Not minee!

Chapter 10

"it's time, it's time!" alice said skipping down the stairs holding bella hand. "there's a cake too…..BELLA! HELLO!" she threw a box of raisins at bella fourhead because she was sitting across the room sleep.

"I'm sorry, what?" bella said before she came to.

"it's time for something and there is cake." Esme repeated and smiled.

"huh?" she rubbed her eye

"alice baked a cake for you!" jasper shouted.

"what?" bella yelled.

"Carlisle?" everybody said and looked at him. Esme smiled.

"ALICE SAID IT'S TIME IT'S TIME AND THERE'S A CAKE TOO" Carlisle said.

"oh…oh hold on you guys," bella said digging in her ears and pulling out earplugs and shea butter. "Okay now what did you say?"

"CAKE! ALICE! NOW!" everybody yelled frustrated. Rose threw a box of dates at the back of her head for being stupid.

Bella ran over to alice. Alice gave her a hug and handed her a present. "oh alice! What is this for?"

Alice stared at her for a long time. "it's your Christmas present, bella" she spoked to her like she was a child.

"oh…thank you."

Renesmee appeared out of nowhere. Probably from that hole she fell through, though. "whoop party over here!" she did the bankhead bounce. "I'm going to invite a friend." She ran outside and came back holding leah hand with one hand and touching her butt with the other hand. "everybody, this is leah Clearwater."

"hi" leah smiled shyly and waved.

Jasper fainted. Rose rubbed something on her boob. Esme smiled. Alice gave her a hug. Carlisle waved. Bella stared. Emmett licked his lips. Jacob walked over to her.

"hello leah, I'm Jacob Black but don't let that confuse you I'm Native American. It's nice to meet you…and I'm relieved to know that ren has friends." They shook hands.

"hi Jacob. I can only speak German. And actually I'm not Renessie's friend I'm her fiancé" she corrected.

"oh shit. Even better. Congratulations you two," jake slapped them both on the ass. "is it time for cake yet?"

"no!" alice growled. "I have gift bags for you all" she said and threw everybody a 29-pound bag full of stuff in it.

"what the…" Emmett opened the bag and squealed "cookies!"

"yeah that's so you bastards can stop eating santa's cookies" she stated

"oh why thank you alice darling that was very thoughtful of you" esme smiled.

"I'm giving these to the cookie project in atlanta" Carlisle said and left in his lamborghini.

"I don't give a fuck what you people/vampires/werewolves/leah/steve do with them just don't you TOUCH Santa's fucking cookies!" alice had a mood swing. "oh and jake and I have an announcement to make," she smiled and took jacobes hand.

"wait a minute. Bella we need to talke" Edward interrupted. Cookie residue fell from bella teeth and jasper lunged for her elbow. Edward pushed him into the bass guitar just in time.

"ahhh" bella moaned sexually.

"excuse me people! I hAve an announcemenT!" alice screamed.

"let me tell bella what I gotta tell her!" Edward snapped.

"NO this is MY night eddy MY night" alice cried hysterically

"WHOEVER CAN THROW A CAR INTO THE OTHER'S FACE FIRST GETS TO GO LAST," Carlisle said.

Esme smiled "honey youre a dream come true."

Esme smiled.

Allison picked up leah car and threw it in edward face because she misunderstood. "OK EDWIN SON YOU MAY PROCEED" Carlisle said.

"thank you" Edward said and wriggled out from under leah car and realized he left behind his behind. "I'll get that later. Anyways bella…jasper—"

bella was in tears. "what happened with jasper was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"wha? I was just going to say that jasper bought us war of worldcraft for Christmas and that he would let us open it early if we proved to him that fairies truly do exist but now that you reminded me…it was nothing compared to what could have happened." Edward hung his head. "I promise never to put you through anything like this ever again. This is the last time you'll ever see me."

"daddy, nooo!" renezmeeee broke down.

Everybody watched as he gave her a kiss and vanished.

"DAYUM." Carlisle said after a moment of ackword silense.

"oh honey…he'll be back once he realizezs all the stupid things you're going to do and that he can't ever live without you because you're like his drug. Such a beautiful, unhealthy relationship the two of you have," esme smiled.

"no…no…ima have to say something." Jasper put on his dreadlocks and walked up and took the mic from esme. She smiled and backed up. "how much could you mean to him? If he left you here? Unprotected?" jasper spoke the truth as the lights dimmed around him.

"jasper it's okay but if you want to save the boy you need to believe in the fairies!" bella cried.

"nice try." He left.

"jasper! No wait!" leah called after him but he was gone. "damn it. He left out the best part about not being able to help himself because she is so mouthwatering!"

"but she's not anymore," everybody chorused and esme smiled.

Uh-oh…the Christmas eve party is coming soon!