"I'm fine, honestly!" James Potter groaned for the umpteenth time as Madam Pomfrey forced a Pepper-Up Potion down his protesting throat.

It was his second day in the Hospital Wing, and James was already itching to be free of the confines of the plain white room and the fussy nurse. He had already been visited by his friends, who cursed and swore oaths against Severus Snape until they were ushered out by a slightly peeved Madam Pomfrey ('Out you get, the boy needs his rest!'). He was, however, slightly disappointed by the lack of a certain redheaded visitor

"Alright, Potter, if you're sure, I see no reason for you to remain here any longer… but if you feel dizzy or lightheaded at all-"Madam Pomfrey called after James' hurrying figure.

"Yeah, of course, thanks a lot, Poppy!"

That night James, surrounded by a small huddle of his closest friends, speaking in hushed tones.

"I know, Sirius, I'd love to curse the little slime ball into oblivion too, but Dumbledore says if word gets out Snape could be sent to Azkaban for using an Unforgivable Curse, and you know Dumbledore… believes everyone should have a second chance…"

"James you shouldn't stand for this! I always knew Dumbledore was forgiving, but this…" Sirius interjected angrily, Peter nodding in blind agreement.

"I know, for Merlin's sake, I know! But Dumbledore's ruling is final, and we have to respect that. Let's not forget how he helped out old Moony over here, when no one believed he deserved a chance. And I'm sure Snape'll be punished in some way or other…" James added, darkly. He despised the decision not to expel Snape more than anyone, but he never dared argue Dumbledore's decisions. He felt weary and exhausted, and there was only one person he wished to see now – the same person who had eluded him ever since that night in the Charms classroom.

Remus was scanning him with a sort of concern and understanding in his soft brown eyes.

"So he was going to attack Evans, then?" Remus said softly after a few moments' quiet.

James nodded seriously. "He used a spell I've never heard of before… Sectumsempra I think it was," he added, frowning. "Anyway, I dodged that one, and that's when he saw fit to bring out the big guns."

Then Peter asked the question they were all dying to know. "What did it feel like? The Cruciatus Curse?"

James' face looked wearier than ever. "Pain like I've never imagined. Unbearable pain. I was so helpless, all I wanted to do was get to Lily… goodness knows what would have happened if I hadn't managed to Stun him!"

"Well thank goodness for that," a small, familiar voice spoke from the bottom of the girls' dormitory staircase.

"Lily!" James cried out, leaping to his feet. The boys around him suddenly became a whole lot more uncomfortable, as though they were intruding on what they were certain should have been a private conversation. With muttered excuses of 'Off to bed – Charms test tomorrow…', the others left, leaving James and Lily alone at last.

There was a long moment of continued eye contact, which eventually Lily broke with a cry of, "Oh Potter, you idiot!" as she ran towards him and embraced him in a tight hug. James realised in the back of his mind that this was the first hug they'd ever shared – odd, when he considered the passion with which she had kissed him just a few days ago…

"You shouldn't have done that, I was perfectly capable on my own… and how did you even know I was there?" Lily pulled away from the hug, gripping his shoulders as she inspected his face.

"Perfectly capable? Lily you didn't have your wand on you, you and I both know what Snape was going to do! And I was on my way to the classroom to tell you something, Alice told me you'd be there… just luck I arrived when I did," James said grimly.

"To tell me something?" Lily enquired.

James remembered suddenly why he had went to the classroom in the first place – but the determined sense of excitement he had felt that night was gone now as he gazed into those endless green eyes, replaced with doubts and fear of further rejection. A matter of weeks ago James would have had no problem asking Lily out – in fact he did so on an almost daily basis. However, as James reflected on this now, that attitude seemed a lifetime away. He felt as if he had matured in just a matter of weeks – that now Lily was closer to him, less insulting of his childish and cocky ways that he must be taken seriously now. He had been able to hide the continued rejection with a nonchalant, confident exterior that had been stripped away by Lily's friendship, and now if he was to ask her out, it would be serious, and if she rejected him, he didn't know if he could handle it quite so well.

"Um… to tell you that, I… well the other night…"

James stopped at the expression on Lily's face.

"The kiss? It was a mistake, I know, I don't even know what I was thinking, I was so taken aback by how you supported me when I lost Severus' friendship that I started kidding myself into thinking you were some kind of different person, I'm sorry…" Lily murmured, turning around to hide her guilty face.

James' stomach dropped at her words. So she regretted the kiss. She had no real feelings for him, and if he told her of his now then surely he would be rejected just like any other time. Nothing had changed. He simply stood there as disappointment settled in his stomach, spreading through his body like disease, weighing on his heart – the heart that, for one moment, could have believed that his feelings were requited, that Lily Evans could ever feel for him what he felt for her. He shook his head. He had been foolish.

"Of course not. It's been five years, why did I suddenly think it had changed now…" he found himself saying aloud.

Lily did not seem to bother to decipher the meaning behind these words. "James, why did you take the Cruciatus Curse for me? You could have just left and fetched help, but you didn't, you got involved yourself…" she blurted out.

And that's when James realised. It did not matter if she rejected him. Rejection was just another human emotion, which could be cured with time. Five years had led up to this moment, and finally it reached a peak. James could no longer play these games with her. He needed to know, finally, if he ever had a chance with the beautiful, smart, funny Lily Evans – and as him, not the confident, arrogant show he put on for spectators. This was him being James, as honest as it got, and if she still did not return the feelings then she never would…

"Lily I took the Cruciatus Curse for you because endless pain is endurable when compared to having to see you go through it. I took that Curse for you just as I would take a Killing Curse for you – you, Lily Evans, are too precious a soul to be snatched so brutally from this earth – and if I ever knew, ever had a slight inkling that you felt about me as I did you, God help me I would devote the rest of my life to taking curses for you."

James finished his speech with a heavy finality, sure that he had expressed his feelings in the best way he possibly could. He added, after a moment's silence – "You're the only one."

He stared at her back as she stood still, having not turned around for the past five minutes or so. He wished he could see her face right now. Now the truth was out in the open he felt strangely vulnerable, as though his great secret being revealed had also shown a great weakness in the flawless façade of James Potter. He needed a response… anything.

After a few minutes of heavy silence, Lily turned around slowly, her jade green eyes swimming with tears.

"I'm so scared, James," she finally said, her voice cracking as she uttered his name.

James felt sick to the stomach. She did not understand. Scared to commit… scared to be seen with the infamous James Potter… whatever it was she meant, it was not the reaction James had been hoping for.

"You know what, fine. I knew it was too good to be true. You know, when Alice told me where you were that night, I felt for just a minute that there was a chance you had feelings for me." James was making his way to the boys' dormitory staircase, shaking his head. "That feeling… I'd trade all the money in the world to feel like that again. I just have one question for you, Lily, and I think I deserve an honest answer. Why did you kiss me back that night, make me think that I might possibly have a chance with the girl of my dreams, and then avoid me determinedly? Why did you go out of your way to elude me, was the possibility of facing me that bad? I just want to know Lily! Why? Why-"

"Because I think I'm falling for you!" Lily shouted back. As the last word slipped from her tongue, she raised her hand and clutched her mouth, eyes wide, and ran without another word up to the girls' dormitories.