AN: Thank you to SarCoops for beating this chapter and also, as always, thank you for all the lovely feedback and helpful advice guys. I really can't express my appreciation for the reviews/adding/favorites this story has brought around. All y'all are amazing. Enjoy Chapter 10!-KH
Going Stag
The sweeping chill of November only deepened as the weeks and term progressed towards the Christmas break. Within days of the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match, snow drifts had swallowed the surrounding hills while a thick layer of ice now claimed the Black Lake, the Giant Squid separated from students thanks to four meters worth of ice.
Despite the frigid air that was attacking the school from the outside, as well as the constant threat of approaching N.E.W.T's that came from within, holiday fever appeared to be the only thing consuming the student's mind. For several people, the simple knowledge that within two weeks time they would be walking into a carriage destined for the Hogwarts Express, and not into the chilly dungeons for Potions Class, was enough to get through the next few days. After all, that morning Hagrid had begun to carry in the twelve Christmas Trees for the Great Hall and even the most studious of students couldn't help but smile at the prospect of the looming festivities.
With the ringing of the bell that marked the end of Potions, even Lily let out a smile. While she always enjoyed going to Potions, she was rather excited to be getting out of the Dungeons and up to the warmth of the Great Hall where she could watch the snow from the enchanted ceiling. Perhaps Professor Flitwick and the Charms Club had finished decorating the trees and they'd be ready for dinner...or better yet, perhaps some of the House Elves had put the Christmas Dressings up in the Common Rooms. Hogwarts, Lily thought, was always at its best during the Holidays. She tried not think of her disappointment in knowing that this was her last Christmas at the castle...no, it was better to just forget that detail, next Christmas though...
"Oh, Miss Evans, could I have a word?" Professor Slughorn asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. She snapped back to her surroundings, the class was filtering through the door, the cauldrons' now put back in their place and the glistening vials of their Memory Enhancement Potions sorted into the racks. Only the Maunders, Vera and the Potion Master were left lingering in the room.
"Way to go Evans," Sirius snickered as the remaining Gryffindors gathered their belongings to follow the class out, all bolting to escape the dungeons for the warm fires and sweet smelling fir trees that surely lined the halls "A sickle says he's going to ask which you'd prefer, a gold or bronze statue of yourself."
"Oh leave her be," James scoffed, pushing his friends a head of him. He waited for Sirius to get closer to the doorway when he gave her a slight nudge with a smile, "Although if he gives you the choice Evans, go for gold, only the best, and it'll compliment you nicely."
"Thanks Potter," she started with a bite of sarcasm, rolling her eyes. She waited for him to follow Sirius down the hallway where she was sure his friends were waiting on him and yet he was just standing there at her side, and what more, keeping his hazel eyes on her.
"Potter, I'm a big girl, I can talk to the professor on my own," she said in a stubborn whisper. The classroom was empty save for the two of them and Slughorn who was merrily milling about with his vials, apparently oblivious to the scene. "Come on, off you go. Before I give you a glowing red nose to go with the rest of the Christmas decorations."
"You don't want us to wait? We're done with classes for the day, there's no rush…" he insisted, slightly crestfallen despite her Rudolph joke. "I'll just wait outside with the guys and when you're done we can go grab something in the Great Hall…"
"I'll see you guys in a little bit. But don't wait, Poor little Peter was losing feeling in his fingers towards the end of class, now go," she shooed and waited for him to disappear out of the classroom. She had never encountered a more stubborn, more impossible person than James Potter...
But, since Lily's discussion with Remus following the Quidditch match, she had noticed herself becoming more and more all right with impossible. Perhaps Remus was right and she was afraid of making another friend just to lose it again. Severus had been her best friend and then Dark Magic had consumed him, perchance she was afraid that the same would happen to James; only his consuming would leave him dead rather than a Death Eater. She had her own inner demons to battle with, that was for sure, but she wasn't going to let this fear of losing someone separate her from a new found interest in the Potter formally known as Toe Rag.
"You wanted to see me sir?" She asked, walking towards the front of the class, the Professor now putting back his catalogue of healing potions. "Yes, yes come into my office," he invited, leading the way into the emerald trimmed walls, and flicking his wand at the fireplace which suddenly began to crackle and the tea begin to boil. "Please have a seat. Care for some tea?"
Ah, so this is a social visit, Lily thought as she gave a hearty nod. While visiting with Slughorn wasn't her favorite thing in the world to do, she was long over due for a visit. Between all of her Head Duties and N.E.W.T classes, she had failed to make an appearance at a Slug Club meeting and her guilt was as warm as the tea now being poured into her cup.
"How has this term been for you Miss Lily? Rather busy?" He asked summoning the milk and sugar from across the room. "We've all missed you from our little gatherings but I always tell them that if anyone had a good reason for an absence, it's our Head Girl," he beamed.
"You're really to kind," she blushed, only to watch him cut her off, again.
"Oh nonsense, nonsense. You and Potter have had your arms full. A remarkable team from the way I see it too. I'm ashamed to admit it, but some of us faculty members had a little wager going on whether or not you two would last this long...but I'll be the first to say you could do far worse then James Potter," Slughorn mused, putting a lump of sugar into his teacup, a soft shimmer in his eyes. "I was afraid you wouldn't give him much of a chance, but I'm delighted that, for once, I was wrong and Minerva McGonagall was right."
Matchmaker Slughorn, always trying to make pairs and connections, she thought to herself as she gave her usual polite laugh, gently stirring her tea, "Yes, well I'm rather proud of that too. It would've been a downer on the year if I had strangled him the first day." Even though he gave me every reason to do so.
Slughorn broke into his usual bits of laughter, brimming with a smile. "Ah, my dear Lily, it would've been a significant let-down if you had been carted off to Azkaban for that," he said, dabbing his eyes and slightly tossing his head as though to bring him back to whatever he had called her in for.
"Now that I've teased you about young James, Lily," he began, his focus bringing him back to her. "I just wanted to make sure that you were going to be able to attend the Christmas Party next Thursday. I know that your Head Duties have kept you from many of our meetings this year but I spoke with Professor McGonagall and she believes that the school can get by one night without your guard. I even weaseled Potter free for the evening, Professors will patrol."
"Sound's wonderful," she nodded, although she was slightly concerned why Slughorn had made such a point to express Potter would also have the night off. "I'm sorry that I've missed…"
"Oh don't worry about that Miss Lily. Like I've said you have your reasons," he told her, brushing it off as he pulled out a stack of papers from one of his drawers. "But since you weren't at the last meeting I had to ask McGonagall for your Career Advising form...you know, make sure I could hook you up with a good job come June...I haven't had a student want to work with Potions in years so it's proved rather tricky..." he could note the confused expression on her face.
"Oh you'll see, for the Seventh Year Slug Club members I try and get them in where they'd like...sort of as a Christmas gift," he looked down at the pink sheets McGonagall had scribbled on years ago and looked down again with a beam. "We look at their potential career paths and I invite those that will help be them get the better jobs. It took some work, but I've gotten one of my students from the International Potion Corps ... you'd be extremely helpful to them I believe..."
"That's very kind of you Professor," she thanked, "But I was actually thinking about getting into St. Mungo's Potion Research Institute, I don't have the stomach for a healer, but behind the scenes…"
She couldn't help but notice Slughorn's eyebrows slightly burrow. There was nothing wrong with St. Mungos, but it didn't have the same caliber of prominence as the International Potion Corps did. The IPC, ever selective on who it allowed to research with them, was currently engaged in developing potions to stop or reverse werewolf transformations...much more interesting then developing different remedies for dragon pox patients. "Yes, yes of course...we'll have to see if old Bella Cannon can help get you on with the IPC, no reason to sell yourself short...Don't worry my dear, we'll make sure you meet some people next Thursday...it'll be quiet the party, you know me-I like going out with a bang."
"Out? Aren't you coming back next year?" She asked, more puzzled at this than she was of his dislike of St. Mungo's Research Institute. She felt silly for her immediate concern, allowing a smile to come across her face. " Professor, haven't you said for years that it's your last year?"
"But this is the year," he insisted, putting her papers back in his desk before pouring more tea. "I've been at this school for nearly fifty years...do you know I was professor here when McGonagall and Hagrid attended? I've practically taught half the staff potions. I probably should've left after the Defense Against the Dark Arts position became jinxed back in 70-" he paused for a minute, hesitating as he grabbed another sugar cube for his tea. " Have I ever told you about Mrs. Slughorn?"
There's a Mrs. Slughorn? She wondered, trying to imagine what this witch looked like, but couldn't imagine more than a jumpy little witch with emerald robes, pearl earrings and a slight drinking problem. "No, I'm sorry I…"
"Don't feel sorry, there isn't a Mrs. Slughorn. No, the life of an academic is usually one of solitude. I think out of the present staff, only Minerva was ever married, and her young husband died in the muggle bombings in London back when Grindelwald was running about...and even that was years before she joined the staff."
"So you're leaving school so you can find a Mrs. Slughorn?" Lily asked confused. She had never imagined her dear Potion Master as a romantic, this was an odd thought, perhaps the cold was affecting his mind...
"Heavens no," Slughorn answered all to quickly. "I believe that ship has left my harbor and isn't coming back," he smiled, standing up from his desk and rummaging through his bookcase.
"I don't understand then sir. Hogwarts has been your home for decades and now you insist that you're leaving..."
He turned to face her, his usual, grandfatherly smile crossed the old mans face. "Miss Lily, Although I've never been married, or gone down the family path, Hogwarts has been my home and my little Slug Club, I've always thought, like the family I would've had," he returned to sit behind his desk an old, leather bound book in his hand. "And as much as I love teaching, I'd rather be sitting in the Alps than teaching children of my slugs...it'd be like teaching my grandchildren, or in some cases, great-grandchildren. Heavens, if I don't leave now I who knows when I will? I could be stuck here teaching your children if I don't make a break for it now."
"They'd be lucky to have such a teacher like you," she answered, trying to slyly look at Professor Slughorn's magical hourglass. This chat was going a little longer than she would've liked; her classes where over for the day but she had wanted to get some good footing on her essay.
The Potion master just gave a nod, as though he had caught her though glance at the hourglass "Well, I don't want to keep you Lily dear, but just remember Thursday at 8, and bring a guest. You've been working hard, time to let your hair down and enjoy the holidays."
After thanking him for the tea, she picked up her fully loaded bag and walked out into the corridor, the ice chill of the dungeons seizing her insides.
Invite a guest, he had said. She didn't always know what to make out of her conversations with Slughorn. He had told her how the life of an academic was usually one of solitude...only after telling her she could do worse than Potter. It's just the cold Lily, she fervently thought ignoring the James Potter knife that joined the cold in messing with her insides, he's not suggesting...
She had always loathed the "Bring a guest" part of Slughorn's party. Her sixth year she had actually asked Remus to accompany her but the party was the day after a full moon and he was still recovering from his transformation .She had gone by herself that year, and she hadn't minded to horribly. It was just something different.
Her third, fourth and fifth year, she had always invited Severus to go with her. He was in the Slugclub as well thanks to his knack of potions. Both of them thought the parties were silly and often spent the evening trying to pull faces at the other without getting caught. Just as friends. Back before things fell apart and the dark arts consumed her first true friend. She could remember the fifth year best. He had met her outside Gryffindor tower with Christmas Flowers, insisting that even though they were going as friends, the little white, pearl like flowers would look nice in her hair. That had been on of the last times they had spent time together before the incident. Slughorns party, and their Christmas holiday had been the last time she had had her friend.
Severus didn't like going home for Christmas. Most years, he'd stay at Hogwarts unless his grandparents, the Princes, invited him to join them for the holidays. Even then, he preferred Hogwarts to his grandparents' invitation, knowing quiet well his grandmother would spend the visit lamenting over her daughter's poor choice of a husband. Their fifth year had been different though. He had originally signed up to stay for that holiday, but after Slughorn's party she saw him the next morning with his bags packed, waiting for her in the Great Hall, a wide smile on his face.
While he spent the nights at Spinner's End, he spent his days helping her prepare the Evanses house for Christmas...even taking turns with her to roll out sugar cookies and joke how when they were older, they would come together at Christmas time and use magic for that part of their holiday baking. Snowball fights, Christmas baking, stringing popcorn, an evening at the local Panto, and to Petunia's disgust, he had joined the Evanses at the dinner table that Christmas Eve.
But, just like a perfect snowfall, those days soon after melted away. Something happened in those weeks that followed Christmas. She watched Sev's free time was split between preparing for O.W.L's and Macnair, Yaxley and Malfoy. She had watched as things fell apart...
"Oi, Evans dear," a very real voice called out to her as she emerged from the Dungeons and into the Entrance Hall, "Come on, Flitwick wants us to finish decorating the fifth floor before dinner," James called out again taking his usual long strides towards her side.
"I was starting to worry Slughorn got you brewing more potions you took so long," he joked as he took her school bag from her shoulder and slipping it over his own. "What do you say we go dump this in the common room and start decking the Halls?"
Lily could only imagine how bizarre her facial expression must be. She felt as though someone had just threw a Quaffle to her stomach "James, I can take my…"
"Chivalry dear," he began to grin, only letting it be short lived as he looked at her confused expression. "Oh come on Lily, its Christmas-let a friend carry your bag?"
"Alright," she conceded, joining her stride with his. Falling into the usual rhythm of his step and his usual chatter about he and Sirius' Potions Extravaganza.
You could always go to Slughorn's party Stag, she thought to herself. She snuck a quick glance of James' profile, his messy hair bouncing with each step and a crooked smile etched on his face as he continued his tale. The voice in her head drowned out as it was replaced with another head voice, that sounded very familiar. But why go stag when you can go with a Stag...
((*))
Lily had certainly had better nights.
Lying awake in her bed at two in the morning, she was almost willing to trade a night full of bloody nightmares if it meant she wouldn't be awake with her brain on overdrive.
It seemed simple enough. Ask James to come with her, as friends of course, to the Slugclub Christmas party. It made all the sense in the world. He had be given the evening off from his duties, and the night before the term ended, he wouldn't be up all night studying or badgering Remus to write part of the essay for him. If anything, he would probably have dropped a few things into his trunk, pull out his invisibility cloak and run around the castle causing mayhem with the other Marauders. Really asking him was an extension of her duty, she'd be doing a service to the school. . .
She had nearly asked him while he was helping her decorate the hall Flitwick had charged them with. He had asked her what Slughorn had wanted. What better a chance to have asked him and get it over with, she thought to herself in bitter hindsight. But no, she had just stood there, bewitched a Father Christmas beard to a suit of armor, and insisted it was nothing more than a social visit.
If it were any other guy, Lily would have blamed it on nerves. Nervous that perhaps he'd say no, that he'd turn her down and she'd be left standing dumbly in the hallway. But this was James Potter. . .She could've asked him to give her a kidney and she'd wake up to bloody organ wrapped in a red box with gold trimming being delivered during owl post. It'd take a while for her to make him see that the invitation was extended in friendship, and not for any other reason, but regardless of the conditions, she knew he'd say yes.
Following their Christmas decorations, they had joined their friends in the Great Hall for dinner. She had done her usual routine of working on her school work before the clock chimed eleven and they walked the halls to make sure there weren't any miscreants about. Once again, this would have been the best time to ask. There weren't any crowds of people about them. It was just the two of them. She could just have asked casually, even made it more of a joke than an actual request...but again something held her back.
It was as if the Giant Squid, somewhere under the frozen waters of Hogwarts knew that she was contemplating a voluntary evening with the toe rag and the Squid was holding her voice captive out of jealousy, while her stomach was exploding with an unfamiliar flutter. Instead she just listened to him go on about Christmas at the Potter's house and how excited he was that they were spending the Holidays in muggle Salisbury-delighted with the fact that meant the family would be going to a Muggle Pantomime based on some fairy tale or another.
What's your problem Evans? Have you gone bonkers? When she was little, she had read stories how when a girl wanted to ask a guy something and was nervous, they usually confided their nerves in either a sister or their best friend. Lily knew quiet well that there was no way in this lifetime that Petunia would write to her at Hogwarts, let a lone write to her and give genuine advice about a boy. If hell had in fact frozen over and she did write, the advice would probably be bland and useless, "I don't see why you're making such a big deal about this Lily. He's just a freak like you. Freaks attract don't they? Stop bothering me. I already have found someone and he is neither a freak nor someone I had to seek out. That's another lesson you need to learn Little Sister, don't seek men out, let them seek you. You don't want to be a forward little freak do you? Oh yes, that letter would be delightful.
But then there was the second option: the best friend. Vera had gone out with many a boy during her tenure at Hogwarts. She would know what to do, and she was easily enough, in the bed right next to her own, snoozing away and enjoying the sleep that Lily so jealously desired.
Making sure she could hear Mary MacDonald's steady snores, a tell tale signs she was zonked for the night, she rolled over to the bunk opposite hers. "Vera-" Lily whispered, pulling apart her curtains. "Vera are you up? Don't make me hex you, I need advice,"
" Don't hex!" A voice croaked as the sheets rustled. "Whaaady'u need?" Vera yawned pulling back her own curtains but staying tightly wrapped in her bed sheets.
"Vera, my stomach hurts..."Lily started, "It hurts every time..."
"Just take some of those medicine candies your mum sent you. The little white candies? Two should do," Vera mumbled turning her face into the pillow. "I had some yesterday and it took my cramps...Make sure you bring more of those next term, I love those bloody little candies."
"My stomach doesn't hurt like that," Lily started, slightly amused. "It's like a knife normally but today it's fluttering…"
"You had your appendix taken out fourth year, the kidney-pie's just not settling with-with…with you," Vera yawned again. "I promise Lils two little candies and.."
"Vera, if I'm nervous about talking to a guy that doesn't mean I'm starting to be attracted to him does it?" She asked quickly, waiting to see what her friend would have to say to that. Perhaps that would be the defining factor and Vera would wake up and be of actual help. After all, Vera thrived for girly chat like that…
"You're beyond attracted at that point, you're near infatuated," Vera mumbled again. "Just make sure Potter doesn't find out and I'm sure you and Ken will be happy..."
"Ken? Who the hell is Ken? Vera, wake up I need to talk to you," Lily moaned, propelling her pillow at the near slumbering friend.
"And I need beauty sleep," a voice groaned as the sheets rustled, "I stayed up till three last night working on the paper for McGonagall, and till four the night before working on those Astronomy Charts...can't it wait till morning?"
"Just tell me, should I invite Potter to the party or not?" She asked, sitting up in bed, brushing back one of her red locks and tucking it behind her ear.
Her friend gave a slumbering chuckle. "You are sick. Three of the little candies Lils, there should be some left in your trunk..."
"Vera, I'm serious-Vera?" No response and deep breathing told Lily her friend had returned to the sleep she so enviously longed for. Some help you are, she thought as she lifted her legs over the side of the bed and slid into her red, furry robe, begging to be warmed by the fire. That would do the trick, she thought. Twenty minutes in front of the fire would help her get to sleep, and if not, at least she'd get a change of scenery.
She could feel the chills darting through her body as she made her way down the cold stone staircase. Looking around, the Common Room was a different world at near three in the morning. As she predicted, the House Elves had spent the day decorating the tower, stringing garland, placing stockings around the fireplace and going to erecting the Gryffindor Christmas tree on the opposite side of the room. She took in these designs with a smile as she crossed the room and fell into the chair closest to the fire, wrapping her robe around herself as though she was in a cocoon.
Tomorrow she would get a grip of herself. Tomorrow she would be back to normal. Tomorrow, she'd probably find a reason or two to call James arrogant or a bully. Tomorrow she'd talk to James.
And, if everything went right, tomorrow, she'd be able to get a better night's sleep.
AN: Somewhere in the literary universe, Lily Evans is giving me a dirty look for the sudden influx of fluff and her lack of attentive female friends...Anyways, you guys know what the routine is; I love feedback as much as Remus Lupin likes handing out chocolate. Any Questions, comments, concerns, knock knock jokes-what have you (so long as its James/Lily and preferably this story related)-either leave them in a review or shoot me a PM.~KH