AN- Sorry for the mega long chapters in this fic. I think I packed too many couples into it. LOL. Anyway, hope you like this update. It is now two weeks after the Metro Court Crisis and our couples are living in the aftermath...
Chapter Ten
Carly finally moved out of Jason's arms. She sighed, letting the weight on her heart out in her breath.
So he knew all along that I always wanted his baby, she thought , why does that not surprise me? Why did it not change a thing? Will anything?
He looked nearly as broken as her. Nearly. But she knew he could solider on in a way she never could. She didn't even want to try to do that.
Carly wanted to feel her feelings and suffer and go through this for as long as it took. Otherwise she would never heal. If that was even possible.
"Don't worry, Jase, I'll get past this," she said, doubting it was true. She tried to fake a smile.
"I know that it is harder for you because it is Elizabeth."
Carly moved around him. Doing her best to make her voice light she said, "She didn't steal you from me. You were never really mine- even back then. Almost but not quite. So who am I to make a claim on being the only woman who can have your kid? Another failed plan of mine."
She forced out a chuckle. Her hands gripped the back of the chair, digging her nails into it.
Jason moved close to her again. His voice ached with a brittle pain that actually made Carly feel sick to her stomach when he asked, "Almost but not quite? Since when is that how you think of us?"
She wanted to take it back, it wasn't really her truth. But she thought it was his. "Since the day I heard you tell Sonny that your were starting to love me before Isleptwith him that first time. Just starting to, Jase? I was totally in it alone then? Cause I was in love with you... and you know for me...once I am..."
Slowly she turned and met his eyes. "You were the first man I had ever loved. You took so much of my heart I didn't even know if any was left by the time you were done with me, with us, and left town."
Jason desperately wanted to look away. Hell, he wanted to run away. She made him feel like his next breath depended on her words and no one should be able to do that to another person, he felt. But she could and always had for him.
He found it incredibly unfair. To love someone so much and have them leave you for your best friend.
And still Jason couldn't stay away from her. Ever. Daily he sought her out and then acted annoyed when he found her. He was annoyed. Annoyed that she loved Sonny, married Sonny, gave his kid to Sonny... and now she was staring at him saying how he broke her heart.
The feeling is mutual, he felt like saying.
But he couldn't because of the lump in his throat. And because he could never really talk to her that way, to yell at her angrily and say that she should have never left him.
His guilt over pushing her so far away- of telling her that he was stepping back when the truth was he never could- kept the words out of his mouth, and kept his pain his own worst kept secret.
She was making his eyes tear up again. It was only the millionth time she had in his life so far. He should be used to it, but it always shocked him a little.
Carly walked closer and went on, "I loved you with everything I had. And you were still only starting to love me? How could you understand how I feel now? I don't expect you to. There are some things in life you can never get over. For me...it's never having you fall in love with me with the same intensity as I love you. Because if you did you would have never given up. And for you- the one thing you won't get over- it is me not being able to stop screwing up back then. Because if I could have...maybe...just maybe...you would have done more than start to fall in love with me."
Carly shook her head in frustration and tried to walk away from him, to go upstairs and cry in peace without him around trying to tell her it wasn't a disaster that he had a kid with someone else.
But Jason grabbed her hand before she could walk off. "If I did?" he all but growled at her. "If I loved you? Then I might know?"
"Yes."
Her simple word was what pushed his control over the edge. "What do you think I was doing back then? Going along with your every scheme, twisting my life around your finger, doing all I could to keep some control over things, to keep my mind clear enough to make rational choices for us. You made me crazy then and you still do now. That's why this thing between us is bound to wreck us one day-"
She pushed his chest and jerked away from him. "Don't you dare say that again! I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again. If you don't care about me, just say you don't. But you never do that! You say you care and you stay here and you give me what I need, you listen and you fight for me and you catch me when I fall, and I only love you more- so much that I can't bear to lose you and I can't stand to keep watching you love everyone but me."
Her voice lost its angry edge when she cried, " I'm happy for you, that you have your daughter, I am. I am happy for you. It just...killed a dream of mine. And I don't know when I will be over that. Probably never. Like I will never be over you. But that isn't your problem, Jase. You can dress up what you felt for me back in the day anyway you want to now. But I heard you tell Sonny, and I will never forget it, 'I was starting to fall in love with her.'"
Her whole face crumpled into a mask of pain," I guess you stopped yourself just in time. Be glad you did. I wouldn't wish how I feel right now on anyone. You want me to stop crying and I want to stop crying. But then I think about our baby, the one that I will never hold, I always pictured a little girl. I think of her and ...I just wanted her so bad, Jase. I really did."
He reached out to try and stop her from fleeing the room. "Please, just listen to me, Carly. I ..."
"I'm sorry," she moaned, sounding like a wounded animal, " I just can't anymore, not tonight."
She flew up the stairs and into her room. Slowly, Jason followed her.
He stopped at her door, his heart breaking at the sound of her sobs.
Damn ithe silently cursed then sunk to the floor and rested his back against her door.
XXXXXXX
"You did what?" Cooper asked Maxie.
They were at Jake's and the last of the bar patrons had just left for the night.
"I met camera phone man. Mark."
"Mark?" he asked, in a voice that said Please tell me you are lying.
Maxie nodded. "No last name, bad attitude and likes to make threats. That Mark."
"How? Did he approach you? I will kill that guy..."
"I went after him."
"Went after?" Cooper asked
"Are you going to keep repeating what ever I say, Barret?"
"Yes, until you start making sense, Jones." Cooper came out from behind the bar and walked over to her until he stood right in front of her stool. "I thought we had a deal."
Her eyes darted down. "I know I said I would walk away from him but that was like two weeks ago. I really thought I would be able to break you before now and make you spill who he really is to you. But that military background of yours makes it pretty hard to pry secrets out of you so...I took matters into my own hands."
"And lived to tell about it," he shook his head in frustration. "Amazing."
"I had him on the ground in five seconds flat. Georgie may be daddy's perfect princess but I am the only one of Mac's daughters who can kick ass and take names."
Cooper leaned close to her."You have got to stay away from Mark. Hell, I'm nervous around the guy...never knowing what crazy stunt he might pull...if I have to worry about you being near him..."
Maxie smiled. "Would you miss me if something happened to me?"
"Lets not find out."
She pouted at his answer."Just tell me what Mark has on you."
His eyes clouded with pain."You."
Maxie raised an eyebrow. Cooper leaned one hand on the bar behind her and bent to look directly in her eyes.
"You," he repeated. "Mark knows if he wants to hurt me he should go after you because you are the only thing in this whole town I give a damn about."
Her heart was pounding, as it always did when he was so close. Her mind was playing out different types of kisses he could give her, wondering what he would taste like, aching to find out...when he finally closed the last inch of gap between them and took her mouth against his for the first time.
The kiss he gave her held back most of what he felt, because if it didn't then he would soon have her on the floor of that bar, sans clothes.
Maxie moaned and when he pulled away whispered, "Better."
He smiled. "Hmm?"
"Better than I even imagined, Cooper. Now do that again. Please...like now."
He didn't need to be asked twice, his arms wrapped around her back, dragging her off the stool and closer to him. Then his lips swooped down and connected with her again.
He had come back to Port Charles for this, this wild thing that raged between them, and then had tried to hold off on exploring it until he was free of his criminal past...but she was too much of a temptation. She was right here, with her big eyes full of need for him, and that was more than any man could be expected to resist.
He needed to kiss her in this moment and, he knew, he would have a hell of a hard time stopping at just kisses.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Carly woke up to find Jason laying on her bed next to her. She stared at him for a long moment, then sighed.
He looked so fragile and so devastated. He was laying half off the bed, as if he was afraid to crowd her.
She shook his arm gently.
He mumbled, as his eyes opened, "What? Is it Sofie? Did something happen?"
A typical new parent, she thought and smiled slightly.
"I'm sure our girl is fine," Carly whispered.
Jason woke up a little more as his eyes connected with hers. "I couldn't leave."
"Come here," she said softly, then pulled him close to her. She cuddled her body against his. "Just go back to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better. That is kinda the theory I am living on now."
"I"m sorry,"he said.
Carly softly replied, "There is nothing to be sorry for...you feel how you feel. Just...no more about that tonight, okay? Hold on to me and sleep. That could make this all better, I think. If not, well, at least I can be truly happy for a few hours."
She expected him to give in and drift back to sleep. At this point the last two weeks had taken every reserve either of them had. There was only one way to get back some strength- and Jason knew it as well as she did- to hold on to each other till this storm passed.
His hands came up to cup her face. "I wasn't starting to fall in love with you, okay? I said that because...what else could I say to your husband? That I would kill him if it meant I could have you back? If it meant none of that happened with you and him..."
Staring right into his eyes she whispered, "It happened though."
"I know it did. I live everyday knowing it did. But...that doesn't change who you are to me, okay? Just know...nothing can change that. How can you not know that by now? Haven't you noticed me...living for...the chance to save you...to make your world right...to give you your dreams...what do you think I have been doing all this time? Why do you think I have been doing it?"
"Because you promised me..."
"No."
"Because you're a good man.."
"Carly, I'm not nearly as good as you think."
"You are," she said in her most determined voice.
"Only for you. To the rest of the world...they will never see me like that... and I am not like that. Just for you. Because I was doing a lot more than starting to love you when we were sharing Micheal..." Jason rolled onto his back again.
Staring at the ceiling, he confessed "I was crazy about you, and hooked on you, and knew I was stuck with you for life," his tone was tortured and she assumed that once again he was saying he didn't want to care about her too much because he could never trust her with his heart again.
I was, I was, I was...she heard from his mouth instead of I am, I am, I am.
She grumbled, "Don't sound so happy about it."
"Carly...can you hear what I am saying?"
"All I can do is feel you. You are right here in my bed and it makes it really hard to think," she pressed even closer to him. "I just want you to hold me and not let go. Call it whatever you want."
And for that night, that is what he did. They held each other and fell asleep, and even when they were no longer in control of their bodies they clung to each other as the dawn crept ever closer.
XXXXXX
Milo was asleep when his phone rang. He threw his hand onto his night table and, with his eyes closed, grabbed the phone and answered it. "Hello?"
He expected some kind of work related emergency was about to drag him out of bed but this call was of a personal nature.
Her voice was breathy, filled with hunger, and yet shaky and nervous at the same time. "Milo..."
"Lulu, baby, hey...what time is it?"
"Late," she answered. "Can you let me in?"
He sat up and his eyes moved to his clock. 3 am.
"You're here?" Milo was already crawling out of bed as he asked the question. He only wore pajama pants. He tossed on a t-shirt and headed for his door. "Is something wrong?"
"It's hard to sleep without you. Is that crazy? Cause we only did share a bed that one time." And all they had done was sleep, but still it was the most safe she had ever felt in her whole life.
He opened the door and saw her standing there, her hair was all sleep tousled, her eyes were heavy with desire. The image alone was enough to make him pass out, but instead he whispered, "Come on in to bed, Lulu."
She smiled.
Oh God, that smile, he thought, that smile sends me over the edge every time. Who could be sane around that smile?
She took his hand and shyly followed him inside. "I probably shouldn't have woke you up."
He stopped and pulled her close to him. His hands ran over her back and then into her hair. She looked up at him, her heart in her eyes now. She was still unsure, fearing rejection, and still so hot for him that she was willing to risk it.
Milo murmured, "Wake me up, sweet Lulu, wake me up anytime you want..." then his lips were on her mouth and they were sharing the most intense kiss that they ever had.
XXXXXXX
Morning found Alexis on a plane to the island.
When she arrived she immediately got into an arguement with the concierge at the hotel because he refused to tell her what room Sonny was in. She was threatening 39 different lawsuits when she heard, from behind her, that familiar voice that never failed to cut right into her heart and soul.
"Leave the poor man alone, counselor. I am right here."
She turned around and took in his appearance, then let out a breath. He looked good. Sonny hadn't crawled in a hole to die because Carly was not coming back to him for the nine hundredth time.
"You really came, huh?" Sonny asked "All the way down here just to check on me. Wow, Alexis, I might think you cared...if I didn't know better."
"Lucky you do know better." She walked past him saying "What suite is mine? And could you grab my luggage? Thanks."
XXXXX
Lucky came down stairs at Kelly's carrying his luggage. Sam smiled at the sight of him and opened her mouth to say hello but then her eyes spotted the bag.
He came and sat at her table. Mike poured them both coffee. Being together was the only time Lucky and Sam felt like they weren't The Leftovers- which was how they jokingly referred to themselves.
"So," Sam started "today is the day then. You are going back to Liz."
"Cam needs me home. I can't hide here forever. It's not right or fair."
"Nothing about this situation is right or fair, Lucky, but I get what you mean. I guess you can't save your marriage if you don't even live in the same place as your wife. I will miss you being around though. Our coffee breaks are the high point of my little pathetic life now."
"Well my little pathetic life needs those coffee breaks as much as you do, so I will be here every morning like clockwork," Lucky promised.
She bit her lip. "You don't have to."
"Remember," Lucky said " we said from the start...none of this is out of obligation...I want to, Sam."
She smiled and they started to drink their coffee and talk about anything and everything but broken hearts, lost dreams, and a baby name Sofia Morgan.