The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride
The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride
Part 10
[It's dusk.
Angle and Big Show are just outside Titan Towers, looking down at the main
door]
Big Show:
Angle, there are a helluva lot more than thirty wrestlers there!
Angle: [propping
up Jericho] What's the difference? We've got Y2J!
Here, we have to force-feed him. [they pop Heyman's pill into Jericho's
mouth]
Jericho: [disoriented]
I'll put you in the walls! I'll take you in a handicap match! [a
pause] Why won't my arms move?
Big Show:
You've been jobbing all day.
Angle: We
had Paul Heyman create a pill to give you a push!
Jericho:
Who are you two? And where's my trashbag ho?
Angle: Let me
explain... Stephanie is gonna marry Helmsley in about half an hour. We
need to get into Titan Towers, crash the wedding, find the billion-dollar
princess, and escape... well, after I make Stone Cold tap to the ankle-lock.
Jericho: Glad
the pressure isn't on... What I wouldn't give for a shiny silver ring robe...
Big Show:
[pulls out a shiny silver ring robe] Would this do?
Angle: Where
did you get that?
Big Show:
At Heyman's
Jericho:
Alright, alright, help me up. [They help him up] Let's
go!
[they make their way
to Titan towers]
[Inside Titan Towers]
Helmsley:
You don't seem very happy, Steph.
Stephanie:
I'm marrying a backstabber who hangs out with a guy who's favourite word
is "WHAT". SHOULD I be happy?
Helmsley:
Brides usually ARE.
Stephanie: I'm
not going to marry you tonight! I told you Jericho will come back to torment
me, and I know he will!
[Stephanie leaves]
[Half an hour later]
[In the ring:
Music blares. Helmsley and Stephanie make their way to ringside and stand
before Kanyon]
Kanyon: Mawwiage.
Mawwiage isth what bwings usth togethaw today. Mawwiage,that bwessthed
awwangement, that dweam wif'in a dweam...
[From outside, the
voice of RVD is heard]
RVD: Chill
out, man! Jeez... calm down!
[Outside, Big Show
is dressed in the ring robe]
Big Show: [holding
a mic] I am the Dread Pirate no-seller! There will be no
pushes from this day forward!
Angle: Now?
Jericho:
Not yet.
[they wait a moment]
Angle: [getting
impatient] Now?!
Jericho:
Hit the pyros and music! [Pyros explode all around Big Show. A
song blares out, "Weeeeeell, well it's the Big Show..."]
Big Show:
The Dread Pirate no-seller---uh...
[Most of the Titan
Towers Wrestlers scatter in all directions before he has a chance to finish
his promo]
[Back in Titan Towers,
Helmsley and Stephanie are still in the ring]
Kanyon:
Then wove, twue wove, will follow you fowever...
[Outside]
RVD: [unnaturally
calm as the other wrestlers scatter] Guys... c'mon... where are ya
running too? [looks confused for a moment as he finally notices Big
Show] Damn, what was in that coffee earlier?
[inside]
Kanyon:
So tweasure youw...
Helmsley:
[interrupting] Kanyon, the fans' attention spans aren't this
long! Get to the end already!
Stephanie: [she
hears the noise outside] Here comes Jericho now.
[Outside, Big
Show has removed the robe and all the wrestlers, except RVD, have fled]
[inside]
Helmsley:
Jericho's a jobber. I de-pushed him myself.
Stephanie:
Then why do you look all freaked out? Afraid he may take your spot?
[outside]
Jericho:
[to RVD] Get us inside!
RVD: [calmly]
I can't get you inside, man. They'll fire my ass.
Angle: Big
Show, start cutting another promo
RVD:[looking
a little scared] OK, man. It's cool. Everything is cool when you're
[points to himself with each letter] R-V-D... besides, no one should
have to endure Big Show on the mic!
[back inside]
Kanyon:
Do you Billion-Dollaw Pwincess Stefawnie...
Helmsley: [annoyed]
Just say man and wife already!
Kanyon:
[confused] But that'sth not the way it goesth, Tripow H!
Helmsley: Just
DO it before I take my sledgehammer to your ass!
Kanyon: [quickly]
Man and wife!
Helmsley: [to
a nearby Vince McMahon] Show Steph to the honeymoon suite.
I'll be there shortly.
Stephanie: [angry]
That big stupid blonde JERK didn't come!!!
[Big Show, Angle and
Jericho are in Titan Towers. Big Show is holding up Jericho. Angle,
leading the way, meets with Stone Cold and four of his butt-kissers]
Stone Cold:
Job the blonde one and the Big Slow... WHAT? I said job the blonde one
and the Big Slow... but I wanna talk to the third one!
[The guards try to
rush by Angle, but are no match for his ankle-lock submission hold. Angle
makes all four tap out. Only Stone Cold remains]
Angle: [to
Stone Cold] Hello, my name is Kurt Angle. You stole my
medals. Prepare to tap!
[Just as Angle and
Austin prepare to wrestle, Austin turns around and
runs away. Angle
chases after Stone Cold, who locks one of the doors behind him. Angle is
not strong enough to break through]
Angle: Big
Show! Get your big butt over here!
Big Show:
I can't leave Jericho alone!
Angle: As a man
of integrity, I can understand that... but Austin is getting away!! Help
your olympic hero! Please!
[Big Show goes and
knocks the door down easily]
Angle: Thanks
[heads after Stone Cold]
[Vince and Linda escort
Stephanie from the chapel]
Vince: Well, that
was a strange wedding...
Linda: Yes,
very strange. Let's go, Vince. [Linda exits]
[Stephanie slaps her
father]
Vince: What was
that for?!
Stephanie:
Because you didn't stop the wedding!! I'm joining the Alliance once I reach
the honeymoon suite, and then I'll come back and take revenge on you!
Vince: [outraged]
WHAT? How could you do that to your own father?! [Stephanie runs off]
STEPH! GET BACK HERE!
[Back in the hallway,
Angle is still chasing Stone Cold. Stone Cold eventually runs into a dead
end. Stone Cold stops and kicks Angle in the stomach, then gives
him a Stone Cold stunner]
Stone Cold:
You must be that Olympic Hero I stole the medals from! WHAT? I said you
must be that Olympic Hero I stole the medals from!
Angle: [weakly]
Oh it's true. And I plan on getting them back...
Stone Cold: You
can't, ya silly bastard! WHAT? I said you can't! I threw 'em in the river!
[laughs evilly]
The BillionDollar Princess Bride
By: Elektra1