Chapter 10! Yay! This is my longest chapter yet, and it is full of a LOT of emotion, just to warn you.
To answer a few questions:
1. Yes, Deshi and the wasp witch are original characters of mine, I'm glad you like them! There will definitely be more of them in the future~
2. Yes Crona will be receiving love from Maka, in this chapter actually! So I hope you enjoy reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Thanks again for reading and reviewing, and as always, comments and criticism are welcomed!
Freedom…life…what do those words even mean? Even if you think you're free, you're really not. Sure, you get free from one thing, only to be under the control of something else. And life…being alive? What is that? Breathing? Thinking? Feeling? None of it makes sense…
No…none of us are free. We're just…insects. Vermin. Crawling around in our own shit and believing the lies that are fed to us. It's almost funny to even think that we're some sort of free…
And even after all that's happened, all that's changed on the outside…I'll never be free. Now that is definitely a twisted fucking joke. I'll always be trapped. A prisoner in this body…and it's not like my master is very free either… At least there are few things I can do to forget about all this shit…
Ragnarok emerged from Crona's chest in a cloud of black blood, reforming as he set himself over the meister. The pink haired boy was still asleep, his reopened stitches leaving a mess of dried black blood over his pale skin. His eyes, though closed, moved wildly behind his lids. No doubt he was having some sort of nightmare again, as he usually did.
"Pathetic," Ragnarok grumbled. He placed his tiny balled fists on either side of the boy's face, squeezing his cheeks together. "Rise and shine, wake up, emo freak!" He pinched Crona's cheeks, eliciting a small squeak of pain from the boy. The demon grinned, and pinched harder. Yes, this definitely made him feel better.
"Nnn- R-Ragnarok…," Crona mumbled, his eyes squeezing shut as he weakly struggled to get free of the demon's grasp. Upon swatting his hands at the disturbance, his eyes finally opened as he winced in pain. He let out a sigh as he saw his hand, remembering that he had torn open the stitches the previous night. "Oh…I…I don't want to get up today," Crona muttered, rolling over, causing Ragnarok to stumble as he was forced sideways.
The demon twisted around, poking Crona's nose. "Come on, fat ass, get up!" he argued. "You may want to lay around and be depressed all day but I don't! Come on, let's go get something to eat!"
"I'm not hungry," Crona answered, his voice muffled by the pillow. "I don't want to get up…"
"Damn you're annoying," Ragnarok grumbled, rubbing his fists harder against his host's skull. "I'm sick of you whining and moping all the time, it gets really tiring having to put up with your shit every single day! At least fifteen years I've dealt with your crap and I'm sick of it!" He continued to punch and poke at any part of the boy that his small fists could reach.
"When we were little, it was always 'I can't deal with that!' or 'I don't want to kill the bunny!' or 'Lady Medusa, Ragnarok won't stop hitting me!'" Ragnarok mocked as he leaned on the boy. "And then it was all 'We don't eat human souls anymore,' and now 'you don't get any souls anymore!' Well how the fuck do you think I feel about that, huh?!" The demon punched at Crona's face, not holding anything back as rage overtook him. "I'm fucking sick of it! I'm sick of being attached to you! I know I say that a lot but I really mean it this time- Crona- I fucking hate you!"
A heavy silence hung between the two for what seemed like forever. Crona's eyes slipped closed as he shifted uncomfortably, curling his knees up to his chest. Ragnarok hovered over the boy, silent and waiting for a response.
"I…I am sorry…," the meister muttered. A couple tears escaped his eyes, rolling down and soaking into the fabric of the pillowcase. He buried his face, turning away from the weapon. Without another word, Ragnarok slunk back, returning as black blood into the boy's body.
The pain was horrible. Crona struggled to breathe, his lungs fighting against the guilty pressure that sat on his chest. His throat tightened, and more tears threatened to escape his eyes as he whimpered to himself.
"I'm sorry, Ragnarok…," Crona muttered with a shaken voice. His fists clenched and tremors wracked his body. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for being a horrible person! I'm sorry Kid! I'm sorry Maka! I'm sorry Blair and Liz and Patti and Soul- everyone I am so sorry!"
He gripped at his chest, the suffocating pain almost becoming too much to bear. Stein had assured him that, even without his pills, he couldn't die from a panic attack, but right now he seriously doubted the man's word. It sure as hell felt like he was dying. It felt like a giant hand was grabbing his heart, squeezing ruthlessly and then shoving him beneath the weight of his own guilt to drown him. His lungs swelled up as his breath slipped shakily through his lips, nearing the pace of hyperventilation. Because his lungs were closer together than a normal human's, he was allowed to breathe much faster, speeding up his anxiety. And his heart- that damned organ in the middle of his chest- he was sure it was about to explode, bursting through his skin and shattering his rib cage. He knew that it was impossible, but he couldn't stop the images. And part of him- part of him wished that his heart would just explode so that he could end this misery, end this pain forever…
888
"Pum pum pum~ pumpkin is my song~" Blair skipped back towards the apartment, her arms filled with grocery bags. "Hm…Crona sure will be happy to wake up to something yummy! And after I sent that cute repair man to fix the door, he'll have nothing to worry about!" The cat witch bounced up the stairs, pulling a key out of her cleavage as she approached the door. "Pum pum pumpkin~"
Blair stepped inside, setting the bags on the counter before patting over to the boy's closed door. "Oh Cronaaaa~" she sang as she knocked on the door. After hearing no answer, she tried the doorknob, pouting when she discovered that it was locked. "Don't tell me that kid is still asleep…," she muttered as she stepped back. "Oh well, he'll just have to heat up the leftovers! Time to fry up some yummy mackerel!"
Morning faded into afternoon, and soon it was evening again. The leftover fish was sitting cold in a pan on top of the stove. Blair had curled herself up on the couch, dozing off for a nap as the television softly played an old movie. It was around that time that Maka and Soul finally returned home, both exhausted from their mission.
"Wasn't our door a different shade of brown?" Maka raised an eyebrow as they stepped inside.
"Whatever," Soul yawned as he closed the door behind himself. He shuffled to the kitchen, crinkling his nose as he spotted the fish, cold in a pan on the stove. He turned to the refrigerator, searching through it for something eatable.
Maka patted over to click the television off as she saw that Blair was asleep on the couch. She leaned down to pat the feline between the ears, causing them to twitch. It seemed that the cat was asleep for the night. Maka yawned and turned to her bedroom, pausing when she felt that the door was locked.
"Oh…Crona?" she called softly as she knocked on the door.
There was another pause, and then the sound of shuffling could be heard from behind the door. The little click of the door being unlocked, followed by the creak of it slowly opening. Crona kept his head hung down, his face shielded by the hood of his sweatshirt and his messed pink hair. The boy was head to toe in black, his clothes too big and too long for him, though he didn't care. It was kind of nice; feeling like he was drowning in blackness…like he could just lay down and disappear.
After opening the door, Crona turned, shuffling back to his bed and flopping down without another word. It was concerning, really, once he thought about it. Seeing Maka didn't even elicit a smile. Not even that familiar leap his heart gave when he saw her. The dark cloud around him refused to lift, even with his savior back by his side. The cloud, the fog of guilt, was much too thick.
"Crona?" Maka repeated as she stepped into the room. Her expression conveyed concern, and even borderline fear, as she gazed at the boy. She had seen him like this before…when he was being swallowed by madness, just before he disappeared. Before he killed his mother…
"Crona, what's wrong?" Maka came to his side. She sat at the edge of his bed, but he only rolled so that he was facing the wall instead of her. "Did something happen? Did Blair do something? …Kid came to check on you, right?"
"Blair didn't do anything," Crona breathed. He really didn't want to speak, but he knew that he couldn't let Blair get in any trouble. That cat was so nice to him…too nice. She shouldn't be so nice to someone like him…not when he's so horrible… "Kid came," Crona continued, still speaking in barely a whisper. "And Deshi…"
"Deshi?" Maka jumped a little at the name of the weapon. "He attacked you? Are you alright?" She paused, then noticing the stains of black blood on the sheets. Her heart sunk. "Crona, are you hurt?" Maka reached out and touched the boy's arm, causing him to flinch.
"I'm fine, Maka," Crona answered coldly. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to be touched. He wanted to fade away and be left alone, drown in the blackness around him. He squeezed his eyes shut, forbidding any more tears to spill out. The boy's body began to tremble as Maka's hand settled on his shoulder.
Maka moved closer, her hand still holding Crona's arm, silently urging him to look at her. She could feel his soul, the way it sat in his chest right in front of Ragnarok's soul. The wavelength was still dry, it always had been, but ever since the first time she reached out to him, it had changed. Crona's soul was more open, more relaxed and free. But now…not it felt sort of dark. Maka closed her eyes as she focused on it more closely. She could feel it, that dark cloud of guilt hanging over Crona's soul. She reached out to him…there was a spark, and then another, and their souls were connected. Crona stopped trembling, his body finally relaxing beneath her touch.
"Crona…what's bothering you?" Maka spoke softly.
Crona let out a heavy sigh, feeling Maka's calming wavelength wash over him. It was comforting, especially since she had mastered how to connect her soul to his by now. There was no hiding it from her, as much as he wanted to…but he knew that he had to. He sat up straight, pulling away from the girl's touch again.
"I need to go out," he spoke coldly as he stood up. He walked over to the closet, pulling off his baggy sweatshirt and searching for a more appropriate shirt to put on.
Maka couldn't help but blush as she watched the boy change, her gaze glued to the dozens of dark scars all across his skin. She bit her lip, knowing it was wrong to stare at him, but she couldn't help herself. Something intrigued her; maybe it was blatant curiosity, or maybe it was something more… The girl shook her head, pigtails swinging across her face as she shook the thoughts away from her mind.
"Where are you going?" Maka asked as she finally looked away. Crona turned around, running his hands through his messed pink hair in a pathetic attempt to fix it. Maka stood up, approaching him cautiously. "Where…are you going?" she repeated slowly.
"Ragnarok…Ragnarok needs souls," Crona mumbled, his gaze slipping to stare at the floor. "I'm afraid he'll die if he doesn't get any…"
"Die?" Maka frowned, confused by this. How could the demon die when he was still connected to Crona? It didn't make any sense… She bit her lip as she noticed Crona's hand, the stitches all torn up and his skin dyed an inky black. "Crona, your hand…" She reached out to him, causing him to recoil.
"It's fine," he muttered, taking a step backwards. His back pressed into the closed door, and he paused, his eyes slipping closed. Throat tightening, his voice lowered to a whisper. "I deserved it…"
Now…now Maka was angry. She reached for a book on her desk and held it threateningly over her head. "Crona Gorgon, you are going to stop this right now! Or…or you'll get a Maka-chop!" Her voice quivered as she made the threat.
"M-Maka, please," Crona spoke softly, his eyes opening again to stare intently at her. He looked so tired, the dark circles beneath his eyes somehow even darker than usual. Maka slowly lowered her arm, letting the book clatter to the floor as she stepped closer to him.
"Crona…what is going on with you?" she asked in a broken voice. "I can feel it in your soul…whatever it is, it's hurting you, and I won't let that happen. You're my friend, Crona, I love you, and I won't allow you to be so hurt!" Her hands were shaking as she clenched them into fists.
Crona stared ahead at her, his expression void of emotion as his mind tried to process what he had just heard. Love? That word…what was it about that word? The last time he had heard it, uttered from his own mother's lips, it had sent him over the edge. It had filled him with so much rage and confusion and fear; it had broken him completely. But now…what was he feeling now? His body trembled, his knees going weak as he thought about it. "L…lo…love?"
"I….," Maka stared, blinking away the tears that threatened to build up in her emerald eyes. She stepped forward, catching the boy before he fell. Her arms wrapped around him comfortingly, holding him tightly as her soul sparked against his once again.
Crona broke. Tears fell from his eyes as he collapsed into her arms, holding on to her for support as sobs wracked his body. "What does that even mean?" he muttered against her shoulder. "That- that word…"
Maka stumbled back, sitting down on the bed as Crona steadied himself. He sat beside her, keeping his head tucked against the crook of her neck. Tears slipped from his cheeks onto her chest, and his trembling hands were wrapped childishly around her waist. Maka brought a hand up to the boy's head, stroking his hair gently, an action which she was sure he was not accustomed to.
"Maka," he sighed shakily against her. His eyes slipped closed as he savored the warmth coming from her soul.
"Crona, I mean it…," Maka spoke softly as she tried to look to his eyes. "I care about you…I love you. Don't you know what that means?"
Crona shivered in response, cuddling closer to her. "That word hurts," he whimpered. "I can't deal with it…people hate me and leave me when they've had enough…"
"I told you, I'm not going to leave you," Maka smiled. "I'll be your friend forever, Crona. No matter what happens, I'll always be here. That's what love is."
Crona blinked, his mind processing this new information. Love means that you'll never leave someone? That you care about them? Then…of course Medusa was lying when she said that she loved him. She was incapable of love…but Maka… He tightened his grip around her, shifting to look up at her with watery dark blue eyes. "Th-then I love you, Maka," he breathed. "I really, really love you."
Maka blushed in response, but continued to meet his gaze. Of course, Crona hadn't quite grasped what exactly love was, but the way he looked at her…the way he spoke…
What happened next was inexplicable to either of them. Maka, going by pure instinct, and Crona following her lead, the space between them was closed as their lips pressed together. Maka's eyes slipped shut as she felt the warmth of the boy's lips against hers. Crona stared ahead in shock, unsure of what was going on. This had to be a dream, right? Things like this only happened in his dreams…
When she pulled away, Maka's cheeks flushed a bright pink, her eyes opening again to stare right into his. He looked so surprised, somewhat dazed by what had just happened. She couldn't help but think about how innocent and child-like he was…he probably had no idea what a kiss meant, or even what it was…
"M-Maka?" Crona breathed as he sat up straight. He released her from his grasp and turned to clutching his arm, his cheeks blushing darkly as well. "W-was…was that on purpose?"
"What do you…," she began, then trailed off as she turned away. "O-of course it was…I mean, it wasn't an accident…"
Crona paused, letting go of his arm as he turned towards the girl again. His trembling hands reached forward to grab hers. The anxious fluttering in his stomach stopped him from meeting her gaze as he leaned forward. "Then…can I do it right?" he asked in a whisper. This is what he dreamt of…touching Maka, holding her hands, kissing her softly…it was all he could think of since he had come back. These feelings were still so strange and foreign, and he usually pushed them away because they were so frightening. But it seemed that Maka felt the same way…she even said…
"Yes," Maka finally answered. Their lips pressed together, soft and gentle, most of it guesswork and instinct. The anxious fluttering in Crona's stomach halted, replaced by a warmth spreading through his chest, a strange kind of hunger that begged for more of this feeling. His hands shakily trailed up her arms, over her shoulders, then pausing as he gently cupped her face. Yes, this was a dream come true.
It felt like forever before the two finally pulled away from each other. Crona opened his eyes, dark blue staring into emerald orbs as they blinked at each other in disbelief. Slowly, he pulled his hands away from her, sitting up straight and turning away. His hand found his arm again, grasping it as the built up anxiety returned.
"M-Maka…I've done something horrible," Crona breathed in barely a whisper. His hands began to shake again.
"No, that- that was good!" Maka began to protest. She didn't want him thinking that the kiss was bad; it was quite the opposite. It was wonderful, and it made her feel so warm and special. She couldn't quite describe it, but she was sure that he was feeling it too…good feelings, right? She frowned, suddenly discouraged. Maybe she had taken his signs the wrong way…after all, what did she know about all of this? And what did he know for that matter?
"N-not that," Crona shook his head, still not looking up.
Maka breathed out a sigh of relief. "Then…what?"
"I…I screwed up," he continued in a mutter. "Kid doesn't trust me…and Ragnarok hates me…" He paused, glaring down at the floor as the demon's words echoed in his mind once again. His voice lowered to a dark whisper, "I'm sure if he weren't attached to me, he'd want me dead…"
Maka flinched slightly at the last part, but tried to move past it. She reached forward, her gloved hand gently holding onto his injured one. "Whatever has happened with Kid, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is," she assured him, her fingers slowly caressing his. "What happened with Ragnarok?"
Crona shook his head, knowing that the situation with Kid was much worse that the girl realized it to be. For now, he decided to let it go. It wasn't as bad as what had happened with his weapon. "He really hates me, Maka…," he sighed shakily. "He hates everything that's happened because of me…he gets no say in things, and it's all my fault…I-I know that nobody really seems to care or notice, but Ragnarok has no freedom of is own…" He paused, wondering if he should tell Maka about Ragnarok's deep fears. The demon was surely hate him for speaking of it, but seeing as he already hated him…
"Ragnarok is afraid he might die," Crona whispered, his hands trembling. "Without souls, he's weak…th-those anxiety pills that I was taking made my blood thin, which only made him weaker…s-so I stopped taking them…"
Maka perked up. Although she felt guilty for it, she was glad that Crona had stopped taking those pills. He could fight off his anxiety on his own. Her mind returned to the topic at hand. "Maybe you'll be allowed to feed him some kishin egg souls?" she suggested.
"P-Professor Stein is going to ask Lord Death about it…," he continued. "But after what happened with Kid and Deshi, I-I don't think-"
"Wait, Deshi?" Maka cut him off. "What about Deshi? You saw him again?"
Crona nodded. "He came here the other night…to attack me, I think," he muttered. "Kid was here, a-and we were trying to fight him off, and…I-I sort of lost control, and I almost killed him, but Kid stopped me…then Deshi got away, and Kid was yelling at me…" A tremor wracked his body, and his hand shook violently as it struggled to grip onto his arm. "And h-he was r-right, you know…I-I'm just a k-killer…I have no c-control…"
"That's not true at all," Maka frowned. Her hands grasped his shoulders in an attempt to calm his trembling. "You saved my life. You helped us all so much, and you're my friend, Crona. I just told you, I love you." An unwanted blush dusted her cheeks again, but she did her best to ignore it.
"I…I don't know…," Crona mumbled, shying away from her touch. "S-sometimes I think…I could go back to it…t-to killing and feeding him…at least that way, he'll be happy…"
"You know that you can't do that," she protested. "And I know you don't want to do that. See, Crona? You are good. You're so good that you sacrifice your own happiness so that other people can be happy. Don't you realize that?"
"I don't deserve to be happy," he murmured weakly. "Not after everything…"
Maka stared at him. He truly was broken, and it hurt her heart whenever she thought about how he had become this way. All because of Medusa… "Crona," she began. She placed a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. "You want me to be happy, right?"
His eyes seemed to light up desperately. "Yes, Maka, of course!"
"Then stop acting like this. Stop thinking that you're a horrible person when you're really just a victim of circumstance," she pleaded with a stern tone. "You, Crona, are wonderful. You're a beautiful person and an amazing friend. You're selfless and caring."
Then, this time without warning, Maka leaned forward and placed her lips against his cheek, leaving a small peck against his skin. Crona blushed again, regretting the involuntary reaction as he stared into the girl's shining jade eyes. Finally, he stood up, facing away from her again.
"I-I still need to go…," Crona spoke in a low tone. "I need to find Professor Stein, or Kid or Lord Death…someone who can help me and Ragnarok…and I need to make everything right again."
"Okay then," Maka rose to her feet, immediately appearing by his side. Her gloved hand clasped onto his as she flashed that familiar, determined smile that he adored so much. "I'm coming with you, Crona. Let's go."