Fifth position, again

Dougie had been watching his little students, correcting a feet, an arm, a hand on the bar. Teaching is fun. Rewarding even. The kids were giving him their best efforts and he likes the happy look on their faces when they manage a difficult position. Who would have known? That his heart would be able to dwell at the view of those kids? Dougie thought his heart was almost dead, only able to beat to keep him walking, not strong enough to care or make other people happy.

''But then Danny came along…'' thinks Dougie, walking home from his class. ''Blue eyes and a truck load of kindness.'' For the first time in his life, Dougie is thinking that someone could know all there is to him and still think he is worth something. Of course, he won't try to see if he's right.

When Dougie gets home, he finds Danny mom sitting at the kitchen table alone. He can hear the girls talk upstairs, it's almost bedtime.

''Ah, Dougie'' she smiles. ''Come and sit with me, OK?''

Immediately, his heart starts to beat faster. She is a social worker, and social workers always say stuff like that when they are about to turn your world upside down. They play nice and cozy and then they hit you with something like ''you have to move'', ''you can't do that anymore'', etc etc.

''We have an emergency tonight. Two kids, twins'' she explains. ''They aren't in the system, their mother is working with me but her husband got in a car accident today. He is OK considering but… I offered her to keep the kids so she can be with him at the hospital, you understand?''

Dougie nods. His heart isn't pounding, it just sank in his chest. ''So you don't have enough space for me anymore…'' he concludes in a whisper.

''What? No! That's not it! Dougie!'' He meets her eyes and she grabs his hand. ''You are staying until you go to college. Nothing will change that.''

He nods again and she doesn't have time to continue that steps can be heard in the stairs. Danny appears, topless, and leans on the doorframe. ''You told him?''

''Not yet'' replies his mother.

''You hungry, Doug?'' demands Danny, eyes on his feet. ''I make a mean grilled cheese with bacon…''

His mother laughs. ''He does.''

Dougie mumbles a quiet « thanks », his pupils on the wood of the table. If he lifts them, they will go on his abs or his shoulders, his lips… somewhere wrong.

''So… as I was saying'' continues Danny's mother. ''The boys are going to be here for a week or two at the most. We thought they could sleep in the playroom, you know but they are only five and… well… Do you mind if they sleep downstairs with you guys as they might get scared alone?''

Panic. An alarm button starts to ring somewhere inside Dougie. ''Where…'' He stops talking, he has no right to ask questions, he doesn't even understand why they are asking his permission for this…

''We thought you wouldn't mind sharing Danny's bed as it's so big and the boys could be in your bed. Just for a few weeks, I promise.''

From the stove, you can hear a metallic sound and Dougie looks at Danny. His cheeks are red and baking a grilled cheese seems like the most important thing in the world as he is so focussed. In fact, Danny is just scared everybody will see how he hopes Dougie will say yes and how ashamed he is of that wish.

''I can sleep on the floor'' murmurs Dougie. ''I wouldn't mind.''

''And remember you of concrete?'' softly asks the women. Dougie shrugs. ''Try it with Danny and see if you like it, OK?''

Does she realize how erotic that demand was? Jesus Christ! If Danny wasn't so shocked about the images that crossed his mind, he would have gotten a boner by now.

Dougie clears his throat, pretending he didn't hear the kinky sentence. ''Where are those two?''

''My dad went to pick them up'' explains Danny, coming closer with a plate. ''I'll be downstairs.''

As soon as he passes his bedroom door, Danny exhales. Just ten minutes here and there with Dougie are making him loose focus. He feels like he hasn't taken a breath upstairs. And his mother talking about them sleeping in the same bed again, that was too much. Since she told him earlier that night, he found himself with so many images in his head and shame crawling up his spine with long and painful nails.

He recalls the conversation he had with Loli two days ago and cringes. He isn't superior, he isn't the best, he isn't better than anyone… Danny strongly believes that but still, he kind of understand Elliot's words even though they seems pretty stupid at the same time. What he doesn't understand is how the other said Dougie liked him.

Since that talk, Danny has been watching him for signs of that truth and, even though Dougie has an intense way to look at him sometimes, it doesn't mean he is gay. And it surely doesn't mean he likes Danny. But all that thinking brought up the question… « Do I like him myself? » and led to a restless mind and a clenched heart trying to shut everything down.

But now they are going to sleep together…

Danny hears some steps over his head and then some more. His sisters might be sleeping at that time and the two new kids might be arriving. As he is starting to make his way up, Danny realizes that it's the first time that he isn't a bit resentful towards his parents for having such a big heart and messing his routine once again.

The kids are called Talon and Colin and they look scared as hell. Dougie gets that. Even though his situation isn't like theirs, he understands how frightening it is to arrive in a new place without warning. After people taking him with them and then looking at his file and seeing a bit of what happened with his dad and then his mother, and deciding that it was sure Dougie would have issues so it was too hard… and sending him back to the youth center… Or other parents seeing that he liked to dance more than anything wanting to forbid him to do so because they didn't want to raise a sissy and then… returning him back to the youth center again… Dougie has seen more of his share of families and new houses. He gets why the kids are scared.

''Those people here'' he says, kneeling down and pointing Danny's parents ''gave me a really good bed and they cook well. Him too'' Dougie adds, pointing Danny. ''Although he smells like a monkey.''

The two boys starts to laugh and Danny kicks Dougie softly on the knee. The brunette looks at his parents. His mother seems so in love with Dougie all of a sudden and his dad… yeah, he looks like a proud dad. This view makes Danny unease. Like if the closeness between Dougie and his parents is putting even more wrong on all those feelings and desires inside him.

Once in the bedroom, the kids start to look at every gadget there is and touch everything. Danny puts his hands on his eyes.

''You happy I wasn't five?'' chuckles Dougie next to him.

Danny sends him an affirmative look that makes the blonde laugh a bit. He looks so at peace tonight! What a contrast with the guy sitting at the kitchen table earlier! That guy looked scared and now Dougie is just smiling softly at Talon and Colin rubbing their eyes.

''Movie?'' proposes Danny.

''But it's past Father Christmas time'' says Colin with big eyes.

''What time?'' frowns Dougie.

''Midnight'' smiles Danny. ''Father Christmas comes at midnight.''

Dougie blushes. Right. Even though it's march and not Christmas at all, he gets the idea. He should have thought about it. Well, how could he? Father Christmas doesn't exist in his world.

''Let's pretend I didn't see what time it is'' smiles Danny, fumbling in his DVDs.

The kids gather on Dougie's bed, under the cover as Danny starts an animation movie. Soon enough, they are asleep. Now what?

''I can sleep on the floor if you…'' starts Dougie in a whisper.

''No, sleep with me.''

The order is soft and the double meaning of it hit Dougie right… right in the groin. He turns around. Danny turns the TV off as Dougie lifts the covers under the two boys chin.

''You're good with kids'' murmurs Danny.

''So are you…'' There is a silence and they exchange a look. ''Oh, I get it, I should be all distant and all that?'' Dougie is half-smiling and Danny shrugs.

''You're just surprising…''

Rapidly getting down to his boxer brief, Danny slides under his covers. He thought about keeping a tee-shirt but there is no way he won't be hot as hell with Dougie so close. His skin is all tingly.

Dougie goes to the bathroom to take a shower. He gave two classes today after all. Once out, he brushes his teeth and exhales in his hand to breathe his scent. ''You're an idiot'' he grumbles to his reflection. ''You're not about to kiss him. Ever.''

He then looks around, folds a towel, rinses the sink, places a few bottles correctly… Is Danny asleep now? Dougie doesn't want to lay there in a bed with him awake. Who knows how erotic it might get for him.

Danny is slowly dozing off when Dougie gets out of the bathroom and gets in the bed quietly. It's true, it's a big bed so they aren't really close. In the room, you can hear the soft breathings of the twins but nothing on Dougie's right. Danny is awake. He whispers:

''You think you will have nightmares if we sleep in the same bed?''

''I don't know…'' Dougie murmurs back.

''When you sleep with someone… Does it help?''

''I don't know'' repeats the blonde. ''Happened once with…'' He pauses and then sighs. Another confession? ''With an old woman I was living with. Helena. She saw I had nightmares and she used to sleep holding my hand or touching my arm. It helped a lot.''

Another silence falls on them both. Danny knows he shouldn't ask but the words stumble out of his mouth against himself. ''And did it help when you slept with… you know, people you were in a relationship with.''

Luckily, the room is dark, neither Danny or Dougie would have been really proud of the blushing on their cheeks. Dougie hesitates. He never spent the night with anyone… like that. Did a few things in the past, got forced to do a few things but he never went all the way and he never laid like that with anyone. How he wishes Danny could be his first real one…

Seeing Dougie doesn't seem to want to reply, Danny is trying to figure out another way to continue talking. Who knows when Dougie will want to open up again… ''Can you tell me about Helena?''

Dougie inhales. Helena… How he misses her! She gave him everything she had even though she didn't have much… ''She was… '' begins Dougie before stopping, taking a deep breath in ''she was old, but not that old. Late fifties, you know, but life… life made her tired. She was tired, she had lived too much… I came to her place right after…''

Dougie rubs his hands over his eyes. What is it about Danny that makes him talk like that? ''Right after juvenile detention, the first time I went in. I was turning fourteen in a few weeks and I was a mess. The reason she took a kid in was for the money. Government give you money to take care of foster kids you know and she needed it to eat.''

Danny frowns. Judging by Dougie's tone, he really liked that Helena but she seemed strange, wanting a kid for money… Dougie continues: ''She gave me so much… Time and smiles and… care and… she helped with school, and I helped with the house and… She didn't have money for gifts and a Christmas tree but… She had two dollars to buy two tubes of paint at the dollar store and she painted that tree on the wall… Danny, it was the best Christmas ever… I felt like I had a place somewhere.''

Dougie turns to Danny and the brunette can see the shiny pupils staring back at him.

''But she was tired… She made me promise not to give up, not to stop being myself. She loved to watch me dance but, at some point, her eyes were too tired too. And one morning of June, I found her in her bed. She was gone for good now.'' Dougie lets out a shaky breath, coming closer to Danny without even noticing it.

''I didn't want to get in the system again, I knew that I would get sent back to some random place and, after like 12 of them, it was the first time I had found something I could call a home and… well, I didn't want to see that taken away from me but she was gone and I… I got scared. I packed my bags and ran. Ran away… Danny, I ran so fast and so far that I only remembered to call someone to tell them Helena was gone two days after. I was in the next state by then. With twenty bucks and a few shirts and a blanket. They tried to find me but… I kept running. I begged on the streets, I stole… But I didn't give up.''

Danny sees Dougie look at his wrists and he resists the envy to feel the scars under his fingertips.

''She was a lot like you…'' mumbles Danny.

''Yes, she was.''

The brunette has a lot of questions to ask but he feels like it's enough now. Dougie just gave him a bit of himself again. Once more, « thank you » isn't enough. So what Danny does is to reach for Dougie's hand.

At first, surprised, the blonde doesn't slide his fingers in-between Danny's but, soon enough, unable not to feel the soft offered skin, he presses his palm against Danny's and he hears him say: ''for the nightmares.''

Laying there, Danny watches Dougie slowly drifting into sleep. He is beautiful, he is kind, he is talented and, after all that's happened, he still is a wonderful human… Danny takes his other hand and brushes Dougie's fringe from his eyes.

''Who am I kidding?'' he whispers in the silence of the room. ''I am totally falling for you.''