Jack and Ianto – Chapter Two
As the day drew closer for his trip to London, Ianto knew he was growing more irritable, yet he couldn't help feeling anxious. All he could think about was the upcoming trial, about sitting in the same room with Lisa's killers and telling his story as they watched. It filled him with fear and anger and most of all, guilt. Guilt that he had not only survived, but guilt that he had moved on. He'd gone to work at another restaurant, where he'd fallen in love with another coworker, who happened to be a man. And then he'd asked that man, his boyfriend, to come to London with him, to sit with him and support him through the trial of his fiancé's killers.
At times it felt like he was living in a twisted drama on BBC3, and he resented it. He didn't want to feel guilty, he wanted to be happy. He hadn't planned to fall for Jack, and it wasn't as if he'd stopped loving Lisa. He missed her every day, and there were still occasional nights when he dreamed about the future they'd planned together. Yet Jack had somehow mended his broken heart, and now Ianto dreamed about a future with Jack most nights, if only he could get through this trial without driving the other man away.
Most of the time he kept his thoughts and fears to himself, retreating into a quiet shell that he knew puzzled Jack. The other man figured it out quickly, however, and tried to draw Ianto out when he realized what was happening. Ianto usually snapped at Jack then, preferring his self-imposed isolation, and after the first few times this happened, Jack seemed to understand that Ianto needed his space. Instead of badgering him, or flirting outrageously, or even trying to distract him with books and movies and music and even food, Jack let Ianto come to him on his own. Ianto found that he truly appreciated Jack's hands-off approach. Knowing Jack understood him so well went a long way toward bringing Ianto out of his mood far quicker than if Jack pushed.
Sex was a surprising coping mechanism. Ianto had not been one to use sex as anything more than an expression of physical attraction and emotional attachment. With Jack, he found it could also be a release, a distraction, and an affirmation all in one. He was alive, he was loved, and he could do this. He could stand up to the men who had shot him and left them both for dead. He could move on with his life and find happiness again.
Sex was also a soothing balm for the nightmares that started to increase as the trial grew closer. Yet through it all, Jack was there for him: every day, every night, through every short response, every frightening nightmare. Ianto knew he couldn't do it alone, but with Jack by his side, Ianto felt like he could do anything.
When the day came for their trip to London, Ianto was too nervous to navigate and gratefully let Jack pick him up. The drive to the city was comfortable, though the closer they came, the more Ianto started to think about all that had happened there. He gazed out the window at the city that had once been his home, at sights he had once loved, and felt nothing but sadness. Not only had Lisa been taken from him, but so had his treasured memories of London.
Jack reached out and took his hand. "You've not been back since you left, have you?" he asked quietly, and Ianto nodded. "The first time is always the hardest."
"Speaking from experience?" asked Ianto. He knew he sounded skeptical, but he couldn't help it; he was agitated and unhappy.
"I am," Jack replied, ignoring the tone in Ianto's voice and offering a small smile. "I was shot in the army, remember? After I recovered and was cleared for duty...well, my first day back in the field was a rough one. And the night was even harder."
Ianto squeezed his hand. Of course Jack understood. He'd been through his own number of traumatic experiences and had always come out stronger. "I'm sorry," Ianto said. "I didn't mean to snap. It's just..." He trailed off, trying to pull together the miasma of thoughts and feelings London brought out in him.
"Were you happy here?" Jack asked when Ianto had been silent for too long. Ianto smiled, letting himself recall the good times.
"Yes," he said. "I loved it. I did a year of uni in London and enjoyed it so much I stayed. I got a job, made friends, did all those things you do when you're right out of school and ready to take on the world."
"Sound brilliant," said Jack, encouraging him to continue.
"It was. Eventually I settled into the restaurant business, started at Torchwood One, and met Lisa. It couldn't have been better. And then..."
"And then they took it away from you," Jack supplied. "The men you'll be facing tomorrow."
Ianto let his head fall against the window. "I hate that they shot me. I hate that they killed Lisa. And I hate that because of what they did, I can't bear to be in London anymore. It's like all those years, all those memories, were lost when she died. Not just her, but everything."
"But they weren't," said Jack, sounding earnest. "You still have them, they're still good, happy memories. You can't let what they did on that day ruin everything else you experienced and loved up to that point."
"Logically, I know that," Ianto sighed. "But emotionally…it's hard."
They were closer to the city now, and Ianto gazed out the window once more, trying to remember London the way he'd loved it, and not after the nightmare in the restaurant the night Lisa had died. When he gazed sideways at Jack he saw the other man smiling fondly, his eyes alight with excitement, as he too watched the city go by.
"You look as if you've a fondness for the city, too," he said, and Jack nodded.
"Yes, I do. It's where I learned to cook, realized what I was meant to do after I left the army."
"You've not talked about it much," Ianto pointed out, and Jack shrugged.
"It was a long time ago."
Ianto laughed, surprised at the sound of his own voice. Jack grinned. "What's so funny?"
"It wasn't that long ago, Jack," Ianto replied. "You're not that old!"
"I felt old when I got out," Jack murmured. "I felt old and lost and almost done for. Then I met the Doctor, and he turned me around. Got me into school, got me my first job, then settled me in Cardiff."
"But London is where it all started," Ianto said. He waited a moment. "Would you ever want to come back?" he asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
"Would you?" Jack asked in response.
"No," Ianto replied immediately. "I think that part of my life is over. Maybe someday I'll be able to look back on it without the grief and anger, but I think living here would be too much of a reminder of what I lost."
"Then no, I don't have any plans to return," Jack said, and he gave Ianto a heartrending smile. Ianto stared at him, surprised to suddenly realize something he'd missed until that moment. His memories of London had been tainted, but he could make new ones with Jack. They wouldn't replace the old ones, but they might lessen the heartache.
"I'm glad you're here with me, Jack," Ianto said, his voice rough. "It means a lot to me."
"I'm glad to be here," said Jack. "I'd do anything for you, you know that, right?"
Ianto shook his head. "I don't deserve it, not after the last few weeks."
"It's been hard for you, I know. But we're here and soon it will be over. And more than anything, I want to leave with some new memories of London for you to treasure."
Ianto glanced at Jack in surprise, wondering if Jack had been reading his mind, but Jack must have misinterpreted the look because he immediately began explaining.
"I don't want to replace Lisa or your life here with her," he said, sounding nervous and apologetic. "But you need to remember that what you had here was good. And so I want to show you a good time, help you keep hold of that."
Ianto smiled at Jack's nervousness. "Show me a good time, huh?" he teased, finally feeling a bit like his old self as Jack tripped over his words.
"Not like that!" Jack exclaimed, then back pedaled. "I mean, I can and I was sort of hoping the king suite would allow us ample opportunity for that sort of good time, but I what I really meant was that London is an amazing place. You had a great life here. We should celebrate that as much as we mourn it."
"I was thinking the same thing," Ianto murmured. "New memories, to place alongside the old."
"Exactly," said Jack. "Whew. Glad I didn't mess that up completely!"
Ianto laughed again. "You didn't mess up at all. And you got us a king suite, huh?"
"Of course," Jack replied, winking as he drove. "Only the best. Still want to try and see a show tonight?"
"Absolutely not," said Ianto. "You said you'd show me a good time, and I'd prefer a private performance in the king suite, if you please."
"Oh, I can please all right," growled Jack.
They laughed again as Jack drove them toward their hotel. Ianto felt that same tug in his heart he'd felt so many times over the last several weeks, and watched fondly as Jack expertly maneuvered his way through the midmorning traffic of the city. He'd loved Lisa with all his heart, and though he still felt the guilt weighing him down at times—that he hadn't saved her, that he was happy again—at that moment he was grateful that he'd been able to find love again with someone like Jack.
They were able to check into the hotel early, then grabbed a quick lunch at a nearby café before heading out to spend the rest of the day wandering the city. Ianto took Jack to his favorite museum for a few hours, after which Jack took Ianto to some of his favorite places as well. They were blessed with beautiful weather and enjoyed both the sights and sounds of London as well as one another's company. After cleaning up back at the hotel, they walked to the nearby restaurant that Jack had chosen for a late dinner. It turned out that Jack had trained with the chef, a woman named Sarah Jane Smith. She was a lovely woman who served them personally, even sat down for a few minutes to catch up with Jack. Ianto did not mind at all as he was able to get a glimpse into Jack's past, and Sarah Jane shared several stories about Jack that had Ianto laughing with delight while Jack pretended to be embarrassed.
Later that night, Jack kept his promise of a private performance and a good time, and Ianto fell asleep so exhausted, satisfied, and content that there were no nightmares. He woke early, too nervous to sleep any more, and decided to let Jack lie in. He'd done the majority of the work the night before, after all, and after watching him sleep for a while, Ianto kissed him on the forehead and went to take a shower.
It was only minutes before Jack was up and slipping into the shower behind him, murmuring quietly as if he were still half asleep. Ianto laughed, pressed Jack's back against the wall and kneeled under the water, then returned Jack's attention from the night before, making sure Jack was a moaning, quivering mess before he turned the man around and finished their morning shag with an explosive orgasm for them both. Jack looked ready to climb back into bed and fall asleep, but Ianto reminded him that they both had obligations that morning: Ianto was meeting with the barristers in charge of the case, while Jack was meeting the Doctor for breakfast. They would then catch up for lunch, after which Jack was accompanying Ianto to the trial to be at his side as Ianto testified against the men who had shot him.
The meeting with the barristers went well, and Ianto felt prepared and ready for his testimony, but when Ianto met Jack for lunch, the other man appeared distracted. After Ianto asked him if everything was all right with the Doctor, Jack seemed to snap out of it, though Ianto knew him well enough to recognize that Jack was still worried about something. He had to let it go, however, because he was due in court in an hour.
It was one of the most difficult things he'd ever done, but when it was over, Ianto was glad that he had seen it through. He was proud to have stood up for Lisa; she deserved justice, and he wanted closure. The men who shot her needed to go to prison for a very long time, and he hoped his honest, emotional testimony was enough to convince the court. It had been hard, baring himself like that in front of so many strangers, but he knew that it was worth it, for both him and Lisa. More importantly, it was now over and in the hands of the court.
Lisa's parents had come to support him, and afterwards they embraced him and asked how he was doing in Cardiff. He was surprised to find that he felt much lighter now that it was over, as if a burden had been lifted from his heart, and when he said so, Lisa's mother nodded in understanding, pulling him into a warm hug once more. She asked if he would like to come by for dinner that night, which was when Jack and the Doctor walked up. Ianto stuttered a reply, unsure how to respond; the Doctor jumped in with a suggestion, and instead of going to the Hallett's, they all walked to a nearby pub for fish and chips, which Ianto thought was appropriate as it had been Lisa's favorite pub fare. They raised a toast to Lisa, and it was surprisingly comfortable and relaxed as Ianto talked about his new position in Cardiff, though Ianto was fairly sure Mrs. Hallett was watching him and Jack closely. After they'd finished their meal and were sitting around talking, Lisa's mother indicated she wanted another glass of wine. She stood and asked Ianto to walk with her to the bar instead of ordering from the server, which was why he was not surprised when she started to move toward the topic as they waited.
"So…Ianto, how are you really?" She was a petite woman, shorter than Lisa though no less beautiful or commanding in her presence. Ianto had always liked her; he wanted to be honest, because he didn't want to hurt her—or Jack, since he was fairly certain that's what she wanted to talk about—yet he also did not want to cause her any undo pain. He had been engaged to her daughter, after all, and wasn't sure how she would take his new relationship.
"I'm doing all right," he said, then smiled into his glass. "Rather well, all things considered."
"Better now that this is over?" she asked, and he nodded vigorously.
"God yes. I've been dreading this for weeks. But I'm glad I was able to do it, to face them. For Lisa."
She laid a hand on his arm. "I am too. For you. I know you did everything you could to save her that night, Ianto. I can't imagine what it's been like for you."
"It's been hard," he murmured, his voice cracking. She patted him and smiled at the barman as he handed her a glass of wine and set down another pint in front of Ianto. Taking a sip of her drink, she smiled slyly.
"But I'm guessing that Jack has helped quite a bit, hasn't he?" she asked, and Ianto took a long sip of beer before he answered.
"He's been an amazing source of support, both personally and professionally," he said, wondering what she would make of his answer.
"Oh, Ianto, it's obvious he's more than that," she said. He glanced away, feeling the flush creep up his neck. "Am I right?" she asked. "I mean, he's gorgeous, like a film star."
Ianto bit his lip, glanced at Jack, who was laughing with Mr. Hallett and the Doctor, and finally nodded at Lisa's mother. "He is very handsome," he replied. She grinned.
"No!" she exclaimed. "Really though?" When Ianto nodded, she shook her head. "We had no idea you…well…"
"Neither did I," Ianto replied dryly. "It's weird…it's different. It's not men, it's just him. Only him." He gazed at Jack longer this time, once again marveling at how he'd somehow managed to fall so completely in love with a man. And yet it wasn't about sex or gender, it was about Jack. It truly was only him.
He met her eyes to find she was watching him with both concern and affection. "He's nice, though, is he? Are you happy?" she asked, and he nodded, clasping her hand in his own.
"Very happy," he said so quietly she leaned closer. "When I'm not feeling guilty, that is."
She squeezed his hand tightly. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. I know Lisa would want you to be happy. Although she'd probably be gobsmacked that it was with a man!" They both laughed, open and easy, then Mrs. Hallett became serious once more. "You did so well today, Ianto. Thank you. You deserve every happiness in the world. I hope you stay in touch more, let us know what you're up to with this fellow, perhaps?"
Ianto nodded and kissed her on the cheek. "Absolutely. Thank you for your understanding, and your support through all this. It means the world to me."
"You were going to be my son-in-law," she said, her eyes filling with tears. "That sort of love never goes away, dear. And I do love you, Ianto. I was so excited to have you as part of our family."
Ianto nodded wordlessly as they threw their arms around one another. Mrs. Hallett laughed as she cried, and Ianto joined her, ignoring the funny look the barman gave them. Lisa's father appeared then, Jack right behind him. For some reason, the look on Jack's face made Ianto laugh even more. It was a cross between worried and protective, as if Jack were terrified of what they were talking about yet ready to defend Ianto's honor in every way possible.
"Everything all right, dear?" asked Mr. Hallett, and his wife nodded, wiping her eyes. She held out her hand to Jack, who glanced down in surprise when she clasped it both hands, holding tight.
"You're a lucky man, Jack," she said. "You take care of him." Jack nodded fervently.
"I know," he said. "Believe me, I tell myself the same thing every day. And I promise I will always take care of him." Ianto was somewhat surprised by Jack's vehement reply, but Mrs. Hallett nodded, apparently satisfied, while Mr. Hallett frowned, glancing at the three of them as if trying to figure out what was going on.
"Audra," he started, and Mrs. Hallett laughed as she laced arms with her husband.
"I'll tell you on the way home," she mock-whispered. She winked at Jack and Ianto, then smiled at the Doctor as he came up to join them.
"Thank you," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you for everything."
The Doctor nodded, the most serious Ianto had ever seen him. He too had been a strong source of support during the ordeal, as if he felt responsible for Ianto's well being after the tragedy at his restaurant. Ianto knew he had also stayed in close touch with the Halletts. "I only wish I could do more."
Mr. Hallett shook hands with the Doctor, and the couple left. Ianto was glad he would not be there when Mrs. Hallett told her husband about him and Jack. Then again, she had taken it remarkably well, better than he could have possibly expected, so perhaps it wasn't a big deal after all. Or maybe it was.
"You told her," Jack said wonderingly, watching the door. "I can't believe you told her."
Ianto shrugged rather sheepishly. They'd agreed to keep their relationship quiet out of respect for Lisa's family. "She figured it out," he replied. "And it was all right."
Jack pulled him close and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm happy for you. And I'm proud of you—so proud of you."
The Doctor nodded his agreement. "You did well this afternoon, Ianto. It couldn't have been easy."
"I'd do it again, for her," Ianto said softly. "But I'm glad it's over."
"Well, I have every confidence they'll be found guilty," said the Doctor. He clapped his hands together. "So! Now that it's done and you've got one more day here in London, what are you planning to do? I imagine you have a lot to talk about!"
The look on Jack's face went from calm and relaxed to wide-eyed and tense immediately. Ianto could not miss the look he shot the Doctor, nor the Doctor's poor attempt to cover up whatever he had inadvertently revealed with mindless babble about getting back to Torchwood One for the dinner rush that night.
"What do you mean?" Ianto asked as casually when he was able to get a word in. Jack looked furious. The Doctor laughed nervously as he reached for Ianto's hand.
"Oh, nothing as usual. Just me blathering on again." He shook Jack's hand as well, and Ianto was fairly sure Jack squeezed it hard from the tight smile on the Doctor's face. Ianto was silent as the Doctor made excuses for leaving so abruptly and dashed out the door; sometimes the man was a whirlwind. Jack was staring after him, his face a thundercloud, and Ianto sighed, knowing there was something he didn't want to talk about but probably should now that it was out in the open.
"Back to the hotel?" he suggested, and Jack nodded silently. They headed out and walked toward the nearest tube stop, an unusual silence hanging between them until Ianto finally asked Jack what was going on.
"What does the Doctor think we need to talk about?" he asked. For some reason, he was nervous and feared the worst. It could be something great, like a raise or a promotion, but Ianto didn't think Jack would be so tense if it was that simple. He liked his secrets and surprises, yes, but this was something else. This was bad news.
Fortunately, Jack was honest and did not lie and tell him it was nothing. He took Ianto's hand and held tight, as if afraid to let go. "Let's get a drink at the bar and talk, how does that sound?"
"I'd really rather know what's got you so worked up before then," Ianto replied. "Especially if there's anything I can do to help."
Jack shook his head, his smile sad. "You are too good for me, you know."
"You were there for me today, Jack. I want to be there for you." When Jack didn't reply, Ianto went out on a limb. "The Doctor…he didn't sack you, did he?"
"Oh, god no!" Jack laughed nervously. "Quite the opposite, in fact. He offered me a job."
"You already have one."
Jack closed his eyes. "He's asked me to open a new restaurant with him." He paused and met Ianto's curious gaze.
"In New York," he finished, sounding miserable. Ianto was speechless as they walked hand in hand, both of them contemplating the unexpected development in both their personal and professional lives.
Author's Note:
Yay for cliffhangers! As I said, updates will be a bit more spaced out as I'm back at school and really running with A Different Life, but there should be only two more chapters now. This one was one of those things where when I sat down to write the second part of it, I had no idea what was going to happen. I only knew the last line. The Halletts showing up? Total surprise! I hope you enjoyed it!