A/N: Given what this chapter is about (how the Akatsuki should behave in certain mature situations), it might be a tad more mature than the rest of the Handbook. The same applies to the following chapter, which deals with professional relationships.
The omake involves Konan giving a lecture to female Akatsuki personnel about defending themselves against rape and sexual harassment. If you cannot handle either of these topics, feel free to skip this chapter.
Sexual Conduct
By Konan
Edited by Itachi
Edited by Konan
Revisions by Madara
Many within the organization feel that a sexual harassment policy is unnecessary. As the only main female member in the organization, I strenuously disagree with their position. In my experience, the members who most vocally dispute the need for this policy are the primary reason why we need one.
Due to recent events concerning Orochimaru's abrupt departure from the organization, several clarifications are in order. The worldwide legal age of consent is sixteen for males and females. That age does apply to Akatsuki members.
As a representative of this organization, you are expected to conduct yourself properly. When in doubt, ask your prospective sexual partner how old they are. If a member or any other party is underage, they cannot consent to any form of sexual contact.
Remember boys! Trust, but verify. A wonder bra and some makeup can make a girl look older than she really is. Ask to see ID. Hint: If you picked her up at her parents' home and they made you promise to have her home by ten o'clock, she's not legal.
First offense: Minimum thirty days imprisonment (may be suspended).
Second offense: Minimum twenty lashes, sixty days imprisonment, six months as target practice.
Third offense: Minimum forty lashes, pedophile tattoo, ninety days imprisonment, one year as target for target practice.
Fourth offense: Appropriate medical surgery.
All cases involving members will be brought before our committee for judgment. Currently, the committee comprises Zetsu, Konan, Itachi Uchiha, and myself. Our general assumption is that the first time you may have legitimate reasons for thinking a fifteen year old was sixteen, and we will listen to those reasons. After that point, you either prefer children or are just plain stupid.
Rules and Penalties (Penalties are indicated by bold font.):
1) A member's butt is their personal property. Keep your hands off. All members are authorized to break whatever arm the hand is attached to.
2) Do not grope another member without his or her explicit permission. If the incident is minor, you may deliver a minor beating. Aside from that, deal with it however you prefer, but both members must be alive and capable of executing missions afterward.
3) No pickup lines in the hideout. The member who used the pickup line is required to wash all dishes and clean the kitchen after every meal for a period of not less than one week, but not more than three weeks at the discretion of the committee. The best part … between Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame, I haven't had dish duty in three years.
4) Do not under any circumstances imply that a member is less capable than another member solely on the basis of gender. A woman can do anything a man can do and look better doing it. I can and will make you look like an idiot! Expect it. That's a nice theory, Konan. I can do many things you can't and will always look better. You don't count. You're a he-she!
Enough! If you two really want to have a who's prettier contest, enter a beauty pageant on your time, not mine! Better yet, ask the magic mirror. (On second thought, scratch the last. It's recently come to my attention that Itachi and Konan are both spending inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom primping.)
5) Physical contact between members must be consensual. Consult committee for appropriate punishment. Translation: Do not hug, high five, etc. any member without his or her explicit approval. Kisame, this includes noogies. Please refrain from pulling me underneath your arm and rubbing your knuckles in my hair. I am not your little brother, nor do I want to be. One brother in my life is enough. In the future, please refrain from all displays of brotherly affection.
Itachi, this actually refers to physical contact of a sexual nature, not brotherly displays of affection. Your argument would only be valid of Kisame's gate swung the other way and it doesn't. Itachi, Konan's assessment is correct; however, I see your point about hugging and high fives. Those should be kept to an absolute minimum. As for Kisame, he's only doing that to irritate you. Obviously, it's working.
6) All sexual contact between members and/or members and outside parties must be consensual. This means all parties must consent. Consult committee for appropriate punishment and to arrange counseling/restitution.
7) Sexual contact between members and/or members and outside parties is only permitted if both parties are of legal age and physical maturity for said contact. Consult committee for appropriate punishment and to arrange counseling/restitution.
In the case of Orochimaru vs. Itachi Uchiha, the committee found as follows:
"As an underage minor, Itachi Uchiha was well within his rights to protect his person, and while the loss of an arm is regrettable, it was entirely appropriate given the circumstances."
Recently, questions have arisen due to this and several other legal age matters. Please see the second paragraph for appropriate guidance. When in doubt, keep it in your pants.
8) The above rules also apply to contact between members and non-members.
9) If you know that a particular person is the lover or spouse of another member, do not instigate inappropriate contact with them without theirs or their partners' permission. An example of consensual contact with a partner already in a relationship would be Kisame having an occasional threesome with Pain and I.
In the case of inappropriate contact between a person in a relationship and an outside party, counseling and restitution will be arranged for the victim and their usual partner, while the Akatsuki employee who initialized it will be disciplined appropriately according to the committee's findings.
10) If you and your partner are both employed by Akatsuki and are having intercourse in Headquarters, only do so in a private bedroom. Lock the door and employ sound containment seals so no one walks in by accident or is woken by your activities.
The couple will be forbidden from performing intercourse in Headquarters for a short period of time. They might be sent on separate missions shortly afterwards to prevent them from ignoring the ban.
11) Subordinates and associates have the same sexual protections as main members. A full member taking advantage of their position with a subordinate will have extended time tacked on to their initial sexual harassment sentence. Restitution will be made to the subordinate at the earliest opportunity.
Sexual Harassment Watch List
Directions: Post in a prominent place in all hideouts.
Offenders:
Orochimaru - Two proven cases of sexual contact with a minor; ten pending pedophilia charges in Fire; ten pending rape charges in Fire; one pending rape charge in Rain. After due consideration, Orochimaru is banned from the main Akatsuki base in Rain until further notice.
Hidan - Ten proven cases of groping; twenty-five bad pickup lines.
Deidara - Five pickup lines.
Kisame - Eight pickup lines; one butt slap (already taken care of by Konan).
Madara Uchiha - Sexist comments and archaic attitude towards women's rights. Girl, I am significantly older than you and occasionally, I live in the past. As I also happen to be significantly more powerful than you, live with it!
Karin - Multiple counts of unwanted physical contact and groping.
Notice for Publication on All Advertising Materials:
In the event of a sexual assault and/or rape complaint or charges against a member, please contact either Konan at the main Rain Base where she also serves as Rain's Chief Administrator/Angel or Madara Uchiha.
Appointments can be made with either of these individuals. In the event the victim is unable to travel, please send us a letter by courier and we will come to you. As a shinobi organization, we do not offer any form of compensation or hearing for unlawful death, murder, etc.
Recently, it has come to my attention that several members remain confused as to our official policy towards rape. Please refer to rules six and seven. If these are not explicit enough ... Regardless of your individual status as an S-Class criminal, we are not now, nor will we ever be an organization of rapists.
We are civilized beings and all members are expected to act in a civilized fashion. If you truly feel that such an act is necessary to acquire information, use genjutsu. It feels just as real to the victim without the possibility of poisoning and disease.
For those of you who simply prefer more violent activities, there are numerous houses of ill repute that will cater to your every desire. Seek your outlets there!
Most Recent Committee Ruling:
Hidan's Usage of Akatsuki Interrogation Facility for BDSM Activities (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism (i.e. really kinky stuff))
Summary: Konan and Zetsu brought a prisoner to the Akatsuki Interrogation Facility and inadvertently walked in on Hidan and his latest friend. After an extended inquiry including the usage of Tsukuyomi, the committee was satisfied that the contact between Hidan and his friend was consensual; however, the usage of Akatsuki Facilities for this questionable activity remains an issue.
Conclusion: Akatsuki facilities are only to be used by members for legitimate organization business and getting laid does not constitute legitimate organization business. The only exception to this ruling would be personnel having sexual contact in Headquarters.
Penalty: As there was no previous discussion regarding this matter, there will be no penalty imposed. In the future, the committee will determine appropriate penalties on a case-by-case basis.
Konan watched from her desk. The last of the Akatsuki's female subordinates and associates entered the room. She made a discreet handsign.
Now, we won't have anyone intruding while I give this lecture.
The lecture the blue-haired woman was about to give was very important. It involved their basic rights regarding sexual encounters and how to defend themselves from unwilling suitors. Nobody deserved to be violated.
"I am glad all of you could come here today," she began.
"We are about to talk about a delicate subject. Because of this, I have a seal on the door preventing any men from eavesdropping or entering. My first question for you all is, how would you define rape?"
The girls present stiffened. They turned their heads. Several whispered to each other.
At last, a longhaired girl with red eyes answered.
"Rape is when an individual has sex with someone else involuntarily."
A young woman adjusted her glasses.
"Rape is having sexual contact with another person when they will not or are unable to consent."
A younger teenage girl with blonde hair narrowed her eyes.
"Rape is having sex with someone else when they do not want to."
A white-haired teenager did not respond. She sat rigidly on the couch, as stiff as a board.
The other girls remained silent.
Konan wrote several things down on her chalkboard.
"There are several things we agree with. Rape involves sex, and is non-voluntary on the victim's part. Rape and sexual harassment are forbidden activities in Akatsuki. The thing is, several members forget this from time to time."
The amber-eyed woman drew figures of a man and a woman. They were not detailed per se, but had several parts labeled.
"Men are drawn to different parts of a woman's body. They might like long hair, dainty feet, long legs, a curvy body, lithe arms, a heart-shaped face, or large breasts. While some issues cannot be helped, there are some things you can do to decrease the number of unwilling suitors."
She drew guidelines on the woman's figure. The lines drawn on the legs were at the woman's fingertips. The guideline on the top part of the body was a little below the woman's neck. The arms had matching lines not one quarter down the arms' length.
"It is important to dress modestly. Since shinobi need room to move on missions, the shinobi standard of modesty is a little looser from the civilian one. Your breasts should not be too prominent, and whatever you wear on your bottom half should cover your underwear."
Several of the younger girls giggled. The bespectacled young woman turned away, blushing heavily. Konan waited until they quieted down before starting the lecture up again.
In her lapse of speaking, the shorthaired kunoichi took notes of her audiences' clothes. Much to her relief, only a few had overly exposed tops, short skirts or short shorts.
Then again, Amegakure's wet climate did not lend itself to dressing scantly.
"Thankfully, it seems most of you understand the meaning of modesty. Now, I'm going to talk about body language."
The next fifteen minutes were spent discussing basic seductive behavior. Of note was pushing one's chest out, hiding hands behind the back, flipping one's hair, and walking on the tips of one's feet.
"All of these behaviors attract unwanted attention. They may be useful on seduction missions, but have no place in Headquarters. If there were a hearing, the individuals on our sexual harassment committee could place the blame on you. But, the men are not free of responsibility. They sometimes lapse in their manners."
The blue-haired woman passed pamphlets out to each of the girls. The bespectacled young woman and white-haired girl scanned them eagerly. Others, like the longhaired girl with red eyes and the teenage blonde girl, held them without reading the contents.
"Regardless of rank, no Akatsuki employee is allowed to touch your butt, grope you, force you on a date or into a sexual situation, or touch any part of you without your permission. This applies doubly to those of you that are underage. If anyone, even your superior, tries anything of this kind, you are allowed to fight back."
Konan beckoned to the young woman with glasses.
"Sachi, what would you do if, for example, Norio forced himself on you?"
The solidly built woman closed her eyes. She ran a hand through her dark hair.
"If he ever did such a thing, I would punch him in the chest. Then, I would set off a flash bomb and flee the area."
The girl with long lavender hair shouted her answer next.
"Really? Just leave him unscathed? I usually avoid fights, but if this happened, Norio-san would be cut to ribbons with my Fūton jutsu!"
Konan held up a hand.
"A nice answer Shiori, but you should wait until I call on you. What would be your reaction, Mayu?"
The blonde girl scrunched her eyes up in concentration.
"I would attempt to flee at first. If not successful, I would punch my assailant in certain weak areas until he was knocked out."
The blue-haired woman wrote the various responses on a piece of paper. She smiled.
"I'm glad that none of you wish to become victims of sexual abuse. I want a few of you to stay with me for a little while, but the majority of you are free to go. Show the men in our Organization that you are better than them."
The girls nodded vigorously. Most of them left the room.
The ones left were those in revealing clothing. The shorthaired woman sighed.
Now, I need to explain to these girls why revealing one's self like that is a bad idea. This is not going to be fun.