Chapter 10: Decision

"No," Kotoko said fixedly, her eyes facing Naoki straight on.

It was Shuichi that broke the trance. "Kotoko, how are you feeling? Let me do a basic check on you."

As he measured her heartbeat and took her blood pressure, he spoke.

"You gave me a fright when I saw you unconscious. Uncle Aihara was very worried."

Kotoko chuckled. "Just fainted from the sharp pain. Besides that, I'm all right. So, can I be discharged tomorrow?"

"Yes, if everything is fine. Will come and visit you later," Shuichi patted her shoulder lightly.

Then he stood up and declared, "Kotoko is all right and can be discharged tomorrow if there is no changes in her condition. It is best for you all to go back and rest since it is already late."

With that said, he left.

"What's the time now?" Kotoko queried.

"9 p.m."

"All of you should go back and rest. Sorry for all the trouble," Kotoko said apologetically. She had slept for so many hours. She last remembered it was daytime when she was at the Irie house.

"What's with the formality? You should rest more and I will prepare lots of nutritious food for you for a speedy recovery."

"Thanks Aunty Irie."

"I'll stay here," Naoki spoke. "All of you will feel more assured this way and I can settle some of my work here too anyway."

"Thanks Naoki," Shigeo said gratefully. "Call me if anything happens."

"Good job Onii-chan," Mama praised proudly. "That's should be the way. Kotoko will be in your care."

"Don't tire yourself too much Onii-chan," Yuki said, worried. "You should rest too."

"Yuki, you have to send Konomi back home. It is late at night," Mama instructed.

"Yes, I will."

With everyone leaving, saying their goodbyes, now Kotoko was alone with him.

"I'm sure you are busy. You can leave, I'm fine alone," Kotoko quickly said, trying to send him off, avoiding a confrontation with him if possible.

So he knew. Somehow she was not surprised. Who is the one that told him? Her father or Shuichi? Or both?

Knowing Irie-kun was here to stay, she decided to clarify her doubt. "When did you find out? Who told you?"

"Not long after you moved in, I suspected and asked your father. Then I find Aizawa."

"So you haven't remembered everything," Naoki remarked.

"Yes," Kotoko replied in a so-what-can-you-do kind of tone. "But I do know that the people I forgotten are the Irie family, including you."

Knowing and remembering are different. It felt like she was watching a video of a person who looks exactly like her.

"You are the only one who knows about it right?"

"Yes. You can tell them if you want."

Kotoko shook her head. "I won't. I don't want any more people to know. Not even Jinko or Satomi knows about it. It's over and I have recovered. So there is no point in mentioning it."

Suddenly, Naoki leaned forward, closing the distance between them. In response, Kotoko moved backwards, as much as she can till her back touch the wall. Naoki cupped her cheek with his right hand and declared resolutely, "Are you sure you have recovered? I'll make you remember."

"What!" Kotoko exclaimed, sounding surprise to hide her nervousness. She should not let his words affected her. No, she was not nervous. No, her heart was not beating quickly. She hated this. "You think you can do it? Just because you are a genius does not mean you can do everything."

Pushing that sense of regrets away, Naoki continued, "I can tell you all the forgotten memories of yours."

"No need," Kotoko rejected immediately, turning her head away, not caring how childish she sound or look.

"You're running away," Naoki stated.

"When the right time comes, I'll remember," Kotoko said stubbornly.

In a serious tone, Naoki said, "I won't make the same mistake twice. I'm not going through that regret again."

"Eh? What are you talking about? You lost me."

"You will know when you remember everything."

Kotoko sulked at that vague answer.

"Rest well and I will come again later," Naoki said and left the room.

Kotoko was browsing the magazine when another visitor came.

"Shuichi."

"Doing fine?"

Kotoko nodded and put the magazine at the bedside table. "So you finally have time for me?" She said with a smile.

Shuichi sat down on the chair near the bed. "You should sleep. It is almost midnight."

"I can't sleep. Guess I slept too much. It sure brings back memories," Kotoko remarked melancholy. "However, it was raining at that time."

"Yea. Luckily not a repeat, imagine I have to try to make you remember who you are again and the trauma Uncle Aihara has to go through. You know, your dad is really worried when you are sleeping, thinking if he makes a wrong choice and what will happen if you forget again. He has been staying at your side for hours."

Kotoko smiled sadly. "Yes, I won't make Pa go through that again."

"So did you remember anything when you fainted?" He asked seriously, concern as a doctor and friend.

Kotoko shook her head. "Completely blank. Just darkness and when I woke up, I'm already here."

"What's the trigger? What happen? Maybe it is too much for you to take it and as a defensive measure your brain just shut it out completely."

And Shuichi waited patiently for Kotoko to speak. Minutes later, Kotoko told Shuichi about the video she watched, how it matches the flashes of memories, the pain in her head, how it felt like something pushing out, wanting to break through and she resisted.

"Can't deny anymore that it is related to Irie and his family?"

Kotoko shook her head, as much as she hated to admit it.

"And are you planning to continue living there, trying to remember everything or going to leave it as it is?"

"I don't know."

Kotoko not sure if she had a choice. Earlier the conversation with Irie-kun, he was determined to make her remember everything. Also, she could not forget that look of his. It was only a brief moment but she saw it in his eyes. That sense of regrets and sorrow. What kind of mistake is it for him to have such an expression? He was not supposed to have that. She wanted to know. How is it related to her? Does she want to remember?

"Now I'm really interested to know the story between Irie and you. I will have to ask Uncle Aihara or Irie," Shuichi said light-heartedly.

"Hey!"

"Well, no point asking you since you forgot all about it. Really, no one in the hospital will believe it but what about you that interest Irie?" Shuichi said, scanning Kotoko from top to bottom thoughtfully.

"Nothing at all," Kotoko said angrily and grabbed the magazine.

"And also what he done to you."

"Nothing at all. And you are a doctor, not a paparazzi reporter."

"Irie's personal life, especially love life, is of deep interest to everyone. The cool, smart, rich and genius Dr. Irie, who has no interest in women at all actually has some relationship with the stupid, clumsy, infamous Kotoko. Not to mention, in terms of looks, no one will connect both of you together at all. Just so incompatible. The most unexpected pair."

"Thanks a lot," Kotoko said sarcastically. "Maybe he just feels guilty and you are overthinking it. By the way, you should stop being a doctor. I realise you have a talent for reporting too."

"Thanks but I can't., many patients will be heartbroken," Shuichi said dramatically which Kotoko rolled her eyes.

Then Shuichi tone turned serious. "I don't think he is guilty. Not when you see his expression when he carried you here. There are quite a lot of things I never expected him to do until you came, for example taking the initiative to talk to us on non-work related topic, occasionally join us for lunch. He cares for you deeply and I don't think it is just guilt."

"It doesn't sound like Irie-kun and you are just normal colleagues," Kotoko muttered.

"We become closer thanks to you," explained Shuichi.

"Then did he tell you anything about those forgotten memories of mine?" Kotoko asked cautiously.

"No. Do you think he is the kind to speak personal matters to anyone? And I do respect personal privacy. I'm waiting for you to tell me, so faster remember okay?" Their close bond was evident in his gentle tone as he spoke.

"And a piece of advice for you as a friend. You better think of a reason to explain your relationship with Irie. Clearly many have witness him carrying the unconscious you here with his family and your dad," Shuichi said with a sadistic laugh as he stood up.

"Damn!" Kotoko cursed. She completely forgotten about that as she was too occupied with the fact that Irie-kun was the faceless guy in her dreams. Turning to Shuichi with her most pitiful look she could muster and pleaded, "You have to help me!"

"Sorry, I need to go. I promise my mum I will be back home for dinner today since you know how rare she comes to Toyko for a visit. Good luck, you have a few days to think," Shuichi said, laughing heartily and waved his goodbye.

"Hey!"

Too bad Shuichi did not hear her, or maybe he pretended not to as he closed the door.

The busy lunch time was over. The rest of the staff were busied with tasks such as wash the dishes, stock take of the ingredients and do other necessary preparation for the next peak period during dinner. Meanwhile, Kotoko sat down in a private corner with her father, eating their late lunch and resting.

Kotoko was on medical leave for a few days and as her dad had something important to discuss with her, here she was, helping out at the restaurant and also keeping herself occupied.

"Do you still want to stay at the Irie's house?" Shigeo asked solemnly.

He was unsure if he made the right decision. It really frightened him as it reminded him of the accident five years ago. It was something he wished he forgot, wished it never happened. He never wanted to remember that feeling again.

Kotoko froze, utterly stunned.

"I assume you are mentally prepared for it after so many years. The main purpose of staying at the Irie's house is to help you recover that lost memory of yours and I think you must have known it is related to them. Our house is not under any renovation in the first place, so we can move back anytime you want."

"Pa…"

Shigeo smiled gently. "You can think about it carefully before giving me an answer. I just want you to understand that I did this because I afraid one day when you remember everything, you will regret.

Kotoko smiled gently at her dad. "Thanks Pa. I understand and will consider your suggestion seriously."

"And if you want, I can tell you more about Naoki and you during those years. I might not know everything but at least I can tell you some of the activities we did with the Irie family and how we ended up staying with them."

"It's okay Pa, I do remember some bits and pieces."

"Okay, just don't force yourself to remember all. You can always ask Naoki or me if you want."

"No worries, it will never happen again," Kotoko assured, sensing her dad really had a fright from her fainting a few days ago. And it was not due to her forcing herself to remember those forgotten memories, Kotoko added inwardly.

"Let's eat. Later we will be busy again. If not enough, you can always take more from the kitchen."

With that said, the topic on Irie ended and both father and daughter talked about other topics, enjoying their lunch together.

Jinko, Satomi and Kotoko were at a café, catching up. Satomi daughter was under the care of her mother-in-law for the day much to their delight, giving them some private moments together. Kotoko was glad that the relationship between Satomi and her mother-in-law improved. When Satomi first announced to them her marriage to Ryo, they were shocked and even more so when she was pregnant. Kotoko took leave and stayed to help out in the marriage planning and also to take care of her. That was when Kotoko first met Satomi's mother-in-law and they did not start off well due to the disagreement over the marriage details. Fortunately, in the end, it was all sort out well.

After graduation, with Jinko commitment to her job, Satomi to her family and Kotoko away in Akita, gathering like this was rare compared to their school days.

The first thing they talked about was her health.

"Being a nurse must be very stressful," Jinko remarked understandably.

"Even till now I still find it unbelievable that you actually become a nurse. Who ever thought that?" added Satomi.

"Actually we shouldn't be surprise, seeing Kotoko determination when it comes to Irie. Whatever he does, she will follow."

"True. She has chased after him since high school days."

Jinko and Satomi did not realise the effects their words had on Kotoko. Kotoko thought it was because she was touched by the care she received during her accident, the role the nurses play and she wanted to help the others too. As they talked more on Kotoko and Irie, Kotoko was too stunned for words by how far back their history together was. It all started from that confession love letter and her moving into the Irie household due to the earthquake. That explain why she had a sense of familiarity when she first stayed there. Undoubtedly, she forgot much more than expected. Satomi and Jinko were talking too enthusiastically to notice Kotoko unusual silence.

"We are really surprise when both of you actually separated. We are so sure both of you will end up together."

"It can't be help though, especially after…"

"Jinko," Satomi interrupted with a fierce and warning tone.

Kotoko wanted to question further, extremely curious by that unspoken sentence but afraid it might make them suspicious, Kotoko gave up.

"But now Irie and you are staying together again, wonder if it is fate," Satomi wondered. "So how are the both of you getting along?"

"Same as the past," Kotoko said vaguely.

"True, can't expect Irie to change," Satomi agreed. "It would be quite scary if he suddenly so nice to you."

"So still decided on Irie or ready for a new relationship?" Jinko asked.

"That Aizawa guy is not a bad choice either. Both of you are very close, right?"

Kotoko laughed. "Impossible. Just like Kin-chan, I only think of him as a very close friend. We can only be friends."

"It seems like your five years in Akita really helped, you have change Kotoko," Satomi commented as she sipped her tea.

Kotoko stiffened and asked warily, "How so?"

"It seems you grow more mature."

Kotoko heaved a sigh of relief silently. She did try her best to retain her past self as much as possible which was not that difficult. Her clumsiness, her stupidity and determination were still in her. There were times how she wished she turned into a genius after an accident. Then she would not have struggle so much in her studies.

"If the same old you, when you stay with Irie, you will be very happy and get all hyped up about it. Now you are quite cool about it. Maybe you really get over your feelings with Irie. The five years away from Tokyo really helps you. You are less hot-headed and zealous when it comes to Irie now. Now you should start looking around and start a new one. During your years in Akita, you did not even have one?"

Kotoko shook her head. "I'm too occupied with my studies and work. Partly also I have not yet find someone that interest me."

During those days, she was more worried about passing the exams, especially the national exams and avoided repeating mistakes. For some unspoken reason, she lacked enthusiasm in starting one.

Before becoming more uncomfortable, Kotoko changed the topic. "Jinko, I remember you saying Junpei holding a concert soon, right? Where is it?"

And Jinko started talking enthusiastically about the concert, the location, the preparation etc. After chatting for another hour or so, they went to the shrine to pray, and went some shopping. Satomi bought a toy for her daughter, Jinko bought some music disc and Kotoko bought some mochi for the Irie family.

It was late afternoon by the time she reached home.

"Aunty, I'm back," Kotoko proclaimed cheerfully and placed the box of mochi she bought on the dining table.

"Kotoko," Mama exclaimed happily, her head popping out from the kitchen. "Can you bring Chibi out for a walk?"

"Sure."

Kotoko called Chibi over, placed the dog collar and the leash.

"Come Chibi, let's go for a walk," Kotoko said, holding the leash with one hand and opened the door with another. Understanding the action, Chibi happily followed, walking beside her.

Kotoko was shock when she first saw such a big dog and even more surprised that she not scared of it.

On the way to the park, she bumped into Naoki who was on the way home.

"What a coincidence. You're early today," Kotoko commented casually.

"Where are you going?"

"Walking Chibi to the park. See you." Kotoko continued walking but stopped by Naoki.

She tilted her head sideway in confusion and received a completely unexpected reply from him.

"I'll go with you."

"What?"

Naoki took the leash from Kotoko before she could react, forcing her to follow him.

Both of them walked in silence only being broken by the occasional barking of Chibi due to his excitement. It has been four days since her discharge and fortunately for Kotoko, Naoki was busy with his work and thus far Kotoko was able to avoid much interaction with him. To make matter worse, she was reminded of the conversation with Satomi and Jinko in the afternoon on her past with him.

Kotoko spoke first, an attempt to stop herself from overthinking. "You are early today."

"There's no major operation."

Silence again.

"Busy?"

"Not really. So how's your day?"

"Fun. We went to this café, they had very nice matcha dessert. After that, we did some shopping." Kotoko spoke of her outing with Satomi and Jinko, talk about the upcoming concert by Jinko's boyfriend, carefully omitting the topic about Naoki and her.

As they let Chibi played around in the park, Kotoko asked something that she had been wondering. "Irie-kun, why is the dog named Chibi when it is such a big dog?"

"It is a puppy when it first arrived."

"I see so there is something a genius doesn't know after all," Kotoko chuckled happily without noticing the subtle change in Irie expression when she asked the question. "You didn't know it will be a large breed dog huh?"

"Because someone fears dogs," Naoki added.

Kotoko froze. So he knew. With the exception of Chibi, she still fear dogs.

"Aren't you going to ask me how much I know or do you intend to avoid it as long as possible?"

Kotoko was quiet. Not because she did not want to answer it but thinking how to say it out properly. As if understanding her, Naoki did not rush her. Instead, he watched Chibi.

Kotoko turned and faced Naoki directly, not hiding her determination. "No, I did not plan to avoid it as it will not make the issue disappear. Before telling you my answer, you have to tell me first how much have you known. My dad and Shuichi are part of it right?"

Since he started it, Kotoko saw no reason not to ask. Surprisingly, he told her in more details than she expected. How he saw her father out from Shuichi office, his conversation with her father, then he went to find Shuichi and he read about her report.

Kotoko groaned, slightly annoyed. "Isn't that everything? You can just tell me that."

She wondered if he did it on purpose. She did not need to know the details of how he started finding out about her amnesia. And he is the type of person that only speaks the main points. Thanks to his extremely detailed account, she knew the extent of her father and Shuichi involvement and how they helped him.

Kotoko spoke in a slow and calm manner, as if she has all the time in the world and her eyes stared at the scenery ahead, the trees, the grass, the flowers and observed the people. "My dad did ask me if I wish to stay in the Irie house or return home, whatever decision I make, he will respect it. I've decided to stay on. It is not me to just run away from it."

It was not because she was bothered by that remorseful expression of his. It was not because she wanted to know about their past too. Then, facing Naoki, she added, "However, I don't plan on forcing myself to remember anything. The day will come anyway, so it is pointless to avoid it."

And Kotoko suddenly changed into a bright, cheery tone. "I really enjoy Aunty Irie cooking, it is delicious, and she treats me so nicely, like a mother I never have. I get to see a different side of you, not just your work self and if I'm lucky enough, maybe I will get to find out some secret or weakness."

Kotoko laughed at the thought.

"So Irie-kun, please give me your guidance," Kotoko said with a broad smile which reminded Naoki of the usual typical Kotoko. She is still as unpredictable as ever, one minute she was all calm and serious and next the happy-go-lucky self.

"More like trouble," Naoki remarked coolly. Unexpectedly, he pulled her into his embrace, holding her tightly, which caused Kotoko to get all flustered.

"Irie-kun, we are in the park," Kotoko stuttered nervously, her eyes scanning around to see if anyone was looking.

Kotoko is still Kotoko after all.

He was glad.