Disclaimers: None of this is mine
A/N: Everything will be in local time instead of zulu.
A/N 2: I'm not a lawyer. The legal strategies used in this story wouldn't hold up in the real world. Take them with a grain of salt and humor me.
1115 local time
March 28, 2003
JAG Headquarters
"Here are the files you asked for sir."
"Just set them down over there." Harm didn't look up from the legal text he was consulting, just absentmindedly waved towards the corner of his desk. "Thank you Petty Officer."
Jen stood there for a moment, blinking back tears. He really doesn't care about me. He can't even be bothered to look at me. She watched him scribble something on the legal pad in front of him, giving no indication he was even aware she was still in his office. Finally, she placed the file folders on the spot that he had indicated and turned to leave, struggling to keep her professional mask in place.
Harm finally looked up when he heard the click of her heels on the floor, indicating she was at last leaving his office. He watched her as she made her way across the bullpen.
Her words to him that night had hit home, knocking down the walls he had unconsciously built up. And in that moment he'd realized what a part of him had always known - he had fallen completely in love with her. And on the heels of that revelation had been another one, the reason he'd denied the depth of his feelings for so long.
He'd wanted to run after her and profess his love but he knew she wouldn't believe him then. So he let her go, giving her the space she said she wanted. Coming in to work since then hadn't been easy though, being so close yet having to stay so far away.
He knew his actions just now had to have hurt her, even more than he already had, and it tore him up. But he was afraid that if he looked at her and saw the pain in those beautiful brown eyes, or even worse cold indifference, he would end up on his knees in front of her begging for forgiveness. But JAG HQ in the middle of the day wasn't the right place for that, not if they wanted to continue keeping their relationship a secret.
So while she had been in his office he had reread the same two sentences about a dozen times, writing down who knows what, while he waited for her to leave. He had pretended indifference, when in reality the exact opposite was true, every nerve in his body acutely aware of her presence from the moment she had entered the room.
She was through the double doors now, leaving the bullpen behind and Harm turned back to his legal text. They really needed to talk, and soon. He only hoped she would give him a chance to explain, about everything.
Jen barely made it into the head before her mask cracked. Locking herself in one of the stalls, she buried her face in her hands and started sobbing.
She had started to regret some of the harsher things she had said to Harm, once she had had a chance to calm down. The situation with Mac had upset her more than she had realized and so she wasn't able to just shrug off Harm's behavior like she normally did. Because the truth was, despite his reaction whenever she professed her love for him, his actions often said something completely different. So she had been hopeful that this wasn't the end for them, that they would be able to get past this and perhaps have a stronger relationship because of it.
At work, they had acted professionally towards each other, months of practice allowing them to slip into those roles with ease. But today had been their first time alone together since the fight. And while she knew they wouldn't be able to discuss anything about their situation, she had hoped that Harm would give her some indication that he too wanted to work through this.
Well, he had given her a sign alright, just not the one she had wanted. Maybe she had been reading too much into his actions towards her and it had all been wishful thinking on her part that Harm really did feel something for her...
When Jen finally cried herself out, she stepped out of the stall and nearly ran into Lieutenant Sims.
"Jennifer! That was you in there?" Lieutenant Sims asked, a concerned look on her face. "Are you all right?"
"Yes ma'am." Jennifer said, wiping futilely at her tear streaked face. "I'm fine. I'm just..." Jen tried to think of an excuse, spitting out the first thing that popped into her head. "I'm just a little more hormonal than usual this month, that's all."
The look on Lieutenant Sims face said she wasn't buying it, even a little, but she didn't push, just reached out and squeezed Jen's arm comfortingly. "If you ever need to talk, about anything Jennifer..."
"I appreciate that ma'am. I really do. But like I said, I'm fine." Jen walked around Lieutenant Sims and over to the sink. She looked at herself in the mirror, noting her puffy eyes and splotchy, tear streaked face. She turned the water on and splashed some on her face. It helped a little but it was still obvious she had been crying. Well, nothing I can do about that now.
Walking out of the head, Jen decided to take any early lunch. She went to get her purse out of her desk drawer and glanced over at Harm's office, seeing him talking on the phone now. Their eyes met for a second and then Harm looked away. Jen shook her head. She needed to get out of the building for a little while...
When she got back Jen found the bullpen somewhat subdued, most of the rest of the staff now at lunch themselves. Walking over to her desk, Jen found a fresh stack of files sitting there. A note stuck to the top file asked if she would proof them before giving them to the Admiral. She recognized the handwriting as Harm's and it both upset her that he couldn't even ask her in person to do this, and ticked her off that he couldn't be bothered to proofread his own reports.
With a muffled curse Jen sat down. She opened the top folder - and found another handwritten note inside, stuck to the first page of the report.
1348 Columbia St.
1800
Casual Dress
Under that were directions on how to get there from JAG HQ. Jen looked over towards Harm's office but it was empty; he was at lunch like the rest of the staff. She looked back down at the paper and wondered to herself just where he wanted her to go, and why.
Jen stood outside of a little Italian restaurant just over the state line into Maryland. She was late. Looking in through the front windows she saw Harm sitting at a small table in the back. A waiter walked up to the table and she watched Harm shake his head in response to whatever was said to him. The waiter left, somewhat reluctantly, and Jen saw Harm glance at his watch.
Turning away from the window, Jen took a deep breath and walked over to the entrance, removing her cover as she stepped inside. She made her way over to the table she had seen through the window. Harm looked up at her approach, a look of relief on his face. He stood up, pushing his chair back slightly, when she stopped in front of the table.
"I wasn't sure you'd actually come."
"I wasn't either."
She had gone back and forth about it the rest of the day. She still hadn't made up her mind by the end of the day when she handed off to the Admiral the reports Harm had given her; reports she had quickly discovered hadn't needed any correcting after all and had just been his way of getting his note to her undetected.
She was just getting ready to secure for the day when the Admiral dropped another pile of files on her desk and told her they needed to be taken care of by Monday. Since the next day was Saturday and nobody came into the office on the weekend, that meant she needed to finish them before she left.
Deciding that that was a sign she shouldn't go to meet Harm, she got started. But when she had finally finished, after passing through the checkpoint she found herself heading not home but rather following the directions Harm had given her and wondering if he would still be there.
Harm continued to stare at her and Jen toyed with the strap on her purse, uncertain about what her next move should be. After a minute Harm snapped out of the daze he was in and walked around the table towards her. Pulling her chair out for her, he helped her get seated before returning to his own chair. Before either of them could say anything a waiter came up to the table, the same one Jen had seen earlier.
"Ah, you arrive at last madam. Would you like to order now?" From his tone, Jen knew he wasn't going to take no for an answer.
"I'm really not very hungry." Jen said, not even bothering to look at the menu in front of her.
For his part, Harm tried not to glare at the obnoxious little man with the fake Italian accent. The man had been over every ten minutes since Harm had arrived, trying to get the table freed up as quickly as he could. "We'll just take a couple of salads and some more water."
Harm turned his attention back to Jen as the waiter left. She was still in her uniform, with her hair pinned up, although a few strands had worked their way loose of her braid. He pressed his hands flat on the table, fighting the urge to reach out and tuck the loose hair behind her ear, not certain how receptive she would be to that. Before he could say anything, their waiter returned with their salads and two fresh glasses of water.
Jen toyed with the salad, pushing the lettuce around the bowl, before finally setting her fork down. "What are we doing here Harm?"
Harm set his own fork down. "I'm so sorry Jen."
"For what?" Jen asked, not completely certain just what he was apologizing for.
"I'm sorry for the way I hurt you earlier. I wasn't ignoring you. I just, I didn't trust myself to stay professional when I was alone with you." Harm watched her blink back tears. Hesitantly he reached across the table and took her hand in his, breathing a sigh of relief when she didn't pull her hand away. He continued. "And I'm so, so sorry that I gave you reason to doubt what we have. Because the truth is, I love you." He paused then said it again. "I love you."
Jen covered her mouth with her free hand. All this time and he'd finally said it. A part of her still hesitated, uncertain if he was only saying it now because she'd pressured him into it.
Harm watched a few tears escape and run down her face despite Jen's best efforts to keep them back. He reached out, gently wiping them away with his thumb. "I think I fell in love with you that night at that bar..."
Jen finally found her voice. "Then why didn't you say anything? Why did you freak out every time I did?" Why did you put me through this?
Harm sighed. He'd practiced this all afternoon and still he wasn't sure that he could put into words what he was feeling. Jen saw this and squeezed his hand in silent support, giving him the confidence to try. "I guess because I was scared."
"Scared of what?"
"They've all left."
Jen blinked, confused. "Who?"
"Everyone I've been seriously involved with, for one reason or another, they've all left."
"Oh Harm." Jen said, beginning to see where he was going with this.
"And you have better reasons to leave then they did. I'm too old for you..."
Jen interrupted him. "I've told you before, I don't care about the age difference."
Harm continued as if she hadn't spoken. "We have to sneak around to be together. And I don't see how that's going to change in the reasonable future. And I thought, I was afraid, that sooner or later you'd get tired of it. I mean, come on Jen, you already are. And I guess I thought, if I didn't say those words, if I didn't admit to you or myself how deeply you'd worked your way into my heart, it wouldn't hurt as much when you left."
"Oh Harm." Jen squeezed his hand again. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't know how we're going to work this out."
"We'll figure something out. And until then, we just keep doing what we've been doing."
"Well, maybe not exactly what we've been doing."
Jen looked at Harm in confusion, not sure what he was talking about.
"You were right Jen. As long as we stay away from places where we might be recognized there's no reason we can't go out...We're out to eat here and the world isn't ending." Harm said, grinning as he said the last part. Jen's answering smile lit up her face.
They finished eating, Harm paying the bill when the waiter dropped it off a few minutes later. Outside, Harm took her in his arms and kissed her. When they finally broke apart they were both out of breath.
Harm rested his forehead against hers, looking down into her eyes. "I promise I won't ever shut you out again." He paused. "I love you."
"I love you too." Jen's arms were still wrapped around his neck. She pulled him down for another kiss that left them just as out of breath as the first one. Jen was silent for a minute, just enjoying being with Harm.
"So now what, back to your place?" Jen finally asked in a suggestive tone.
Harm shook his head. He removed her cover and pulled the pins out of her hair. Her braid fell down and he gently worked his fingers through her hair till the only trace of it was the slight kink to her hair. "I thought we could take a walk, see what else there is to do around here. And I think I saw a park on my way into town. There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight..."
Jen slipped her arm into Harm's, resting her head on his shoulder as they started walking. They walked in silence for several minutes before Jen spoke up.
"How long would you have waited tonight?"
"As long as I had to."
"And if I hadn't have shown up?"
"Then I would have shown up tomorrow in my dress whites." Harm fell silent for a minute. "So are we okay?"
"We're okay."