I'm an epic failure.

I'm getting all these awesome reviews and I have no way of responding.

But they are appreciated!

Very, very much!

Mmkay, so I've decided to take a short break from the tortures of Roxas's life to take a peek into Axel's angst. I'm pretty sure a lot of you know where I'm gonna go with this, but let's see how much I can surprise you.

Ready?

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"Once in a lifetime"

"Grueling" couldn't even begin to describe Axel's day. From the moment he left the sanctuary of the Blackbox, he'd been on the go. Running here and there, doing this, doing that, getting lectured by professors about 'proper class attire'. It wasn't Axel's fault that he couldn't breathe, why shouldn't he be allowed to keep his shirt open? Trying to talk sense into professors was like trying to convince Xemnas that the world didn't revolve around him. It just wasn't going to happen. Not any time soon, at least. So Axel had been made to suffer the rest of the afternoon with the humidity making his shirt cling to chest and back with a thin layer of sweat. Talk about uncomfortable. By the time Axel was making his way back to the dorm after a day of classes and mentally beating his brains out over the unattainable, he was ready to tear his shirt off and jump into the lake.

"The next time I sign up for something like the dance committee, shoot me." Axel grumbled to his roommate Xigbar, the others absent from the room as he stumbled in, falling onto his bed.

"Long day, buddy boy?" Xigbar grinned sarcastically from his bed where he sat sorting his CDs into piles, wearing only boxers, and a black shirt depicting colors and shapes worthy of an acid trip, the words "Mindless Self Indulgence" scrawled across the top in screen print. "And if you're serious about the 'shoot me' thing..."

"Never mind the 'shoot me' comment. I forgot who I was talking to." Axel muttered, staring up at the ceiling. The dorms were identical, though Axel had managed to make his special. There were posters of his favorite bands and Struggle champions, plus all the neat little doodles Demyx had cooked up for him during downtime in his classes. Axel wished he could hang his scarves and ties (which he had enough of to clothe a small country), but there was no way even Laxaeus could get a single nail into the stone wall, let alone enough for his collection.

"What's eating you?" Xigbar grunted at Axel's curt reply. The redhead sat up, leaning forward over his crossed legs to stretch out his cramped back.

"It just hasn't been the best of days, Xig." he replied.

"Why not?" Xigbar prodded.

"You mean besides having to be fully clothed when I could barely breathe?" Axel groaned.

"It wasn't that bad, man." Xigbar told him.

"Yeah well, you don't have a thing with humidity, I do." Axel sulked.

"Is it because it ruins your smexy spikeage?" Xigbar joked, trying to lighten his friend's mood. It worked, making Axel crack a bit of a smile.

"My spikes are definitely one part of me that's completely indestructible. Remember that time you threw me into the pool at your dad's house? My spikes were fine." Axel reminded him.

"Yeah... that kind freaked me out, by the way." Xigbar teased.

"Yeah yeah..." Axel smiled, looking down at his black comforter. Xigbar slipped off his bed and took a seat next to Axel on his.

"Seriously man, what's up? You're not yourself." he sounded concerned, but Axel waved it off.

"It's just... something." Axel didn't like letting anyone see inside his head.

"Something or someone?" Xigbar asked.

"Someone." Axel admitted after a moment of reluctant silence.

"Alright, so who's face am I rearranging?" Xigbar asked, completely serious. Axel liked having Xigbar around for that very reason. If Xemnas's status, Laxaeus's size or Marluxia's fascination with large, sharp objects didn't scare someone into backing off of Axel, Xigbar's mere presence certainly would. He wasn't a very big guy, and he was nice around his friends, but the eyepatch he wore to 'hone his shooting skills' only added to the usually very mean stare he gave strangers and troublemakers.

"I don't want you rearranging his face. By all means, leave it just the way it is." Axel sighed.

"Oooh boy." Xigbar murmured, catching Axel's meaning.

"Yeah." Axel felt lower than dirt as he stared at his bright red socks.

"So what's his name?" Xigbar asked, pulling at the pins Axel had attached to his messenger bag. It was impossible for him to go two minutes without fidgeting with something or another.

"Roxas." Axel sighed, still staring.

"It's a nice name." Xigbar noted. "So what's the problem?"

"Mmm... I think he's straight." Axel explained, making Xigbar shrug.

"You sure 'bout that?" he asked, now playing with the patches Axel had sewn onto the bag.

"If you'd have seen the look he gave Demyx when he came out of the back room in a dress..." Axel muttered sadly. Xigbar dropped the keychain he was fondling and cringed.

"I know men in dresses is an every day occurrence in that sideshow you run across campus, but I think anyone would be giving Demyx a look if they saw him in a dress." Xigbar pointed out, scratching absently at the large, pink scar on the side of his face. Axel nodded, then took to resting his chin in his hand.

"Still..." he muttered.

"Well you should ask him." Xigbar said.

"Oh I can see that going over real well. 'Hey, I think you're cute. You wouldn't happen to be into guys, would you?'." Axel scoffed.

"Why not?" Xigbar shrugged. "Unless he's some hardcore homophobic, anti-love douchecookie, I doubt he'll react too harshly."

"Well put, Xig." Axel chuckled. "I just don't know if I want to say anything, though."

"And why not?" Xigbar asked. Axel sighed and chewed on the nail of his middle finger, thinking for a moment.

"It's like..." he tried forming the right words as he sat up straight. "It's like when you see a really beautiful bird just sitting there on the fence against a gray sky. It's so lovely that you want to capture it and keep it in a cage for yourself, so you can look at it every day. But you know that if you take a step towards it, the bird will fly away and you won't ever see it again. So you stand completely still and enjoy it's majesty while it lasts." Axel rambled, feeling that this was the perfect metaphor. He looked to Xigbar, who was staring back at him with an open mouth and wide eyes.

"Wow." he croaked. "You got it bad, kiddo."

"No I don't." Axel huffed, throwing himself down on the comforter, burying his face in the sweetly scented fabric.

"You don't even put forth that kind of poetic effort in writing class." Xigbar pointed out.

"I hate you." Axel mumbled into the cloth like a little kid being teased for his crush.

"I'm right and you know it. This goes way beyond thinking he's cute." Xigbar seemed pleased with himself.

"Go. Away." Axel growled, his cheeks nearly matching his hair.

"As if." scoffed Xigbar. "I'm gonna sit right here until you admit that I'm right." he readjusted himself on the bed and stared at Axel, who propped himself up on his elbows, looking cross.

"Why do you insist on making yourself such a nuisance?!" he demanded.

"Because I know you, Axel." Xigbar said, all cockiness gone from his voice. "And I know that you don't let people in. You only care about two things: Theater and yourself. I used to think you were the worst kind of anti-social jerkoff until you started talking to me sophomore year." he explained.

"So what are you saying?" Axel asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm saying that this can go one of two ways." Xigbar's voice was grave. "But if you feel that strongly about him, you should at least say something."

"Xigbar, I only met him today." Axel protested.

"Well that only strengthens my point." Xigbar insisted.

"I'd ask if you were out of your mind, but years of knowing you have already answered that question." Axel glared.

"Axel, let me ask you something." Xigbar lay down on the bed beside his friend. "What's more profound: waking up one day and realizing you're attracted to your best friend, or meeting someone by complete chance and getting that feeling in your gut like you've just found the other half of your soul?"

"The second one." Axel groaned in defeat.

"Okay. Now do you know how often the second one actually happens in real life, despite all the lame, half-assed romantic comedies floatin' around?" Xigbar asked him. Axel exhaled deeply and let his face fall back into the fluff of the comforter.

"Enlighten me." came his muffled reply.

"Once in a lifetime, Axel." Xigbar said solemnly. "And only to the very lucky. Unfortunately, most of the time the person has their head so far up their ass..." he stared hard at Axel, though he knew he couldn't see him. "That they let something like that pass them by completely." he finished softly.

"I'm sure that works just fine for straight people." Axel snapped, not picking his head up.

"I thought you got over your sexuality conflict freshman year." Xigbar fired back.

"I did." Axel responded, lifting his head a bit and resting his chin on the comforter. "The rest of the world is yet to catch up."

"Fuck the rest of the world, Axel." Xigbar was becoming frustrated. "You're here. On campus. You know as well as I do that nothing in the outside world is relevant here."

"It doesn't matter." Axel said sadly. "We've all got to graduate sometime."

"And if you find at graduation that you can't walk out of there proudly holding the hand of someone you care about, then maybe the whole thing really was a waste. Maybe you won't even find out until graduation if you have it in you. And maybe something will happen between now and then that makes the whole thing seem minute and unimportant. But for now, you just have to suck it up and go for it. Because trust me kiddo, when you're on your deathbed you'll be regretting the things you didn't do a lot more than the things you did do." Xigbar spoke with wisdom far beyond his years.

And Axel knew he was right. A few years back, Xigbar had been in a car accident that had almost claimed his life. He laid there in the hospital for three days on life-support, teetering on the border of life and death. He'd had time to make his peace. Axel knew this was one of his friends that definitely wasn't talking just to hear their own voice.

"You're making it seem so monumental." Axel said, knowing his place in the conversation.

"Everything is monumental, dude." Xigbar lost his air of superiority and slipped off the bed, returning to organizing his CD collection. Axel lay in bed for a moment, staring over the edge at the stone floor, Xigbar's words reeling in his head. Okay, so maybe everything in life was monumental for the simple fact that everything in life is significant. But was it all really worth stressing over? Axel groaned inwardly and sat up.

"Hey Xig?" he asked.

"Mmm..." Xigbar responded, not looking up from the pile of shining disks in his lap.

"I'm gonna go take a walk." Axel looked out at the dark sky, the clouds a stark white against it.

"You do that..." Xigbar muttered, tossing a CD across his bed, into a pile. Axel grabbed his MP3 player from his night table and slipped on a pair of large black shoes. With a wave to Xigbar that he wasn't sure he saw, Axel walked down the steps and out into the common area.

"You're doing your homework here tonight?" he asked Vexen, who sat in a chair near the fire, shifting through papers and books, his perpetual mumbling to himself audible over the crackle.

"Xaldin kicked me out of the common area in his dorm." Vexen muttered irritably. Axel nodded, not saying another word to his roommate. He stepped out into the cool night air, the smell of rain still hanging on it like a love-struck boy on his sweetheart's every word. Smiling up at the night sky and it's endless field of stars, Axel pushed an earbud into his ear, pressing the 'play' button.

"The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight. And this is the moment that I live for, I can smell the ocean air..."

Axel's steps were even as he crunched along the gravel, stepping up onto a stone footpath. There were still a few students out on the grounds, taking their evening walks before bed. Some of the professors were standing outside the buildings, relishing in the cool air and keeping an eye on the students as they passed. Axel couldn't help but imagine he was like one of those professors, more specifically like the ones stuck below ground in the subterranean classrooms all day. Only artificial light and recycled air to keep them alive while the walls of the room pressed down on them. He knew what it was like to have your world closing in. To know that the door is right there on the other side of the room, but being too weak and scared to get up from your seat and make a run for it.

"Here I am, pouring my heart onto these rooftops. Just a ghost to the world, that's exactly what I need..."

Sure, Axel appeared strong on the outside. He had to develop a thick skin growing up. Everything from his hair to his flamboyant personality had gotten him made fun of and kicked around. It also made him incredibly guarded. And how could this kid just side-step all his mental walls and find a way to wedge himself into every thought Axel had? Maybe it was the way he looked into his eyes. Like those beautiful blue irises were searching for something Axel had hidden away like a dark secret.

"From up here the city lights burn like a thousand miles of fire, and I'm here to sing this anthem of our dying day..."

Shaking his head, Axel walked on aimlessly. His feet seemed to be in more control than his brain as he revisited the sight of Roxas's eyes peering into his, shredding his defenses like tissue paper. He wondered if Roxas had felt that spark crackle between them that afternoon, then scorned himself for even entertaining such a ridiculous notion. Why would Roxas be interested? At the very most, he'd find Axel attractive. You're not supposed to like someone after just barely meeting them. Then Xigbar's words ran through his head about finding the other half of your soul in someone. Axel wanted to beat the side of his head until the day's events came pouring out his ear, then walk away leaving a puddle of doubt and sapphire eyes right there on the grass.

"Swear I won't miss a beat, 'cause I never have before..."

Axel had almost forgotten that he was walking when he felt himself stumble off the grass of the courtyard and nearly topple forward onto more gravel. Teetering a bit, he looked up and found himself looking right up at Saix's dorm. At Roxas's dorm.

"Idiot!" he cursed himself, turning on his heel. The sound of a door flying open drifted into his ears, even over his music. He turned around just in time to see Roxas storm down the cobble-stone steps, the door of the dorm slamming shut behind him.

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Lawls

I love that song, by the way. It's one of my favorites.

"Anthem of our dying day" by Story of the Year. Download it or look it up on youtube or something. It's awesome, I promise.

So tell me...whatcha think?"