This took a long time to write and I'm sorry about that. Hope you enjoy!

Lu's back crashed into the same wall it usually did. Two weeks had passed since that day at the park and every morning Lucifer woke up thinking, this has to end. But that was quickly followed with not today. It was never the right moment to end things, but he knew he was stalling. He couldn't help it. If this could just last for one more day, then surely things would begin to feel over and complete by sunrise. But it never did. It just felt worse or better or-

Balthazar's teeth raked along the front of his neck, making Lu's head fall back in a groan. They had already gone through a few of the murals in the blonde's loft. The white and blue jellyfish swimming over the TV and bookshelf was aptly named Spineless and was done simply for the sake of painting something that flowed so beautifully. Darkness, which was a collection of tall birch trees that rose from the floor near the corner closest to the elevator, was a concentrated forest at the base that extended into long needles that nearly touched the ceiling. He painted that one to help himself through a hard time, though Balthazar never elaborated further. Archangel rested on the wall separating the living area and kitchen, and that was merely a splash of color that became more dense towards the center in the very vague shape of a human being. It was almost horrifyingly beautiful, but Balthazar told him he saw it in a dream and left it at that. Then there was Jehovah resting on the floor between the bed and couch that looked to be done in charcoal but never seemed to rub off. This one was a simple painting containing a mesh of circles, hexagons, and triangles. Lu recognized it, but asked on the origin anyway. "Sacred Geometry," Balthazar chuckled, "Some assholes out there believe that God created the universe with fucking math. A geometric plan, they say. I'll suppose that math is the only real universal language out there, but the actual fucked up thing about all of it is that I did that whole bitch free handed."

Lu felt that there was a pattern to these, some deeper meaning that led the older man to paint them on his walls when he couldn't sleep, but he seemed to always get distracted by – the strawberry blonde grunted at the other man's hand suddenly down the front of his pants – well, that. Every time that it occurred to him that Balthazar never really talked much about himself aside from funny stories, something would distract him from the thought. Every time that things would get a bit too deep or too personal on the older man's side, something would happen. Usually that something was Balthazar.

So that just confused Lu more. What the fuck did Balthazar want? Not a one night stand, evidently. A fucking buddy went out the window when he met Lily and Lu became the forgotten third wheel half of the time. A relationship-... If that's what he wanted, then he wasn't being very open about himself. Maybe he thought it was too soon, but he probably just didn't know how soon it would be over. Which was as soon as Lu got up the balls to tell him to get out of his life, that he didn't need him, that his family was complete and perfect without him. Every single day those words seemed more and more like a massive lie and he hated himself for it. When this came crashing down – and it would – Lily would be in the crossfire. Why set up something that was going to hurt so much? Every beautiful day spent meant more and more pain to come. Why the fuck was he doing this to them?

"Luce." Balthazar purred in his ear and he remembered once again, that's why. The way he said his name. The way he looked at him, kissed him, laughed with him. The way he talked to Lily, the way the two could hang out for hours without noticing the time lapse. The way he promised breakfast if he would just stay one night, talked about his murals as if they weren't a part of him, listened to whatever nonsense Lu had to say, ready to do anything if it meant being with them. The way he made time. The way he silently worried about small things. That fucking way he said his name. Lu nearly sobbed against the man that could only be described as his lover and gripped hard at his shoulder.

Balthazar moved slowly from Lu's neck back to the man's mouth, sucking on his lips with every kiss. While that was slow, his hands certainly weren't and, for what felt like the hundredth time, the strawberry blonde was about to lose his mind because of this man.

"Wait," he panted, removing his claws from the blonde's shoulder to position his palm at the base of his ribs. "Wait, wait." It was all he could do to catch his breath before he could even elaborate.

But Balthazar, perfect as he is, had stopped on the first breathless pant and inched back far enough to give a worried look back. He didn't bother with asking questions yet, likely knowing that Lu couldn't do much in the way of answering anyway.

Finally, Lu opened his eyes, absently running his hand over the bicep that held the other man's half sleeve tattoo. He did love that one for some reason, but he mostly did it to calm Balthazar down and convince him that he had done nothing wrong. It seemed to work, as he immediately relaxed at the touch. "You're always making me lose my shit," he finally said, watching the spark revive in those bright blue eyes.

Balthazar's lips twisted into a mischievous smirk and he shrugged. "I've gotten good reviews."

"Don't I know it," Lu purred in response, both hands finding the blonde's hips as he slowly walked Balthazar backwards. The other looked visibly confused, but never spoke on the off chance that this was going to be something good. Lu knew that the question of kinks was just on the tip of his tongue – which was another conversation they should probably have soon if this was going to continue – but he decided to speak up before the blonde could start trying to make guesses. "How come you don't ever get the chance to go crazy, too?"

At that, the Brit gave a chuckle, bright blues sparkling at the notion. "Oh, I come crazier than you think, darling. You're usually so enraptured that I doubt you even hear the filthy things I breathe in your ear." He smoothly looked the other man over, pausing a breath at the apparent bulge in his pants, before attempting to lean forward, probably to do just as he said.

But Lu held fast to his own senses for once, and pushed back until finally it was Balthazar that fell against a wall. The strawberry blonde approached slowly, feigning to go for the other man's lips just as he moved to that lovely neck at the last second, kissing over the blonde's jaw as slow as he liked. It wasn't often he was left in control. "I want to make you feel how I feel," he all but growled into Balthazar's ear, listening to the other man try hard to stifle the deep whine. "I want to make you pant and moan and beg, just like you do to me every single fucking time. I want to make you lose your goddamn mind."

Balthazar shivered beneath his touch, making the other even more aroused at the thought as he began sucking at the neck offered to him. Lu's hands started to travel further south when almost the unthinkable happened. The blonde froze. Testing the waters, Lu casually ran his lips along the other man's neck up to his jawline, but it didn't change matters. Balthazar wasn't moving and seemed to have all but forgotten how to breathe. That's when Lu pulled away. "You don't want that." He could have just said something. As if it would be an actual issue. "We don't have to-"

"No, no, no. I just-" The words seemed to pour out of Balthazar's mouth before coming to an abrupt halt as the blonde blinked at the floor. "I really don't have an explanation."

"All right." Lu felt that was plenty of an explanation. Yes, he definitely wanted to see Balthazar squirm and pant and beg until he couldn't think straight anymore, but he mostly wanted to do it as a sort of pay back for the last few weeks. After all, the blonde had been so good to him in the bedroom department. Lu fell into him again, leaning close to his lips. "What do you want, then?"

Unfortunately, it was quite clear that Balthazar had been knocked clear off balance by this turn around and even now couldn't seem to recover. His mouth moved in a silent answer against the other man's lips, but otherwise stayed silent as his entire being just seemed to stall. Finally, he answered, "Tea."

… Did he mean teabagging or- "Tea."

"I need some tea." He grabbed Lu's shoulder and gently pushed the very confused man to the side before making a couple of quick strides to the kitchen. Either this was some seriously kinky shit or something kind of big just happened that Lu completely missed. "Would you like any?" the blonde called from the other room, not helping the confusion at all.

Now a bit off center himself, the dirty blonde gave a shifty look around the loft. "No?" Judging from the sounds in the kitchen – cabinets closing, pots hitting other pots, the clicking of the ancient gas stove – Lu highly doubted his answer was even heard. After a few tense seconds of just fucking standing there like a moron, he finally decided to slowly approach the kitchen after zipping his pants back up, honestly not entirely sure what he'd find.

What he did find should have been the expected picture. Kettle on the stove, a couple of mugs with teabags on the counter, Balthazar walking around and pretty much just making fucking tea. The blonde turned back to him. "Sugar?"

After a quick glance to the two mugs on the counter, Lu began glancing around the kitchen for an explanation. "Uh, I-" Balthazar added sugar to both mugs. "Okay."

All right, something just happened, that much was painfully obvious. To top it off, Lu felt absolutely horrible about it. He obviously made Balthazar incredibly uncomfortable in his own home when they were supposed to be having fun and enjoying each other's company, in every sense of the phrase. But it's not like he would have known about something unless he was told about it. Was there some sort of trigger he just stepped on? Should he just fucking leave? Would it be best if he left? What they should do is have a talk about whatever the hell just happened, but that would have to wait until Balthazar was calm again.

From the looks of it, he wasn't. Lu felt like a giant piece of shit as he watched the other man lean forward against the counter, bowing his head and apparently waiting for the goddamn tea. He glanced from the kettle, to the mugs, to one of the paintings, and back to the blonde. "Balthazar?" The man turned back to him, the complete face of innocence written all over him. Lu didn't even know how to proceed, so he just glanced around the kitchen again.

Suddenly, Balthazar's face descended into a tense mess as he rubbed at his eyes, turning fully around and leaning his back against the counter. "I am so sorry," he said, shaking his head, "I have no idea what happened. That's-" His hands flew in the air and he himself looked a bit worried about it. "I've never done that before."

Lu blinked from the stove to the blonde. "Had the spontaneous urge to make tea?"

"No, no. Just... freezing. Just- I don't know." He shook his head again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I truly am so sorry about that."

That much, Lu had no doubt, but he stayed quiet for another pause before deciding to ask the big question. "Is there something you need to talk about?"

Again, Balthazar shook his head and gave a long sigh, allowing both of his hands to rest behind him on the edge of the counter. "Nothing happened, if that's what you're wondering. I really just- I don't know."

Lu tried waiting through the pause, but it didn't seem like it was going to end. No, there was something more to this and words needed to be spoken. Was Balthazar just not comfortable talking about something like that to him? That kind of stung, despite how badly he wouldn't admit it. "Did I do something wrong?" This is kind of a thing he needed to know.

"No! No. God, no. No." Balthazar waved a hand, shook his head, all in the negative. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. I- I just truly never did that before. And I've done some kinky shit. I don't know why I-" He paused again, hands going back to his eyes and groaning in frustration. "I'm a mess. I'm sorry. It's me. You didn't do anything, Lu."

Several things about all that made him frown. First off, he was pretty sure Balthazar knew exactly what happened and wasn't telling him for some reason. It wasn't that he was offended, but he did think they were a little closer than that. Then again, Balthazar never liked to really talk about himself anyway. Secondly, he called him Lu. The nickname Luce had traveled out of the bedroom, being used whenever there was even a semblance of an intimate or happy moment. So, yes, he was definitely being guarded right now. Whether or not he was lying about Lu doing something wrong, he couldn't tell.

Lu shouldn't feel much of anything about all of this, but he did. After all, he was the one trying to find a way to break up. Now Balthazar was shielding himself from him, and all Lu wanted to do was rip open those walls and make sure that the Balthazar that was deep in there was actually okay. He wouldn't say, wouldn't admit it or even think on it for long, but some of the context behind the murals had given him worry. This didn't help things.

A strong silence had fallen over the kitchen that Lu hadn't noticed before and regretted now. "We should-" He had to pause and clear his throat. "Maybe we should talk about what both of us are comfortable with, since we seem to be... having sex." He couldn't find a good enough phrase for that last bit. Now everything seemed infinitely more awkward.

But Balthazar sighed in resignation and shook his head. "I'm usually comfortable with anything," he said again, this time quietly as blue eyes roamed over the tiled floor, "I don't know what that was."

Maybe he couldn't rip down the walls, but gently brushing against them might not be a bad idea. Lu reminded himself that this relationship wasn't going to even last through the rest of the week and there was absolutely no point in doing this, even as he slowly approached Balthazar. His steps were sure and measured and it looked like the blonde hardly even noticed him getting any closer. Still, Lu kept an eye out for anything tense, but the other man stayed so relaxed that the dirty blonde man stopped just short of touching him, hands on either sides of his hips and resting on the counter. "Are you okay?" The question was quiet and sincere and serious as a heart attack. He needed to know that Lu was serious.

"I'm fine, like I said. I just-" Then he looked up to him, voice dropping off into nothing as his bright blue eyes slowly melted into something that was finally honest. Like a shot, Balthazar suddenly straightened up, putting his hands on Lu's sides and looking so terribly worried that it threatened to break Lu's heart. Why was he worried? "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm all right, Luce. Honestly." But he wasn't. He was tense again, hands fumbling against him and – dare he believe – lightly shaking. Suddenly, for some reason, Balthazar was uncomfortable with the close proximity. Why couldn't he just talk to him?

Lu backed off, as was silently bid of him. Now everything seemed like a landmine and Balthazar didn't even want to trace out a map of where to safely tread. When did all this happen? "You're sure?" Maybe this was never a relationship. Maybe Lu really was just the most recent fuck buddy to come around. If it were a relationship, wouldn't Balthazar be even a little honest with him about something like this, a hurt that he could possibly cause? Instead, it felt like Balthazar was too polite to tell him to get the hell out of his place. This should have ended a long time ago.

"I'm positive, Luce." Balthazar shifted against the counter, using that nickname again as if he were forcing it to salvage the situation. "I just- I don't know."

The kettle whistled, drawing both of their attentions away from whatever this is. Balthazar gasped like he was trying to catch his breath before pushing off the counter and grabbing the noisy thing. All the while, Lu chewed his lip, trying to think. "Do you-" The blonde poured up both mugs, making the question of Do you want me to leave? catch in his throat. Is that why he ignored his answer earlier? Did he do that on purpose?

Balthazar finished up and sat the kettle down on a cool eye of the stove, glancing to Lu as he stirred his own mug. "Do I-...?"

He wanted him to stay? God, he couldn't tell anymore. "Nothing. Never mind." Now he was lying, too. Lu walked forward and took the remaining mug, playing with the little teabag as he moved over to the small table and sat down. He needed to process some of this.

It seemed another century before Balthazar mumbled, "Sorry," before walking over and sitting down across from him.

"It's not you. It's not your fault." Lu shook his head, reciting what he was told just a few minutes ago. "I'm just... confused... right now."

"I-..." Balthazar watched his mug and scratched at his neck, making Lu wonder if he had even spoken up in the first place. "I wasn't uncomfortable or anything," he finally said, getting that little red tinge back that Lu had grown to love so much. "It's not that I'm not used to not being in control either. It's not really a sex thing. I just-..." And here his voice got so low that Lu wondered if he was supposed to hear it at all. "-don't like feeling so vulnerable."

Didn't like feeling vulnerable? Welcome to his world! But Lu bit the remark back, recalling again how little Balthazar seemed to share. It irritated him on some level, but at least he understood the hesitation now. "I make you feel vulnerable?" Not to mention he felt vulnerable in a bad way. He didn't want Lu to see him open like that, but he just said he did that sort of things with others so- Why the fuck were they doing this dating thing again?

Balthazar looked at him in what was obviously fear. "No, not- I mean, not all the- Ugh!" His head fell in his hands, and Lu's mood once again did a one-eighty. The blonde was trying, so there was that much. "I don't know why I feel like that," he went on, blurting everything out while staring at his tea, "I don't with anyone else, but most people don't exactly try to get this close either and now you're trying to and I just don't seem to know what the hell to do with myself."

Oh. So he was wrong. This was never about sex. Lu didn't know how he wanted to feel about it, but something close to relief settled in him as his shoulders sagged. Did that mean whatever that hung between them was real? That should scare the fuck out of him but it didn't. It would when he would be alone at two in the morning, though. "When was your last relationship... if you don't mind me asking?"

Balthazar shrugged, scratching at something on the table that wasn't there. "My last fling was with a woman named Bela a couple of years ago, but that was nothing but mutual physical contact. Then there was this bloke when I lived outside of Bristol, but that was years ago and ended about the same way a space shuttle might crash."

Lu frowned. "What happened?"

"To sum up, he dumped me," he said evenly, calmly, assuring Lu that he might be over the guy but not entirely over the incident. "But I was fucked up back then."

That set off warning bells. "Fucked up?" Drugs, presumably, but Balthazar didn't seem to be into anything like that now. Lu hung out with that crowd once, even the serious users. Even though he never touched the stuff, he knew the tell tale signs.

"Just a general lunatic. People said it was too much stress." He shrugged again. "I'm not like that anymore, but I still don't care too much for sharing."

Lu glanced into the living area, getting a good view of Spineless over the other man's shoulder. "Why?" That felt like a loaded question even to him.

"I just don't like getting too personal." The blonde stopped picking at the spot and just turned his head to stare at the wall.

What did he want to do then? A relationship was what they seemed to have, but was that what he wanted? Lu suddenly felt like he was willing to be flexible, and he considered it while stirring the drink with the teabag. "Which lines should I not cross, then?" He took a sip of the hot liquid, letting it sear down his throat, before looking back to the other man. Balthazar seemed to stare at the wall in shock, but eventually turned to look at him. Lu shrugged this time. "I don't want to do something you're not comfortable with. I mean, I wish you did feel better about telling me stuff, but I'm not going to wring it out of you either. We can go as slow as you want."

It took a moment for that to register with either of them and Lu wanted to bite off his tongue. Go slow? That implied that they were at least going steady. And maybe they fucking were, but they shouldn't be. Balthazar literally just told him that a past relationship ended horribly. This wasn't a good fucking idea at all.

But Balthazar was still staring at him with just that utter look of wonder and shock in his eyes and Lu suddenly had no intention of taking back the statement. "Okay," was the only muttered answer he received, and suddenly things felt way too personal for both of them.

"Since I'm here," Lu began, taking another drink from his tea, trying to be casual and steer away from the topic, "What can you tell me about that one above the cabinets?"

It took a long moment before Balthazar even blinked and looked up to the painted sparrows flying between his cabinets and the ceiling. "Ah." He cleared his throat and almost chuckled. "That one's kind of gross. I doubt you'd like it."

"I have a five year old daughter," Lu deadpanned, "Nothing is gross anymore."

Balthazar chuckled again a little more heartily, before scratching his head and looking at the forgotten tea in front of him. "I travel a lot," he began, "and once I was gone for two weeks visiting relatives in France. When I got back, I realized that I had left a window open just large enough for a couple of damn birds to get in here and make a nest."

Lu chocked on the tea. "Are you serious?"

The other man laughed, relaxing more and more at every word. "They had it right up there in the corner," he pointed on the side of the kitchen near the door, right on top of the cabinets, "By the time I was able scramble up there with those things dive bombing me, I realized there were four fucking eggs in it... I tried, but I didn't have the heart to tear it down and throw it out."

"You left it..." A bird nest in the house. Absolutely not.

"Oh, it was hell, Luce. I had to get a new TV." Still, his eyes were filled with joy again as his fingers combed through his hair. "Just got worse when the damn things hatched. They were so fucking loud. And I had to leave all the windows open for the parents to get food. That was the hottest summer of my life."

Lu covered his mouth to keep from laughing. This was ridiculous. "What happened?"

"They grew their wings and took off," Balthazar laughed, "but it still took some time before they stopped coming back to the nest every night. When they did, I finally took it down and rented a steam cleaner."

That seemed to be all it took. The strawberry blonde started laughing, imagining Balthazar grumbling about bird shit as he Cloroxed every inch of the loft. When he looked back to him, the older man was watching him laugh, their earlier conversation completely forgotten as he seemed to just glow with happiness from the moment. "I'm surprised you painted them up there," he said, trying to ignore that perfect moment, "I would have wanted to forget that nightmare."

Balthazar's smile grew. "I thought I would, too," he looked up to the birds, the two bigger parents with four little ones trailing behind, all of them in flight. "But I came to realize at some point that I missed them. So, in a way, I kept them."

"I'll get you a birdcage next time."

Balthazar laughed again, but his hand suddenly found Lu's resting on the table in front of him. "I mean it. I'm sorry about before." At least he seemed a lot less anxious now.

"It's all right, I said," Lu entwined their fingers, ignoring that voice that wouldn't stop nagging about the length of this relationship. "Happens to everyone at some point."

"Still, I told you about one of my paintings. Now I feel that something's owed." Lu could take one look at him and tell he was joking, and he definitely wanted to stress that Balthazar owed him nothing, but he felt like the older man meant that the other way around. If he was okay with it, Lu didn't mind one bit.

"You're probably the only one I like paying my debts to," he said, earning a chuckle just like he wanted, "but I don't want earlier to be construed either. I would like to hold you down and do what I want, but I really love it when you get all demanding, too."

Balthazar rose from his seat, the untouched tea completely forgotten while Lu had polished his off. "So," he said, never letting go of Lu's hand as he came to stand close beside him, "What do you want, love?"

That was another nickname he liked. "Like I said," he stood to face him, standing just a few inches taller, "Whatever you want."

The blonde growled and the mood snapped back like a cut rubber band. "There's plenty of things that I want."

As he moved forward, Lu moved back with a little smirk, causing confusion to cross that beautiful face. "You didn't tell me the name of the painting."

Balthazar smiled and laughed darkly, somehow entrancing the dirty blonde into never looking away. Then, those blue eyes suddenly had a deep spark of sincerity to them. "My Family."

Dean had made dinner tonight and it looked absolutely delicious. Grilled salmon steak and sweet potato fries, and the steak had some sort of sauce on it that made Cas want to lick the plate.

The Winchester sat it in front of him on the table, making his boyfriend want to drool. "By the way," Dean began, "just so you know, this is kind of an apology for freaking out at Burger King in front of all those people a few weeks ago."

"I'm not sure why you did that, but it's okay," Cas said, eying the steak and trying to pick where his first bite would be.

"Yeah, uh." Dean coughed, sitting down. "I'm not sure either."

The Novak gave a reassuring smile and picked up his fork... when his phone rang. They both looked at it, buzzing away on the table and singing the opening of Journey's Faithfully like it meant to be invading.

Dean sighed and put his fork down. "You know it's him."

"I know." Cas frowned, watching the phone for another second before grabbing it. "I'm sorry. He's needy." With a nod from his boyfriend, he answered the phone with a clear conscious. "Good evening, Balthazar."

"Cassie."

He waited for more to no avail. "Yes?"

"I'm in love with him."

"I know," Cas easily answered, nibbling on a fry. It only occurred to him during the very long silence that that probably wasn't the best response. "Um, I mean... Really? You sure?" The silence wore on.

Finally, it rang out so loud, Dean could hear it loud and clear. "THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU KNOW!?"

That took a while. Sorry about that. Anyway, at least one of them is seeing the truth now. More cute coming soon. And I'll add more smut later to satiate what I created here, especially since this was supposed to be smut but that would have been a very long chapter.

If you like, please leave a review and let me know!