Chapter 10
Peace? On a ship? No way.
I stood at the rail and watched as the port slowly grew smaller and smaller. When it grew so small that I could barely see it, I walked over to where Titania was. I can't explain it, but out of all the mercenaries, I feel the safest around her. She just had this aura of "I'm gonna kick your ass if you want to hurt me or my friends but if you're my friend, I will protect you and I will do a spankin' good job at it" type of feel. I just had this feeling of safety standing around her. I mean, we're on a ship at sea in the middle of nowhere and we're not being pursued by Daein troops, so I find it highly unlikely that we're going to be attacked.
"How are you feeling?" I heard Titania ask me with some concern in her voice.
"I'm okay, especially now that I'm back with you guys," I replied.
"Well, for now, you are safe," Titania commented.
"Yeah, I get that feeling just being around you guys," I replied back to her. It was true. The Greil Mercenaries were my home away from home. Upon thinking about my sentiment of feeling at home with the Daein troops, I suddenly felt foolish for having felt that way. True that they were people like myself and they were friendly, but they were an army of soldiers who still invaded Crimea without declaration or provocation. No matter how human they were, it was for certain that they still had to be stopped. I just hope the war can be over before too many of them are killed.
"Hey! I challenge you to a duel!" I heard an enthusiastic female voice behind me. I turned around to see Mia with her sword out and looking at Karla with a variety of emotions I could not put my finger on. Oh dear goodness Mia, do you have to pick a fight with every sword wielder you can meet?
"I do not wish to fight you," Karla merely replied. This surprised me quite a bit as I knew she always wanted to fight someone, especially if they had a sword.
"Why not?" Mia asked. Thank you Mia for asking my question for me.
"You are an ally. It would be a pity to kill you," Karla replied.
"I'm not a pushover like those Daein troops!" Mia vehemently exclaimed at Karla. It was clear that she wanted this fight.
"Titania, where are Mist, Natasha, or Rhys?" I quickly asked her.
"They're all down below deck," Titania replied.
"I'll go run and fetch them," I said quickly.
"I'd better go help," Titania replied.
I looked over as Karla sighed and pulled out her sword. Not sparing another second to the sparring girls, I bounded down and started running around looking for a healer. For some reason, I had a bad feeling that Mia was about to be hurt quite badly. A minute or so later, I ran into Mist, Natasha, and Elincia. It seems they were having a conversation about something or playing a game. As soon as I ran over, all three of them looked at me before bursting out laughing.
"Something wrong or am I just that appealing to you ladies," I said in sarcasm.
"Nothing… it's nothing," Mist said with a small snigger.
"Well, if one of you ladies could spare the time, we really could use a healer right about now," I said.
"We'll all go!" Elincia said. All three of them pulled out their staves and stood up. As I ran out, the three quickly ran and followed me. Damn, I hope Elincia doesn't fall. She still hasn't gotten rid of that dress. I can understand that royalty types have to wear dresses like that but still, at least she should do something to make sure she doesn't trip on it. Or she can change out of it and save it for later. I mean, I'd hate to say that she was killed by an enemy because she tripped on her dress in battle.
As I ran up, I saw that all of the mercenaries were congregated on the deck. Each one of them had quite a profound expression on their faces. I could see Soren with a look of disgust. Oscar and Rolf stood there with faces of helplessness mingled with anticipation. Boyd was cheering, "Mia! Mia! Mia!" much to the annoyance of Ike, who was standing next to him and just watching the duel as it unfolded. Both Brom and Nephenee stood there, surveying the two fighters as they continued. Lethe was standing there cross-armed with a pout on her face. Zihark was just sitting down, polishing his sword. Either he was oblivious to what was going on (which was very unlikely) or it did not interest him. At the moment, Karla seemed to be untouched whereas Mia seem to have been nicked a couple times.
I wonder where Kieran, Volke, Ilyana, and Mordecai are. They have to be on this ship somewhere, I hope.
"Go Mia!" I heard Mist call out from behind me. I sweatdropped as I said with a tinge of annoyance, "I got you guys to heal them."
"Oh lighten up, kid," Boyd said as he heard my comment. Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to watch a little longer.
After a small staring contest, Mia rushed at Karla again and swung with her sword horizontally. Karla quickly swung vertically downward at Mia's sword. The two collided and Mia's sword was thrown off course before being pushed to the ground. To the surprise of a few of the spectators, Karla stepped on the tip of the blade, holding it place for a few vital moments. She swung her sword horizontally at Mia, threatening to leave a deep gash on her shoulder.
Mia did the only thing she could. She dropped to the ground in a crouching-like stance, and did a sweeping move on Karla. Karla quickly jumped into the air to avoid it, freeing Mia's blade. Quickly, Mia swung upward, her blade ready to slash Karla on the leg. Almost as if she predicted the move, Karla swung her sword down and caught Mia by surprise by smacking her hand with the flat of her blade. Mia dropped her sword in pain as Karla held the tip of the sword to Mia's throat.
"And that's game," Zihark said aloud, much to my surprise. It looked like he wasn't watching. Mist ran over to Mia with her staff and started to heal her wounds as Karla sheathed her sword.
"I must admit, I am impressed with your style and technique," I heard Ike comment.
"My skill has been honed over many years. I am still in search of my brother, who far surpasses me both in skill and in stamina," Karla replied to Ike.
"Is that why you wish to travel to Begnion?" Ike asked her in reply.
"I hear that he has made himself recently known in Begnion," Karla replied.
"Well, I don't see why you couldn't come along with us," Ike said.
"Thank you," Karla replied.
"Hey, Karla. Would you come down with us? You too, Mia," Mist said. Both girls looked at Mist.
"Nephenee, you can come too!" I heard Elincia call. What was this? A girls-only thing? All the girls of the mercenaries? No, it couldn't be. They didn't call Titania.
All three of the called girls walked over to the other three girls. As Mist said something softly, the other three nodded and went down below decks again. Girls, what an enigma they can be.
"Hey, are you doing anything?" I heard Titania say to me.
"No, not really. Why?" I replied to her.
"You want to go on a walk along the ship?" Titania asked, though I could hear a little part of forcefulness added to the request.
"I couldn't deny someone as nice as you their request," I said with a smile.
"Okay, then," she said as she wandered away from the group. I tagged along behind her, and together we went to the front of the ship. She leaned on the rail and looked out over the sea.
"Tell me about yourself," Titania said.
"What can I tell you about myself?" I asked.
"Who are you, where are you from. The things you told Commander Greil when you first met him," Titania said.
"I… don't know… if you really want to hear a story like that, especially considering what happened recently," I said slowly.
"Try me," Titania replied.
"Well, okay," I said. I basically retold the story I told Greil to Titania. I told her how I was from another world, how a fatal accident befell me from my world, the darkness and the voice, and meeting everyone. I bit my tongue for a second before pulling out my cell phone and explaining to her video games like I did to Greil. I paused for a few seconds before springing on her the truth about the Fire Emblem world.
"… so… we're characters of fiction from your world?" Titania asked.
"That's the reaction Greil gave me, you know," I said in reply.
"… I… don't know what to say to this," Titania replied.
"Well, you guys aren't fiction or a dream. You guys are pretty real to me. I can attest to the arrow that was sticking out of my leg while trying to free imprisonment," I said offhandedly to her.
"Maybe somehow people from your world can see into our world?" Titania asked.
"Perhaps…" I replied.
"Have you ever finished this… game of yours?" Titania asked again.
"Yes," I replied. Somehow I knew where this was going.
"So you knew… about Commander Greil," Titania said with a tinge of pain in her voice.
"…" I was silent as I put my head down. She seemed intent on hearing my answer as she stood there looking at me.
"It was the hardest choice of my life," I mumbled.
"Why? Why did you do it?" Titania said with a hint of anger.
"Commander Greil understood what would be the consequences. He probably knew at his end that I knew," I said.
"That doesn't mean you could not have spared him!" Titania exclaimed angrily.
"I didn't know what to do!" I said back. What was this feeling coming over me? Depression? Sadness? Pity? I could not put my finger on it.
"You could have at least tried to save him!" Titania said.
"I…" I began. What could you say knowing you were indirectly responsible for the death of someone as important as Commander Griel? What could you say knowing you were indirectly responsible for orphaning Ike and Mist? What could you say for knowing that you indirectly caused grief among the whole company, forced this responsibility on Ike, and caused Shinon and Gatrie to leave?
"I want to be alone… I need to… think," I said as I walked away. It hit me just like that. I caused his death. If I had just been more decisive and tried to help Greil, this would not have happened. I could have prevented his death.
"You can sense and predict the danger, but without any way to counter it, that knowledge is useless," I heard my voice echo through my head. That was one of the things I said to Commander Greil. There was a way to counter it. Make him more aware. Make him aware of Ragnell. Make him aware of Alondite. Make him aware of the blessed armor. Commander, I'm sorry…
I found myself below decks on the ship, in a deep part. I was just wandering around deep in though when I ran into a door. Painfully, I held my hand as I opened the door. It was a dark storeroom, full of supplies and such. I sat down on a crate and sighed. I was lost in my own thoughts. If there was ever a time in my life in this world that I should have self-pity thoughts, it was now. It wasn't just Commander Greil's death that I indirectly caused. Imagine how much grief I gave to the families of the soldiers I killed. Imagine how many goals and dreams and aspirations I had snuffed just with my arrows.
I don't think I can ever get over this feeling of sadness. War is not petty. War is not fun. War is simply violence and murder. Mass murder. There is no difference between a serial killer and a soldier. Both kill large amounts of people.
"There you are," I heard a voice say. I looked up at the voice. It was Ike and Titania, but it was Ike who spoke.
"I don't feel good right now," I said listlessly.
"We're here to help you out," Ike said.
"Just… say what's on your mind," Titania said. They both walked in and sat on the crate opposite of me.
"Well, first… Commander… Ike… I'm sorry," I said.
"… somehow, my father knew you were going to say that," Ike said.
"… what?" I asked.
"He said he knew you were probably going to feel sorry for his death. He said not to worry. That was one of the things he said to me during his battle in the forest," Ike said.
"He… did?" I asked, unable to believe it.
"Yes," Ike replied.
"I… thank you," I said.
"Me?" Ike asked in a puzzled manner.
"Yes, thank you for telling me this. It makes me feel a whole lot better," I said with a less depressed voice.
"There's something else on your mind," Titania said.
"Quite…" I said with a sigh.
"What is it?" Ike asked.
"Well, it's this whole war," I said.
"What of it?" Titania said.
"Well… first, let me ask… do both of you have dreams and aspirations and goals?" I asked. Both of them nodded.
"Well, then, imagine that you were killed before you achieved those dreams," I said. They both looked at each other, probably understanding where this was going.
"I feel horrible knowing that my job is killing people. I kill not only people, but also the dreams they stand for. I feel sad and almost sick now knowing that this is the only thing I can do to save this country. I feel sad knowing that indirectly I cause grief. I was indirectly responsible for your grief… I could have prevented the commander's death. But beyond that, every soldier I kill is another family I put into grief by the death of a loved one. I just… don't know if I can handle killing any more people," I said. Both Ike and Titania looked at me in silence. Neither of them really seemed to know what to say.
"It is a tough job, but dreams and goals are something to work toward. Whether you achieve them or not is a matter of skill," I heard. I looked to the doorway to see Soren standing there.
"I couldn't help but overhearing," Soren said with a slightly softer, nicer voice.
"What exactly did you mean?" I asked him.
"Well, think of it this way. Supposing that every soldier in the Daein army, they kill seven of Crimean soldiers in this war. You have killed at least ten Daein soldiers. By this math, you may have caused grief to ten families, but you have spared seventy other families of their grief. To further the point I'm making, half of these soldiers are blind sheep who follow their commanders without question. Some of them are ignorant and rude in person and are the type of people who bring down this world. One can view your murders as service to this world as there could be hundreds of people who were spared grief from those ten soldiers you killed. You removed those who killed our Crimean soldiers. With those soldiers alive, this means our forces are stronger. With our forces stronger, we sustain fewer casualties and they sustain fewer casualties. With fewer casualties, less grief can come from this war.
"Tell me. Which scenario causes more deaths? Two medium sized armies going at each other where one side wins but it is a pyrrhic victory… or a medium sized army against a large army where the larger army can easily minimize casualties and force the other side to surrender instead of killing them all," Soren said.
"… the first scenario causes more deaths," I said, understanding the point he was trying to make.
"This is the difference between a soldier and a mass murderer. A mass murderer kills innocent people. He does snuff the dreams and hopes of those people like a soldier. But a soldier, looking at it logically and statistically, is doing good and saving the lives of his comrades through murder. If you were to judge by the ends and not the means, you'd see these killers that we call soldiers as heroes instead of murderers.
"Some people just don't look at the benefits or the aftermath of the murder. They look at why. It is a completely foolhardy way of thinking. A death is a death and murder is murder. The results are the same regardless of whatever reasoning one may put into the murder. Whether you kill someone on purpose with malice or in self-defense; whether you kill someone by accident through your mistake or your negligence… it makes no difference. That person is dead regardless," Soren said.
"… I understand. So, by your logic, there is no good and evil, light and dark, moral and immoral. There is only power, and those who wish to seek it. There are ones who seek power to do as they please. There is no true right or wrong. There is no absolute morality… you know, your way of thinking can almost be considered controlled anarchy," I said.
"Anarchy has no control," Soren remarked.
"I didn't mean it in that way. I mean a society where there are no rules and people can do what they want. However, everyone has a somewhat similar line of beliefs that allow him or her to cooperate and get along on a fundamental level. There is no race. There is no beorc, laguz, or branded. There is simply people, and disparity and hatred come from differences in perspectives rather than physical qualities or some type of quality that the bearer cannot help," I explained.
"Quite so," Soren said.
"You know, you two are a lot more alike than either of you care for," Titania commented.
"I think I'm going up. My head hurts," Ike said before he left the room.
"You're a bit nicer than I gave you credit for," I commented back.
"You're a bit brighter than I gave you credit for," Soren remarked.
"… touché," I said to him.
"If you two are done, can we go up now? I'm sure Mist is wandering this ship looking for you and Volke with two plates of food," Titania commented.
"I'll eat with you guys for a hundred gold," I heard a voice say in the shadows.
"What the—" I said aloud as I turned. I could see someone step out from the darkness into the light from the hallway outside the doorway.
"Volke, it doesn't kill you to eat with everyone else," Titania commented.
"A hundred gold," Volke repeated.
"Why should you charge for food? Not to mention that's more than what you charge to pick a lock," Titania said.
"I don't like large groups of people," Volke said.
"I don't want Mist wandering this ship anymore with a plate of food for you," Titania said.
"I have my own means," Volke said.
"Okay, when you say your own means, do you mean stealing from the cargo of the ship?" Titania asked.
"No, I steal from the stowaway that no one seems to have noticed. I myself did not notice him at first which states that he's pretty clever and stealthy like myself… although not to my level," Volke commented.
A stowaway? It's probably Sothe.
"Well, fine, I'll just tell Mist that you're dead," I commented.
"Very well then," Volke said.
"Come on, John, before Mist takes a plate for you too," Titania said. Her and I left the room with Soren as we left for the dining hall. It was going to be a rather interesting dinner. I'm sure my English 101 teacher would be upset that I used the word interesting, but for lack of a better word, I shall humble the size of my vocabulary.
"Hey, Titania, I wonder something," I said aloud.
"What is it?" she asked in reply.
"There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Why is that?" I mused aloud.
"Just keep wondering. My head is beginning to hurt," Titania said aloud with a small smile.
A/N: Sorry if the philosophy hurt your head. It's stuff like that which runs through my head all the time. Not just about murder, but about death, about life, about society, about socialization, about government, about politics… I think about a lot of topics.
Also, as with the first few chapters, this chapter is more about interaction than battles and fighting and action. I may write the next few chapters in the same fashion. I still feel I have not explored the personalities of the characters, especially the new ones, far enough.
I was too lazy to load my playlists so all that's playing on my WMP right now is Liberi Fatali from Final Fantasy 8 and One-Winged Angel from Final Fantasy 7 on repeat. I miss the old WMP where there was a little drop-down menu and you could click the name of your playlist and it would load. Now you gotta go to "Library", then pick the playlist, then click a song, then press ctrl a, then right-click the first song, then click "play". Yes, that's how lazy I can be at times.
Also, for the past three or so classes in my English 102 class, we've been studying and analyzing Edgar Allan Poe stories. First was The Black Cat. Then we looked over The Cask of Amontillado. Finally, we'll be doing The Fall of the House of Usher tomorrow. Hopefully all this Poe analysis of plot, theme, setting, characterization, style, and point of view didn't rub off into my stories.