"Brandon? As in low life jerk who broke your heart Brandon?" Farkle asked, half chewed food in his mouth. "Why would you even talk to him after what he did?"

"Farkle, seriously I don't know," Maya sighed. "He showed up out nowhere while I was out shopping with Riley."

"Who's Brandon?" Hope asked, innocently.

"Um," Maya said.

"He's someone who your mom used to know," Farkle explained.

"And he broke your heart mommy?" Hope asked.

"Well..."

"Kind of," Farkle said.

"Oh ok," Hope replied. "I don't like him if you don't like him mommy."

Maya smiled. "Thanks sweetie. Now if you're done with your dinner go wash you hands and brush your teeth."

"Ok mommy!" Hope hopped off her chair and ran off to her room.

"Now back to us," Farkle said. "I can't believe that a**hole didn't even have the decency to apologize for what he did."

"Farkle! Language!"

"Sorry.."

"And besides, nothing happened. He just gave me his business card and told me to call him," Maya defended. She started cutting her chicken and the silence made her cutting sound extra loud.

"Don't-don't tell me you're thinking of calling him," Farkle said.

Maya dropped her fork and knife. "Maybe."

"Maya!"

"People change."

"Not turd burgers like him!"

Maya rolled her eyes. "I thought you of all people would understand giving people second chances!" She threw her napkin on her plate and stormed out of the dining room. Farkle sighed and dropped his utensils, suddenly losing his appetite.

Maya finished putting Hope to bed. She gently removed the small child from her and got up, letting Hope fall back on the bed. Maya took the book she had read and placed it on the dresser. She glanced up at herself in the mirror. She could hardly recognize herself. She looked so tired. She sighed. Of course she was tired. Crying yourself to sleep every night for four years can certainly wear you out.

She could still feel his touch. Skin against skin. She shuddered. She felt dirty. Disgusting. Quickly she grabbed her things and rushed to the bathroom, not caring if she had to see Farkle whom she was upset at. She just needed the feeling of his hands over her to go away.

She turned on the water as hot as it would go and started scrubbing. She felt the tears sliding down her face. She stayed in there for who knows how long. Her skin was red and raw. She kept on scrubbing.

"Ow!" She cried. She had nicked her skin with her nail. She looked down and saw a 3 inch scratch on her arm that was bleeding profusely. "Sh*t!"

"Maya?" She heard Farkle through the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she lied.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Now leave me alone!" May yelled.

"Fine, I'll leave," Farkle said, slightly hurt.

Maya stepped out of the bathtub and saw in her rush she had left her clothes in her room. She gently wrapped herself in a towel and opened the door. Farkle stood there, causing her to jump.

"God Farkle! I thought you said you left," Maya said.

"Yeah, well you said you were fine, so I guess we both lied," Farkle replied smug.

"I am fine," Maya lied again.

"Maya you're bleeding!" Farkle said, pointing where Maya had scratched herself.

"See? Perfectly fine," Maya said through tears.

"Maya, you're not fine. You keep telling people that, but you know it's not true," Farkle said soothingly.

Maya slunk to the floor and curled her knees to her chest, or as best she could with a towel on.

"You're right," Maya sobbed. "I'm not fine. I'm never fine and I never will be. But you know why I say I am? For Hope. Because I am a mother now. Because I have a daughter. I have a child who depends on me for everything. I didn't have a choice. I was raped, okay? Sophomore year of college someone attacked me and sexually abused me.!"

"Maya, you don't-"

"Of course I do! Some bastard took everything from me! I had to give up everything. I had to drop out of school. I had to lie to my friends and my parents and everybody. And it's just so gosh it's so hard. Motherhood isn't easy, that much I knew, but it just doesn't get easier. Because every time I look at Hope, I think about that night. I can picture his face. Every night I have these nightmares. It's like it never ends. It's been four years and I'm still reliving the day over and over and over again!"

"Maya-"

"It's so hard. Getting up and going to a job I hated just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I would work morning shifts, night shifts and graveyard shifts at a diner, like my mom never wanted me to do. Well wupdeedoo! Are you proud now mom?"

"Maya, I'm sure she's proud of you. I'm proud of you," Farkle said.

Maya just stared at him blankly. She swallowed. Her next words were going to change that.

"You know, theres days where I just don't want to wake up. I want to just fall asleep and not wake up again. But I do. I always do. You know, just hoping that's it's all just a bad dream, but then I wake up and reality strikes. And all the fight leaves my body and I don't want to get up. I don't want to go to work or anywhere or do anything. But I do it. I get up and go to a job I hate just for Hope. Because I have a daughter. And I just keep doing it, every day, again and again and again. And I hate it. I hate being a mother. Sometimes I just want to pack my bag and leave and never come back. And I know it's horrible and I hate myself for it, but I can't help how I feel. I'm exhausted and desperate and reaching my limit. And I know I love Hope, I really do, but I know deep in heart I never wanted her."

"And the worst thing. The worst thing is knowing that someday she's going to get older and start to wonder why she doesn't have a dad like the other kids. And it will tear her up inside, I know because I had to live it. But what do I tell her? How do you tell your child that they are the result of rape? That you never wanted them and now have to take care of them. It doesn't make me love her any less. I'm just scared that one day she's going to know the truth and hate me for it or one day I'm going to resent her and I don't want any of that to happen." Maya erupted into more sobs.

Farkle's mouth hung open from Maya's confession. "Have you told anyone else how you feel?"

Maya only shook her head.

Farkle took her hand. "Well then I'm glad you could confide in me." He moved closer to where she was and held her close to him. Maya was dry heaving at this point, exhausted from crying so much.

"Thank you for listening," Maya said weakly.

"Maya I really think you need to talk to a therapist about how you feel," Farkle said.

Maya laughed humorlessly. "With what money? I'm still trying to find a job."

"Don't worry about it," Farkle smiled. "I'll pay for it. I think you need to recover before you move on in your life and I want to be there for you, like old times." He extended his hand out to her.

Maya looked down at his hand and smiled. She took his hand. "Like old times."