Chapter Nine: Closer

"Open that wardrobe there, Raven," Clara instructed as she smoothed out the skirt of Alexis's dress. "There's a mirror inside the door."

Raven hurried to obey, being careful of the delicate hem of the 'not quite finished' dress. She pulled open the door and stood back so Aly could see the golden dress draped over her.

"Oh!" Aly stepped closer to the mirror and did a quick spin just to watch the skirts fly. "It's even better that a thought," she said with a smile. She grabbed Raven's hand and tugged her closer. "Here, Rae, look at yours."

Raven was happy to do so. She fanned the silver/white skirts out and couldn't help but share Aly's wide grin. "It's beautiful," she said. She did sigh a little over her bare arms. Her dress had proved to be more delicate than Aly's and Professor Flitwick had been unable to restore the fragile sweeping sleeves of Raven's gown. So instead they'd made the dress completely sleeveless. But it still took her breath away.

Clara fussed over Aly's hair, taking gentle handfuls of golden curls. The Ravenclaw girl had cut it by several inches, curled it, and dyed it a dark blonde. "I wish you'd waited to change your hair until the Masque, sweetie."

Aly sighed and turned to look into her girlfriend's eyes. "I've been talking about changing my hair for ages, Clara. No one thinks it's odd."

"I think it's lovely," Edwin said, several feet away and digging through a jumbled mess inside one of the trunks.

Clara rolled her eyes. "Well, so do I," she insisted. "I'm just a little—concerned about Aly being recognized at the Masque."

"It'll be pinned up," Aly told her, experimenting with it by piling the curls on top of her head. "With the mask and the dress, I'm sure we'll be fine." She glanced over to where Edwin was searching. "Any luck, Ed?"

"Not sure yet…Ah!" He gave a quick and triumphant laugh and stood up. "Raven, come here."

Raven quickly joined him by the trunk. "What did you find?"

He grinned and held up two masks. They were a simple design, pure white with long but graceful beaks. They weren't quite the same, but the differences between them were very small. She took the smaller one from Edwin's hand and held it up to her face. "Well?"

"Perfect," he told her and held his own mask up. "Same?"

"Yes." She clutched the mask to her chest and grinned. "A great find, Edwin. They're wonderful!"

"Yeah, well," he muttered with an embarrassed shrug. "I saw this one yesterday in that other trunk—" He pointed to a larger trunk across the room. "—and thought it was worth looking for another."

"And find it you did," Clara said as she joined them. "May I see it, Rae?"

"Sure." Raven handed her the mask, which Clara held like it was made of glass.

"We'll have to find some white ribbon for both," she said, turning the mask this way and that. "But they are brilliant."

Alexis closed the wardrobe and looked over at the other three. "It's getting late; we'd better head back to bed."

After she and Raven slipped behind the large wardrobe to change out of their dresses, the group headed up the secret stairs.

"What have you told your friends in Ravenclaw?" Edwin asked Alexis as they walked. "About the Masque?"

"That I'm not going," Alexis replied with a wry smile. "After all, it's just a silly excuse for everyone to play dress up and act like children."

Clara giggled and hugged Alexis around her waist. "You're so cute."

Alexis stuck her tongue out at Clara, but didn't argue. Raven and Edwin shared a smile. "You're both rather adorable," Raven told them when they reached the tapestry. "It's almost sickening, actually."

"Oh ha-ha," Clara retorted blandly. She squeezed Alexis's waist one last time and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow night?"

Alexis responded by grabbing Clara by the arm and dragging her around a corner where Edwin and Raven could not see them. Raven raised an eyebrow, and gave a smirk to Edwin. The boy simply sighed and shook his head. "Deplorable, aren't they?"

"Hm. You know, Alexis is…not what I expected."

"What do you mean?"

Raven shrugged. "The first night I met her, she seemed so serious," she explained. "More—responsible. But the more I've gotten to know her…"

"She can be just as silly as Clara," Edwin said. "I've noticed. And it's only when they're together. They bring out the best in each other, really. Before she and Clara started dating, Alexis was very focused, maybe more than she should have been. She didn't have many friends at all and seemed rather unhappy."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You gotta understand, me and Clara were friends from our first year on, but it wasn't until she and Aly had been dating for nearly a year that Clara confessed to me about it." Edwin chewed on the inside of his cheek a moment, thinking back. "She didn't know how I was going to react."

"How did you react?" Raven asked him, sudden curious.

"Ah…well," Edwin felt heat rush to his face and prayed that it was too dark for Raven to see his flush. "I…er…freaked. Completely."

Raven waited half a beat and then collapsed into silent giggles, trying very hard not to laugh out loud and blow their cover to Filch or a teacher. "Oh, poor Edwin." She finally gasped.

"Go on and laugh it up," Edwin said irritably. "God knows Clara and Aly have. To this day even!"

Raven allowed herself one last giggle and then put a hand on Edwin's arm. "Don't worry; I won't tease you so badly." She felt an odd pressure in her chest when Edwin covered her hand with his and smiled down at her.

"See you tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

Raven felt the smile spread across her face as she nodded. "Yeah," she said. "See you tomorrow."

When Snape left his bedroom the next morning, he was surprised to see Raven still dead asleep on the couch. Very quietly he approached the couch until he stood right beside it. He allowed himself a moment of perfect silence before very loudly clearing his throat.

Raven's eyes snapped open and she sat up so quickly that her braid whipped around her neck. "What?" When her eyes darted up to see Snape smirking down at her, she scowled. "Oh, very funny." She ran her hand over her eyes, rubbing the sleep away. "You have such a charming sense of humor, Sev. Really."

"It's so rare to find you still asleep," he said, holding out a hand to her.

"Uh huh, now it'll be even rarer," she told him with a scoff. She took his hand and was pulled to her feet. "I was up a little later than usual."

He cast a worried gaze over her. "Not the library?"

"Hm? Oh, no," she said. "Clara, Edwin, and I were working on our costumes for the Masque and we lost track of time."

"Ah. Going well then?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile. "Oh, I can't wait to see the look on your face."

"Well then, I look forward to seeing the results. Do you have plans for the day?"

"I thought I'd visit with Hagrid," she said. "It's been a while and I promised Clara we'd try to get close to the unicorn herd." She hesitated as they entered his office together. "I was thinking about going to the library tonight—you know, before we work on the costumes…"

"Raven, I don't want you to overdo it again," Snape said rather harshly. "The headache was bad enough, but you're still thin as a rail—"

"Severus, I'm fine!" Raven snapped, glaring at him.

Snape turned to her and grabbed her by the shoulders, spinning her so she could see her reflection in the various jars along the shelf. "I'll believe that—when I see it."

She pulled away, though she knew perfectly well how frail she looked. "I'm just going to look for a little while. It's not like I'm planning to spend hours there again." She glanced at him before quickly turning away. "I just…I don't want to forget why I'm here."

Snape opened his mouth, and then reconsidered. "…And I'd prefer that you didn't neglect the life you have now while you search for your past."

Raven closed her eyes and sighed. "I won't." She looked at him, a small smile on her face. "I kinda like the life I have now, after all."

Snape found himself smiling back as he placed his hand on the top of her head. Raven stuck out her tongue at him and then flashed a grin. "I'm going to get some breakfast," she said, "then head down to Hagrid's. Okay?"

"Alright," he said, leading her to the door of his office. "We'll walk down to the Great Hall together."

Hagrid was delighted to find Raven at his door that morning and she was immediately invited to sit and have a cup of tea with him.

"So how're yer classes?" he asked her as they drank. "Everything going alright?"

She nodded, "Yeah, they've been alright. I've actually enjoyed them," she admitted with honesty. "I suppose I like learning. Maybe because I didn't get a lot of it before. And I love it here at Hogwarts."

Hagrid smiled down at her. "I understand that," he said. "Hogwarts is my home, has been since I was a kid. Can't imagine being anywhere else."

"At this point, neither can I," Raven replied, her voice soft. "There's so much to take in here. I feel—well, like a dry sponge that's been tossed into the ocean."

The groundskeeper chuckled and poured more tea. "S'good to see yer doing well."

Raven smiled back at him, then remembered why she'd come. "Hagrid, would it be alright if I brought my friend Clara down here? She—well, she'd really like to see the unicorns you showed me. Are they still close?"

"Not the herd, but there was one of the younger stallions nearby," Hagrid told her. "You go get yer friend and I'll see if I can bring 'im over."

Raven beamed. "Thank you, Hagrid. I'll be right back." She leapt up from the table and raced back up to the castle. After she made sure that Clara wasn't in the Great Hall, she immediately went to the library. There she found Clara and Edwin sitting at their usual table. Clara saw her first and flashed a quick grin. "There you are, Rae. We'd wondered."

"Sorry," Raven replied. "I was down at Hagrid's. Clara, he said he'd bring a unicorn close so you could see him…if you want to come back down with me."

Clara's face brightened. "I'd love to!" She got to her feet as Raven looked to Edwin.

"Do you want to come too?" she asked him.

Edwin smiled but shook his head. "That's alright, this sounds more like, well, a girl thing. You two have fun. I'll catch you later."

"Okay," Raven said, but still she hesitated until Clara grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the library.

When they reached Hagrid's cabin, he was around the other side of it, keeping a watchful eye on the snowy white unicorn that had come to investigate the bushel of apples left out. When Hagrid saw the two girls, he gestured for them to come closer. "Ye two can get closer to 'im than I can."

Clara hesitated, for the unicorn stallion was bigger than she thought it would be. But Raven took slow and careful steps towards him, holding a pale hand out to him. Within a few steps, she was close enough to the apples to grab one and she kept her hand outstretched to him. Slowly, the unicorn moved close enough to bite at the apple in her hand. Raven smiled and turned to look at her friend. "Come on, Clara."

The older girl hesitated a second more, and then approached her friend and the unicorn. "He's so beautiful," she murmured as she came to Raven's side.

"You should see the babies," Raven told her. "They're pure gold, bright as miniature suns."

"You really saw a herd of them before?" Clara asked, awed.

"Uh huh," Raven replied. The unicorn finished the apple and the girl took the opportunity to run her hand over the soft fur on his nose. "They were gorgeous."

Clara also reached out to touch the dazzling white coat and gasped at how soft it was. "Thanks for this, Rae," she said softly.

"We'll bring Aly out here someday too," Raven told her in a whispered promise. She was rewarded with a smile as dazzling as the unicorn.

That night, Raven slipped back into the library to begin her search again. She didn't have long for the others would be expecting her in less than an hour.

If only I knew when she was at Hogwarts, she thought as she searched through the old Daily Prophets again. I don't even know which House she was in.

She scanned the pages, taking in everything she could. Maybe if I found out, I could ask one of the House ghosts if they remember her—wait.

She stopped flipping through the pages and went back a page. Her heart began to pound as she stared down at the picture of the young woman in the wedding announcements. "Mother," she murmured, running a hand over the dusty page. "It's you. I've found you."

Christine stood, dressed in a simple, but beautiful wedding gown, arm in arm with a handsome, dark-haired man. The date marked it an April wedding…two years before Raven's birth. Raven's heart seemed to stop and she found herself studying the dark-haired stranger that stood beside her mother. His face…feels familiar. Could he be my father? My father…she smiled in amazement. I could have a father…a family somewhere!

She tore the wedding announcement, picture and all, from the page and raced out of the library. The dress for the Masque could wait—she was going back to see Snape. Perhaps he knew the man who might be her father.

Raven knocked on Snape's bedroom door, trying desperately to calm her swiftly beating heart. She felt an enormous weight inside her, and she wasn't sure if it was joy or impending grief.

Snape opened the door to her, a surprised look on his face. "Weren't you going to out tonight?" he asked as he entered the sitting room.

"I was," Raven told him, practically dancing in place. "I found something, Severus. Something about my mother. Look!" She held out the clip from the paper, grinning like a child.

Snape felt a hesitant smile come to his face, seeing the rush of happiness in hers. Then he looked down at the wedding announcement. His breath caught and the color drained from his face.

Raven didn't seem to notice. "A wedding announcement, can you believe it? And only two years before I was born! This man," she paused and took the clipping back from Snape shaking hand. "Dominic Gavin, he was married to my mother!" She smiled at Snape and finally saw the look on his face. The smile faded. "Sev? What is it?" A trickle of fear entered her mind. "Do you recognize him? Do you know him?"

"I do," Snape said slowly as he met her eyes. "And so do you. Do you remember the night we met? …After we had spoken with the Dark Lord…the man who passed us in the hall…that was him. Dominic Gavin is a Death Eater."

Raven paled and swayed dangerously, her eyes wide. "…No. No, no, no." She turned away from Snape, clutching the clipping in her hand. "It…it can't be. No!"

"Raven." Snape put a hand on her shoulder.

"Severus, they were married two years before I was born! This man—a Death Eater—could be my father! My father! Oh, god." Her breathing was rushed and getting shallow with every second that passed. Her heart felt like it was going to explode and there was a heavy pressure behind her eyes. She began to wheeze with each breath and Snape quickly took her by the shoulders and made her sit down on the couch.

"Raven, calm down," he ordered firmly, hands still on her shoulders. "I need you to breathe, child. Just breathe."

Raven tried to do as he said, but her lungs protested. As she attempted to draw in a deeper breath, her throat seemed to close, and she fell into a coughing fit and was unable to stop it. Snape conjured a glass of water and held it out to her, but she couldn't take it. With growing concern and fear, he watched her clutch her throat and struggle to breath through the coughing. She leaned so far forward that she almost pitched herself off of the couch. Snape sat beside her and cautiously took her into his arms to keep her steady. She clung to his robes until the coughing subsided enough for her to breath. As soon as the fit had passed, she burst into hysterical tears and clung to him all the more. Snape kept his arms around, feeling helpless and uncomfortable with her tears and a little shame at the last. He told himself to stop being a fool and carefully he ran a hand over Raven's hair, shushing her with a gentle voice, praying the tears would pass.

Finally, Raven felt as though she'd cried herself out. She wiped at the tears on her face, but was reluctant to let go of her protector. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice harsh from her coughing.

"Don't apologize when you've done nothing wrong," he told her; though he was quite relieved she'd stopped crying. "Are you alright now?"

Her face fell, but no more tears came. "No. No, I'm not," she said, burying her face in her hands. "I don't want to believe this, Sev. I really don't. I wish I'd never see this stupid clipping." She realized then that she was still clutching it in her hand and swiftly tore it to pieces. She stood suddenly and threw the pieces into the fireplace, lighting them with a hurried gesture. She stood there, watching them burn. Snape watched her. He could almost see the waves of anger that were suddenly surrounding her.

"What if he did it?" Raven murmured, her voice shaking.

"What if he did what, Raven?" Snape asked as he stood.

Raven looked over at him and the fire cast dark shadows over her face. "The man who murdered my mother wore a Death Eater's mask."

Snape's eyes widened. "You're saying your mother was murdered by a Death Eater?"

"Tortured and killed by a Death Eater, to be exact. He spent over an hour with her and I can still hear her screams in my head." Her eyes closed a moment until she shook her head and turned away. "When I reached Azkaban, I realized that the mask he wore was one used by the Death Eaters." She smiled darkly. "Why do you think I waited for Voldemort?"

Snape did not like the darkness in her eyes. "But Raven…your mother died years after the Dark Lord's fall."

"I know that," Raven snapped. "But if it was a loyal Death Eater, it might have been on his orders. I wanted to know if he had something to do with her death, but—" She clenched her left hand and stared down at it. "But I realized I'd find no answers from him. Not without revealing who my mother really was. So I came here seeking answers instead."

"Raven," Snape spoke gently. "I'm sorry."

The anger in her face faded slightly as she looked back at him. She moved back to him and wrapped her arms around him again, "Don't apologize when you've done nothing wrong," she said to him. Snape was forced to smile slightly and he actually hugged her back.

"You should rest, Raven," he told her. "I know you were going to work on your costume, but…"

"I know," Raven said, pulling back. "I feel tired anyway. I'll try to sleep."

Snape touched her hair, "We'll find your answers, Raven. I promise."

She smiled weakly at him. "Thank you, Sev."

But Raven's dreams were haunted by screams and visions of the life in her mother's eyes fading before her. By the time morning arrived, there were dark circles under the girl's eyes and a weakness to her stance that hadn't been there the day before.

When Snape saw her, he knew how badly she must have slept. "Perhaps you should rest today," he said. "It's Sunday, no one will mind if you hide away for the day."

Raven almost argued just for the sake of it, but then she nodded. "I'll stay. Clara and Edwin will wonder about me, but, I don't really want…"

"You don't want to be around people," Snape finished for her, understanding her line of thought. "I'll bring you something to eat," he said. "I know you're not hungry, Raven child, but I'd feel better if you had at least a little something."

Raven nodded again, but said nothing. She curled back up on the couch, turning her face away from him.

Snape hesitated to leave her, but knew what he had to do.

Dumbledore's eyes were wide with shock when Snape told him of what Raven had found. "This…is not good." The Headmaster murmured, running a hand over his long beard. "I'd have preferred we had found this information before her. She's not taking it well, I imagine?"

Snape shook his head. "Not well at all."

"There's no doubt Gavin is a Death Eater?"

"None, Headmaster," Snape said in resignation. "I saw the man myself…recognized him from before the Dark Lord's fall. He might not be her father," he said suddenly. "There's no real resemblance between them. It is possible that Christine had an affair and Raven the result of it. It could be why Gavin might have killed her."

"It's possible," Dumbledore agreed. "I'll speak with Kingsley. Perhaps he knows more of Gavin's recent activities. If we can take him into custody, perhaps we will find the answers your ward so desperately needs."

My ward, Snape thought. She really is now, isn't she? Should I feel more like a father than a bumbling fool? I have no idea how to be a father, for god's sake.

Dumbledore sighed. "At least we know why you associated Christine with the Death Eaters. It's possible you heard her name though Gavin."

"Yes," Snape said with a short nod. "There's that answer at least."

Dumbledore saw the unease in his face. "But it's not enough, is it?"

"When Raven has her answers, then it'll be enough," Snape said. "She's driving herself too hard, Headmaster. I fear this discovery will only make it worse. It's an obsession for her, a dangerous one if she takes it too far."

"You provide an anchor for her, Severus," Dumbledore told him gently. "Along with Miss Bauman and Mr. Rowle. She'll do better with you beside her."

"I hope you're right."

Raven managed to avoid her friends on Monday, but she knew she was just delaying talking to them. She couldn't tell them what she had found, couldn't even begin to tell them what had her so upset.

She knew Snape was still concerned about her, and he showed in the caution he had around her. She was grateful to him, but at the same time, wished he wouldn't worry so much.

When she left his office on Tuesday morning, she wasn't all that surprised to see Clara and Edwin waiting for her. She wouldn't meet their eyes at first and stared at the wall behind them instead. Edwin was the first to speak. "What's wrong, Raven? What happened?"

"Nothing happened," she replied without strength. "I'm just not feeling well. That's all."

"That's bollocks," Clara retorted sharply.

"I don't want to talk about it," Raven told them just as sharply. "It's none of your damned business anyway." She turned on her heel and stormed down the hall before they could stop her.

Clara started to go after her, but Edwin took her by the shoulder. "She's not going to tell us anything she doesn't want to, Clara-dove. Let's let it go—for now."

Raven felt like her stomach was in one big knot. She stopped a few feet from the doorway of her first class and put a hand over her eyes, almost sick with guilt. I shouldn't have snapped at them.

"Miss Elder?"

Raven glanced behind her, surprised to see Professor Dumbledore coming down the hall. "Good morning, Headmaster," she said politely.

"Good morning," he said with a nod and smile. "You look a little peaked, my dear. Are you feeling alright?"

Raven closed her eyes. "A little under the weather, sir, but it's nothing serious." When she opened her eyes and looked into his, she was startled and touched to see genuine concern.

"Well, I do hope it passes," he told her. "I'd best let you get to class before you're late. It wouldn't be a good example for me to be the cause of a tardy, after all."

Raven smiled despite herself. She was surprised by the true fondness she had for Hogwarts' Headmaster and for the first time, she felt a twinge of guilt for the lie that had brought her to his school. He gave another smile and started past her. "Professor Dumbledore," she said suddenly, stopping him. When he turned to look back at her in expectation, the words froze in her mouth. She wasn't even sure what she'd planned on saying. Finally, she smiled again. "Thank you, sir."

Dumbledore's smile was soft and warm. "You're very welcome, child."

Raven fought the surge of guilt that nearly brought tear to her eyes and ducked into the classroom.

After classes were over, Raven went to the library in search of her friends. They were sitting at their usual table and were silent when she approached them. She glanced at both of them in turn before her eyes fell to the floor. "I'm sorry. I…I really can't talk to you about it…but I'm sorry that I snapped at you this morning. You didn't deserve that."

Clara and Edwin shared a look before Clara got up from the table and wrapped her arms around Raven's thin shoulders. "It's alright, Rae. Don't worry about it."

Raven laid her head on Clara's shoulder for a moment. "Thanks," she murmured. They sat down at the table, Clara putting Raven between her and Edwin.

Edwin watched her in silence for a few minutes. Raven glanced at him, worried that he was still angry. But he smiled gently at her and took her hand in his for just a moment. Raven felt the weight on her heart lift a little and she smiled back at him.

"So, we're going back to the room tonight, Rae" Clara said. "The dresses are almost finished, and now that we have masks for you and Edwin, your costume is pretty much ready."

"I had an idea for you and me, Clara-dove," Edwin said. "Since Raven and Alex sort of match, I thought we should too. So how about you and I get Muggle tuxedos, one in a sort of gold color for you, one in white for me."

"Edwin, you're brilliant!" Clara exclaimed. "I'll send a letter to my da," she said, mulling the idea over in her head. "He ought to be able to find us something. Then all we'll need is masks for me and Alex."

Edwin thought for a moment. "The first Hogsmeade weekend is coming up. We'll search for masks then. The village will know that Hogwarts is having a Masquerade; no doubt they'll want to make a profit of it."

"Good plan," Clara said with a nod. "Oh, Rae, you've never seen Hogsmeade, have you?"

"No," Raven said, shaking her head. "I'd forgotten about it, really."

"You'll like it there," Edwin told her. "We'll show you around this Saturday."

"Sounds good," Raven replied.

The three friends discussed Hogsmeade for a few minutes, before they decided to call it a day. Clara had a paper to finish before the next day, having put it off too many times. As they left the library, Raven felt that things had snapped back into place for her.

But before they reached the point where they each went their separate ways, Raven doubled over in a sudden coughing fit. She stopped where she was and put a hand over her mouth.

Edwin rushed back to her, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Raven? Are you okay?"

Raven tried to speak, but was only able to nod. After a moment, the coughing subsided. She took in slow, deep breaths until she was sure it was over. When she straightened, she wasn't happy to see the full blown worry in her friends' eyes. "It's okay," she told them, her voice a little hoarse. "I'm fine."

"We should take you to the hospital wing," Clara said firmly.

"No," Raven said quickly. "I'm fine, really. I think I breathed in some dust or something."

They looked unconvinced. Truth be told, Raven wasn't sure whether she was trying to convince them or herself. Finally, Edwin sighed and nodded. "Okay. But if it happens again, Raven…"

"I'll see the nurse," she said, nodding. "Um, I should get going. I'll see you guys tonight." She quickly walked away, not daring to look back at them, lest they see the lie in her eyes.