Disclaimer: I don't own SoN or it's characters, just borrowing them for awhile...Nor do I own Montana Secrets by C. Douglas...I changed the story around to suite my needs and to make it they way I would like it.
Please enjoy the next chapter...
I Won't Give Up ch.10
Sansa watched her go, why did she kiss her, why did she let her hormones take over, why was she competing with herself for Spencer's affections. She shouldn't have kissed her, she had pushed her to far to fast. Of course she'd pull back to the ghost of her beloved to keep her safe. Hell Spencer didn't tell her for years how she felt about her the first time around, and Spencer would never jump into something with a total stranger so fast, even if there was a strong attraction.
She shouldn't have kissed her, at least not until she could be honest with her and tell her who she was. But now that she had kissed her she realized as she touched her lips with her fingers that once would never be enough. How could she have forgotten the love of her life for so long so easily. The taste of her more delicious then the ripest fruit, she thought as she touched her lips with her fingers and smiled to herself.
'No, once would never be enough.'
She sighed and figured that she probably shouldn't be staying at the Carlin ranch long enough to even get another chance at another kiss or for Spencer to admit to herself that she really wanted the kiss as much as she had. She had already discovered what she had come for, Glen had said nothing of any significance to the Terrorist investigation. And Sansa, repressed memories showed no signs of returning. The Colonel, would have to look elsewhere for a clue to finding the traitor.
And in a day, maybe two, Sansa Aliwahli, would leave Carlin Ranch forever.
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Some time later in the evening, Spencer parked the truck in the school parking lat and unstrapped Alex form her car seat. Sansa climbed out of the passenger side and went around to the driver side to help Spencer with her load, Spencer handed Alex over as if she had been intrusting her daughter to her, her whole life.
"The ceremony won't start for at least an hour," she said in a brisk formal tone she adopted since they had kissed, "but I have to get the seniors in their caps and gowns."
"Ands I's gets to help" Stated a very proud Alex. "Mommy promised."
Sansa grinned at her daughter with pride. "I'm sure she'd appreciate all the help you could offer her." she said.
"You'll be on your own," Spencer told her, "until it starts, unless you want to hang out here. Otherwise there are some magazines in the library..."
"Don't you worry about me," Sansa said. "I can walk around town and still be back in plenty of time." she said as she scanned the parking lot seemingly looking for something or someone. "Your mother looked like she made it." She said as she pointed towards the other woman's car in the parking lot. "So you won't be alone."
"Yes she wanted to bring some snacks so that the kids wouldn't get to grumpy with the waiting that they'll have to be doing." she said as she nodded her head. "And Kyla Davies, the principal, and several faculty members are already here, and the others will arrive soon as well I'd imagine...We'll be fine."
"I promised your father..."
"Dad worries way to much. Always has always will, but he's been worse since Glen died. Go ahead and do some sight seeing. We'll meet you here at the car after the ceremony."
Sansa watched to make sure her two girls made it safely into the school building before setting off down towards downtown Rosebud. She could have walked the entire town blindfolded and not gotten lost. The lawns of the houses were neatly mowed and flowers were blooming along the sidewalk.
She glanced up and saw through one of the windows a family enjoying the 'Wheel of Fortune'.
The sights and sounds filled her with a longing. She'd never really had one of those, a real home. Not with her mother disclaiming her and her father dieing, and leaving her all alone. She never belonged anywhere, until she met Glen and his family.
Then she joined the Marine Corps and she lived in foreign lands, uncover conspiracies, and untold dangers, and lost her best friend as well as the only family she ever had. Yes, it had been exciting at the time, but now all she wanted was a place that she could call her own and her family with her. Alex on her lap and Spencer at her side.
She shook off her musings. The bombing had spoiled all her plans for her future anytime soon...plans her injuries had wiped completely from her mind, until only a few short weeks ago.
That thought reminded her that she needed to report in to the Colonel, and let him know what she found out. And if her memory proved to be true, there would be a phone booth at the little neighborhood store up the road off the highway about a quarter of a mile up. Sansa had request the use of a cell phone, but the Colonel had vetoed that saying it was to easy to ease drop if she was using one of those, and if anyone was watching the Carlin's then they would now how to do that as well.
When she reached the store the front door had a sign saying closed for the graduation ceremony will reopen in the morning at 7am-7pm regular business hours. Small town life was like that. Something big like graduation and everyone was invited to participate. Didn't matter if you had a kid in school or not. You knew someone in the family then you were invited.
Sansa dialed the toll free number...
"Parker," the Colonel barked into the phone.
"It's Aliwhali."
"Tell me some good news."
"I wish I could, sir. But according to Spencer, Carlin said noting that would help us."
The Colonel sighed in irritation. "I was afraid of that."
"Shall I return to Washington?"
"Any sign of those memories returning?"
"No, not yet, sir."
"You haven't been there long. Can you stay a while without raising any suspicions?"
"I can try, but I really don't see what good..."
"Getting your memory back, may be our only hope of getting the traitor and stopping another bombing. I would prefer if you stayed at the ranch, until I say otherwise, and that's an order."
"Yes, sir."
The Colonel hung up the phone abruptly.
Sansa glance at her watch to see that she still had at least thirty minutes before the ceremony started. She walked back towards the town and stopped at the tiny bar that her and Glen would stop and play pool at, to see a beat up pick up truck out front. She decided to go in and get a drink. As she entered the dim exterior of the bar she walked up to the bartender and ordered a drink. She looked around and found it almost empty except for Aiden Dennison, and she would of recognized him anywhere. He had bulked up since she last saw him, and his appearance had grown coarser with age. Glad that Aiden was here instead of at the school causing trouble she finished her drink and left the bar.
The parking lot of the school had filled up to overflowing when she had returned, and the only seat she could find in the crowed gym was next to the last row. She settled down just in time for the first sounds of the music to begin as the kids started in with Alex dressed in a tiny gown and matching cap leading them down the aisle. Her throat tightened and her eyes stung from unshed tears as her heart thumped heavily in her chest. Alex assisted by two of the graduating class, she clambered up the steps to the stage while the rest of the class filed into the front rows of their seats.
Onstage, Spencer stepped out of the wings with the other faculty members and Principal Davies, that Sansa had met the other day. Sansa still couldn't believe that this was her sister. 'Damn it.' she thought, she had asked the Colonel to look into that for her, and he had assured her that she was her half sister.
Well her so called sister was giving Spencer doe eyes, and she didn't like it. Spencer had assured her that nothing was going on between them other then a sisterly love, but Sansa could see more then that when she looked at Kyla's face. Sansa shook her face trying to dislodge her train of thought, after all she had no right to think like that. Spencer didn't know who she was and it was looking like she may never know who she was, and she couldn't deny her a chance to be happy even if it was with this Kyla person.
Looking at Alex again and noticing when she caught sight of her mother, her face lit up like sunshine. She wiggled her little fingers and grinned happily, Spencer, showing pride written all over her face for her daughter, waved back.
As the last senior took his seat the music died, and the principal stepped up to the podium with a smile on her face. She thanked everyone for coming to the senior's special day and applauded the senior's for making as far as they had, and reminded them that continuing their education was very important to their future's as well as the future of this town.
Sansa tuned out the principal and focused on her daughter and Spencer, she had missed so many milestones in her daughters life that she was grateful to be sharing this one with her. She would always regret not being their for Spencer when she went into labor and Alex was born, or how she hadn't been around for the two o'clock feedings and diaper changes. Her first words or her first steps. She hadn't been there to dry her tears when she scraped her knee. She'd been robbed of watching her grow and the sight of her first Christmas as well as her birthdays, her first pony ride as well. She missed sharing all these experiences with Spencer, the woman she loved more then life itself.
She was starting to get angry, angry at the traitor who had stolen so much from her, and she wished she could just remember what she needed to and identify him. She had to remember, for herself as well as Spencer and Glen and for the fallen people from the bombing, who would never get the chance to see their families again. Remember her doctor's advice, she tried to force herself to relax. Her memories would return faster without force, the doctor had promised, but she wasn't so sure. Weeks after she had started to regain her memory, she had yet to recall anything other than what had come back that first day when she had bumped her head.
She turned her attention back to the stage, where Spencer was assisting the principal handing out the diploma's to the seniors as they walked across the stage. Spencer didn't look much older then her students, but Sansa could measure their respect for her in the way they shook her hand and accepted her congratulations.
At the end of the ceremony, Kyla escorted Spencer to her seat with a too warm smile and her hand at the small of her back. Paula beamed at them as she invited Kyla to sit with them and have some pie.
"See that?" a woman behind her said to the person seated next to her. "I'll bet this time next year Mrs Carlin is married to Principal Davies."
"That's old news," the gentleman beside her said.
Their words jolted Sansa. Before she returned she'd considered the possibility that Spencer would have moved on without her, but seeing her again had wiped those thoughts from her mind. Now, however, watching her laugh and chat with Kyla, her face aglow with happiness, Sansa wondered how deep her relationship went with Kyla. To Spencer, Sansa was a total stranger, just passing through. She had no reason to give her affections to a stranger or to plan a future with her.
No reason to know how much she truly loved her.
For the first time, she considered the possibility that if she told Spencer who she really was, even after the traitor was caught if it might not be a mistake. If Spencer had forged a new life without her, what right did she have of coming back and interrupting that life.
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"You're awfully quite," Spencer remarked on the drive back to the ranch. "I hope you weren't too bored tonight."
Sansa pulled herself from her thoughts, the possibility that Spencer might really be in love with Kyla and just haven't admitted it to herself yet upset her more then she could now, and it had thrown her for a loop. Even though it was irrational she felt betrayed. After all, she had to remind herself, Ashley had been dead to Spencer for years. Going on with her life was the right thing to do. Especially if it meant another parent to help take care of Alex and show her love and safety.
"I was thinking of the shock waiting for the seniors when they get into the real world." she said on the fly.
"We try to prepare them," Spencer said a little offensively. "but high school's nothing like the realities of being on your own for the first time in one's life."
"Your principal seems nice."
"She's terrific. It took a while for the school and town to warm up to her. Being a small town and she was from a large town in California, the town was suspicious of her for awhile." She broke off with an embarrassed laugh. "When she introduced herself I about fell over..." she said as she shook her head. "I hadn't known Ashley to have any siblings"
Her voice had warmed significantly when she spoke of Kyla, but Sansa had no way of knowing how deep her feelings really were. She dicided to give it a try anyway.
"Very." Spencer said as she cut her eyes sideways to look at Sansa from the corner of her eye. "But not the way you seem to be thinking."
"What do you think I'm thinking?"
"That I'm in love with her."
"Well? Are you?"
Spencer hesitated so long that her heart plummeted in her chest. "She would like to marry me and to take care of me and Alex."
God, it was way worst then she thought. "And what do you want?"
She shrugged. "I lost the love of my life and have no hope of finding another nor have any right to expect a miracle for her to come back to me..." she took a shaky breath, "...now I live for Alex and my family."
"What do they think of Kyla and her proposal?"
"Mom...would love it, Alex, Alex loves Kyla, but as an aunt. Dad...dad says follow my heart." she took a breath then continued. "Kyla really loves kids and she's offered to help out around the ranch before and after school as well as full time in the summer. And she would make a great parent for Alex." she continued.
Sansa was getting sick, as if she was going to die at any moment, at the mere thought of any one other then herself married to Spencer and raising Alex with her. "Sounds like you've made up your mind." She choked out.
Spencer shook her head. "My heads tells me accepting her would be for the best, but my heart..."
Flustered, she glanced at Sansa again, and even by the din lights of the dashboard, she could see the flush creep up her cheeks.
"What does your heart tell you?"
Gripping the wheel tightly she stared straight ahead. "That I don't love Kyla the way I loved Ashley."
Sansa barely heard the words but they were a balm to her heart just the same, even thought Spencer believed that she was long dead.
They drove on in silence for a few miles before Spencer again turned towards her. "You're an outsider, what would you advise?"
'Stop the damn car and let me kiss you again and steal your breath with my love, the way I did this afternoon.'
"Hey." Sansa worked at keeping her voice steady and her tone light. "You can call the Marines for all kinds of help, but this is out of our league." That's not what she wanted to say...she wanted to tell her that she belonged to her and only her, but that was what came out...ever the soldier first.
"You don't have someone you care about?" Spencer asked.
'If only you knew.'
"I had to be careful, I was undercover a lot, and if I looked at their woman the wrong way, I could have been dead very quickly along with the woman, who had done nothing wrong." Frustrated with herself and the direction of the conversation she decided to change it. "Alex did a wonderful job."
"She loves the attention," Spencer said. "It was very generous of the seniors to allow her on stage with them."
They reached the driveway to the Ranch and Spencer stopped the truck.
"What's the matter?" Sansa asked.
"The gate's open. We closed it when we left."
"Maybe your mom made it home before us."
"No she was going to the reseraunt to help out with the graduation rush."
"Maybe someone came to visit your father."
"Not this late. They're all farmers, they have to get up early and work their own spread." Spencer shook her head with a worried frown.
"Maybe the gate latch didn't catch on our way out, so the wind blew it open."
"I made certain it latched tight when I closed it." Sansa remembered how she had tested the gate herself with a tug on it before climbing into the truck.
With a puzzled expression, Spencer eased the truck through the gate and up the road towards the house. "I'm probably worrying over nothing." she said "Like you said maybe someone stopped to visit, but maybe they didn't latch the gate."
Sansa said nothing, but she was on full alert. Everyone had been at the graduation tonight, everyone that is except for Aiden and any of his lackeys that were around.
"Turn off your lights," She said before they turned the last bend in the driveway to the house. "There's enough light with the moon to see ahead of us, and go slow."
After glancing at Alex, who was asleep in her car seat, Spencer did as she was asked. The only sound she could hear was the crunch of the gravel under her tires as they idled their way slowly up to the house. When they reached the house their was a pickup truck parked by the front walk.
"Recognize the vehicle?" Sansa asked.
Spencer shook her head and pulled up behind the truck.
The lights were on in the house and the sound of breaking glass could be heard from inside.
Sansa spotted the dark shadows of at least three men outlined against the curtains as they moved through the house. From the sounds Sansa deduced this was not a friendly visit.
"Daddy's in there!" Spencer cried out.
"I'll take care of Author." She reached for the door handle. "You keep Alex safe. Call the sheriff on your cell phone and take Alex with you to the neighbor's farm now...call your mom tell her to stay away. Now!"
She jumped from the car and ran up the front walk toward the house.
The last sight Spencer saw of her was in her rear view mirror, it was of her sneaking up the front porch, as she headed back down the driveway.
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