Chapter 10: Ponderance

The boy was nervous meeting with her, but he tried to puff up his chest and stand tall. In an attempt to ease his nerves Clarke initiated small talk. What's his name, did he meet his soulmate, what did he think of his soulmate - that sort of thing.

Only once Mike was smiling freely after telling an animated story involving Sevek and a cultural miscommunication did she address the real topic.

"Did the Commander give a message?"

Mike straighten up. Surprise colored his expression causing some of his joy to fall away.

"Oh! She asked me and Sev to take over as runners. Then before we left said to make sure we told only you the terms of agreement. Then you have to tell us if you accept and set a time."

Clarke raised an eyebrow in surprise. This was the first time a gender had been associated with the bearer of the title Heda. Clarke couldn't help but wonder how old this commander was. If she looked like Lincoln or not.

Mike's expectant stare broke her out of her musing. Smiling softly at him Clarke ruffled his hair. Quickly she thought over the rest of what he said.

"Well, what are the terms?"

"Exchange. Wells for Lincoln. Only three people will be allowed there, one of them the person being exchanged. And then while our leaders are together she wants to set up an agreement so messengers between us will be protected until we figure out a treaty."

"Okay. We can do that little messenger." Mike cried out his protest as Clarke wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Releasing him after a few moments Clarke refocused.

"Did she give is a location or anything else?"

"Nope. You get to pick the time and date. She sounded like she already had a location in mind, but she didn't say it in English if she did."

"Hmm... tell me more about her? What is this Commander like?"

As Mike launched into an animated retelling of how he was bound and brought to the Grounder village and then brought before their leader something was nagging at Clarke. Something about the description felt familiar. Factoring in that Heda hadn't needed any time to prepare a response for Mike, simply sent him to rest without any further questions...

Something didn't add up, but whatever it was, Clarke couldn't put her finger on it.

After sending Mike out to find Sevek and give her response Clarke sought out Octavia and Lincoln.

Seeing the two of them interacting, seeing them so much in the early stages of love, seeing how deeply they cared for each other after only a few short days - made Clarke's heart ache. Although they entered the relationship knowing practically nothing about the other, they were clearly making headway in learning each other. Since Lincoln had been allowed to wander the camp you could scarcely find one without the other. Even Bellamy's near constant scowl couldn't separate them for more than a few moments.

Their relationship gave Clarke hope.

It gave her fear.

Was it really so easy? Did falling in love with your soulmate truly take so little effort? Was the relationship so stable from the start, that they were able to get along so well with no sign of needing a break? Did the fact that they had literally nowhere else to go and nothing else to do but spend time with each other play into it?

Would Clarke and her soulmate get along so well?

And really, that was the root of the problem. Clarke had already lost one soulmate without ever meeting them. But she knew - or at least was fairly certain - that her soulmates had known each other. The reaction from her living mate had indicated as such. If Clarke - having never met them - was terrified of losing her living mate, what must her living mate be feeling having loved and lost their third?

Would they even be willing to give Clarke a chance?

Was Clarke willing to give them a chance?

For all their midnight talk had been a 'first meeting', they hadn't actually talked. Or even seen each other face to face. She hadn't even heard her soulmate's voice yet.

She felt ready to meet them after talking with Krissy and Benji. But meeting someone and meeting them to spend three days non-stop in their presence were two different things. Meeting someone didn't guarantee anything. Clarke was ready to meet them now, wanted to at least know what her surviving soulmate was like, but did she want to let the world know who they were once she did?

The fact that their midnight talk even happened meant her soulmate clearly was willing to recognize their bond. That her soulmate had remained hidden while Clarke stood in the clearing spoke volumes about how uncertain her soulmate was about revealing their identity to Clarke. To anyone. Did that mean they wanted to keep their bond hidden, even though they'd acknowledge it in private?

It was the only answer Clarke could come to, for why her soulmate would behave the way they did. Why else would they send her the image of Wells? And attempt to comfort her when she felt overwhelmed and panicky? If her soulmate didn't want her than surely they would ignore the bond. Would close it instead of leave it open for emotions to flow both ways.

So, they wanted her - they just weren't ready to be with her.

Clarke could work with that. She could.

There had to be a reason they weren't ready to meet Clarke. And a reason that involved interacting in public. There had to be. If the guilt and self-deprecation Clarke had felt after their thirds death was anything to go by, fear certainly played a part. Clarke just wasn't sure how much.

She'd gotten the impression over the last few days her soulmate was rather important in the grounder hierarchy. How much Clarke didn't know, but from a phrase like 'blood must have blood' ad threats of war over just Lincoln's life - it wasn't hard to guess that their culture was violent. Violence meant death. Influence meant power-plays and threats. Put them together and you got death threats.

Likely at soulmates.

Like Clarke.

It was with these thoughts in mind that Clarke finally approached Lincoln and Octavia with. A mix of curiosity and caution lead her to ask how they were doing before passing on the news that Mike had made it back with the start of an exchange. Curiosity over how they were getting along and what they planned to do once Lincoln headed back to his clan. Caution over how they were adjusting to being with their soulmate, to the challenges of such relationships slowly being brought to her attention. The challenges glossed over in fairy-tales.

Once she'd passed on the good news she left the pair and began to wonder. She knew she was still missing something, but she wasn't sure what. Something important that had nothing to do with soulmates and had been forgotten in the excitement of them and Wells and Lincoln.

She wished Wells was there for her to bounce ideas off of.

Light glinted from by her side causing her to look down.

Of course.

Turning Clarke headed back towards the drop ship and Monty's unofficial lab. Earlier in the week - while Jasper was still recovering - Monty had claimed a portion of the upper drop ship as a lab. There he'd been working on reestablishing communication with the Ark.

Last Clarke had checked Jasper had rejoined in the task while also working on some moonshine. Between the two of them Clarke wasn't sure whether to shake her head in exasperation or fondness. Either way they were the best chance she had at establishing contact with the Ark.

Entering the 'lab' area Clarke surveyed the area.

Broken bits of scrap metal lay scattered about. Other material lay intermixed: wires, cords, bits of nature that might serve one purpose or another. Pressed against one wall was a small table with what Clarke assumed was their relay station on it. Surrounding that was the dissected wrist bands of the 100 who'd already removed them.

The boys looked up when she came in, both smiling, although Jasper slide a bottle of unknown contents behind his back as he did so.

Clarke merely raised an eyebrow at him before returning the smiles.

"Monty, Jasper. How's our technical geniuses doing?" Monty ducked his head.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say geniuses. Pretty sure I could have figured this out by now otherwise."

Jasper patted his friend on the shoulder in reassurance. The automatic feel to the action reminded Clarke that the two were soulmates. Questions bubbled to the forefront of her mind after the conversations this morning with Krissy and Benji.

Still she hesitated.

Business first.

"Do you guys need more parts? Or more wristbands? I can see if anyone wants to go scavenging again."

"No, I think we're-." Jasper cuts of Monty's answer.

"Some fresh wristbands would help. Like taken off right here fresh. The batteries on all the others are dead already."

Clarke blinked. Batteries? Glancing at her own wrist band Clarke watched the steadily blinking light for a few seconds. Shaking her head and then nodding instead Clarke exhaled.

"Okay. I'll go see if I can't find any volunteers. People who don't have any family waiting on them or anything."

"Thanks Clarke."

The relief in their thank you surprises her. She wasn't sure why they hadn't asked themselves, but if she could help them this way she would. Bidding goodbye Clarke heads out to find some volunteers.

She missed the way the boys exchanged a glance behind her.

She'd barely made it outside of the drop Ship when voices and laughter reached her ears. Turning she saw Murphy and a few others of Bellamy's militia standing in a gaggle. Inspiration struck.

"Hey Murphy!"

Instantly the group tensed. Turning to look at her the boy in question scowled at her approach. The others shifted their weight in uncertainty.

"What do you want Princess?"

"You're pretty good at getting these off, right?"

She brings her wrist up so that it's clear what she means. His eyes widen slightly before narrowing. It's clear he won't trust her words at face value.

"What decide you don't want your cushy life anymore? And to really join us delinquents?"

Clarke's smile is hard. "Not quite yet. But I'd like you to assist in removing some more of them if you're interested. Monty and Jasper need a couple fresh ones to try and get the radio to work. I was thinking if you rounded up a handful of volunteers... people with a bone to pick or no family to worry if they were to appear dead for a while..."

Murphy scowled but nodded. The others around him shifted again. A few exchanged nervous glances. The kid with the beanie was looking at her in confusion. None of them had wrist bands on. When Murphy didn't answer right away Clarke raised an eyebrow.

"Well, will you? I'm not going to force you. Just figured with all your experience taking them off you'd jump at the chance to remove some more."

"Sure, I'll break some wrist bands off. Least I can do to make someone on the Ark panic." With a sneer he stomped off.

Glancing at the ones left she noticed none of them appeared comfortable around her. Sighing internally Clarke realized she seriously needed to get to know more of the others down here with her. Trying to keep everyone alive was time consuming, but it wouldn't matter if there was no one around who cared.

She didn't even know any of their names.

"Uh..."

"Miller." Clarke blinked. Beanie kid shrugged. "My name. Just call me Miller."

"Right. Miller. Think you could put together a list for me? Of what people want to be called and if anyone has family on the Ark they want to see or if they'd rather not see anyone. That type of stuff? Oh! And what they'd rather do, like hunt or build or entertain. Stuff like that?"

Clarke glanced around, gauging their reactions. Most seemed surprised, a little pleased, a little suspicious. Better than Clarke expected for a spur of the moment decision. Miller at least seemed interested.

"It'll help with knowing where everyone is too if we ever get attacked." He was nodding. That was good. She glanced around again.

"You guys could help him if you want?"

Tentative nods of agreement. Clarke let out a deep sigh.

"Awesome. Thanks."

An exchange of nods and Clarke left the small group. She hoped they'd actually do it. She hadn't realized until she'd started talking just how useful a list like that would be for organizing everyone. Maybe they could finally start getting more food brought in once they have a system.

She wondered aimlessly for a bit.

Clarke was watching the sunset from one the many hills when she felt it.

Her bond flared.

Anger. Fear. Outrage. Determination. More emotions kept pouring through the bond bouncing and echoing over each other. Amongst the jumble of emotions something else came through.

A snarled word.

Maunon.