Coffeehouse Drabbles
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia…but probably for the better.
Warnings: Drabbles (so very, very short! …Most of the time), Shounen Ai/male x male pairings, bad language courtesy of Lovi, and some OOCness (I'll do my best to avoid that though).
This chapter will be considerably longer and have all the Nations appear as regular humans. Alfred is 16, Lovi is 6, Feli is 5, and Romulus is far too good-looking for a man his age. No romantic stuff here, just fun, fluffy babysitting adventures.
oOo
Romulus Vargas was in a predicament. Apparently, his youngest grandson had taken his German friend literally when he told him to jump as high as the roof on their trampoline. This ended in screaming, a very swollen leg, and many, many tears. It was nothing life-threatening, but Romulus expected to be at the doctor's for awhile.
He didn't want to bring Lovino, his oldest grandson, who hated hospitals (the place where he lost his parents) and would throw the temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums whenever he had to go in. And that would make for a long day. Of course, they lived about twenty minutes away from the nearest hospital, so it would take a long time regardless. He'd have to ask somebody watch the boy while he took his brother to the Emergency Room.
Romulus had heard from his buddy Alric that the blonde teen down the road was shy, but reliable. From what he'd seen with Alric's two grandsons, he was good with kids too. Gilbert was especially fond of him.
"Now what was his name…?" Romulus mumbled, flipping through the phone book.
One phone call later and Romulus got a hold of the boy's mother. He asked her if her son could babysit Lovino at the last minute, as they had a slight medical emergency.
"Oh! Perfect timing!" the lady exclaimed. "He just walked through the door. Hang on and I'll ask him for you, Romulus."
The eldest Vargas made silly faces at his grandsons while muffled voices were heard on the other line. Feliciano wiped his tears and managed to smile a little. Lovino frowned. He didn't like this. Why was his Nonno calling up some stranger to come play with him? He still had his doubts about the supposed 'hospital trip.' Lovino wouldn't put it past Romulus to lie about it to him, so he could leave him behind again and take Feli to go have fun.
"He said he'd love to!" the chipper voice returned to the phone. "What time do you need him?"
"As soon as he can head over would be great."
"I'll send him right over. Bye!"
Romulus thanked her again and set the phone down with a smile. Lovino was not pleased.
oOo
"Lovino, this is Alfred," Romulus introduced the two boys, grateful the blonde had given his name upon arrival. He was having the hardest time remembering it for some reason. "He's going to play with you while I take Feli to the Medico."
"Hey, little dude," Alfred greeted him brightly. "Nice to meet'cha!
"Why can't I come too?" Lovino ignored the teenager and spoke to his Nonno, fully aware that he hated hospitals.
"Because last time you went, you ripped off a nice lady's wig, set the doctor's coat on fire, stole a wheelchair, terrorized an entire ward of patients, and needed to be drugged just to sit still, mio carino," Romulus explained sweetly.
Alfred bit his cheek to keep from laughing. The kid sounded hilarious.
After some more coaxing, Romulus was able to convince Lovino that he would bring him a present back if he was a good boy for Alfred. Another kiss on the forehead for Lovi, and the Roman picked up the whimpering Feliciano and loaded him into the car, so he wouldn't have to walk on his injured leg. Romulus gave Alfred a final wave from the car.
"Buona fortuna!"
"What's that mean?" Alfred called back with a wave.
"You are a good son!"
Alfred had a feeling that's not what it meant at all. He turned to ask Lovino and noticed the boy making eye-contact for the first time. The little Italian was a cute enough kid. His bright green eyes blinked up at him, small pout forming on his lips. Alfred fought the urge to hug him. He was glad his brother was away for the weekend, so he snagged his babysitting job. This was going to be easy!
"I hate you, bastardo."
"E-Excuse me?" Alfred thought he heard the kid wrong. Little kids don't talk like that, right?
"Just leave me alone!" Lovino snarled at him and stomped off.
oOo
Lovino wanted nothing to do with that weird, blonde jerk invading his home. He didn't know who he was and trusted him about as far as he could throw him. Lovino ran outside to the back porch and crawled underneath it. He wanted to hide in his tree fort, but Alfred might break the door down if he followed him and got mad. The blonde was freakishly huge, after all.
"Uh, buddy?"
"Go away, gorilla man!"
"Okay, but just so you know, I saw this huge spider headed your way," the American warned him, unfazed. "You should probably come out before it eats you."
"W-What?! You're lying!"
"I guess you could hold very still too…that might work," Alfred pretended to be deep in thought. "But whatever you do, don't move. Don't even blink. Blink and you're—"
"Outta my way, jerk! I'm coming out!"
Lovino decided he'd rather sulk inside the house after all. And sulk he did. For a solid half hour, Lovino ignored all efforts made by Alfred to play, watch TV, or raid the candy drawer (as if that idiot even knew where it was). Lovino remained rooted to his spot on the couch, pretending to be very interested in his picture books, glaring at Alfred whenever he got too close.
oOo
Romulus called home, saying it was taking longer than he thought; the ER's packed. He told Alfred where he could find some extra cash to order dinner. Romulus didn't want Alfred to have to cook, as Lovino's a picky eater (or rather a gourmet.) Alfred thanked him, hung up, and gave Lovino the message.
"Did he really say that, bastard?" the boy asked, trying to sound indifferent. He wasn't particularly thrilled to spend even more time with the weirdo his stupid Nonno left him with…His Nonno was coming back, right?
"Yup," Alfred nodded, noticing the worry behind Lovi's green eyes. He didn't want his little buddy to feel bad. Babysitting was supposed to be fun! "Hey, Lovino. Did anyone ever teach you about Magic Numbers?"
"What's that?" the Italian eyed him curiously.
Alfred introduced him to the magic number on his phone that provides him with pizza. Lovino was fascinated by the idea of making someone else cook a pizza the way you like it and then deliver it to you.
"So what do you want on the pizza?" Alfred asked, hand cupped over the receiver of the phone.
"Huh?"
"You're my buddy, you get to choose the pizza toppings," the blonde smiled.
"U-Um, tomatoes…and pepperoni?" he stammered. Lovino was amazed. He never got to choose the toppings before. He always had to get whatever his dumb Nonno or fratello wanted before. (Feli hates pepperoni, but Lovi loves it). Maybe this big blonde weirdo wasn't so bad after all...
They passed the time by scribbling in several coloring books (Alfred didn't even yell at him when Lovi colored outside the lines by mistake) until the pizza arrived. Lovino watched in awe as the delivery man handed Alfred the pizza in exchange for green paper. He must be an idiot! Why would anyone want to trade pizza for paper? Good thing Alfred was on his side. Lovi was so proud of his babysitter outwitting the moron at the door that he even grabbed the plates and took them to the table.
"Hey, Lovi?"
"What?"
"Wanna eat in the tree fort?"
His eyes lit up.
oOo
After Alfred helped Lovino take everything to the tree fort, the Italian boy made him promise not to tell the other grown-ups about his special tree fort privileges. If word got out that Lovino was letting adults into his awesome tree fort, they'd all want to visit and bother him. Alfred raised his right hand (and slice of pizza), solemnly swearing to pepperoni that he would never tell another soul about it.
"But is it okay if I tell my brother about it?"
"Bastardo! You just promised you wouldn't tell!"
"Whoa, whoa! Okay, little dude!" Alfred laughed. "I just wanted to brag to him about your sweet tree fort. He's not gonna barge down your door to see it, he's cool!"
"…Well, okay," Lovino considered it. "I guess my fort is pretty cool…"
"The coolest!" Alfred agreed.
After dinner, they started to watch a movie, but had a change of heart when a monster suddenly popped out of nowhere. They clutched each other for dear life and agreed it was too scary for the other and opted for channel surfing instead.
Not long after, Romulus called with an update. They were going to be another hour or two as they had to go to the pharmacy now. Alfred knew that was on the other side of town and said it was no problem.
"I gotta say, I'm amazed Lovi's not giving you a hard time!" Romulus said happily. He thought for sure Alfred would be running for the hills by now.
"No way, Lovino's being awesome!"
Lovino felt his face heat up slightly and took the phone from Alfred.
"Oi, you big jerk! Me and Alfred are having a way better time than you and Alfred has magic pizza numbers!" the boy yelled. "I hope I can stay here with Alfred forever instead of you, bastardo!"
Romulus sweatdropped as his adorable grandson angrily hung up on him.
"I'm happy they're getting along, but really, where did Lovi learn such language?" he sighed and accidently pinched his finger between two chairs. "Cazzo!" he hissed, sucking on his injured finger.
Back at the homestead, Alfred patted his charge on the head.
"Hey, I'm glad we're buds, but you really shouldn't talk to your grandpa like that, Lovino."
"Hmph, we're not 'buds' we're accomplices!"
"Accomplices" the blonde laughed. "In what? Should I be worried?"
"Stupido…" Lovi huffed and went back to the TV.
oOo
Eventually channel surfing got boring, so Alfred offered to read Lovino a book after he got ready for bed. Lovi agreed and set off to put his pajamas on without incident. The boy found his babysitter waiting for him in his room. To his horror, Alfred had chosen one of Feliciano's girly princess stories.
"Bastardo!" Lovino complained. "I don't wanna hear that book!"
"No way, little buddy. Beauty and the Beast is totally awesome and I'll prove it," the American assured him.
Lovino decided to give it a chance, disappointed when the story started out the same way as always. Booooring.
"Belle was too afraid to leave her room for dinner because the Beast frightened her," Alfred read on. "And that's when her brave little brother, Lovino, showed up."
…Wait, what?
"He climbed through the window and landed in the middle of the ballroom, sword and shield in hand," Alfred tried not to grin. "He was going to save his big sister and no jerks or idiotas were going to stand in his way."
"Wait, bastard. You're reading it wrong," Lovino interrupted. "That never happened when Nonno read it."
"This is the remake, so it's even better."
"Oh."
Lovino listened eagerly, chipping in on occasion to Alfred's take on Beauty and the Beast.
"You are indeed a cute and brave little boy," Alfred said in the Beast's gravely voice. "But I will die if I don't save the town from that evil French douchebag who wants to marry your sister."
"You mean Gaston's French?!" Lovino shouted. That explained so much. Stupid French bastard. "I'll help you beat him up and save the town!"
"If you're word is as true as your sword, then draw it and help me end Gaston, the true Beast, forever!" Alfred growled. "We can save the town together!"
"Together!" Lovino cheered.
There was a brief interlude, where they acted out tracking the villain down with a magic mirror and beating the snot out of him. Pillows, stuffed animals, and blankets flew across the room, but in the end they were victorious. They had defeated Gaston and saved the entire town. Alfred noticed Lovino's eyes begin to droop, so he wrapped things up quickly.
"The beast thanked Lovino for all his help on their quest and they returned to the castle," Alfred 'read.' "Belle, Lovino's smokin' hot sister greeted them at the gates with the jar containing the Beast's enchanted rose…but it was a rose no more…it had turned into a tomato!"
Lovino managed to perk up a little, even in his sleepy state.
"Because of Lovino's brave actions, the cursed rose became a beautiful tomato and engulfed the group in light. As it faded, a very handsome hero stood where the Beast once did," Alfred said dramatically. "The Enchantress appeared once more and explained that the curse had been lifted by the power of true friendship."
Lovino smiled.
"The Beast was now a brave man named Alfred, who ended up marrying Belle without any gross kissing," the blonde laughed. "Then she and Lovino moved in and they were the coolest and most powerful family in town, where they went on many awesome adventures, ate lots of pepperoni pizza, and lived happily ever after. The end."
Lovino nodded off, so Alfred said goodnight and stood up to leave. When he felt a tug on his shirt, he turned around.
"Can…can you stay for just a little longer?" Lovino asked softly.
"Sure," Alfred smiled.
Lovi took his hand (just to make sure he stayed) and drifted off. The babysitter was torn about leaving or not while he waited for Romulus to get back. He decided to stay true to his promise and stayed at Lovino's bedside, squeezing his hand gently.
And that's where Rome found them a few hours later, fast asleep. Rome chuckled a little, seeing the soft smile on his irritable grandson's face, and decided that the unexpected six and a half hour trip to the doctor's office and three pharmacies had been worth it after all.
oOo
A/N – Why yes, I did have America mistaken for Canada for a change. It worked out well in this case though. And the 'magic pizza numbers' thing is legit. I've used it many a time I've babysat kids of all sorts. Of course, it backfired on me once when the little girl I was watching was then convinced I was a witch, but that's another story…
And Feli's fine, although he'll be a little more cautious around trampolines in the future.
~Rajikka
Translations
Medico = Doctor (Italian)
Mio carino = My cute one (Italian)
Buona fortuna = Good luck (Italian)
Fratello = Brother (Italian)
Bastardo = Bastard (Italian)
Cazzo = Shit/Fuck/Damn (Italian)