me actually have a smile, not a fake one I gave my taxi driver or the janitor when he let me in. A real smile. The expression on his face only made it grow more. This was actually, kind of, hysterical.
"That's for setting me up for getting my heartbroken." I giggled a little, standing up straight again. Saying made me feel like such a baby though. Nate and I were only really together for, like, two days. I guess it was the getting my hopes up that hurt, thinking there would be a future. Guess it was better to find out now then later... Still I wanted to have a reason to slap him. Just cause.
Looking me dead in the eye, his eyes wide, he stood up to stand right next to me. For a second his mouth was just open, hanging in shock. "How did you know that-" He stopped himself and shook his head, "Why the hell did you slap me? I was doing you a favor." There was regret already sinking in to his upset voice. It was cute.
God. What is wrong with me? I have slapped Serena, told off Nate and decided I was done with him, then I slap Chuck, and now I'm realizing everything that's so cute or handsome about him. Did I notice before and choose not to acknowledge it? I always knew he was a good looking guy, I mean anyone could see that, but it wasn't just that. Realizing it made me smile or laugh.
He was so silly, acting like Mr. Tough Guy when all I could see was the sweet guy who risked hurting me to save me. All I could see was this guy who had a soft side. Or a guy who might be the biggest liar I've ever met, but the only person around here who was honest and said it exactly how it was. I was drowning in the thoughts of him I never allowed before.
Now, I had another plan in my head and up until now it was just a thought. Earlier it seemed a bit crazy; now that we were standing next to each other, so close, it didn't seem so crazy. Either way I made a choice. I was already spy Jenny, now I'm going to be impulsive Jenny. "And this is a thank you for doing it..." My words started to fade as I closed my eyes. This wasn't crazy, not at all.
My body almost stopped itself, but I made myself do it. I leaned in and I kissed him. I kissed Chuck Bass. My lips lingered on his, resting for a moment before they barely opened, just the slightest. Again I kissed his rough lips, putting more into it. Once my lips were comfortable, I didn't want to pull away. My heart was racing like no other, and I couldn't tell if it was in a good or bad way.
Opening my eyes I pulled away just to see his were still closed. He... Closed his eyes? That meant something. You can kiss a million people and your eyes can stay wide open, but the second your eyes close there is a story behind it. Mine were closed too though, so that meant something as well.
We both stood there in silence, looking at one another. I don't think either of us knew what just happened. Am I insane? Probably. Do I give a single fuck right now? Not at all.
Right now would probably be a good time to explain why we just locked lips. The logic made sense, at least to me. "Do you remember when we were alone in the living, and you were staring down at all the people, the taxis, and the apartments across the street?" I took a short breath before looking back into his eyes (mine had somehow wondered to the ground). "You asked me if I thought someone was waiting for them to get there, if they knew someone would be waiting." Shrugging I placed my hands on his shoulders; I had nothing to lose.
Chuck's eyebrow lifted in confusion as he continued to look me in the eyes. He didn't even shrug or push away my hands. "How does that have to do with..." Slightly chuckling he looked at my lips and then back to my eyes. His eyes were filled with so much confusion, but they still sparkled just as bright. "Whatever just happened."
"It made me think, I want to be that person waiting for you..." I trailed off, moving my body in even closer, "I had two options: go home and wait until you came back, or take a chance and see if you were here, maybe waiting for me?" I asked ever so sweetly. Right I was playing all my cards. Being sweet, yet strong. Flirty, yet straight forward.
Honestly, I was sort of trying to be like Blair, because that would keep his attention.
"Listen, Jenny, that's sweet, but let's get real. There is nothing here and nothing will be here. I was doing you a favor, that's it." Chuck sighed, taking my hands off his shoulders. As if all I said meant nothing he started to make his way out.
I was not about to settle with that. No. I already pushed myself this, I was not going to become a fool by doing so. Instinctively, with a bit of anger, I shouted after him, "You know, you try and act like this big shot but you're not." That got him to stop and turn around. With purpose in my step I marched over where he now stood. "People see you as this liar and cheater and player, but you're not. Out of everyone you are the most honest, real, and trusting person there is. No matter how backwards that sounds, that's who you really are. You know it."
Actually saying that out loud, knowing I believed each word coming out, felt sort of freeing. This illusion of who he was trying to be wasn't true. As much as he might hate it, he is a good person. Not exactly to every single person he meets, but when it came down to it. He was the only one who would admit what type of world all the Upper East Siders lived in. How it was corrupt and by pretending you survived. Everyone would be scared to say that, even if everyone knows it.
"You don't know me!" Chuck yelled right into my face, making me flinch backwards. There wasn't even alcohol on his breath. All this anger was him. "You're back for a few days, talk to me a couple of times, and suddenly you act like you know me inside and out. You're not that special." Angrily he rolled his eyes, shaking his head at me. "Get over yourself."
What I was about to do would either be my stupidest decision yet, or the bravest thing that has ever worked out. I am not the strongest chick alive, in reality I'm just skinny and tall, muscle I'm sort of lacking. Still, with what I did had I pushed him against the wall. Without hesitation I walked right up to him and kissed him again, keeping my body against his as he leaned on the wall.
My eyes were shut tight and I loved that fact; I could only hope his were too. The moment I felt his hands on waist I knew this was going somewhere good. Barely pulling away I began to kiss him more and more. Our lips were playing a game of a tag, and tag backs were totally acceptable. Breathing was an option we could have whenever our lips were free, but that option did not last long.
So Nate was Serena's little minion with her twisted webs. So my brother was hooking up with the girl who once wanted me dead. So I had pretty much no friends here besides my step brother and the girl who betrayed our friendship for a guy who ended screwing her over anyways. So my dad was having slight marriage troubles. I don't give a single fuck about any of that.
At this moment, at this incredible moment, Chuck Bass' hands were around my waist. His lips were on mine. His eyes were closed (yes I peeked to check). Nothing in the world mattered, because right now was the only moment that I cared about.
Worst brave decision I've ever made? Well we'll see in the morning.