The snow falls delicately on all the skyscrapers, BMW's, taxis and the spurs of people scurrying along the NYC sidewalk. The lookout from Sara's 58 inch window is breathtaking in the wintertime. Possibly her favorite place to be was on the couch conveniently placed directly in front of the window, with a book and a cup of coffee on the windowsill. There was a few light brown half circle coffee stains shamelessly on the sill. Sara's flat was beautiful in the wintertime and smelt of pine needles. Her candles all the same scent from the same brand, one she's used since she was a child. There was a coffee scented one in her bedroom and amber scented ones in her bathrooms. Every other room had a pine scented one that reminded Sara of winter at her parent's log cabin. Sara had grown accustomed to the scent and she'd grown to love it. Unfortunate to Tegan- she hated pine trees in general. They reminded her of the cold winters at foster care. She hated anything that reminded her of her childhood. It was sad for Sara to see Tegan hate Christmas and Thanksgiving. Sara was big on family and traditions so for six years, Tegan was dragged to each and every family event and holiday.
Well, she doesn't need to worry about that anymore, thought Sara bitterly. She wasn't being fair. She felt guilty for the fact that Tegan had no one. No family whatsoever to go to. What had she done the past two years for holidays? Sara wondered. She shouldn't dwell on it too much, it'd make her poignant. She needed to focus on herself. She was a lonely middle-aged woman with two cats. How cliché, how upsetting. She looked out at the city and sighed. It was getting dark and it was Sara's favorite time to walk around the city. She'd take her iPod, a cup of coffee and a big winter coat, then she'd walk around and window shop. She always ended up in her usual bookstore and she's end up buying a few more books that couldn't fit in her in-home library.
She stands up and puts on her big, over-sized jacket. She's skipping dinner yet again. As Sara opens the door, the home phone rings. She sighs, shutting the door and dropping her satchel. She walks to the cream-coloured counters and picks up the phone from the receiver. "Hello?" She greets the caller, her voice sounding melancholy.
"Uh, is… Uh, excuse me." The caller clears their throat. Sara recognizes the voice and she smiles big, tears at her eyes. "Sorry. Uh, is Amber there?" the caller disguises themselves and Sara allows it, just to hear her voice for longer than usual. She covers her mouth to stop from making a sobbing noise. She's crying tears of joy, something she's not used to.
"I apologize, but Amber hasn't lived here in maybe six or seven months." Sara says into the phone, her voice light and airy. "But I'm her ex-wife." Sara finishes, waiting for the voice to reply. She's ecstatic that she called. She didn't think she would. She really thought they were done but it was nice to know that they weren't.
"Oh…" the voice sounds a bit taken back and it pauses, as if it's got to collect itself or that it's considering ending the awkward conversation. "That's better news." The voice says and Sara grins, her cheeks bright red.
"Yes, it is." Sara replies and peels off her coat, expecting this conversation to last a long while. "Hi, Tegan." Sara says as she slides her bum down to the ground, her back against her cupboard. "I've missed hearing from you." She whispers, unsure if Tegan's willing to stay on the long.
"Hi, Sasa." The voice replies, slowly. Tegan's nervous. She didn't expect Sara to sound so entirely sad and she sure as hell didn't expect Amber to be absent. "You've been making yourself busy?" Tegan asks, hopeful. She hopes Sara's not too upset over their break up.
"I've been managing." Sara whispers, playing with her sleeve. "Have you been busy?" Sara asks, the opposite of Tegan's hopes. She wants Tegan to be upset and she wants to Tegan to want her back. She wants Tegan to have been depressed and regretful. And Tegan has, just not admittedly. She tried to distract herself. She thought the break up was what she wanted and then she suddenly regretted it.
A/N: Quick but I'm trying to hurry! :)
"I've been busy, yes." Tegan says, a smile playing in her voice. "But I've missed you." She replies, the volume of her voice suddenly dropping. "A whole lot more than I anticipated." This is good news to Sara and it makes her hopeful. She silently punishes herself for that.
"Oh." She says and pauses. She stands up and walks to her window, looking at the rush of people. "I've missed you too." She says, and then corrects herself, "I miss you." She hears Tegan sniffle and she knows that Tegan can't be cold. Tegan's crying. Sara smiles big, sadly. She wants to hug Tegan. She wants to hold her and tell her that it's okay and that she still loves her and that they'll live happily ever after. "It's okay to cry. It's all I did for a while." Sara admits and the statement earns a sob from Tegan. Sara shushes her softly, "Shh… Tegan… It's okay. Sasa is here." She reassures Tegan, and then realizes that this might not be why Tegan called. She might just be checking on Sara. Maybe Tegan's happy with someone else.
"I'd go back and change it if I could, Sara. You'd still be here if I could change what I did. I just… I wasn't thinking this stuff until I heard your voice. I can't believe I did this. I'm so sorry." Tegan apologizes in a rush. So fast that Sara barely catches it. Tegan's breathing is loudly audible on the phone, she's crying that hard. "I didn't mean to do this." Tegan says, softly. Her crying seems to have subsided.
"It's okay, Tegan. I mean, it's not but it is. I'm alive, okay? I'm not the healthiest but I'm alive." Sara says and Tegan starts crying harder. Sara shakes her head, "Shit. Tegan. Stop. It's okay, I swear—I promise!" She shouts, almost. Tegan seems to calm down, so Sara continues. "I'm okay and I'm willing to forgive you. Fuck, I already have." She starts to cry, "Just come here. Just come back." Sara pleads.