Week 2, Friday

6:00 A.M.

All is dead silent in the house, except for the occasional grunt, snorting, or Zant breaking wind (apparently the ham eaten the day prior went straight through him).

Strangely, Camera 6d picks up a shadowy humanoid form creeping through the darkness. Details are hard to make out as there is not much light and whoever it is takes great care to move so quietly not even the BB microphones pick up anything.

6:30 A.M.

Big Brother's microphone crackles and breaks out in a lot of static, as if it has be knocked over in some confusion. There's the sound of a door breaking open and someone shouting something indistinguishable.

"What are you doing in here? Get out!" Big Brother roars, only just being picked up by the fallen microphone. He then breaks out screaming and the microphone cuts out.

By now, the noise has awakened Ganondorf, Link, and Malon.

"Big Brother? What's going on in there?" asks Malon.

"Um, nothing. Nothing at all," calls Big Brother back. Strangely, his voice seems muffled and hard to make out. "Just a little…technical difficulty here. Yeah, that's it."

"Are you sure?" asks Ganondorf. "Sounded like there was someone else there."

"No! There's no one else here. Now go back to sleep!"

7:30 A.M.

"This is Big Brother!" comes the voice from the speakers. "Time to get up and…do stuff. Yeah!"

"Big Brother?" asks Midna, rubbing her eyes. "Jeez, what happened to your voice? You sound entirely different."

"Just strained my voice," is the quick reply. "I was…um…singing some opera last night and it caught up to me today. Yeah, that's it."

"You sing opera?" asks Midna suspiciously, but is interrupted by Majora.

"Seriously? I was singing opera last night also! Only I hid down the bathtub drain pipe when I did it. What did you sing?"

"Erm, Repo: The Genetic Opera. Now everybody get up, get washed up, and go have breakfast!"

7:45 A.M.

The cast is beginning to suspect that something is wrong with Big Brother. Not only does he appear to have far too intimate of knowledge about the cast for a game show host, he also continuously pumps the characters for details on their various adventures, something he had never done before.

7:47 A.M.

Having taken his shower, Link goes into the empty bedroom, locks the door, and starts to change into his usual tunic, leggings, boots, and hat. In the middle of this, he suddenly stops and stares at the speaker in complete confusion. As does the rest of the cast (in whatever part of the house they're in).

"Is Big Brother…hyperventilating?" asks Ganondorf in amazement.

"Maybe he got possessed?" suggests Zant.

"I thought you thought he was a demon," Malon says.

"I still do, but demons can get possessed also. I read it in the Weekly Wor - "

"Shut up!" hisses Malon (Vaati is in earshot).

8:00 A.M.

The cast enjoys a hasty breakfast, prepared by Vaati. He pauses several times as he fixes the meal as he hears loud hissing sounds and seems to think that the stove has somehow begun to leak gas. After checking and then listening carefully however, he discovers the cause of the sound.

"What is your problem?" he snarls at Big Brother's speaker. "Stop hissing at me!"

"Stop giving Link such a hard time!" is the snide reply.

The cast all exchange looks that clearly say "Wtf?""Vaati wasn't bothering Link," Ganondorf points out.

"You too! I've got my eye on you!" the voice from the speaker drops ominously. "Any signs of trouble from either of you and you'll be evicted!"

9:00 A.M.

Big Brother has been weirdly quiet for a while, but the cast are far from relaxed. Instead, they feel as if their nerves are stretched to the breaking point.

"What do you suppose is wrong with him?" whispers Navi.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" the voice booms from the speakers. "It's all in your whiny head! Shut up!"

"Link!" calls Malon from the bathroom. "I think Majora is hiding down the bathtub drain again. Can you come and help me get him out?"

Link obligingly jumps up and heads off to the bathroom.

"I think I'll come and help too," says Zant, unable to stand sitting in the living room any longer.

9:05 A.M.

Malon leads the two men into the bathroom and, gripping them firmly by the arm, pulls them into the shower stall.

"What gi-mph!" says Zant, as Malon quickly claps her hand over his mouth. She then closes the shower stall glass door, sealing them all in.

"Big Brother's being a paranoid moron!" she calls out to no one in particular. She is met with silence.

"Perfect," she says, satisfied that they cannot be heard."What's so perfect?" asks Zant. "It's obvious that Big Brother's gone crazy and we're stuck inside this house with him spying on us!"

"I think there's something going on with 'Big Brother'," explains Malon. "There might be an imposter in his announcement room."

"Or maybe the producers decided that he wasn't getting good enough ratings and replaced him with someone else," argues Zant.

"So suddenly? No, I doubt it. What we need is a way to get into Big Brother's room, quiet and undetected…" Malon pauses to ponder this. Suddenly, Majora shoots up from the shower stall drain, causing everyone to jump and Link to nearly put his arm through the glass.

"You mean he really was in the shower stall drain?" cries Zant. "Well done Malon, now we have the perfect alibi!"

"Actually I didn't know he was there," gasps Malon. "Now listen up everyone, I've got a plan to find out what's up with 'Big Brother' here…"

Unbeknownst to them, Bathroom Camera 5e is slowly zoomed in until it has a clear shot of the four cast members' mouths moving through the glass…

9:15 A.M.

Ganondorf is glaring at the speakers. Every single time he's tried to say something, he is met with a loud "ZIP IT!" from Big Brother.

Midna and Navi are nervously making conversation. Navi is honestly scared of how Big Brother has been acting and even Midna is freaked out. Normally, she'd be all over him for this strange behavior but now she doesn't even make a goofy face whenever he talks.

9:30 A.M.

Malon, Zant, and Majora leave the bathroom. Link remains behind, slowly and deliberately combing his hair. There is again the sound of panting through the speakers.

10:00 A.M.

Malon, Zant, and Majora have gathered outside of the Confessions Room. They apparently suspect that there is a secret door inside that serves as an emergency escape from Big Brother's control room, should he ever have to leave quickly.

10:05 A.M.

The secret panel has been found!

"Okay," Malon whispers so softly that it is almost inaudible. "Majora, you know what to do…"

Majora flies to where the hidden door is and prepares to pass through. Apparently, Malon has planned for him to trip the latch as he does so to unlock the door.

10:07 A.M.

*BANG!*

10:09 A.M.

"Oh, my head…"

10:13 A.M.

Majora is floating about an inch off of the ground, very dazed. Malon and Zant are extremely puzzled. It seems that when Majora flew at the door, he somehow banged into it and ricocheted back to the floor, leaving Malon and Zant very confused (and Majora very sore).

"How did that happen?" gasps Zant. "He should be able to go through it."

"HA HA HA!" booms the speakers. "You thought you'd pull a fast one on me, didn't you? Trying to distract me with Link while you broke in? Well I've got news for you! I found out your little plan and I applied an anti-ghosting cheat to the door!"

"Where'd you figure something like that out?" howls Zant.

"I hacked The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask," is the smug reply. "Lots of good stuff Nintendo cut from the beta version."

"How did you figure out the plot?" asks Malon. "I made sure you couldn't hear us!"

"Malon, although you took thorough precautions in the shower against my hearing you, I could see your lips move."

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," says Zant. "We'll have the truth any second now."

"How do you figure that?" asks Malon.

"Because I told Midna ten minutes ago to put our own plan into action.

10:20 A.M.

It appears that because of their Twili heritage and mutual standings in the Royal Family, Midna and Zant share a special form of ESP, which Zant used in the shower to create a back-up plan with Midna in secret.

In the living room, Midna has been taking advantage of Big Brother's attention being diverted to the Confession Room. Setting up a special Twili spell next to the living room speaker, she opens up a window in the wall that gives a direct image of the announcement room from every speaker in the house. The entire cast gasps. Sitting at the microphone is a teenage girl who – despite the fact that none of them know what he looks like – they are fairly certain is not Big Brother.

10:30 A.M.

The jig is now up. Big Brother security has been alerted and set out to break into the announcement room. While they initially have some difficulty (the girl has locked the door and apparently blocked it with a sheet of steel), things move much quicker once they bring in a blowtorch and chisels.

10:50 A.M.

The girl has been pulled from the announcement room. Big Brother was apparently also found locked in the announcement room closet, with his mouth taped shut and his hands and ankles tied up. The cast have no choice but to take the security guards' word for this, as the door to the announcement room has been boarded up once more and Midna's window spell has collapsed.

11:00 A.M.

The security guards have officially identified the girl as Arianna Almandoz, an obsessive and utterly insane Legend of Zelda fan. Apparently she had been arrested several times prior for breaking into Nintendo buildings as well as making a total jackass of herself on the internet for lying about having found the Triforce in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. From what they could tell, she scoured the internet to find the exact location of the House, then broke in by cutting the hole in the northernmost part of the fence on Tuesday. She avoided the detection of most of the cameras by knocking them out with Camera Sleepy-Time, an unreleased Nintendo item that was designed to give off an electromagnetic pulse to temporarily shut down cameras and apparently was supposed to have been marketed to deranged stalkers ("Sneak into the house of your favorite character in seconds! Just don't sneeze!") Big Brother security makes a note to write to Nintendo about how well they store their unreleased products. Arianna was found in possession of a miniature sculpture of the Triforce, apparently intended to be a present for Link and made from the cheese she stole from the refrigerator.

She is forcefully dragged off of the House grounds as she tries to break free and run back to Link. "I really did find the Triforce!" she screams. "It's in the Temple of Light! Nintendo's hiding it! Really! LINK, MARRY ME!!!"

The Big Brother security has her shipped back to her home town and begins to look into getting a restraining order (and a psychologist for her).

11:30 A.M.

Big Brother (the real one) gets back on the intercom as the frazzled cast sits down to an early lunch. He is none too pleased about the events of the day (which for him involved being tied up by a teenage girl and being locked in a closet) and is very grumpy. He demands to know why the cast didn't pick up that it was an imposter from the start.

"Hey, we got it before noon! I'd say that's pretty good," says Malon.

Big Brother snorts.

"What's the matter?" asks Midna. "Upset that it took so long for you to come out of the closet?"

Big Brother doesn't talk to anyone for the next few hours and spends the time seething.

2:00 P.M.

"Alright," calls Big Brother. "The votes are in from the public on who officially gets the axe."

The cast, who had almost recovered from the surreal morning, find themselves squirming once more. The three eviction nominees (Malon, Midna, and Vaati) get the worst of it.

"And the evictee is…" says Big Brother dramatically, "Malon!"

There are sighs from Midna and Vaati. Malon looks torn. She seems more than ready to leave the crazy house (especially after the events of the morning), but appears devastated to have to leave Link.

"Will you visit me at the ranch after you're out also?" she tearfully asks the Hero of Time. Link blinks and then nods. Malon bursts out crying and hugs him."Aww," coos Ganondorf and Vaati. Malon glares at them, then leaves to pack her things and leave.

5:00 P.M.

The cast reflect on the extremely weird day over a dinner of tuna and macaroon casserole. To try to calm them down, Zant offers to fix everyone some special Twili herbal tea. Given the state of the dinner he fixed that week, unsurprisingly everyone except Midna refused.

Author's note: No, Arianna Almandoz has never been arrested for breaking in and entering (as far as I know). Yes, she did get the LOZ community PO'd when she faked some screenshots and claimed to have found the Triforce in Ocarina of Time. If you've never heard of this hoax, I recommend you Google it.