Chapter 9 [Merlin's Mindscape]
[A/N: This is different than the shared Merthian dreamscape we've seen.]
Merlin grimaced. Chill reddened and dimpled his skin. Wet stuck his clothes to his skin. Pain burned in his chest. His eyes snapped open. He recoiled as sharp pinpricks stuck at his skin. He slowly forced himself to stand. Under him, dead grass swayed in the frigid wind. Cold rain just above freezing pelted down from the blood red clouds above. He rubbed his arms while trying to keep the blood flowing in his arms. Anxiety and Survival urged him to find shelter…any shelter.
The landscape however held little in terms of sanctuary. The trees lay bare. The grass had little substance left beyond that of hay. The wood would be damp and of little use for fire. The landscape had no hills or mountains to stop that wind. No buildings or walls appeared anywhere.
He staggered into the bare woods. He shuffled through a few halting steps. Then he leaned against a tree to rest for a heartbeat and take some shelter from the wind before trying again. From tree to tree, he efforted his way forward. Is there no end to this?
Not until you press on, Emrys. Come. Keep coming, a familiar voice challenged.
He perked his ear. He shook his head. Then he resumed his path once again. Where are you?
I am here. I am there. I am in front of you. I am behind you. Until you face me, Emrys, I am everywhere, the voice challenged.
If I knew where you are, I'd find you. Right now, I'd like any shelter. He looked around again. He wiped his face off again. He took another look around.
As he did so, a rippling light appeared on the ground. It formed into an opening.
Come down and find me.
Is there any other way to do this? he wondered.
Only if you wish to stay where you are, the voice insisted.
Merlin exhaled sharply. He glanced around. He saw no other way out. He had to move forward to get out. He gulped. Slowly his front foot stepped out into the abyss. It lingered there for several heartbeats. Then his sole pressed down. Then the other. And the first one again. One stair at a time. One breath at a time. Slowly he continued down the granite stairs. The cave walls literally leeched blood from the walls. Grief and Lament saturated the air. He hunched over. Still he pushed through it all. At the bottom of the stairs, he found another opening in the cave's granite face.
Screeches cut through his ears.
He covered his ears and staggered on into the opening. He took two more steps. What he saw threatened to make his heart stop.
The cavern walls, steps and floor disappeared. In their place, a garden went on in all directions. Trees shaded areas. Flower blossoms unfolded in various shades and colors. Birds flew overhead. It would've been nice. Everything seemed relative….
…except that it was all dead….
He stooped over to touch a lilac bush. His fingers brushed up against the blossoms. As they did, they ripped through it turning it into ash. His eyes beheld the withered apples hanging from the trees. He saw ravens cawing from their branches. Vultures circled overhead.
"This is sick." Nausea beset his stomach. He put his hand in front of his mouth.
Do you like my garden, Emrys? After all, you did have a hand in it. You allowed the Pendragons to remain in power. YOU'RE A TRAITOR!
"COME OUT!" he challenged. "I'M HERE! SHOW YOURSELF!"
So you are. Very well. From behind the tree closest to him, a cloaked figure clad in crimson slipped into view. It shuffled ever so slightly favoring her left side. Then it stopped and pulled back the hood allowing blonde hair to spill over shoulders. Her face still bore the sunken features on its right side.
His eyes went wide. He immediately remembered. "Morgause?"
"Very good, Emrys! You were always so astute at such things. Now weren't you? You're good at planning and scheming toward an end behind others' backs. You did push my sister to me after all. You did outmaneuver Arthur when it came to helping Uther that last time. Oh wait. That didn't go so well. Did it? And now you're back in Nemeth supposedly to do a job. You're really plotting against your King for your freedom," Morgause recounted. "Such a trustworthy servant. I wonder what dear sweet Mithian would think of that?"
"I wish I didn't have to do such things," he admitted.
She snorted. "A child wishes they could take the past back! You make a mess! Look at what your next garden will breed!" She held out her hands to encompass the whole garden. "Your treason and complicity with Gaius led to this!"
"It had a role in it! So did you! Yes I should have helped Morgana. You, Morgause, pushed her into necromancy. You taught her that. You had her spying. Aye I found the Cup. You used it. I sent your undead forces back. Morgana killed Uther by a charm. I was only trying to help him. And now…now…I'm following the law. I've proven myself. I am working with the goddess and your fellow priestesses. I am helping to build a bigger coalition of kingdoms. I am building a trust and bond with an incredible woman. Arthur could recognize that. He could do his role and set me free without a fight. Still he won't. I can't control that," he countered.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "You sounded like you wanted to take accountability. How typical of you to quail back in the shadows and hide under their robes, Emrys."
"I'm the one fighting to get free of those robes, Morgause. You're the one still stuck between realms. Did the Calleach leave you here? You can't see what you've done? Why do you think the goddess stripped Morgana of her magic? We both set her on that road. Aye we're both reacting to Uther and Arthur. I won't argue with that." He grimaced. Pain shot through him dropping him to his knees. "Do you know what you did when you left that portal open? My friend had to sacrifice himself. Lancelot died. Morgana brought him back. Gwen suffered. Arthur moved forward and…" He shook his head and smiled.
"What?" She could almost feel his mood picking up.
"Morgana brought Mithian to Camelot. I had the chance to meet her because Morgana set that up….because you set her up…. I guess…." He grabbed his chest as another hot needle stabbed through it.
"SHUT UP!"
"You have…a hand in this. All of it too, Morgause." He pursed his lips. Breath got harder to come by. Still he persevered. He looked up at the sky. Give me strength. He called out, "MORGANA, LANCELOT, I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU! I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS AND HELP TO ATONE!"
Morgause sniggered. "You disappoint me. Do you really think my sister will forgive you? After everything you've done against her and our kind? You are NOTHING! You…" She sensed another distortion.
He turned as well to find Morgana watching them both. She wore a long flowing white robe with no further adornments of any kind. "Morgana?"
"Hello, Merlin." Morgana smiled. Her eyes shone warmly much as they might have early in his Camelot tenure. "Sister, I understand why you're angry. He has done much. Still his desire to atone is genuine. He now admits his fault. He spared my life. He has offered friendship. He endures pain and humiliation at Arthur's hand. He sees my dear Brother's true self emerge. He begins to understand how Harmony should be his guide."
"How can you believe this, Morgana?" Morgause insisted.
"My own redemption process offers such things. While I am a Queen, I also seek to regain my priestess role. Still we should not seek to do so for power. We learn the value of service. I seek to become better at that. I want to find peace. Maybe you should before it's too late?" Morgana offered. She strode through the dead flowers ignoring the piles of ash around herself.
As she stepped though, each broken plant budded. A live shoot emerged from that place.
"The goddess and the other priestesses will never believe….! You can't!" Morgause spat.
"They're helping me to do this, Morgause! Please, Sister! Go into the Light! As you lecture Merlin, so you should find your own redemption! I can't bear to see you like this!" Morgana pleaded.
"And you will fail without the goddess' help, Sister. You turn on her as well," Morgause pronounced.
"No. I am doing what she has ordered me to do, Morgause. I am moving beyond Vengeance's blindness. I seek to be Stewardess rather than Empress. Love rather than Fear." She glanced toward Merlin. "Forgiveness instead of Grudge." She reached out to him. "It's all right, Merlin. Take my hands."
He grasped her hands and gazed into her eyes. He nodded. "I meant that."
"I know you did. I have waited so long for those words. Now they aren't for Satisfaction's sake. Instead I am glad for us both. It's another step toward our rediscovering that lost friendship and building trust again." She pulled him into an embrace. "As we build in our service, so shall we endure."
"In service to her, we will endure," he agreed.
As they vowed those sentiments, marvels unfolded around them. Gale winds raced through the area overpowering the birds and blowing them out of sight. Ash scattered throughout. The fruit plopped to the ground and melted away into it. Then the trees budded. More shoots came up and formed into budding flowers. The sky turned back into a normal blue backdrop.
"And so we stand on the cusp of Spring instead of the Winter, Sister. We can move forward," Morgana advised. She motioned toward it all. "Look at that, Merlin. Potential's grace looms in front of us. We just have to nurture it."
"If only Arthur lets us," Merlin worried.
"Arthur can work with us or be left behind. It is the triple goddess' will. She will make him aware of that soon enough. His next test is not far ahead," Morgana rebutted. "Still you have other things to consider. I may be here but I am not alone in my support. Everyone else is waiting."
"Everyone?" Merlin asked.
"Aye, Merlin." Morgana smirked. Impetuousness sparkled in her eyes. "I guess you'll have to come back with me and see. Now won't you?"
A smile slowly spread across his face. "I guess I will. Thank you."
"My pleasure." Morgana sighed as she glanced at Morgause standing against the last withered tree in the place. Then she turned away and guided Merlin toward a pillar of light floating behind them. As they stepped into it, all disappeared in a flash…..