Title: This is You and Me

Artwork: Done Forby by myprettycabinet

Warnings: Muggle AU

Part 2: How We Unravelled

2.20: Confess Your Sins

Fabian found Remus in the park not far from their house where they always took Padfoot. He was sitting with his back against a tree, Padfoot's considerable bulk across his lap not unlike a child. The dog's front paws were around his master's neck in mimicry of a human hug and its snout was lodged firmly in the expanse of skin between Remus's neck and shoulder. Padfoot was whining quite pathetically despite Remus stroking his fur lovingly.

'Don't you want to play in the sprinklers?' Fabian heard Remus ask Padfoot gently. 'Come on, Padfoot, you love the sprinklers. Look, all your friends are having so much fun.' Padfoot turned his head to look at the sprinklers, where sure enough, the usual familiar dogs were playing. But instead of looking enthusiastic as he usually did, Padfoot simply let out an disinterested huff and settled his head back on to Remus's shoulder. 'I told you, I'm all right. Padfoot…'

'Hey.'

Remus looked up, finally aware of Fabian's approach. For a while, Fabian was startled by the swirl of emotion in Remus's striking amber eyes. There was a sadness to them that Fabian could not bear to look at; there was a pain and longing that left Remus's gaze looking glassy and unusually bright. It was no wonder Padfoot refused to leave Remus's side.

'I thought taking Padfoot for walks was our thing,' Fabian said casually, as he sat down beside Remus. He smiled when Padfoot greeted him with his customary lick across the face. 'You could have called.'

'Sorry,' Remus apologised and even his voice sounded pained. 'I just needed some time to think by myself.'

'Sirius finally called?' Fabian asked, trying to keep the derision and hatred out of his voice.

It was hard when Sirius was the only barrier standing between him and Remus right now. Sirius was the only reason Fabian was keeping up this charade of wanting to still be friends with Remus even after having slept together. Sirius was the only reason Fabian was pretending that one night with Remus hadn't been the best in his life; that he didn't dream about it every night. That his desperation hadn't driven him to borrow Gideon's tool box and drill a hole into their shared walls, so that he could look into Remus's bedroom every single day and touch himself every time Remus walked out of the shower or changed to go to work. Fabian was not stupid; he knew that as long as Sirius was in the picture, Remus could not look past his love for the man to even acknowledge Fabian's feelings. It hurt, but it only fuelled Fabian's desperation and longing. His patience was wearing thin, but he was nothing if not persistent and for Remus, he could do and be anything. There was no limit.

'You really are a perceptive fellow, aren't you?' Remus chuckled miserably.

It had little to do with perception. The hole in their shared walls not only let Fabian look into Remus's flat, but also listen into his conversations much more clearly.

'You were right, you know,' Remus sighed as he looked dully ahead of him. 'You were right the whole time. He isn't able to cope with being…different…he wants the same things everyone around him has; a wife, a family; acceptance. I-' He lower lip quivered, before he schooled his features back to normal. 'I'm losing my place in his life. It's only a matter of time before I become that bit on the side while he goes about leading a nice, normal life.' His laughter was hollow as he rested his forehead against his dog's. 'What a joke I've become.' Padfoot licked his nose consolingly.

While this was very good news for Fabian, he found it hard to rejoice when the man he was so in love with seemed so dejected. Giving in to his overwhelming need to protect Remus, he wrapped an arm around the man and drew his closer. 'So what are you going to do now?' he asked softly, tucking Remus's hair behind his ear.

Remus's face hardened. 'I'm going to ask him to choose.'

Fabian's eyebrows shot up to his hairline in disbelief. 'So you're still giving him a chance; after the way he's treated you!'

'No. Not a chance,' Remus retorted firmly, 'a choice. It's either this idea of a perfect life that he wants to lead or me.'

'And you think he's going to choose you, don't you?' Fabian asked incredulously, his anger and frustration with the man growing. 'I can see it; you're confident he's going to choose you! You're only doing this so that he understands that you're serious about this, and you plan to forgive him after, don't you? You think he's going to change! Unbelievable!'

'He will always choose me,' Remus replied, though not without hesitation. 'That's what he reassured me when he started this sport. So now, it's time to choose.'

Fabian spluttered and forcefully turned Remus by the shoulders so that they faced each other. 'Listen to me, you are only setting yourself up to get your heart broken. You're holding on to this foolish hope that he loves you enough to give up everything, when the truth is he doesn't. He has never loved you. Damn it, Remus, you are so frustrating!' He growled, grabbing Remus hard by the sides of his face and crushing their lips together. He heard many gasps around them, including Remus's, but he kept the man in place with a firm grip. He didn't care if the lips pressed against his were unresponsive or that Remus was trying to push him away as kindly as possible. Even after Remus pulled away, he held on, clinging to the man tightly.

'Let's talk inside,' Remus murmured, his eyes shooting towards two women who were now looking at them with unconcealed disgust and calling for their children to leave.

Fabian nodded and felt a bubble of hope expand in his chest when Remus let him hold his hand all the way to his flat. Perhaps the man had finally seen sense and realised that Fabian was the right choice for him. Perhaps Remus could finally see how much effort Fabian had put into achieving him and making him see the truth about Sirius. Perhaps Remus could finally see how much Fabian loved him and would do anything, anything for him. Fabian felt his smile grow wider as Remus closed the door behind him and he wasted no time in pressing himself against Remus for another kiss, only to be rebuffed yet again.

'No,' Remus pushed him away, both hands against his chest. 'Fabian, I thought we talked about this.'

Fabian pushed himself closer, backing Remus against the door and placing a hand of each side of his head. 'No. I don't want to talk anymore,' he growled, pressing even closer till their groins were touching and Fabian could feel arousal growing in his belly. 'I am sick of talking. I am sick of trying to make you understand. I am sick of being patient with you.' He held both of Remus's wrists firmly when the man tried to push him away again, his fingers so tight that he could feel Remus's pulse beating steadily.

'Don't make me hurt you, Fabian,' Remus said calmly, moving his head away when Fabian tried to kiss him. 'I am trying to reason with you because I consider you a friend.'

'I don't want to be your friend!' Fabian replied through gritted teeth. 'Remus, don't you see? There is chemistry between us; we could be so much more. We're so good together. That night when we-'

'That night was a mistake,' Remus interrupted, twisting his hand away easily from Fabian's grip. 'Fabian, I am sorry for dragging you into my mess, but-.'

'Don't be sorry about that,' Fabian pleaded, winding his arms around Remus's shoulders and not letting go when Remus tried to prise him off. 'Please don't be sorry about that. Remus, it was the greatest night of my life. I don't think I've ever been happier than that night when I was laying in your arms. I think about it all the time; every single night, I replay it in my head.'

'No.' Fabian wished Remus wasn't so strong as he effortlessly pulled Fabian away as if he was nothing but a rag doll; as if he wasn't holding on to Remus with everything he had and trying to communicate how much he wanted this. How much he wanted Remus.'Listen to me, I was drunk and I-'

'I LOVE YOU!' Fabian screamed, unwilling to hear any more of Remus's stupid, stupid excuses. 'I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, REMUS, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT!' Taking advantage of Remus's surprise, he tried to kiss him again only to have the man turn away in the last minute. Fabian felt tears of frustration pool in his eyes. 'I would treat you so much better. You would always be my top priority, my one and only. I would tell you I loved you every single day; kiss you and touch you like you were the most precious thing on Earth.' He stroked Remus's hair, his neck and shoulders, under his shirt and over his chest; anywhere he could reach. 'I wouldn't ever let you feel alone; I would always be there with you. Always. I've already changed my whole life for you; my class schedules, my sleep times, my likes and dislikes. I've synced it all with you.' He peppered Remus's neck and face with desperate kisses, pushing closer and closer every time Remus resisted. 'I would do anything for you, Remus. I would die for you.'

'Fabian, stop.'

'I can't,' he sobbed, feeling despair claw in his chest as he realised Remus was simply not listening. 'I can't. I love you, Remus. I love you.' He ran his trembling hands up and down Remus's sides, willing him to see, to understand. 'I love you.' He wiped his eyes in vain, as the flow of tears only intensified when Remus shook his head. 'I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you-'

'I'm sorry, but I love Sirius.'

2.21: Hide and Found

Remus had not looked at him once all day. Sirius had tried to catch his eye many times over the course of the day, but failed miserably. He had been so distracted that he had lost control of the track twice and nearly broken a limb each time. On any other day, Remus would have rushed to his side in worry, asking after Sirius's health as he got checked by the nurse. Sirius would have smiled reassuringly and brushed their fingers in the briefest of touches. Today, Remus did nothing more than look up fleetingly. Even their conversations had been stunted and cordial; nothing beyond work. Sirius had never missed Remus as much as he did right then, with the man right in front of him.

'Have you noticed something off with Remus today?'

Sirius grit his teeth. He wished James would just leave so that Sirius could talk to Remus in peace and private. Yet, though everyone else had left, James lingered. What was even more infuriating was that Remus behaved as he always did with James; he smiled (though it was not true), joked, and asked about Lily and Harry as he tinkered with Sirius's bike. He talked about things that happened at work and Charlus's mishaps, and Dorea's cookies. His amber eyes not once strayed from James's. Sirius might as well have been invisible. It hurt; the way Remus was ignoring him hurt. Sirius could not help but think it was unfair and though well deserved, Remus had never been angry with him for such a long period of time. Sirius could not possibly apologise if Remus would not even look at him, much less talk to him. If James would just leave, then Sirius could force Remus to listen, just for a little.

'Sirius, are you listening to me?'

Sirius tore his eyes away from Remus reluctantly. 'Sorry.'

'I said, I think we should talk to Moony,' James repeated in a lowered voice. 'Honestly, I suspected this for a while now, but I just needed to be sure. I would have liked it if he trusted us enough to just admit it, but perhaps he's afraid of the repercussions? I was thinking maybe we could take him out for lunch today and really sit him down to explain that we're all right with it.'

Sirius really wished James would just fuck off. He did not want to have lunch with James as a third wheel. He just wanted an hour alone; was that so much to ask? 'James, what the hell are you talking about?'

'About Remus being gay!' James exclaimed in exasperation. 'Sirius, have you listened to a word I've said?'

Sirius felt his heart stop. 'You don't know if he's gay,' he argued weakly, his brain fighting to come up with relevant excuses to whatever James was going to say next. What if James had figured out Sirius's disposition through Remus? What would Sirius say then?

'Sirius, I told you, I saw him with another man last night when I went to visit him.'

That was the moment Sirius's world came to a stop. No. 'That-' he swallowed, looking back at Remus. 'That doesn't mean anything.'

'I saw them fucking kissing in the park and he followed Remus back to his flat, holding hands!'

No. No. No. No. Sirius's hands shook and he balled them into fists so tightly that his nails dug into his palm. 'Are you sure?' Remus would never. Remus would never do this to him. Remus, who had so much integrity that he would take a punch when he knew he was wrong. Remus, who had refused to sleep with Sirius, even though the relationship between him and Frank had been casual. Remus, who had never lied to Sirius his entire life. 'James, are you sure it was Remus you saw?'

'Yes!' James nearly yelled. 'Sirius, we are his friends. So if you have a problem with him being gay then-'

'He cheated on me,' Sirius admitted aloud, more to himself than James. His voice trembled with disbelief. 'He cheated on me.' He looked up at Remus, searching his face for an answer. Remus looked so innocent; no different from the last time Sirius had looked up at him longingly. It angered Sirius; it made him furious to think that Remus could just sit there and say nothing, while Sirius sat here in turmoil and betrayal. Sirius was not sure what drove him after that. One minute he was sitting beside James, and the next he had pulled Remus by the collar to face him, their noses touching.

'Sirius, put him down!' Sirius could hear James screaming, trying to pull him away. 'It's probably my mistake! I must not have seen properly! Sirius!'

Sirius ignored him, holding steadfast. 'Is it true?' He growled, his fists tightening on Remus's collar. 'Is it true that you-' He couldn't say it. If he did, his throat closed far too tightly to even get words out. 'Did you fuck someone else?' Please say no.

Remus looked at him with a defiant gaze. 'Yes.'

Sirius's first instinct was to punch him; to hit him and hurt him just to quell the hurt that welled inside of his own chest. His vision went blurry momentarily from unshed tears of anger and betrayal. 'Why?' he asked, feeling his voice breaking. 'Why?' He felt weak and stupid, and that only fuelled his anger further. He pushed harder, making Remus's head whiplash backwards and collide into the wall behind him. 'Tell me why!' Sirius roared.

'Sirius, calm down!' James tried again.

'Tell me you love me,' Remus replied calmly, looking straight at Sirius with hard, unforgiving eyes. 'Tell me you love me and I will tell you why. Hell, I'll even apologise.' He put both hands over Sirius's, wrenching them away from his collar forcefully without breaking eye contact.

'This has nothing to do-'

'Tell me you love me,' Remus repeated.

For the second time that day, Sirius was left speechless. His anger slowly dissipated as he understood the weight and relevance of Remus's question. He looked into amber eyes unsurely. 'I-' He wet his lips and moved a few inches backwards.

'Please,' Remus's tone was almost begging, so different from earlier.

Sirius looked away.

They stood in uncomfortable silence.

Sirius could hear the tick-tock of James's watch as Remus waited for Sirius to say something and Sirius waited for Remus to realise that Sirius couldn't.

'Please, Sirius.'

He could hear their shared breaths; Remus's escalating while Sirius's slowing down.

He counted the little droplets of water that fell near his feet like rain; one, two, three. Sirius hated it when Remus cried.

'Sirius, say something,' James urged, looking at Remus with pity in his eyes.

Sirius' toes curled in his shoes, his fists clenched by his sides; but he did not speak and he did not move.

Not even when Remus, unable to bear the silence, turned and left.

2.22: In Sanity

'You don't have to come pick me up. I could always-'

'Don't be ridiculous,' Frank dismissed before Remus could finish. 'As long as you are in Cardiff, you are a guest in my house. I won't accept any excuses.'

'That's right, Remus,' Alice's voice joined in through speaker phone. 'Frank has been talking about you non-stop since you mentioned you'd be coming. You have to stay at our home. It will give you an opportunity to meet Neville as well.' As if on cue, Remus heard a baby gurgle with happiness in the background. 'Look at that, Neville is saying hello as well. Oh, Remus, I'm so excited to see you again! We only met at the wedding and that's hardly enough for someone who Frank talks of so much!'

Remus smiled, Alice's enthusiasm infectious. 'Thank you, Alice, for being so welcoming.'

'Nonsense!' Frank exclaimed. 'You are family!'

Remus bit his lip, for a while, unable to say anything in fear that his voice might crack. He gripped the table hard with his left hand, willing his turbulent emotions to come under control. It was family that he craved for at this very moment when he felt his weakest and though Remus knew he had the Potters to turn to, he also knew that it was likely that to them, Sirius would always take precedent over him. 'Thank you, Frank. I-'

Remus was interrupted by a violent knock on the door. He frowned wondering why someone would bother knocking when there was a bell to ring. As soon as he thought it, the bell rang twice, and then four more times after only second of silence. Padfoot barked loudly at the disturbance, clearly annoyed at having his sleep interrupted. An ominous chill crept up Remus's spine when the bell rang yet again and he hurriedly said goodbye to the Longbottoms before rushing to the door. If he thought his uneasiness would lessen when he saw who it was, he was sorely mistaken. The minute he saw Gideon Prewett at his door, looking worried and breathless, he knew something had gone terribly wrong.

'Fabian won't open his door,' he panted out, as if he'd been running a mile. 'Please, he listens to you.' He followed when Remus and Padfoot started walking to the Prewett flat; his breaths coming out short and sharp from anxiety. 'He's been in his room since last night, but I didn't think much of it until now. He hasn't once come out to eat or go to the loo,' He grabbed Remus by the wrist, squeezing pleadingly. 'He doesn't even answer when I call him.'

Remus nodded and though he didn't know which exactly was Fabian's room (having never been there), there was only one with its door shut. He rushed to it and knocked, gently at first and then hard when no one answered. 'Fabian, it's me, Remus. Can you come out please? Your brother…I…we're worried.' When Remus received no answer, he turned towards Gideon, whose blue eyes were now wide and fearful. 'Fabian, open the door! Or at least say something! Fabian!' Remus looked back again, only then noticing that Gideon was gripping his upper arms tight enough to bruise. Their eye met briefly and then they both knew what to do. 'On three,' Remus instructed as both of them lined up and turned to a ninety degree so that their right shoulders faced the door. He motioned Padfoot to move away, before tightening all his muscles and coiling all his strength into one movement. 'One, two.' They both started running and on three, they made impact.

The door rattled on its hinges and it took two more attempts before the door finally gave away under their combined weights. Both of them stumbled in, bent and grasping at their knees as they struggled to catch their breath. It was fruitless, Remus realised, because the minute he looked up, he felt the air whoosh out of his lungs. He found his own face staring back at him from every inch of the wall. There were hundreds of pictures of him stuck in neat little squares from corner to corner of each wall; not a single space had been spared and Remus could see that some of them had to started to creep up towards the ceiling. There were pictures of him he hadn't even known existed and certainly never consented to. In places where there were no pictures, there were sticky notes Remus had scribbled on at home, receipts for when they'd gone out for a meal, and tickets from movies they watched together.

Both Remus and Gideon were broken out of their horror when Padfoot barked loudly, his snout disappearing under the bed.

Gideon got there before Remus, his wail of despair echoing through the room, as he found his brother lying on the floor unmoving. 'FAY! FABIAN!' Gideon screamed and kneeled down, cradling Fabian's limp body close to his chest and touching the froth around his mouth with trembling fingers. 'Fabian, come on. Wake up,' he sobbed, shaking his brother gently. 'Fay, don't do this to me. Please, please, Fay, open your eyes. Come on…'

Remus sat down on the floor beside Gideon, feeling numb, as his brain struggled to process what was happening. Padfoot was barking like mad as he circled the Prewett brothers and then nudging Remus in the side, as if pleading with him to do something. Remus didn't know what to do; his mind drawing up a blank except for an accusing voice that told him that this was his fault. Slowly, almost mechanically, he pushed Gideon aside and pressed his ear against Fabian's chest. His own heart stopped beating as he waited to hear even the smallest sign of life. Five seconds as Remus prayed to hell and back for a miracle.

'He's still breathing,' Remus breathed out, his heart hammering from rekindled hope. 'Gideon, he's breathing. We need to take him to the hospital!'

2.23: The True Meaning of Family

'Thanks for looking after Neville today,' Frank said as he leaned against the rocking chair Remus was sitting on to toe of his shoes. 'Alice and I haven't really had any time to ourselves for a while.' He bent down to kiss his infant son, fast asleep on Remus's lap, stroking his wispy brown hair with love only a father could feel. Even now, Frank wondered how a man like him could have created something so precious. 'We really needed it to…reconnect, I guess.' Reconnect was not quite the word Frank was looking for, but he had no desire of revealing the problems he and Alice had been having for nearly a year now. Instead, he stroked Neville's drooping chubby cheeks before straightening. 'I hope he didn't give you too much trouble.'

Remus shook his head and smiled. 'He's been an angel. Has Alice gone to bed already?'

Frank nodded in affirmative, settling on the arm of the rocking chair and stopping its movements. For a moment, he couldn't help but feel that this was a family; him and Remus, and this little bundle of joy between them. This was what he had wanted and pictured when he had asked Alice to marry him; yet, it was with Remus that he actually seemed even close to achieving it. 'Remus,' he waited for his friend to look up, before tucking a wayward strand of sandy brown hair behind his ear. 'Are you all right? You've been so quiet lately and I know that these past couple of weeks haven't been easy, first with Sirius and then Fabian. I'm a little worried about you.'

Remus's smile faltered and Frank felt like a fool for even bringing it up. 'I spoke to Gideon today. He said Fabian keeps asking for me.'

As with Sirius, Frank also felt jealousy course through him at simply the mention of another man in Remus's life. Yet, he was not surprised that things had come to this. Remus Lupin was a drug; and Frank had learned that first hand. The very proof was his body that was now betraying common sense and pressing close to Remus in a desire for proximity and intimacy. 'Do you want to visit him?'

Remus nodded. 'But Gideon asked me to never come near Fabian again; to keep as far from his family as possible. I-' His lower lip trembled and Frank rubbed his back in what he hoped was a comforting way. 'He has every right to be angry. It's my fault Fabian ended up this way. I was so cruel to him when-'

'Remus,' Frank scolded sharply. 'From what you told me about this boy, none of this was your fault. He was ill; very, very ill. It was his family who should have taken care of him from the start. His brother was living under the same roof but didn't once think of going into his room or asking him why he'd changed all his course timetables? He never once suspected that something was wrong all these months, but when it came to taking the blame, suddenly you were the only one responsible. It's preposterous!'

'I-'

Frank grabbed Remus by the chin and turned him to face him, 'Listen to me. That boy has no one to blame but himself. Right now, you are in a position where you could easily press charges and file for a restraining order; so if his brother decides to ever speak like that to you again, you can bloody well tell him that. Or even better, you can hand the phone over to me and I'll take care of this matter once and for all.' He breathed heavily, only realising that he had gotten a little carried away in his anger and let his protective nature for Remus come through beyond what was considered "friendly". He apologised, letting go of the man and shifting his gaze to his feet. 'Just, don't take this all upon yourself,' he murmured. 'Sirius, too; he never deserved you to start with. I always believed you were too good for him, but he seemed like he loved you so I never…' Frank pressed his lips together, trying to keep his word vomit under control. Instead, he focused on taking his baby from Remus's arms and tucking the child into his crib.

'Thank you, Frank,' Remus whispered softly, unmoving as he stared at his feet. 'You've always been a good friend to me.'

Frank hummed, fussing over Neville's blankets. He wondered what Remus would say if he knew of the thoughts and feelings Frank had been having ever since Remus's arrival two days ago. In fact, the feelings had never once stopped; only intensified the moment Remus had called to let him know that he would be coming to Cardiff. He felt like a horrible person; he was not only betraying the trust of his wife with such thoughts, but also the trust of a friend who was clearly in need. 'Remus,' he started softly, 'perhaps it's better for you if you didn't do this right now. Sometimes truth is a hard thing to handle and I don't want you to get hurt. Least of all, over a past you cannot change.' He turned, his eyes worriedly looking into those of his friend's. He had always loved how beautiful those eyes were, even when saddened with grief. 'If you are doing this to forget about everything that happened in London, then I recommend you don't. There are many other, less painful ways to go on about this.'

'I am doing it to forget about London,' Remus admitted truthfully to Frank's worst fear. 'But I am also doing it because I am lost. I'm so, so lost, Frank.' And he looked it; Frank had thought so the moment he'd seen him get off the train. 'I need this. I need to know who I am and where I came from. I-' He shook his head, unwilling to say anymore.

Frank looked away, clutching the bars of the crib so tightly, he could feel the ridges digging into his palm. He focused on his son, reminding himself why he was resisting pulling Remus into a strong embrace and shielding the man from everything that had gone wrong with his life thus far. Because there was one thing that bastard Sirius had been right about; and that was that Frank had long given up his right to Remus.

He looked back at Remus from the corner of his eyes, admiring the way the moonlight caressed the sharp lines of his face and sadness glimmered in his bright amber eyes.

Yes, Frank had given up his right to Remus.

But fuck, he regretted it.

2.24: The Other Man

'Why did you bring me here, James?' Sirius asked wearily, looking at all the screaming children around them. 'This is a children's party. All the people here have children or are children. I'm sticking out like a sore thumb.'

James rolled his eyes as Sirius complained for the umpteenth time. 'Look, Sirius, I promised Arthur I would bring you along. Apparently his wife's younger brother is a big fan of the Moto and meeting you will be a huge surprise for him. He's been down for quite a while now because of some family tragedy.' He smiled winningly, clearly thinking that stringing Sirius along into a pointless favour was a brilliant idea. 'Besides, when was the last time you got out and saw some sunshine?'

Two months, one week, three days, and eight hours. Since Remus had turned and left his life forever.

'What does her brother look like anyway?' Sirius asked, trying hard not to think about Remus. The key to Remus's flat still hung heavy around his neck, and Sirius reached to touch it through his shirt. 'Or are we looking for someone with red hair and brown eyes. Because I can tell you right now that there are at least twenty of those here in this party. The Weasley ginger breeds and spreads like an epidemic.'

James smacked him up head. 'They're your distant cousins too; don't forget, and the Prewetts have blue eyes, I think. Ah, there he is!' As predicted, James pointed towards two red heads conversing together, along with Arthur Weasley. They looked so alike that if James hadn't mentioned it before, Sirius would have mistook them for twins. 'Oh good, Fay's here with him. You can meet both brothers at the same time.' James waved his arms to catch both the brothers' attention. 'Hello!' James called, dragging a reluctant Sirius by the forearm. As they got closer, Sirius also noticed that one of the brothers was much slighter than the other and looked quite sickly. 'It's great to see you again!'

They had hardly gotten a few inches within the two brothers, when the thinner one suddenly attacked Sirius with all his strength. Sirius reeled back mostly from the shock of being accosted unexpectedly. The next attack, Sirius was prepared for, and he held both of the boy's wrists restrictively. The boy was so slender that even his struggles against Sirius's hold were weak and sluggish. His expression as he looked at Sirius was one of pure hatred; eyes wild and lips pulled back in a snarl. Sirius did not understand what he could have possibly done to this boy to have earned so much wrath.

'You drove him away!' The boy screamed so loudly that a few people turned to look at them. 'You drove him away, you bastard!'

'Fabian, calm down! You're making a scene!' Gideon scolded, wrapping both arms around his brother from behind to restrict him. He urged Sirius to let go, taking both of Fabian's hands in his instead. 'Fay, please, don't do this!' He held his brother tighter when Fabian started to thrash and kick in an attempt to get out. 'Fabian!'

'A bastard like you didn't deserve him, but he loved you! And you knew that, didn't you?' Fabian spat, spittle flying from his mouth like a madman. 'You used it, letting him believe that the feeling was mutual. He waited for you; all the fucking time! Waited for you to call, waited for you to come, waited for you to tell him you loved him. Waited and waited and waited! He was going to spend his whole life in the closet as long as you loved him! He was the biggest, most desperate fucking idiot I had ever met!' He would have screamed more, but Gideon suddenly covered his mouth with his hand and dragged him forcefully away like a ragdoll, still kicking and fighting. He did not as much as a glance back at Sirius and James.

'Sorry about that,' Arthur apologised once both brothers had gone inside. Sirius had been staring at them so intently that he had forgotten about Arthur. 'Fay hasn't been well lately. It's our fault for not noticing.' Arthur ran a hand through his thinning hair. 'There was this boy he was in love with. Well, we all thought it was an infatuation, though Gid did warn him not to get involved. Apparently, Fay was just hell bent on this boy. Gid won't tell us the details, but I guess Fay got turned down. That boy was in love with someone else and well, Fay just couldn't handle it. This wasn't his first outburst. He just…' Arthur shrugged helplessly.

Sirius only needed to look at James's face to confirm his suspicions. It was Fabian. And now, he could not see anything but the boy's sickly face in front of his eyes. Of course Arthur wouldn't know who Remus was or why Fabian's outburst had been directed at Sirius specifically. He had never met either of them. He could only lament over the state of his brother in law. It wasn't as if Sirius had not noticed the boy's appearance: sunken bloodshot eyes, pale skin, unwashed hair, and wrinkled clothing. But he found he felt little remorse for the boy; if anything, just remembering his face sent a surge of red hot anger through his body.

Sirius had finally met the other man.

'He's been seeing a psychiatrist, but we aren't sure if any of it is helping. Gideon accompanies him in each session and tells me that Fay's really isn't doing so well. I hope he hasn't hurt you, Sirius. I-'

'I'm sorry. I just need to…' Sirius didn't bother completing the sentence. He ran.

He ran as bile rose up his throat, bitter against his tongue. His hair whipped against his face cruelly and his muscles protested from the lack of oxygen, but he continued to run until he was at the parking lot. Only then did he realise he hadn't even been breathing, and he collapsed against James's car as he took huge gulps of air. The cold air hurt his chest, but brought relief to the blood pulsing through his veins. He pulled open the car door and quickly got in, cursing when he realised that James had the keys. 'Damn it!' He banged the wheel with his fist before resting his head upon it, still breathing heavily. 'Damn it,' he cursed again weakly.

Sirius missed him. Despite everything, Sirius missed him so much that he felt as if someone had torn away a part of his soul. Scrabbling, he fished out his wallet, where he'd kept a picture of Remus to keep him company during his trip to Sweden. He hadn't had the heart to take it out; Sirius had never gone so long without seeing Remus. Even in the face of betrayal, Sirius found solace in Remus's gentle features. He ran his thumb across the picture, his lips pressing together from the emotion that welled up in him from a simple motion. 'Damn it, Remus. Why?' He asked softly, crumpling the picture in his hand and flinging it away from himself. 'Why?' They had been so good together; so, so good. Now that Remus was no longer in his life, the answer to what Sirius had asked Alphard about choices seemed simple. He felt foolish for even asking. There had never been a choice at all. For Sirius, it was always Remus above everything.

'Are you all right?' Sirius looked up to see James sitting in the passenger seat beside him, concern marring his features. Tentatively, he placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder. 'Why don't we switch seats, and I'll drive you back home?'

Sirius nodded reluctantly, switching places with James and strapping himself in the passenger seat. He tried not to notice when James picked up the picture of Remus Sirius had discarded to the floor in a fit of anger.

'Was it true what Fabian said?' James asked, smoothing the photograph with the palm of his hand. He looked up, his hazel eyes searching. 'I've known you for a long time, Sirius, and you've always valued friendship above all else. I don't want to believe that you used Remus in any way.'

'I-' Sirius swallowed. 'He was right,' he admitted, wringing his hands in his lap. 'I used the fact that he loved me unconditionally. He never said no to anything I asked; never protested to the rules I lay down. I was so confident he wouldn't leave me.' Sirius knew he had been unkind; he had always known. But admitting it to James made the reality of his situation harder to cope with. 'Fuck, two years we were together, James, and I never stayed the night. I can't tell you what kind of sleeper he is, if he hogs the blankets, if he's a morning person, or what kind of breakfast he likes. He wanted to come out to you, do you know? But I wouldn't let him because I was afraid you would figure out that I was gay too, and it terrified me. It still terrifies me. Shit!' He let his head drop back, staring at the ceiling. 'I didn't even call him for the whole month we were away; not once. I didn't really think about how he would feel. I just thought that if I could figure myself out first; figure what I wanted from us and for myself in the future. If I could just be sure I wanted to take that risk and really be with him. I just…I was so confused…and I don't know what I was thinking.' He ran both hands through his hair, fingers gripping tightly. 'And now, it's too late. He's gone and I can't un-see what he's done. It's all I think about; him with this other man, fucking behind my back. And I can't bring myself to forgive him for it. I just…I miss him so bloody much, James.'

They sat in silence for a while, the sound of the engine running calming Sirius's nerves slightly.

'Do you love him?'

Sirius gnawed at his lower lip. 'I don't know.'

'Then perhaps Remus was right to leave.'

Sirius tilted his head sideways, too numb of feeling to be shocked by James's admission. 'You think so?'

James nodded, looking at the photograph of Remus in his hands. 'I'm not saying what he did was right. But…' He sighed, turning in his seat so that they faced each other. 'Are you that much of an idiot, Sirius, for not having figured it out already?'

Sirius frowned. 'I don't understand.'

James shook his head in defeat, pushing the photograph back into Sirius's palm. 'Then you still have a long way to go, mate.'

To my anonymous reviewers:

Guest: You're right in that matter that right now none of the boys really deserve Remus, but all of them are complex human beings at different points of their life, so each of them are learning through their own faults and mistakes. I honestly like doing sort of realistic, but very deep characters because I think it adds to much to the plot when you start to really understand how each person works. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Ali Baba: I hope I didn't take too long for this post. Um...I made Remus cheat because...um...I have no excuses. T_T I just thought it fit with the plot. Sowwie. Hope you liked this chapter!

Impatient Wait: Thank you for breaking the rules for me! :D :D And thank you for the suggestions. I do always look for rec lists that have some good fic recommendations because my obsession with Remus and Sirius rekindle every now and then. I hope you got a chance to catch up with all the chapters and also enjoyed this one!

Code Ex: Thank you! I'm so glad my story was able to get you so involved in the emotions of all the characters. I really do like to keep it real and develop the characters in each of my stories, just because I think it makes things more relate-able. I kind of have a soft spot for Remus especially just because I think he's been through so much in life but also always remained very true to himself. The strength in his character is inspiring. Sirius, I love because he's a daft mutt. 3 Anyhow, hope you enjoyed this chapter!

NC: Clearly, Remus followed your advice in this chapter, though I think maybe he might have a journey of his own to take now.

Your Eternal Fan: By the way, I love your anon name. 3 Kisses just for that! Your line of thought is completely right that Sirius was almost disregarding their relationship by acting the way he was. And while Remus does love him he needs some kind of reassurance or atleast love to get him through. But yeah, Remus finally stands up for himself in this chapter and though it hurts him, he's done it! I hope you liked this chapter and thank you for reviewing!