Hey guys!
Again it's a long time since my last update. Sorry for that. It seems that you'll have to get used to it... Here I am with a brand new chapter and let me tell you, that it is a breakingpoint. It's a little cliffy I guess but I hope it won't be that bad for you. I really don't know how long it'll take me until next chapter is done. Also we're coming to an end, I think there'll be two or three more chapters and maybe some epilogue. We'll see. For now, enjoy this one!
Chapter 10: It's Never Gonna Be The Same
"Peeta wake up! It's 6:45, I want to see you downstairs in 10 minutes!" my mum calls as she knocks on my door.
"Okay, okay, I'm up mum!" I call back sleepily.
I still can't believe this is my life now... I still can't believe that I'm not gonna wake up and find out this was just a beautiful dream. These words that woke me up are still the same. But yet, they sound so different. Before, she screamed these words at me with hatred in her voice and my day was ruined since the very beginning. But now, she calls them normally like any other mum in this word. Almost kindly to wake me up nicely for another ordinary school day. It's almost three months since Christmas and I still can't get used to it.
My mum is still strict (she always was even before the accident), but now she's more kind. She wants me to be hard working, successful and she wants me to have good results in school, but now she smiles at me! That is still so unusual for me that every smile of hers makes me totally happy. No screaming, no beating, just normal 'mum speaking'.
Well I finally get up from bed, get dressed and I take my school bag. When I pass the mirror on my closet, I notice how messed up my hair is. And because I know mum hates when anyone's hair is messed up, I stop in my walk and pacify my hair with a comb. Then I head downstairs. Next to the bakery kitchen, there's our "normal" kitchen and living room together in one big room in a shape of L. Mum is in the kitchen making pancakes and there's also Rye sitting at the table already eating his usual dose of pancakes. Witch is fifteen by the way.
"Morning." I mumble still sleepily and sit next to Rye.
"Good morning." Mum says a little too cheerfully and Rye just nods, because his mouth is full of pancakes. "Another dose will be done in a few minutes Peeta."
"Okay." I say. While I wait, I pour myself a glass of orange juice watching the disgusting show of Rye stuffing himself with pancakes.
"Good Morning everyone." comes another greeting from the door. This time it's from the back door, which are heading to our garden. And to my delight it's Katniss.
"Morning." I smile at her.
"Good morning Katniss." mum says when she turns back to check who's the newcomer. "Did you have breakfast? Would you like some pancakes?"
"Well I had an apple and some biscuits, because I wasn't feeling very hungry." she admits while she sits next to me. "But to be honest this beautiful smell makes me hungry so I would gladly taste one or two." she says kindly.
"Or twelve?" are the first words I hear from my annoying older brother today.
"Come on Rye, it was only one time and I didn't have breakfast that day. It's still less than fifteen!" she points out annoyed.
"Yeah, but your a girl!" he says like it shocks him "Shouldn't you be keeping a diet to stay fit or something?" he asks. Katniss gives him that disgusted look of hers that makes me laugh so often.
"I am a girl, you got that right Rye, but I am a normal girl." she says "And I do a lot of exercise so I don't have to eat water and salad as some other girls."
"Okay, it's your body." he says and starts eating another pancake.
"Be nice to Katniss, Rye." Mum says and gives him a light slap into his hair.
"I am being nice Mum!" he protests. "I'm just concerned about her health and her well being as any other good friend would be." he says innocently.
"Oh really? Well I think that Katniss is fit and just the right weight she should be so stop annoying her." Mum says and I have to smile for myself.
"Here you are, split it between you." Mum says as she brings us one big plate with a hug pile of pancakes and two smaller plates for each one of us.
"Thanks Mrs. Mellark." Katniss smiles.
"Your welcome." she smiles back and goes back to the stove. "Let me tell you Katniss, that feeding four man is not an easy task." she laughs a little "So when you choose your husband in future, check if he has some girl nieces or sisters in his family or only boys."
"I'll write that down." Katniss smiles. Well I have no chance with two brothers but who cares.
When we're done with breakfast I get my bag with snack for school and we head to school together with Katniss. In our family I'm the youngest of us so I'm the only one still going to school. My oldest brother Bannock is already married and they live closer to the city center. He works as a lawyer and they're expecting a little baby in five months so I'll be an uncle. My other brother Rye is going to collage in our city. His timetable has more free time than mine and he doesn't have to go to school as early as me. My dad was the only child of his parents and my mum lost her sister so I don't have any aunts or uncles. Just grandpa. Well and that's it. That's our family.
Our school days go by as usual. We sit together with Katniss, Gale is luckily keeping his distance from her and we're having fun together. My only problem is, that's is harder and harder to keep my feelings for her secret. It's hard not to stare at her beautiful hair and her beautiful features. Well little did I know how will this week change our friendship.
Friday afternoon is really beautiful and sunny. I sit in our garden, under a tree, with my back against the trunk and I'm drawing. As usual. I'm not by the lake because Katniss was busy this afternoon and couldn't come. Of course I'm drawing her.
Today at school, I secretly watched her in English literature class. She was zoned out. Her head was propped on her left hand and she was tapping silently with her fingers. Her eyes looking somewhere far away and her lips curved into a slight smile. Unusually her hair was loose. Mostly because her hair band cracked so she had to leave her hair loose. I love her hair like that. The most beautiful thing was, that the warm morning sun was falling on her face and it made her even more beautiful than usual. It also made her wavy brown hair shine in different colors, which was so fascinating for me. How can her hair have so many colors?! I saved that picture into my mind and promised myself I will draw it. I've done it so many times...
"That's really beautiful, you know." says a voice behind me. Mum makes me jump because I didn't hear her coming.
"Thanks." I say a little nervously. She sits down next to me and studies the picture I'm drawing.
"She looks beautiful." Mum says with a smile.
"Well, she is beautiful." I smile and look at the picture.
"You know, Peeta, when you love someone you should tell her." Mum says quietly. It takes me a while to realize what she said.
"W-what?" I stammer out.
"Come on." she says looking a little annoyed. "I'm not blind Peeta. And so isn't your dad. We've both agreed that you act differently towards her."
"Okay, I give up." I say because I know there's no chance of denying it. I'm probably too obvious.
"But how should I tell her Mum?" I ask and look at her. "I'm almost sure she'll freak out and it'll ruin our friendship."
"Well... I have been in a similar situation. Once I was in love with this guy at school. We were good friends and I was just as scared as you that it will end our friendship. So I didn't tell him anything. But then he had a girlfriend and it was the worst thing ever for me. I was so angry with myself that I didn't tell him." she says.
"You know if I would tell him and he would reject me, at least I would know that I tried. But when I knew I didn't even tried, it was even worse for me." well that reminds me of Katniss and Gale.
"How did you get over it?" I ask. Mum's lips curve into a wide smile when she looks down at me.
"I met your dad." she simply says. "He erased every painful memory about that guy from school. Since than, there was no other for me."
"Oh..." I say and look down. I don't think there could ever be someone better than Katniss.
"So Peeta, since I think that your feelings for Katniss are really deep, I think you should risk it and tell her." Mum says carefully waiting for my reaction.
"What if she says no? And what if she won't speak with me again?" I ask in dread.
"Well, than she's not the right one for you. And one day you'll meet someone else. Just like I did." she says. "But as I see it, I think she won't say no. Maybe she'll be scared and she'll freak out, but if you'll give her time to think about it and get used to it, she'll find love for you too." she says encouragingly.
"Okay." I say, thinking about it hard. Only the image of me telling her scares me, but there is something on mum's words. She's right. I would never forgive myself if I would not tried.
"So you'll tell her?" she asks.
"Maybe." I smile at her slightly.
"You're a brave man, Peeta." she smiles and runs her hand over my arm. "I'm proud of you." that one simple statement gets a huge happy smile on my face. I always dreamed to hear this from my mum. It sounds so beautiful.
"Thanks." I smile and hug her. "I think I inherited that from you." I smile.
"I'm not sure about that." she laughs as she stands up. "Good luck." she says as she walks back to the house.
I come back to my drawing, but I can't concentrate that well after this conversation. I keep imagining the situation when I tell Katniss and I imagine what her reaction will be. I'm almost sure she'll freak out, scream at me and maybe even hit me. I just hope she will let me talk and maybe I'll be able to convince her to give me a chance. One single chance to make her happy as my girlfriend. Isn't that what I always wanted?
I'm pulled out of my thoughts as my phone beeps in my pocket. I almost jump at the sound. Who could be texting me on Friday afternoon? I find out that the text is from Katniss.
Archery canceled. You wanna hang out? Meet me by the lake. K :)
I know it will sound terribly romantic and too sweet, but this is like destiny! Just when I decide to tell her that I have feelings for her, she texts me to hang out with her. If it's not destiny, than it's God with a really good sense of humor. My heart starts beating crazily and loudly at the thought that I'll see her in a few minutes and I'll tell her. Maybe...
See you in a while. P :)
I shakily stand up and gather my sketching book and the pencil case I got from Katniss for Christmas. I quickly run into the bakery and tell Dad that I'm going to the lake. With every step I take towards the lake I'm more nervous. My hands feel shaky, my breath is short and my heart feels like it wants to dig out of my chest.
"Hey!" I hear her voice just a second before her arm encircles my shoulders. I think my heart will burst soon.
"H-hey!" I say and try to sound normal. Even though my voice sounds somehow higher than usual.
"So what have you been doing this afternoon?" she asks as we arrive to our place.
"Drawing." I say.
"As usual." she smiles with a bright smile and she sits down against her tree, taking out a book. As usual.
"What are you reading?" I ask.
"Sense and sensibility." she says "I know it's not my genre, but it's in the European literature list from Mrs. Steel for the exams. And honestly it's not that bad even when it's a romance." she smiles.
"Okay." I smile.
We fall into our usual calm silence when we spent time by the lake. She dives into her book and I take out my sketchbook. Today I don't care if she'll see me drawing her so I continue in my picture from today. But I can't concentrate. Not with her sitting across from me, with her hair still loose, now moving slightly in the spring air. Not with that thought in my mind, that I decided to tell her. I keep looking up, staring at her, my heart won't calm down and my breaths are shaky. I try really hard to calm down, but it's impossible.
"Peeta is something bothering you?" Katniss asks. When I raise my head from my drawing, I see that she's inspecting me with narrowed eyes.
"No." I say.
"Liar." she says and stands up. "You forget that I'm one of the few people who can tell when you lie." she says and she sits next to me as I put the sketchbook aside.
"So...?" she raises her eyebrows at me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." I tell her. Her eyes are still staring at me questioningly.
"Peeta something is wrong with you. And not just today." she says, which surprises me. "You've been acting strangely last week. What's bothering you? You know you can tell me everything. You can trust me." she says softly and her hand lands on mine. My heart skips a beat as I stare at our hands. This is it. This is a perfect moment to tell her...
"I-i trust you." I say still staring at our hands. "It's just I'm afraid how you'll react." I get out and look up at her slowly.
"Okay, you're officially making me more and more worried. Could you just spit it out?" she asks a little annoyed.
"O-okay." I say and my mouth feels totally dry. Not even mentioning my heart. It feels like it is closer and closer to a heart attack every second.
"I've been acting strangely lately, because of you." I get out. I can't look at her so I look down at my hands.
"Because of me?" she asks surprised. "What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything in particular." I say and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. "I just feel different towards you."
"What do you mean? You mean we're not such a good friends any more? Is it because of what happened with Gale?" she asks and she really sounds concerned.
"No." I say "It's quite the opposite." I say quietly.
"What do you mean opposite?" she asks confused. Oh my, she's so blind when it comes to love.
"I mean..." I start, take a deep breath and finally gather all my bravery to look up into her eyes. "... that I started to have feelings for you." I finish and wait for her reaction. She's just staring back at me, with her mouth open, astonished.
"W-what do you mean by feelings?" she asks a little shakily and I can see fear flicker in her eyes. That's not good.
"I mean positive feelings. I mean that I feel something more than ordinary friendship."
"Well of course you do." she says with a strange voice. I guess it's her time to sound high-pitched. "Our friendship was never an ordinary one. We were always best friends."
"No Katniss I didn't mean it like that." I say. I know she knows perfectly well what I meant and she's just trying to get out of it. "I think you know perfectly well what I mean. But if you have to hear it here it goes. I meant love feelings. Feelings which mean that I like how you look and who you are. Feelings which mean that I would like you to give me a chance in being your boyfriend." I finish and it's like a huge stone fell of my chest.
Finally she knows. No matter how it ends up, I'll always know I tried. She seems pretty shocked that I said it so openly. I notice her hands shaking, I ahe's not breathing much and I bet her heart is racing like crazy too.
"N-no!" she says firmly and stands up shakily. "W-we can't. It's just..."
"What?" I ask and stand up too.
"Crazy!" she says loudly. She's not angry though. I can see in her eyes that she's more desperate and scared. "And weird and not possible!" she adds and paces between the trees.
"Katniss calm down, okay?" I say and catch her in her pacing. She's trembling slightly. She lets me hold her and I can feel how ragged her breathing is.
"Peeta this is crazy." she says. "We can't do this. We're best friends." she says and she gets out of my arms, leaning against one of the trees, looking at me with the scared eyes of a cornered animal.
"Look, I know it's a lot to take and think about." I start calmly. "I don't want you to answer me right now. I just..." I have to take a deep breath before continuing.
"I just couldn't live like this anymore. Live next to you with these feelings and not tell you." I explain and step closer to her. I run my hands softly over her arms because she's still trembling.
"How long...?" she asks and looks up at me.
"Honestly I don't know." I admit feeling way braver now, when she knows. "Maybe I always felt like that about you and just didn't realize it. Well it seems like I realized it this summer." I say and I feel my cheeks burn.
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Because I was scared." I admit. "Then there was Gale, then you were heartbroken and I didn't think that's the right time to tell you something like this." I say.
"B-but why Peeta?" she asks looking confused. "Why would you have feelings for me after such a long time of our friendship?"
"I don't know Katniss." I say a little frustrated. "I always loved you as my best friend. I always thought you're a nice girl, I just haven't been thinking about it like this. But lately I see you so differently..." I say and smile at her.
"How differently?" she asks and looks up at me timidly.
"Well, you became so beautiful lately." I say and again I feel my cheeks burning. But I'll not chicken out. I can't now...
"I could look at you all day long and it wouldn't be boring for me. I like the way your hands are soft." I say and hold her hand in mine. "I like the way you smile when you're really happy. I like the feeling when you hug me when I'm upset. I like the fact that you would get here in the middle of the night just because I was upset. I like your beautiful face." I place my hand on her cheek and smile without even knowing it. "I like your silver eyes and the way I can tell how you feel when I look into them. I like your hair when it's loose and wavy" I trail my hair through her brown waves "because they're so soft and they smell beautifully. But mostly, I like how happy you make me feel." I finish.
"B-but what if it'll ruin our friendship?! Aren't you afraid about that?" she asks softly.
I didn't realize it, but we're really close now. My face is jus a few inches from hers. Her eyes are wide and she's probably overwhelmed by everything I said.
"Terrified." I whisper and I can't get my eyes of her face.
I feel such a strong feeling in my chest. My heart is beating like crazy and I feel a strong urge to press my lips against hers. I know I shouldn't do this. It would just scare her off even more. I should let her think about this first.
Unfortunately I'm only a human. And after such a long time of secretly wishing to kiss her, this moment is too tempting. So, without thinking about the consequences, I lean towards her and my lips touch hers. And it's so nothing like in my dreams.
When our lips touch, it's like a firework bursting in my stomach and chest. I can't even describe all the feelings, but I'm seriously worried if my heart will survive this crazy pace. Her lips are impossibly soft and they taste like apples. At first they're not moving at all. She's probably too shocked by what I've done. But in a second they move a little against mine, which makes me hope that I'm not a lost case.
My hopes crush down again in another second when she pushes me away from her hardly and I can see that it was really a mistake to kiss her. Now she's not just scared cornered animal but also angry.
"No Peeta!" she screams at me and I can tell that she's gonna cry. "I can't do this!"
"Katniss..." I start but she won't let me finish.
"No! Peeta, I just can't, it's too fast and too much to handle!" she gets out and starts sobing slightly.
"I need be alone!" she screams at me and runs away. I don't even try to run after her. I know she's faster than me and I think it would only make the situation worse. She's right. She needs time to deal with everything I said and done. I shouldn't have kissed her. I pick up my stuff with a long sigh and head home. I notice that Katniss left her book in there so I pick it up and head towards her house. I knock on their door and luckily it's Prim who answers.
"Hey" she smiles.
"Hey." I say nervously. "Could you give this to Katniss? She left it by the lake." I say and hand her the book.
"Yeah. So..." she looks up at me. "You told her about your feelings?" she whispers.
"Oh, how did you guess that?" I ask with a sad smile.
"She's freaking out in her room." she says in whisper again. "I've never seen her like that."
"I didn't want to scare her." I sigh sadly.
"Don't worry." she winks at me. "I'll talk some sense into her." she smiles.
"Thanks." I smile. "See you." I say and turn to go home.
"See you." Prim calls and closes the door.
Well, that was an afternoon. I told her. It didn't go as well as I hoped. But still she didn't shoot an arrow through my head so it's not that bad. I know I'm probably terribly optimistic, but I hope she'll think about it and we'll talk about it soon. And maybe she'll let me show her how much I love her.
Katniss's POV
"How differently?" I ask and look up at him.
"Well, you became so beautiful lately." he says and he blushes slightly.
"I could look at you all day long and it wouldn't be boring for me. I like the way your hands are soft." he grabs my hand in his.
"I like the way you smile when you're really happy. I like the feeling when you hug me when I'm upset. I like the fact that you would get here in the middle of the night just because I was upset. I like your beautiful face." he places one hand on my cheek and smiles lovingly.
"I like your silver eyes and the way I can tell how you feel when I look into them. I like your hair when it's loose and wavy" his hand travels through my hair softly "because they're so soft and they smell beautifully. But mostly, I like how happy you make me feel." he finishes. And I'm scared... Terribly scared. I don't like this. There are only two scenarios. Either we try it and it'll end up badly which would ruin our friendship or, I'll reject him and he'll be hurt which would also ruin our friendship.
"B-but what if it'll ruin our friendship?! Aren't you afraid about that?" I ask softly and shakily. My hands are trembling and I can't stop my heart from beating crazily. His face is only few inches from mine. And I can tell that he realizes it too well too.
"Terrified." he whispers staring into my eyes. And before I can do anything, he leans in and his lips touch mine. It's so surprising that I don't fight it. I even close my eyes when I feel the sweet vanilla taste on his lips. But then I realize what we're doing and it's too much. I push him away from me, breathing shakily. I can feel my throat tightening, which means that I'm gonna cry.
"No Peeta!" I scream at him "I can't do this!"
"Katniss..." he starts but I won't let him talk any more. He has said enough for today.
"No! Peeta, I just can't, it's too fast and too much to handle!" I get out before I start to sob. I hate the sound my throat makes when I cry.
"I need be alone!" I scream and start running away. I'm glad I don't hear him following me. But even though I run as fast as I can while sobbing and crying. When I get home, I don't even notice if anyone is home. After a while I hear knocking on my door.
"Katniss?" Prim calls "Are you okay?"
"Yes I am!" I scream irritated.
"It doesn't sound like that." Prim says doubtfully. "Did Peeta do something to you? You were out with him weren't you?"
"LEAVE ME ALONE, PRIMROSE!" I scream angrily and I fall into my bed to muffle my sobs in my pillow. Luckily she doesn't ask any more and she goes away. In some while I hear knocking on the front door and Prim talking to someone, but I can't make what are they talking about. Well I don't even care. My life is falling apart. My best friend obviously has a crush on me, which means that our friendship is never gonna be the same again. It'll probably end with both of us unhappy because either I'll refuse him or it won't work out. What am I gonna do?!
So what do you think? Good or bad chapter? I myself liked it even though it was a hard one for Peeta. I surely appreciate all your opinions in reviews, don't forget to leave me one! I must say that I love you all for losing your time by reading this :) It feels amazing when someone likes your stories. Thanks for your favs and follows too! I hope to see you soon in the next chapter!
OH and by the way, my baby will be a girl! It seems like she'll be named Adele :)