A/N: :D I AM ALL SMILES! The reviews/favorites last chapter were so extremely supportive/advice-filled/awesome!

I got a swell number of alert adds, too, and I'm guessing/hoping that means you like it so far? Or else want to laugh at it - but either way, I appreciate the readership!

Live - Love - Lily

Lamenting Lily

Alice asked me four times Sunday night what was bothering me but I couldn't say it out loud. I cared that James Potter was over me. And even worse, I cared about James Potter. His name echoed in my ears, weighing down any happiness that could have surfaced had a happy thought wanted to creep in to my head. I went to bed around eight o'clock - or, I drew the hangings around my bed at eight o'clock - drowning in my bafflement that I actually fell for James Potter - the guy I had disliked for so long - and the irony that he no longer liked me.

James's former words rang through my head. 'One day, Evans, I'll get over you, and you'll miss me.' Who would have thunk James would have predicted that one correctly?

Waking up Monday morning was even worse. I had to convince myself that the conversation I'd heard the day before had legitimately happened, and so I replayed it over in my head, like, a thousand times. I skipped breakfast because I couldn't eat, and trudged to transfiguration in poor spirits. I sat in the back of the class, trying to hide in the shadows. Sirius and Remus strolled in a few minutes after I did, and I couldn't help but look for James. He wasn't with them and I felt both relieved and disappointed. Severus then strolled in and took the seat farthest from me across the room. I felt his eyes flick my way, but I ignored him. Alice scurried in a few minutes later and sat down on my right.

"You look tired," she said.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"I'd have a much better chance of making you feel better if you'd tell me what's wrong," she replied.

"There's nothing - "

But I didn't finish my sentence. James walked in, his hair still wet from a recent shower. My heart skipped so badly that it made me cough. He looked around the room, and it was at that moment I realized, with horror, the only open seat was the one on my left side.

"Are you two still fighting?" Alice murmured.

"You could say that," I whispered quickly.

James sat down and nodded his head at me. "Evans," he said curtly.

"Potter," I replied quietly.

I hated that I could hardly use my voice in front of him, but I felt like I was sitting on needles, and it was somehow affecting my vocal cords. My ears suddenly had super powers because each breath he took and each move he made rattled my eardrums so much I almost couldn't hear Professor McGonagall as she began lecturing the class.

I intensely took notes because it was something to keep my brain and hands busy. I'm moderately sure I wrote each word Professor McGonagall spoke, verbatim.

James made a weird breathing noise so I glanced at him. He was looking at me with his eyebrows raised.

"Is there a problem?" I whispered.

But he shook his head, slouched in his chair, and began twirling his quill with his fingers. He looked good. I groaned - out loud, apparently.

"Is there a problem?" he asked me. He ran his fingers through his hair.

I shook my head, bit my lip, and carried back on with my notes.

About half way through the period a third year slytherin sauntered into the room and handed a stack of letters to Professor McGonagall.

"Invitations," he announced, smugly, "to the annual Slughorn Christmas Dinner Party."

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips. "Thank you, Everett. I will be sure to pass these out after the lesson."

The boy smirked and bowed himself out.

At the end of the lesson, Professor McGonagall passed out the letters. I received one, as did Alice, James, Sirius, Severus and two Ravenclaws. Indeed it was an invitation for Slughorn's dinner party set on Friday at 7pm - right in the middle of when we were planning to attack the Slytherin's wardrobe.

As Alice packed up her belongings, I whispered to James, "So change of plans?"

He shrugged and joined Sirius and Remus at the door.

"Frank will be pleased," Alice said, reading the letter. "He told me he kind of always wanted to go to one of these."

My stomach dropped. I'd forgotten - to the Christmas party, we're supposed to bring a date. Who was I going to bring? And worse, who was James going to bring? Well, at least I fully agreed with James now. I really couldn't wait for Friday to be over with. I'd never looked forward to going home for the holiday break so much in my entire life.

After another full day of sulking, I decided around midday on Tuesday to change my attitude. If James was really over me, well then, that was his loss. At least, I kept telling myself that. I was determined to do my best to get through this last week of classes with the best attitude possible. We then had a whole three weeks off for the holidays. I could finish my sulking then, if needed, without Alice's thousands of pestering questions.

And step 1 to "Operation Repair Lily" was to look my best. Sometimes I find to make me feel better on the inside, I like to doll up the outside. Shallow, possibly, but true. And so after lunch, I curled my hair, put on eye liner and mascara, grabbed a tighter green sweater to wear under my robes, and set off for charms.

I felt James's eyes flicker to me a few times throughout the lesson, and each time it made me smile with satisfaction. He didn't flirt with me for six years because he found me ugly, and it felt good to remind him of that.

Those good feelings were short lived though. When James passed me in the hallways the next day, a stoic expression locked on his face, I again came to the sad realization that James was still only attracted to me physically, and not attracted to me personally. And that, really, did not make me feel good at all.

I hate it, seriously, how guys can totally screw with your head.

On Wednesday afternoon I cornered Remus.

"How's the plan changing?" I asked him after I pulled him into an empty classroom.

Remus looked at me confused for a second, then smiled guiltily, as if he realized he couldn't lie to me. "They've made up a lie to Slughorn, telling him they can't get to the party until 7:30 because of a quidditch practice."

I furrowed my brow. "Couldn't Slughorn see through that? Potter is captain and sets the practices and it's the night before the holiday - they don't have a match for ages."

"James is a good liar," Remus said. He looked me directly in the eyes when he said that, like it should mean something to me. I shrugged, because I didn't know what else to do.

"How are they going to ensure the 7th years' dormitory will be empty? Not everyone will be going to Slughorn's party and not everyone will be going to the normal dinner."

"They're confident they can manage with the map and cloak," Remus said quietly, like he too knew it was a weak plan.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Lily, this isn't your problem anymore."

I shook my head. "I disagree," I replied simply.

I rolled it over in my head a hundred times what I should do. Even though James was a prat, dolt, wanker, idiot.. er, I could keep going forever... I didn't want James and Sirius to get caught. I really really didn't. If those 7th years were meeting with... Voldemort (just the thought made me shiver), then James and Sirius would be in severe trouble if they were caught. Who knows what Voldemort would to do them if he knew they were working against him? That night I holed myself up in the library, scouring over every book of charms and defensive spells I could get my hands on.

I got three paper cuts because I was trying to work too quickly, and my eyes were itching due to their dry state, but just before ten o'clock I found success. I almost yelped with excitement as I threw the book into my bookbag.

Now to test it.

I glanced around the common room and noticed none of the girls from my dormitory were there. Perfect.

I marched upstairs, forcing myself to not look at James who was sitting with the rest of the marauders around the fire. Mary was lying on her bed, her potions book propped on a pillow. No one else was in the room, but that was okay. Mary would work.

"Hi Lily," she said quietly.

"Hey Mary, could you do me a favor?" I asked.

"What is it?"

"Could you ask Remus for the prefect assignments for the train rides on Saturday? I would, but James is really mad at me and they're sitting together, and well, I just don't really feel like dealing with him."

She nodded. "I need a break from this read anyway." She tossed the book on her pillow and walked out the door.

I quickly pulled out the book and flipped to a page I had marked. There were the four incantations I had searched hours for - incantations to repel unwanted guests and protect certain locations.

I muttered each of them as quickly and strongly as I could, then cast a "muffliato" charm. I waited five minutes. Mary didn't return. I screamed at the top of my lungs. No one came running. I ran around the room, jumping, cackling, singing, clapping - I had to look like a real madwoman - and still no one came. Fifteen minutes passed, then twenty.

"Finite incantatem," I mumbled.

As I walked downstairs, I noticed most of the students had cleared out, but James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were still sitting by the fire.

"Hi," I said. "Has Mary stopped by?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah, she asked about prefect information for you. Then started up your staircase, but yelped about having an urgent meeting with Professor McGonagall. She left maybe ten minutes ago.

I smiled triumphantly.

"What's up, Lily?" Remus asked.

I glanced around the room. It was nearly empty, but I decided to not take any chances. I sat down on the floor in front of the fire and mumbled, "Muffliato."

"What is that spell you keep mumbling?" James asked.

"It makes it so other people can't hear your conversation," I replied smartly.

Sirius looked at me surprised. "Oiy!" he yelled loud enough to make me cover my ears. He looked around the room curiously, but none of the remaining students seemed to have noticed his screech.

"Excellent," he said excitedly. "That'll be handy, won't it, Pro-." He stopped short. "Er, probably."

I couldn't help it. I smiled again. "I know he's Prongs," I nodded my head towards James, "and you're Padfoot, Remus is Moony, and Peter is Wormtail."

Sirius's eyes widened, and he punched James in the arm. "You told her?"

James frowned grumpily, rubbing his arm, which only made me smile wider. "No. She figured it out."

Sirius looked hard at James's face, then started to laugh. "Is that why you were so mad the other day?" Sirius asked James, but James just continued to glower. "Oh, you're too clever, Lily."

I blushed, but couldn't be deterred from revealing my recent discovery. I pulled out the textbook and handed it to James. "This will help you on Friday. They're repelling, disillusionment, and protective charms. I just tried it upstairs - worked wonderfully."

That was the first time I had really looked James in the eyes in days. It still made my heart skip and I hated myself for it. I noticed a slight reddish tint in James's cheeks as he quickly looked down at the book I had handed him. His eyes rapidly scanned over the pages I had marked. Remus peered over his shoulder and quickly read the pages, too.

"It's perfect, Lily," Remus said. "And you made it work?"

I nodded. "Unless Mary really did have a meeting with Professor McGonagall. I believe that third charm on there makes you think you have an urgent meeting far away from the location that's been protected."

As if on cue, Mary trudged back through the portrait hole. She spotted me and began to hurry over. I muttered, "Finite incantatem," to lift the muffliato charm.

"I've just knocked on McGonagall's door! For some crazy reason I thought we had a meeting - she nearly gave me a detention for disturbing her at such a late hour!" she whined.

"Oh Mary! Don't worry," I comforted her. "I'm sure McGonagall won't think on it."

"I'm going to bed," she mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief, and she trudged up the staircase.

"Some friend you are," James muttered as she disappeared.

I frowned at him. "They're tricky spells, Potter. I had to test it, and you both should, too." I nodded towards him and Sirius. The look on James's face - I couldn't understand it. He looked almost like he wanted to laugh and scour at the same time. I hated how much I wanted him to just talk to me - no, to open up to me - no, to tell me what I had done to change his mind about me so completely. I bit my lip. I really needed to stop thinking like that.

An awkward silence passed, then Sirius snickered. "Do you think we could cast these charms so Slughorn can't get into potions tomorrow?"

"Excellent idea, Padfoot," James grinned.

"Now wait a minute-" I started.

Sirius laughed some more. "I don't actually mean it, Lily."

"But where do you think his appointment would be?" Peter asked.

"With a firewhiskey down at the three broomsticks, no question," James replied.

Now all the boys laughed, and I couldn't help but grin, too, because James was probably right.

Alice walked into the common room, followed by Frank. "Hey! Quite the party down here, isn't it?" she asked.

I eyed her suspriciously. "I think the bigger question is what were you two both up to?"

She blushed and ignored me. "I'm tired. 'Night Frank," she kissed him on the cheek. "'Night guys," she waved to the rest of the boys. "Lily, you coming?"

"Yeah. Err, good night," I said. James ignored me, but Sirius, Remus, and Peter all bid me goodnight as well.

At the top of the stairs I remembered that I hadn't found out from Remus if Dumbledore had handed out train assignments for Saturday. As Alice opened the door, I told her I'd be back in a second. I slowly walked down the stairs, wondering if I should just talk to Remus tomorrow - or ask Mary, who had already asked the question to Remus. I paused on the bottom step when I heard Remus's voice.

"These will be quite handy," I heard Remus say, and I presumed he was referring to the spells.

"Yeah, right," James replied sarcastically.

I heard a thump. "Ouch, Padfoot, what was that for?" James said.

"Just trying to wake up the real you that's inside there," Sirius replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James said defensively.

"Just that you're not generally this much of a prat," Sirius said calmly.

"Me a prat?" James exclaimed, shocked.

"Just try to be nicer to Lily when she's doing you a favor," Remus interrupted.

I smiled in the shadows. Thank you, Remus.

"You guys don't get it," James said. "Lily's completely out of touch with reality. She's uptight, irrational, and...and... she reads books."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know," James huffed. "She's just ...ugh, she bothers me."

I sat there in the shadows a moment longer. I should have just walked back upstairs. I really could have talked to Remus tomorrow. But, no, I wanted to stir up some action, so I marched out across the common room. I saw the color leave from James's face, and it made me smile, big.

"I forgot to ask you, Remus. Did Dumbledore give us train assignments yet?"

"He's going to post them tomorrow morning. And sorry, Lily, you'll be doing double shifts to cover for me."

"Not a problem, Remus. Well, thanks."

I turned and started walking back towards my staircase. I paused just before the ascent to my dormitory. "Time to go read some books, I daresay. 'Night all."

I heard Sirius and Peter snicker, but I didn't wait around for any more comments. I felt confident, smart - and confused. You dislike me, James, because I read books? That thought circled my head so much that after I fell asleep, I dreamt I was trapped in the library. The pages of the books kept chasing me screaming, "Read me! Read me! Read me!"

I woke up grumpy, realizing James was even finding ways to pester me in my dreams.

Thursday morning I decided I wasn't going to take a date to Slughorn's party. It was a cop out, yes. I was scared to ask anyone else. No, I just didn't want to ask anyone else. And ugh, why was James no longer clumped with the "anyone else" category? What had suddenly made him so special in my eyes?

But, my decision was questioned before lunch when I saw James snogging a hufflepuff named Bliss. Yes, her name was Bliss. She's a 5th year, and very pretty, but ugh, her name was Bliss. Her blonde curls actually bounced when she walked - though, very clearly right now she was not walking anywhere.

I dropped my book. Shit, I seriously dropped my book. Yes, I dropped my ruddy potions textbook and it caused James to look up. I could feel my cheeks flush immediately, and I did everything I could to not look at James again. But of course, my intrigue got the better of me, and I glanced back at him as I scooped up my book. He was staring at me, but the look in his eye wasn't anything I had expected. It wasn't cocky, gloating, or even remotely happy. Really, he looked sad.

I quickly turned away and hurried down the hallway. My insides weren't stirring with rage, or disappointment. No, I just felt numb. Shit, were my eyes watering? I took a few deep breaths. Okay, the numbness was wearing off and I was beginning to fall into a feeling of bottomless defeat.

"Lily!" I jumped and turned. Severus was trotting towards me from an intersecting hallway. "Hi!" he said. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

I forced a laugh. "Oh, I'm fine. Just stubbed my toe." There I went, creating another white lie. I really needed to stop doing that.

He shook his head at me. "Be careful, Lily. Listen, do you have a date for Slughorn's party?"

"No," I said slowly.

"Well, I don't either. And, well, I don't think we necessarily need to be dates, per say, but would it be all right if I were to hang out with you some while we're there?"

"Oh." I ran it over in my head. "Er, yeah, okay. Er, so you, er, want to be friends again?"

He smiled. "Please."

My gut disagreed with me, but - oh, I hated admitting this - because I was feeling so upset with James, I nodded. Severus walked away from me with a big grin.

A/N: AHHHH. Soooo, I had this chapter substantially written, completely anticipating a New Year's Eve post - and on the 29th of December, well, my boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed! And well, I've been a bit distracted, so my fanfiction writing was very interrupted. I'm moderately out of the clouds now though, so I anticipate getting my chapters out more quickly.

And yes, this chapter was a bit of a filler, but promises more action is to come in the next chapter. I'm excited. :)

Again, thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate the advice and support last chapter!

Bests, Kate