Had time to write a longer chapter this time, so I did. I took a little inspiration from Loveedith and her story A Sudden Interest in Pigs, lol. It is a fun one if you haven't already discovered it. Anyway, I do appreciate everyone who reads and especially those who take the time to review. Your words inspire me and sometimes even give me ideas;-)
And now...
Anthony appeared just as Ellen brought Edith's tea. "Oh hello my dear," he greeted through the open doorway. He was looking at her expectantly, that wonderfully crooked smile of his and his sparkling eyes begging for an invitation to join her.
"You're earlier than I expected," she said warmly. "Why don't you join me for tea?" As he sauntered into the room she thought she detected excitement in his step. "Ellen, could you please bring a second cup for Sir Anthony?" she instructed the maid.
Anthony settled in a chair nearby, his demeanor speaking of continued enthusiasm. "Granger and I finished early," he said lightly.
"Obviously," she said, smiling at his eagerness. Then remembering that she shouldn't know who Granger was, she tilted her head and asked, "So just who is Granger, anyway?"
"Oh, right… Granger is my swineherd. He's got quite a nice herd this year. It'll supply Locksley with one for each of the tenants and we'll have enough for market as well. We've got two sows farrowing just now, leaving another four that should be soon. Lots of little piglets to come…"
Edith couldn't help it, she giggled at his enthusiasm.
"What? " He asked with the lopsided grin and inquiring eyes.
"You're just so excited by the pigs. It's quite nice actually, to see you so happy and lively. But really, I'm not sure what to expect when the baby comes."
The smile faded and his eyes left her face to study her mid section. "Not now, I hope? You aren't due for another…"
"No darling man, not now. You are quite right. I have another few months. But honestly, your enthusiasm for your piglets has me worried for this baby," she teased.
He looked at her bashfully with a hint of defensiveness. "I…I can assure you that I plan to be a father to the child. I want… I …hope that you will let me be a significant part of its life."
Ellen appeared just at that moment with the second cup, cutting off any response Edith might have given.
Once the maid left, Anthony turned to Edith in a more serious tone. "Speaking of the child, have you given any thought to the nursery…your plans for refitting it?"
"Actually, I have. If you are in agreement, I thought we might have the walls repaired of course, and then painted in blue, the color of the sky. And perhaps someone could manage a few clouds high on the walls? I'm uncertain about what any of the local shops might have and don't know where to begin to find furnishings but I'd like it all in white. And a green rug in the center of the room, as a hint of the outdoors."
Anthony looked at her sharply. "Outdoors? Yes, I suppose it would hint at that. I must confess that I am quite surprised though."
"The windows in that room overlook the garden and I thought it might bring a bit of that feel inside. I want the baby to feel… free."
Looking contemplative, Anthony didn't respond immediately but finally voiced his thoughts. "Williams fancies himself a bit of an artist. I'll ask him if he would be willing to do the walls. Perhaps add a tree or two to the picture, hmmm?"
She looked at him in surprise. "You approve of my ideas? I know they are quite out of the usual scheme but I thought…well, I want things to be perfect for the…for our baby."
Now it was Anthony who looked startled and Edith was afraid she had gone too far. But then his features settled into first acceptance and then contentment. "Yes, I do like the scheme. I've always thought nurseries to be boring actually; I know I was bored in mine… at least what I can remember of it. I think your idea is quite refreshing actually."
Edith swallowed nervously. He hadn't addressed the use of "our baby" but he hadn't rejected it either. She hoped he never would.
Dinner was quiet again, at least at first. But then Anthony made an effort at conversation. "I hope you don't mind," he said off handedly, "but Tom Branson is coming over from Downtown Abbey in the morning. He won't be in the house long, just a few minutes in the library should do it, I think."
The mention of Tom rattled Edith to her core. "Tom Branson? I thought…didn't you say the people at Downton Abbey are Crawleys?"
"Yes, they are. Tom married one of the daughters, although she died sometime back. Tom is the estate manager now. They are making changes there toward modernization and Tom wanted to ask me a few questions about how things are done at Locksley. Also, he'd like to borrow my prize boar to service their sows."
"He's here asking you questions? But I thought …well, my impression was that Lord…um…" she hesitated, feigning confusion over the name.
"Grantham. Lord Grantham," Anthony supplied.
"Yes, Lord Grantham… I thought he was still angry with you after… well, Edith."
"He was… still is most probably. But I suppose since she is gone now he doesn't mind letting Tom talk with me about bringing Downton into the modern era. And I doubt Tom will even tell him about the boar."
"That hardly seems right," she said with a furrowed brow. "How can he be angry with you on the one hand and let you help his estate manager on the other? You shouldn't let him treat you in that way."
"Well my dear, I really haven't much choice. He is an Earl and I am only a Baronet. Besides, if I can help Downton I will, for Edith's sake."
She studied the expression on his face and seeing no animosity there, she marveled at this man. "You are truly a remarkable man, Anthony." He blushed furiously, something Edith couldn't ever remember seeing him do before. Inwardly she smiled happily. Slowly she was making progress.
"Not so remarkable really," he denied. "Robert and I were friends once and our families have been neighbors for hundreds of years. I have no interest in seeing the demise of Downton. Far too many of the old estates are falling into ruin, abandoned and neglected. I don't want to see that happen to any of my neighbors."
"Still, I think you are remarkable," she said quietly as a new appreciation for this very humble man sparked within her.
That night she dreamed of the train. It was a hideous dream with screeching sounds and violent motion. Edith woke up screaming.
Anthony was in her room almost instantly. "Helen, what's happened?"
"I…I was dreaming. I was on the train and…" she began sobbing, collapsing into a heap on her bed.
Befuddled and unsure, Anthony moved closer, eyeing her suspiciously. "Dreams can be very life-like," he offered gently.
"Yes, I haven't had that dream in some time, not since the first few nights in the hospital. I…I don't know why…now…"
He sat on the bed next to her and sighed. "After the war I had terrible nightmares, reliving it all, especially being shot and the aftermath of that. I do understand how horrible reliving such a bad experience can be. In fact, I still have them occasionally. The early days were the worst. Things improved once I came back to Locksley but the war still haunted me. That's one of the reasons I didn't think I should marry Lady Edith. In many ways, I was a broken shell of a man. She helped me put myself back together but I felt rather like Humpty Dumpty and worried that my cracks would begin to show and I'd crumble right in front of her. She deserved better than that."
"But you seem alright now."
"I am much better, yes," he admitted as he turned to look at her. "But inside I am hollow, especially since her death." He paused for a moment and then spoke even more quietly. "Helen, I meant what I said; I'll claim your child as my own and we can raise it here together. But I can't do more than that; I can't be… a proper husband to you. I just don't have it in me any longer. All of those feelings died with Edith. So if that is too difficult for you and I understand why it might be, I'll arrange for a divorce. The child can still have my name and I'll provide a settlement so that you can be secure and you can start a new life."
She stared at him in the dim light of the room, his melancholy evident in his posture. "I don't want a divorce, Anthony. I want you. I'll happily take anything you have to offer, companionship, friendship, a shoulder to cry on…anything. I think I've had enough adventure and excitement for a lifetime. I want something solid and you are most certainly that. And I believe you will be a wonderful father to my child. I hope it will learn from you, will be like you."
He turned to look at her, the dim light just enough to create sparkles in the tears that sat in his eyes. "I'd like to be a father, I think. I used to want it at least. And if you really believe you can be happy here, I would like it if you stayed."
"Then it is settled. I'm here for as long as you'll have me and there will be no more talk of divorce."
He didn't reply but simply shook his head in agreement. It was then that she realized he was afraid of something…of being alone perhaps? "Anthony, are you afraid of being left on your own…alone?"
His head jerked up and he looked at her with a grimace. "Not alone exactly, although I …I don't want to die alone. But …"
"What?"
"When my father died he left everything to me, the title, the land, the responsibilities. When I married the first time I had great hopes to have someone to pass it along to when I die. But that never happened. And then I thought I might marry again and I thought perhaps… well, it doesn't matter now. But after I walked away from Edith I threw myself into the estate, to building it as strong as possible. I suppose one might say I hid away in the work. But it is really for naught, isn't it? I mean, without someone to pass it on to. So in a sense I was just marking time until the end. Now, with the child coming, I find I have something to live for again… a reason for forging ahead. If you leave and take the child, I fear I will lose all that again. I don't know if I could manage another loss like that."
She sat still as he talked, taking it all in. In all the time that she had been trying to regain her balance after he walked away, she had never considered what he had done to himself. And he had done it out of love, even if it was the most stupid arrogant thing he could have done. No, arrogant wasn't right; he hadn't been arrogant except in thinking he knew what was better for her. On the other hand, no one had ever given her happiness that much consideration. He had quite destroyed his own happiness in an effort to ensure hers. "Oh Anthony," she cried, "I never understood before…" She leaned into him seeking to offer comfort. He jerked back away from her as if she were a hot iron.
"Sorry," he muttered as she looked at him in confusion. "I ummm, I wasn't expecting…"
"No, I…I shouldn't have….presumed."
"Helen, I… I am sorry. I just can't… there's only Edith," he sighed.
She considered telling him now but some instinct told her that he wouldn't believe her or if he did, he would be very upset, feel imposed upon in some way. "Yes, I know. I wasn't trying to… I just thought you needed some… consoling."
Anthony straightened up and stared across the room. "I'm not… I don't need pity," he said harshly.
"No, not pity. But some comfort perhaps? One friend to another?"
"I… I'm sorry. I thought…well, it doesn't matter what I thought."
Edith scooted back into her bed. "Please, stay with me tonight? After that nightmare I'm afraid to be alone. I always feel better when you are near."
He looked at her with glistening eyes. "Alright, I'll stay; but only as a friend… nothing more, you understand."
"Completely," she replied, smiling inwardly at her small victory. She crawled back under the covers and waited for him to settle, smiling when he did but in what had to be a most uncomfortable position at the edge of her bed. Then a thought struck her. He's protesting too much! He's fighting his feelings. Happiness descended on her as she considered his behavior. He was falling in love with her and it didn't matter who she was, Helen or Edith; he loved her.